A Little Too Close to Home-Post Ep for 2162 Votes
By the time Matt Santos and Leo had gotten off the stage in a round of
thundering applause, Josh and Donna were alone in the Russell war room. Will had been the last one to leave,
muttering something about sleeping for a week and possibly heading for Europe. Josh knew there was no way he would actually
leave the country so Josh told him to give him a call in a few days. As much as Josh hated to admit it, Will
Bailey was good at what he did and could prove useful for the Santos/McGarry
campaign.
As the network cut away from the convention coverage Donna stood up slowly,
she rubbed her hand absently against her thigh, an unconscious habit she'd had
for over a year. Josh watched as she
threw away the empty beer bottles and made a half hearted attempt to clean up a
little. She started to clean off the
window sill and stopped to stare out at the view for a minute.
Josh stood up, unconsciously rubbing his right hip, a habit he'd had for
years. He crossed the room and stood
behind Donna. He reached around and
gently grabbed her hands, stilling them as he put his chin on her
shoulder. "Stop. I'm sure cleaning up this mess is not in your
job description," he said with a laugh.
Donna caught sight of his dimples in the reflection of the window. She smiled and extracted herself from Josh's
grasp. He reluctantly let her go and
took a step back. "Let's go,"
he said as he reached for her hand, a gesture he hadn't made in months.
"Go where?" Donna asked as she pulled her hand away. "I'm sure I should be doing
something," she said nervously as she put a little distance between
herself and Josh.
"Donna's it's the middle of the night.
Bingo Bob is probably drowning his sorrows in whatever it is he
drinks. You have nothing to do and let's
face it, you're probably uh..."
"Unemployed is the word you're looking for," Donna said as she
took a deep breath and tried to relax a little.
She was exhausted and confused.
She and Josh had spent months toeing the line between ignoring each
other and making tentative steps towards renewing their fractured friendship.
"How about a drink?" Josh suggested as Donna let him lead her out
of the room.
"The last thing you need is a drink," she snorted. "You've had one, which I would assume is
your limit since I'm sure you haven't eaten today."
"True," Josh replied, knowing there was no sense in trying to
convince her he needed liquor. "How about something to eat?"
"OK," Donna replied as they headed down the hallway.
**************
Half an hour later they were still driving around looking for a place to
eat.
"Let's forget it. How about
room service?" Donna suggested as they headed back in the direction of
their hotel.
"Best offer I've had all day," Josh said as he loosened his tie a
little more and ran his fingers through his hair. Donna resisted the urge to smooth down his
hair a bit as she turned herself sideways in the seat to watch him as he drove
down the highway.
"Yours or mine?" Josh asked as stood at the concierge desk to
retrieve his messages.
"Mine is connected to Will's," Donna said with a laugh.
"Mine it is," Josh declared as they headed for the elevator. The entered the elevator in silence but it
wasn't the deafening silence of their elevator ride months earlier.
"When was the last time you slept?" Donna asked as she took a
good look at Josh in the harsh elevator lighting. He looked utterly exhausted, ready to fall
asleep at any time.
"No idea. How about you?"
"Couple hours about 24 hours ago," Donna said with a little grin
as she glanced at her watch. "I'm
going to change, I'll be right there.
Order me something," she said as she headed left, while Josh headed
to the right, to his own room.
**************
By the time Donna made her way back to Josh's room he was on the phone with
Leo, pacing around. He hadn't changed
but had taken off his tie and had unbuttoned his dress shirt.
"You too, Leo," Josh said as he sat down on the edge of the
bed. He flipped his phone closed and
dropped it on the bed before flopping onto his back.
"He finally get out of the convention center?" Donna asked as she
pulled the desk chair closer to the bed and sat down in it, propping her feet
next to Josh.
"Yeah, a few minutes ago. He's
going to call Mallory and go to bed."
A few more minutes of vaguely uneasy silence passed by until a knock on the
door signaled the arrival of their food.
Neither had quite realized just how hungry they were. But the sight of two plates of waffles and
bacon had their mouths watering in an instant.
They talked about nothing important for a few minutes, each making a great
effort to think of "safe" subjects.
Josh put his plate aside and took a deep breath. Donna was pretty sure the "safe"
conversation was about to end.
