A Mother Understands
Germany
Monday
9:00 PM
Josh stood at the door as Donna's body was covered with sterile
drapes. Ignoring his growing queasiness
he stood stone still watching as the surgeons prepped her for what he prayed
would be a life-saving procedure. As he
caught the first glimpse of blood he turned to find a chair before his knees
gave out. He dropped his head down and
took a few deep, ragged breaths.
"Mr. Lyman," came a voice from the doorway. Josh recognized the voice of Christine, one of
the nurses from Donna's floor. "Are
you ok?" she asked concerned about his pale complexion. Josh just shook his head a little without
looking up at her. "Are you going
to be sick?" she asked as she glanced around for the nearest
trashcan.
"I don't think so," Josh whispered weakly as he lifted his head a
little.
"Mr. Lyman..."
"Josh," he muttered as he rubbed his eyes.
"OK, Josh. When was the last
time you ate? Or slept?" He just shrugged his shoulders, actually having
no idea when the last time was he did either of those things. "Why don't you let me get you something
to eat? The procedure could take a while
and you really need some food and some rest," she said as she gently put
her hand on his shoulder. Her gesture
made him jump.
"Sorry," he sighed.
"It's ok," she assured him with a warm smile. "I'll be right back. Just sit," she said.
"I can stay here?" Josh asked, knowing he'd burst through a door
marked DO NOT ENTER on his way to find Donna.
"If you stay in the chair," she replied, making it clear that he
was not to go near the OR door.
Josh managed to stay in the chair until Christine returned. He dutifully ate the turkey sandwich and
drank the cup of hot tea she brought him.
When he felt strong enough to stand he went outside for a breath of
fresh air and to call Donna's mother. He
caught her on her cell phone while she was in O'Hare on a layover. At the sound of her voice cracking Josh
struggled to keep his own emotions in check.
Josh went back to where he had been waiting before. He managed to walk past the OR door without
looking at anything other than Donna's face.
Josh slumped down in a chair, stared at the floor and waited...and
waited...and waited. He thought of his
own recovery, his father's death, Joanie's death and the fact he had yet to
tell Donna his true feelings.
Finally a pair of sneakers came into his line of vision and he looked up to
face Dr. Leahy. He assured Josh that the surgery went well and that Donna was
on her way to the Recovery Room. Josh
slumped back in the chair, his exhaustion finally starting to get the best of
him.
"Mr. Lyman...Josh, you need to get some rest. Donna will be in Recovery for several
hours. How about you go back to her room
and sleep? I'll have a cot brought in
for you. Have you eaten?"
"Yeah, Christine fed me a while ago," he said wearily as he
struggled to his feet. Dr. Leahy reached
out to steady him as he got his bearings.
"I mean it Josh. If you don't
sleep I'm sedating you," Dr. Leahy warned with a slight grin. He doubted the man before him had slept more
than 4 hours out of the previous 36.
"I will," Josh promised.
By the time he had used the men's room, brushed his teeth and called his
mother and Donna's mother a cot had been moved into Donna's room. He stared at her empty bed as he kicked off
his shoes, pulled off his tie and tugged his shirt out of his pants. He realized that the first thing he needed to
do after he napped was find a place to shower and some clean clothes. Curling under the blanket he was asleep
within minutes.
Donna was wheeled back into the room a little before 3:00 AM. Josh didn't
even stir. Christine smiled at him, glad
he was finally able to get some rest.
She threw another blanket over him, turned down the lights and left
quietly.
Washington DC
Memorial Day
7:00 PM
Although the two women had never met and up until that day had never even
spoken they would have little trouble picking each other out of the crowds of
people in the Delta terminal of Dulles airport.
The older woman had arrived in DC a little after noon. That gave her
enough time to take care of a few things in the city before returning to the
airport. She was sipping tea and reading
a magazine when the flight she was waiting for was announced. She put away her reading, ran her hand
through her short white hair and picked up the small brown leather backpack her
son had given her for her last birthday; she set it on her left shoulder and
picked up a navy duffle bag with her right hand. As she watched the people deplane she had a
fleeting thought that she might not be able to pick out the woman she was
looking for. The thought was fleeting
indeed. As the last group of passengers
made their way up the jet way there was no denying the one she was looking
for. The other woman's dark hair had
been hastily pulled back in a ponytail as the plane had landed in an effort to
look just a bit more pulled together than she felt. She pushed the tote bag higher
onto her shoulder as she quickly scanned the crowd. Her shoulders held the
weight of the world. A feeling the older
woman was all too familiar with. Four
years earlier it had been her making the anguished plane ride as her own child
fought for his life.
