A Little Contact Can Leave One Wanting More

"I'll be right down," Lucien's disembodied voice said with an edge of frustration to it.

"Right down?" Abby muttered to herself. She was pretty sure he didn't mean 'I'll be right down to the hospital', which meant he was up in his office, where he wasn't supposed to be for another week or so. Abby had seen him a few days earlier and he had really had enough of recovering at home. She could certainly understand how he felt but she didn't think he was ready to throw himself back into his work. She knew the surgeon wanted him to do consults only and put in short days for the first few weeks. She also knew that would never happen so she had tried to convince him to just stay home another week or so.

Apparently she had been unsuccessful.

"What do we have?" Lucien asked a few minutes later as he entered the room in full surgeon mode. Abby did a double take as she looked at him. She didn't know he'd gotten his hair cut. As much as she liked the curls she had to admit the short look was working for him. Lucien gave her a smile and got to work.

When the patient was stabilized, Abby was called out of the room before she got a chance to even talk to Lucien. As she left the room she glanced over her shoulder at him. He gave his best innocent look and a wink as he prepared to help push the gurney to the elevator. Abby headed down the hall to the desk to pick up another patient.

"Isn't he back early?" Frank asked as he pointed down the hall.

"Yes, he is," Abby said as she followed Frank's gaze and saw Lucien struggling to keep up with the gurney that was being pushed along at a rapid speed. Luckily for the patient he was not doing the bagging. She watched until the elevator doors slid closed. With a sigh, she grabbed another chart and got back to work.

****************

Things slowed down in the ER a little after noon. Abby took the opportunity to go up to the surgical floor to see if she could catch Lucien. He wasn't in his office so she headed for the unit desk. Shirley informed her that Lucien was still in surgery, where he had been for the past few hours.

"So much for no long surgeries," Abby muttered as she grabbed a mint out of the bowl in the desk.

"You didn't really think that was going to happen, did you?" Shirley asked with a smirk.

"Not really."

"He's in OR 4, you can go up to the observation suite," Shirley suggested as she picked up the phone.

Abby nodded her thanks and headed for the stairway. She made her way to the observation room which was empty. She took a seat by the window, propping her feet up as she opened the bottle of water she'd brought up with her. It was a good 10 minutes before Lucien even noticed he was being watched. Abby wasn't really happy with what she saw, although she couldn't see much of Lucien's face she could tell he was pale. The fact that he was shifting from one foot to the other clued her in on the fact that he had been on his feet way too long.

She hit the speaker on the wall to listen in on the surgery. From what she could see and hear, the surgery was going well and almost done. It looked like Lucien was ready to close. As he reached for the surgical stapler he stopped short. Abby saw him take a deep breath and tip his head back to stretch a bit. As he did, he caught sight of her and winked. Lucien motioned for the surgical resident to close and he wearily pulled off his gloves. He looked up at Abby and pointed towards the scrub room. She scrambled to her feet and headed down to meet him.

By the time Abby made her way to the scrub room, Lucien had pulled off his mask, cap and booties. She found him standing over the sink, elbows on the edge, splashing cool water on his face. Abby put one hand on his back and reached to snag a nearby stool with her foot.

"Sit," she said as she reached to grab a towel. Lucien sat down wearily, leaning over with his elbows on his knees. He gratefully took the towel and dried his face as he took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down a little. Abby grabbed another stool and moved it next to him. As she rubbed his back she could feel him shaking a little.

"Go ahead and say it," he said with a sigh.

"Fine. You're pushing yourself too hard. Are you even supposed to be here?"

"Not really," he replied stubbornly as he sat up a little, scrubbing a hand down his face. "I couldn't take being home another day."

"I know," Abby whispered sympathetically. "Why don't you go to your office, I'll grab the post op paperwork and meet you there?" Abby offered. Her answer came in the form of a weary nod and the smallest of smiles. Abby helped him to his feet and steered him in the opposite direction of the desk. He shuffled his way towards his office while she got the paperwork from Shirley.