"So now what?" he asked as he stood up stiffly.
"We get some sleep," Donna answered quickly knowing that wasn't
what he meant by the question. The look
on Josh's face told her to "get serious". "I assumed I'm now unemployed. I guess I'll go back to DC and look for a
job."
"Come work for me," Josh said quickly as he stopped in front of
the window, gazing out at the LA skyline.
"Been there, done that," Donna said simply.
"Was it all that bad?" Josh asked quietly, without turning
around.
"No," Donna whispered.
"But I don't think I can do it again."
"Why not?" Josh pressed.
"Because in the end it got too hard," Donna replied, hoping to
just let her answer stand at that. She
hoped not to get into a difficult conversation, one she knew they needed to
have but the middle of the night was not the time to have it.
"That it did," Josh agreed as he turned around to look at
Donna. "But promise me you'll think
about it. As long as I have a job
you..."
"Don't," Donna said with tears in her eyes. Josh nodded and turned back towards the
window, giving Donna a minute to pull herself together. She went into the bathroom to splash some
water on her face.
"You want some more tea?" Josh asked when she returned to the
room.
"Sure," she replied as she sat back down on the bed. Josh poured more tea and handed her a mug
before walking around to sit on the other side of the bed. He reached for the remote.
Donna tried to grab the remote out of Josh's hand but in her exhausted
state she was unsuccessful. She put her
tea down and flopped back on the pillow as Josh flipped through the
channels. Why, she wasn't too sure. What in the world did he think had happened
in the past hour?
He came to stop on one of the news stations; Donna wasn't sure which one as
she didn't recognize the newscaster's voice.
She lifted her head just enough to see what had managed to catch Josh's
attention. On the screen was a stock
photo of Eric Baker and his wife. One
that had been shown for the past two days.
Donna turned her head a little to get a look at Josh. There was a
completely unreadable look on her face, something more than just
exhaustion. He turned a little and gave
a weary little smile.
"What did you think about that?" he asked, motioning towards the
television screen.
"I felt horrible for her. Will
wanted to leak it. The mere thought
disgusted me," Donna spit out as she sat up a little. As she did, Josh leaned back a little,
resting his head against the headboard, his expression still unreadable. "Depression's nothing to be ashamed of,
but then again I don't have to tell you that."
Josh nodded in agreement but said nothing for a few seconds. He started to fidget a little, running his
fingers through his hair.
"Josh, what's wrong?" Donna asked as she turned face him. She got the fully expected shrug of the
shoulders. "Did the Congressman
want to leak the information?" she asked.
"No," Josh spit out, much more harshly than he had intended. He propelled himself off the bed so quickly
he startled both himself and Donna. She
let him go, let him pace around for a few minutes.
"Josh?" Donna whispered into the quiet of the room.
"Josh," she repeated a little louder.
Her exhaustion started to fade away, replaced by worry.
"I wanted to leak it," he said simply as he turned the desk chair
around and straddled it. "I got the
information and wanted to run with it.
Getting the nomination meant more to me than anything," he admitted. Donna just stared at him for a minute. She honestly wasn't sure what to say, how to
react. Part of her wanted to lash out,
just as she had lashed out at Will. But
somehow she held her tongue. "Say
something," he said miserably as he crossed his arms over the back of the
chair, resting his chin on them.
"Honestly Josh, I don't know what the hell to say," Donna said,
honestly and louder than she should in the middle of the night. "I mean, I spent hours with you when you
were freaking out someone would find out about your depression and the
PTSD. Not to mention the Paxil. How in the world could you want to leak
that? It was Baker's wife, an innocent
mother of three whose crime was getting help for a serious condition. I just don't...."
"STOP!" Josh cried out.
"Just stop, please," he pleaded. The tone of his voice caused Donna to end her
tirade quickly. She eyed him for a
minute, waiting for him to say something.
"I get it. What I did was
unbelievable, given my own history."
"Unbelievable in general," Donna muttered under her breath.
"Yeah. I was so intent on getting
the nomination that I just...just didn't stop to think. I didn't stop to remember what it was like,
praying every night that nobody would find out my secret, that I wouldn't be
exposed."