"Susannah?" Rebecca Lyman called out as she waved to the dark
haired woman. Susannah Moss nodded and
made her way through the maze of people.
She stopped in front of Rebecca, not quite knowing what to do. She'd never met the woman in front of her yet
she felt this connection that was like nothing she had ever experienced. Without a second's worth of hesitation
Rebecca Lyman reached out to hug Susannah Moss.
Tears flowed freely from both women as people scooted around them,
hurrying to their destinations.
Susannah took a deep breath and stepped back. She hastily wiped her eyes with the tissue
Rebecca held out to her before hitching her bag up a little higher. "I suppose we should get out of the
way," she said as she motioned towards the crowd of people heading for
them, eager to board the next flight.
Rebecca checked her watch; they had nearly 3 hours before their flight left
for Germany. "What do you think,
head for our terminal and find somewhere to get a drink?" she suggested. Susannah could only nod in agreement. Although she was a born leader, usually the
one in charge of getting the family where they needed to be when they needed to
be there, she was perfectly content to let Rebecca lead the way.
Half an hour later they were settled in a private corner of the lounge in
the International departure terminal. Both had a glass of white wine in front
of them. "What's the last you
heard?" Rebecca asked.
"Josh got a hold of me while I had a layover in Chicago. Donna was in surgery. They were trying to remove the blood
clot." Rebecca just nodded and took a deep breath. She didn't think Susannah knew that was what
killed her husband. And she didn't feel
the need to share that information.
"There was a message on my phone that I picked up before I got off
the plane. She was out of surgery and
things were looking better."
"That's the last I heard too."
Susannah didn't say anything more as she was trying desperately not to
break down in the airport in front of a woman who, in reality, was practically
a stranger. But there was a connection
they both felt. Rebecca reached across the table to squeeze her hand. "What time did you get in?"
Susannah asked trying to change the subject a little.
"Around noon," Rebecca answered as she set down her wine glass.
"You haven't been here in the airport all that time have you?"
"No, Leo...Leo McGarry, he sent a car over for me. I had a chance to go to Josh's apartment and
pack a few things for him," Rebecca replied as she gestured towards the
duffle bag sitting next to her feet.
"Apparently my son flew across the Atlantic Ocean to see your
daughter without bothering to stop home for any luggage," Rebecca said, a
slight smile playing across her face.
Susannah returned the grin, although it was clouded with worry.
"When Donna gets better it's time we knocked some sense into them and
bought them a clue," Susannah said through her tears. Rebecca nodded in agreement and handed some
tissues across the table. "Does
Josh know you're coming?"
Rebecca Lyman smiled and shook her head.
"I didn't even ask. He would
have just told me no. I was debating
what to do when Leo called. He was
worried about Josh, and Donna too obviously, thought maybe a mother's touch was
needed."
"And now they're getting double the mother's touch," Susannah
said with a sad smile. Both women
glanced at their watches, willing time to go by faster.
A little over 3 hours later, after a quick stop over in Newark they were on
their way across the Atlantic. They
chatted for a while before giving in to some much needed sleep.
***************
Germany
Tuesday
12 Noon
As the haze of unconsciousness lifted Donna took a few minutes to get her
bearings. Cracking her eyes open against
the sunlight streaming in the window she realized she was back in her
room. But back from what? Her memory was more than a bit hazy but the
new pain searing through her side let her know she had been through something more
in the last few hours. She turned her
head to the right expecting to see Josh sitting in the chair watching her
sleep. The chair was empty and the
television turned off. The nurse came
into the room at that moment and pressed her fingers to her lips as she pointed
towards the corner by the window. Donna
took as deep a breath as she could and turned her head the other way. Curled up on the cot, with the blanket pulled
up around his chin, Josh was sound asleep.
Donna smiled as unexpected tears sprang to her eyes.