Lucien used the bathroom, took some Advil, kicked off his shoes and stretched out on the couch in his office.

"Here," Abby said as she came into the office and handed him the paperwork. Lucien pushed his glasses up on his nose and reached to take the pen Abby was handing out to him. She got him a bottle of water and took a seat, propping her feet on his desk. The surgery had been routine and the paperwork didn't take all that long to do. Lucien finished it quickly and tossed it aside before pulling off his glasses. "I'll take this back out. Don't move."

"I don't think I could if I wanted to," Lucien admitted softly.

Abby returned the paperwork, grabbed a couple of apples out of the fruit basket behind the desk and headed back to Lucien's office. She glanced at her watch, knowing she should be heading back for the ER soon.

She hadn't been gone from more than 3 minutes but that had been long enough for Lucien to fall asleep. She knelt down next to the couch for a minute. Carefully she pulled off his glasses and covered him up with the quilt he must have brought in with him that morning. She ran her hand over his short hair and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

************

The day went downhill from the minute Abby arrived back in the ER.

She found herself sitting by Sydney's side, all but praying for a miracle. She saw Lucien all but running through the hall, heading for the curtain area.

An hour later, Sydney was dead and Lucien and Neela were performing exploratory surgery in the ER. Abby stumbled to the lounge and collapsed on the couch, suddenly feeling helpless and unsure of anything. She was able to have twenty minutes of peace and quiet before Jerry stuck his head in to announce yet another trauma pulling up.

The victims were stabilized and sent up to medicine, none of them needing surgery. Neela came back down to the ER, dressed in a fresh set of surgical scrubs. She grabbed a chart and headed to get her next patient.

"Hey Neela, patient make it up to surgery?" Abby called across the hall.

"Yes, Dr. Dubenko took him in. I thought he wasn't coming back for another few weeks," she said as she pulled her stethoscope from around her neck.

"He was supposed to be home for at least another week. Apparently he had other ideas," Abby sighed as she turned into the drug lockup to grab something.

************

Lucien paged Abby when he stumbled back to his office after his surgery. She was busy at the time and couldn't return the page. By the time she had a free minute, it was the end of her shift. The last thing she wanted to do was to go home and be alone so she grabbed her coat out of her locker and headed for the 4th floor, hoping that since she hadn't heard differently from Lucien, he was still in his office.

Luka waved to her and smiled as she got on the elevator. Something in his smile brought back a flood of feelings she thought she'd left behind years ago. She tried her best to shake off the feelings as the elevator began its ascent.

As expected, Lucien was sound asleep in his office. The lights and the television were on and he was still wearing his glasses. There was an empty water bottle on the table next to him and a half full bottle on the floor in front of the couch. Abby tossed her coat on the coat rack, turned out the overhead light and crossed the room, suddenly craving some human contact. She knelt next to the couch, slipped off Lucien's glasses and reached for his hand.

"Hey," he muttered as he struggled to open his eyes a little. "What's wrong?" he asked as he saw the unshed tears in her eyes and the completely devastated look on her face.

Abby didn't quite get any words out before her tears started. Lucien sat up, grimacing against the lingering pain. Abby curled up against his side and he pulled her close. They didn't say much, Lucien knew enough of what had gone on in the ER to know why she was upset. He comforted her as she had done so many times while he was recovering; he rubbed her back and brushed back her hair from her face, planting a kiss on her forehead.

"Can we blame that on the meds?" Abby teased a few minutes later, when she got herself under control a bit.

"Sure, if you were actually on any meds," Lucien teased right back as he handed her a tissue.

They sat in silence until Lucien squirmed uncomfortably. Abby grabbed a pillow and moved to the corner of the couch. Taking her wordless invitation, Lucien stretched out with his head in her lap. She ran her hand over his newly shorn hair. "I like it," she said as she pulled at the remaining little curl in the center of his forehead making it stand up. "Needs a little gel or something," she teased.