"Do you remember what I said to you back then? Numerous times I might add," Donna said
as she scooted to sit on the side of the bed, right in front of Josh.
"That I had nothing to be ashamed of.
That my health and well being were more important than anything
else."
"That's right," Donna said softly as she leaned forward a
little. Josh lifted his chin up, looking
her in the eye for the first time since he sat back down. She gave him a little smile.
"Somewhere around 7:00 this morning, what I'd tried to do hit
me...hard. I was in the war room,
clutching a phone as I recall. I had
numbers, states and delegates running through my head. But in the back of my mind I kept thinking
about Mrs. Baker. I've done plenty of
things, hundreds of things in my life that I'm not proud of. I'm sure you could name dozens off the top of
your head," he teased. "But
rarely have I felt as truly and honestly ashamed as I did this morning,"
Josh admitted softly. Donna just nodded
at him. "I put my feelings aside
for the rest of the day. Managed not to
think of them until I saw their pictures on the television."
Donna listened as he spoke and when he was done, she took a deep breath,
put her hands on either side of his head and tipped it down so she could plant
a kiss on his forehead.
"What was that for?" he asked.
"I don't know. Maybe it was for
your honesty," Donna replied with a shrug of her shoulders. Josh returned the kiss and got up. He cleaned up the empty dishes and piled them
back on the tray. While he did that,
Donna pulled back the covers on the bed.
Josh smiled at the gesture but the smile quickly faded as Donna slipped
on her shoes. He had no right to expect
her to want to stay. And he really had
no right to ask her to.
"What exactly was the Congressman's reaction?" Donna asked
curiously.
"About the same as yours," Josh admitted as he stuck his head out
of the bathroom, toothbrush in hand.
"Pretty disgusted."
Donna leaned in the doorway, watching as Josh brushed his teeth.
It was a comfortable and very familiar scene. One both of them had been
missing for months.
"You going to be able to get some sleep?" Donna asked as she
handed Josh a towel so he could wipe his face.
"I don't know," Josh said as he hung up the towel and started to
pick up the clothes he'd tossed on the floor when he changed into his
pajamas. Donna took the opportunity to
sit on the counter, absently kicking her feet a little while Josh folded the
clothes and set them in the other room.
She looked around the small bathroom, her eyes coming to rest on the amber
bottles in the corner of the counter.
She reached over and picked them up, turning them over to read the
labels.
Paxil, Norvasc and Ambien.
Depression, high blood pressure and sleeplessness, three private health
issues. Ones that certainly didn't need
to be advertised to the world.
"The thing with Baker's wife, it hit a little too close to home,"
Josh said as he leaned against the door jamb.
Donna put the bottles down with a slightly guilty look on her face. "It's OK," he assured her. She started to slide off the counter but he
waved her to stay. He got himself a
glass of water and took a Paxil tablet.
He was about to dump the rest of the water when he handed it to Donna
and opened the bottle of Ambien.
"Good idea," Donna said with a smile.
"They gave me the day off. Told
me to sleep for at least 12 hours," Josh chuckled.
"Sounds like a plan," Donna agreed. She followed Josh out of the bathroom, taking
the remote from the bedside table and putting it on the desk, out of his reach. He gave a little, ineffective glare in her
direction as she turned off all the lights except for the one on the night
stand. Josh crawled into bed, scooting
over a little, giving Donna room to sit down.
She hesitated before perching on the very edge.
"Think about my offer," Josh said sleepily.
"I will, I promise," Donna assured him. "Congratulations," she whispered as
she pressed a quick kiss to his forehead.
She stood up, pulled the covers up and left without looking back.
Josh rolled over onto his side, doing his best to curl up into a ball. He closed his eyes and let the Ambien take
over.
***********
Back in her room, Donna took a quick shower in the hopes of relaxing enough
to fall asleep. Half an hour later she
curled on in bed wearing an old t-shirt she'd long ago stolen from Josh. She
thought about his offer. Her first
thought had been to turn him down outright.
But burning her bridges probably wasn't the best idea. She thought about Mrs. Baker and how she was
still having trouble wrapping her mind around what Josh had confessed to her.
She fell asleep, having come to a conclusion, one she hoped would move her
forward, not hold her back.
THE END