"Hey, it's ok," the nurse said as she carefully wiped Donna's
face. "Would you like some
water?" Donna nodded slightly. She only took a few sips of water but that
was enough to allow her to talk a bit.
"How long?" she asked as she did her best to point in Josh's
direction.
"Unless he's been sneaking around he's been asleep for almost 11
hours."
"Can't sneak...too clumsy," Donna whispered as she struggled to
find the button to the PCA machine.
"I heard that," Josh said in a voice hoarse with sleep. He opened his eyes to look at Donna. She flashed him as big a smile as best she
could and was rewarded with a dimpled grin in return. He sat up slowly and stayed on the bed as the
nurse took Donna's vitals, he didn't want to chance seeing anything that would
make him any queasier than he already was.
Once the nurse was done he stood up and shuffled over to the bed,
pulling a chair with him.
"What happened?" Donna asked.
Stalling, Josh made a clumsy attempt to smooth down his hair and wipe
the drool from his face as he settled in the chair. "Josh?" she asked again as she
looked at his face for any sort of clue.
"You had a blood clot," he replied simply.
"PE?" asked Donna as she swallowed hard. Josh just nodded and sat up a bit to put his
elbows on his knees. He was doing his
best to avoid Donna's gaze. "Like your
Dad," Donna said quietly as more tears started to stream down her
face. "Josh look at me," she
said as she blindly reached for his hand.
Josh looked up with watery eyes. Donna motioned for him to move
closer. He did and she pressed her hand
against his cheek. "You need a
shave," she whispered as she brushed away his tears. Josh laughed in spite of the tears.
"I know. And some clean
clothes," he said as he motioned towards his hopelessly rumpled outfit.
"And a shower," Donna teased as she made a half hearted attempt
to hold her nose.
"Go back to sleep. I'm going to see if I can find something to wear
before your mother gets here," he said as he gave her hand a squeeze. He realized it was the first time he'd really
touched her since arriving in Germany.
She had just looked so frail, like she would break if he hugged her.
**********************
Josh made his way back to Donna's room carrying a large bouquet of red
roses. He still hadn't managed to
shower. His cell phone had rung just as
he was about to ask the nurse for a place where he could get a pair of jeans
and a shirt or two. It was Leo and he
felt the obligation to give him his undivided attention for as long as it was
needed. After all, he did leave the
White House in the middle of a crisis.
"You're not clean," Donna whispered, stating the obvious.
"Leo called. I had to talk to
him, Toby, CJ, The President, Kate and Leo again," Josh sighed as he
walked over to the bed. "These are
for you," he said sweetly as he handed Donna the flowers. "This is actually the second
bouquet. The first one, well, I'm not
sure what happened to it. I had roses
last night and I kind of tossed them aside when I went running through the
hospital looking for you," he admitted as he felt a blush come over his
cheeks.
"They're beautiful," she said with a big drug induced smile. "You don't have to go back do you?"
she asked nervously as Josh filled a spare vase with water.
"No, not yet," he assured her as he took the flowers and put them
in the water. He stood by the bed for a
minut, not quite knowing what to do.
Despite his 11 hours worth of sleep he was still tired and was feeling
totally disgusting in his clothes.
"Sit for a minute," Donna sat as she pointed towards the chair
next to her bed. Josh pulled it a little
closer and sat down. "You look like
crap," Donna teased as he let his head fall onto the bed. She ran her
fingers through his hair before rubbing his shoulder. "Lie down for a little while."
"Your mother will be here soon.
Maybe I should go," Josh mumbled not quite sure he wanted to be
passed out in Donna's room when her mother arrived. He'd only met her once, on a campaign stop in
Wisconsin during the second campaign. He
could only imagine how she was going to react towards him, seeing as he sent
her daughter halfway around the world only to be caught up in an explosion.
"Go where Josh? You haven't
left long enough to get a hotel room yet," Donna pointed out.
"Yeah," sighed Josh. After
another minute or two of internal debating his sheer exhaustion won out and he
curled up on the cot. Donna tried to
stay awake to partake in one of her favorite activities, watching Josh sleep,
but she had pushed the PCA button and was soon knocked out from the morphine.
**********************
As the pilot announced their descent Rebecca and Susannah both ran their
fingers through their hair and put on lipstick.