"Please, I got it cut so I wouldn't have to mess with it," Lucien smirked. He laughed a little, his hand automatically going to the still tender incision site.

"Still sore?" Abby asked as she pressed her hand over his without a second thought. Lucien nodded with a sigh. To anyone who might have come into Lucien's office at that moment, their position might have looked a little suspicious, but to them it was perfectly normal, perfectly...them. "Are you done for the day?" Abby asked, moving her hand up to rest on his chest.

"I think I was done for the day after my first surgery," Lucien admitted. "It was too soon to come back."

Abby bit back the 'I told you so' that was on her lips. "Please tell me you didn't drive," she said.

"No, Pat drove me in and helped me set up the stuff," he replied, as he pointed towards the camera set up in the corner of his office.

"You need a ride home?"

"Yeah, that would be great. In a minute, after I get enough energy to, well, stand up."

"Take your time. I'm in no hurry," Abby assured him with a little smile.

*****************

Half an hour later, Lucien dragged himself to Abby's car. She wanted to pull it around to the front entrance but he insisted on making his way to the parking garage. By the time Abby pulled the car into his driveway, he was, predictably, fast asleep.

"Lucien," Abby whispered as she gently shook his shoulder. He woke with a start, barely avoiding banging his head on the window. "Come on," she said as she nudged him a little and undid his seatbelt.

Abby carried his backpack into the house, dropping it on the bench in the foyer. Lucien kicked off his sneakers, dropped his coat next to his bag and headed upstairs without a word. Abby hung up his coat, got him a bottle of water and followed him upstairs. He was in the bathroom when she got upstairs. "Don't come out naked," she warned as she put the water on the nightstand and sat down in the chair by the window. She knew Lucien was completely exhausted when he didn't make smart ass reply about her getting a glimpse of what she was missing.

She was looking out the window at the backyard when she heard Lucien come out of the bathroom. He turned out the overhead light, leaving the room lit by the small lamp on the nightstand. Abby could see his reflection in the window as he wearily paced around the room for a minute. Eventually, when what little energy Lucien had left was gone, she held out her hand to him and he curled up in the chair with her, even though it wasn't really big enough for two. They were clearly both craving some physical connection, one that didn't need any explaining or words or anything more than the two of them curled up in the chair. Abby held him close, rubbed his back and played with the lone little curl. Lucien dozed on and off, not really in any position to hold up his end of a conversation.

Eventually Abby nudged Lucien awake enough for him to crawl into bed. She tucked him in, kissed his forehead like she'd done so many times before. She sat down on the edge of the bed and watched him sleep for a few minutes.

As she watched him she couldn't help but feel confused. But she couldn't quite put her finger on what was so confusing. It was like there was this line in the sand that she and Lucien had drawn. It was a mutual decision and while she didn't want to cross the line, she still had these feelings of....feelings of longing, of wanting something more.

But not with him.

She adored Lucien, she probably even loved him, but she wasn't 'in love' with him and didn't see herself ever being in love with him.

She knew a lot of what she was feeling had to do with the day she'd had. Part of her wanted to just crawl into bed and wrap her arms around Lucien, just for the physical contact, for the chance to feel alive. But she knew that wasn't fair to him. She was pretty sure he had some underlying feelings for her that went right over the line they'd do carefully drawn and she didn't want to lead him on in any way. So she kissed him softly and left without looking back.

As Abby sat in the car and waited for the heater to kick in, she tried her best to keep from breaking down. She was successful for about a minute and a half. She pulled a few crumpled tissues from her coat pocket and blew her nose before backing out of the driveway.

Halfway home she made a u-turn, hoping she was making the right decision. It was a decision she'd almost made many, many times in recent months. Now she'd made it and in her mind, there was no turning back.

THE END

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