"Seems pretty silly, I suppose," remarked Susannah as she
waved the tube of lipstick in the air.
"Well, we don't want to scare our kids," Rebecca said with a
grin.
"God give me strength," Susannah whispered to herself as she
wheels touched down. She looked down to
see Rebecca's hand tucked into hers and wondered how it was possible to become
so close to someone in such a short amount of time.
They made it through customs and were debating the best way to get to the
hospital when they looked up to see a driver holding a sign with their names on
it. "Leo," they both said at
the same time. The driver had
instructions to take them directly to the hospital.
********************
Outside Donna's room Susannah steeled herself to see her daughter. Rebecca squeezed her hand and pushed open the
door. Susannah dissolved into tears as
she caught her first glimpse of Donna.
Rebecca gave her a slight push in the direction of the bed as she hung
by the door. Rebecca had yet to notice her son curled up in the corner sound
asleep. As Susannah pulled up the chair
and gently picked up Donna's hand she noticed Josh.
"Rebecca," she whispered.
"There's yours," she said with a grin as she pointed towards
Josh. Rebecca crossed the room, sat down
next to Josh and reached out to brush back his hair.
"Mom," Donna whispered as she cracked her eyes open. Two minutes later both Donna and her mom were
crying. Rebecca turned away from them,
trying to give them a little privacy.
Josh was starting to stir. He
rolled over onto his side to face her and Rebecca rubbed his back gently, much
like she did when he was a little boy.
She was rather alarmed at how exhausted he looked. She knew he probably hadn't gotten much sleep
over the past few days but she wasn't prepared for how bad he looked. It had been almost 5 months since she'd seen
him and in those few months he seemed to have aged 10 years.
Josh was vaguely aware of someone rubbing his back as he struggled to wake
up. He knew he must be dreaming, there
was no way Donna had climbed out of bed and was currently sitting with him on
the cot. Something about the dream was
comforting and he made no effort to open his eyes. The familiar scent of
lavender and peppermint filled his nose as the haze of sleepiness faded away.
"Mom," he whispered as he was finally able to open his eyes. He blinked a few times to make sure he was
indeed awake and not dreaming.
"It's me," Rebecca said as patted his cheek. Josh sat up and hugged her as tears of
frustration, exhaustion and worry spilled out.
Rebecca held him and whispered to him as he let out 2 days of fears and
anguish.
"What are you doing here?" he finally asked.
"Where else would I be Joshua?" she asked as she reached over and
grabbed him a handful of tissues off the table next to Donna's bed.
"How? Who knows you're
here?" he asked as he sat cross legged on the bed wiping his face.
"Well, Leo knows and Susannah, obviously," she said as Josh
noticed Donna's mother for the first time.
He'd been so wrapped up in his surprise at seeing his own mother he
didn't notice she hadn't come alone.
Susannah looked at him and smiled wearily. She held out her hand towards
him and in that instant he knew he wouldn't have to deal with the wrath of Mrs.
Moss. Josh scrambled off the bed and
gave her hand a squeeze. He pulled a
chair up for his Mom and the 3 of them sat there holding hands and crying over
Donna.
"Mrs. Lyman," she whispered as she reached for the older woman's
hand.
"My dear Donnatella, how many times do I have to tell you not to call
me Mrs. Lyman," Rebecca teased as she leaned over to brush a kiss against
Donna's forehead.
"Could you all please stop crying?" Donna teased.
"Hey, we need more tissues in here," Dr. Leahy noted dryly as he
came into the room.
Josh made the introductions all around and excused himself from the room
while Donna was examined. His mom
followed him into the hallway. "So
how many times have you passed out?" she asked with a grin.
"None," Josh answered proudly.
"But I've come close about 5 times," he admitted with a smile.
"Why don't we let Susannah and Donna have some time alone? You, my boy, need a shower," Rebecca
said as she took a few seconds to look at Josh from head to toe. Josh agreed.
He peeked in to make sure it was safe to go back in. Donna waved him in. He got a quick report from the doctor while
Rebecca grabbed their bags. She kissed
Donna goodbye and she and Susannah stepped out into the hallway for a minute,
giving Josh and Donna some privacy. Both
of them suddenly found themselves rather uneasy, knowing their mothers were
standing outside made them feel like a couple of shy teenagers.
"Go take a shower and get a decent meal. I don't want to see you back here until
tomorrow morning," Donna said as she reached to squeeze his hand.
Josh opened his mouth to protest but instead ending up yawning. "I'll call you later," he said as
he leaned down and kissed the top of Donna's head. She smiled and let her eyes slip closed.
"Uh Mom, where exactly are we going?" Josh asked as they waited
for the elevator. "I haven't
actually left the hospital long enough to get a hotel room."
"Not a problem. I have a suite
at a hotel a few blocks away." Josh
just looked at her with raised eyebrows.
"Leo," said Rebecca answering his unasked question.
"Leo," Josh muttered under his breath wondering if Leo would have
arranged a hotel room for him if his mother hadn't flown over. He didn't contemplate it too long, the
thought of a hot shower was enough for him to not care about the how and why of
the situation.
**********************
Fifteen minutes later Josh and Rebecca entered their hotel suite. It was more than they had expected. It was a beautiful two bedroom suite with
kitchenette, complete with a fruit basket the size of the coffee table, thanks
to Leo and his bottomless checkbook.
Rebecca handed Josh his duffle bag and shoved him in the direction of
the bathroom. Up until that moment he
hadn't even realized the bag she was holding was his own. "You went to my apartment?" he
asked his mom with a goofy grin on his face.
"Yes Joshua, you flew across the Atlantic with only a toothbrush. There are clothes, your shaving stuff, your
blood pressure meds and a few other things I thought you might
appreciate," she said with smile.
"Go, shower," she repeated as she gave him another push in the
direction of the bathroom.
Once in the large, impressive bathroom Josh toed off his shoes and
unbuttoned his shirt. He made the
mistake of looking at himself in the mirror on his way to turn the water
on. He was pretty sure his mom would
hold him hostage in the hotel room until he didn't look like "Death on a
Trisuit" anymore.
For the first 15 or so minutes of his shower Josh did nothing but stand
under the hot spray, letting the water flow over his body loosening 2 days of
tense, tired muscles. He felt marginally
better by the time he stepped out of the shower nearly 45 minutes later. He knotted the towel around his waist and
stuck his head out of the bathroom.
"Mom," he called, a little louder than he needed to.
"Joshua, don't bellow," she called back.
"Sorry. What do you want to do
about dinner?" he asked, hoping against all hope that his mom just wanted
to order room service. He truly lacked
the energy to go out again.
"I just ordered food. Put on
your pajamas, you're not going anywhere," she said with a smirk.
Josh went back into the bathroom and opened up the duffle bag to see just
what his mom had packed. The first thing
he found was his favorite blue pajamas.
He put them aside and hunted in the bag for his razor. He was just about to plug it in when he
realized the plug wasn't going to fit.
He dug a little deeper and came up with the adapter. The voltage adapter was something he never,
ever remembered to pack; Donna always remembered it for him. He leaned against the counter staring at the
adapter in his hand, thinking of how close had come to having to remember to
pack it himself. It was just one of the
little things Donna did for him. Little
things that were too numerous to count, things he depended on and looked
forward to, things he didn't know how he would live without. The sound of his mom knocking on the door
brought him out of his thoughts.
"Josh, finish up, the food will be here soon," she said
softly.
Josh shaved, put on his pajamas, ran his fingers through his hair and took
his very overdue blood pressure meds. He
left the bathroom and collapsed on the couch.
Rebecca came over to him and sat down on the arm of the couch. She put her arm around his shoulders and
kissed the top of his head. Just as Josh
felt his tenuous grasp on emotional control slipping the food arrived, saving
him from another possible breakdown.
Dinner was quiet, Josh picked at his food for a while pushing it around on
his plate like he used to do when he was a little boy. "Joshua David," Rebecca said in an
exasperated tone as she reached across the table to still his hand. Josh glanced up with a sheepish look on his
face.
"Sorry," he muttered as he speared a piece of meat with his fork
in an exaggerated motion. "I'm
eating," he said with a grin as Rebecca just shook her head at him.
After dinner he talked to Donna for a while until her own food
arrived. She said she would try to call
him back before she went to sleep for the night but Josh didn't hold out much
hope that would happen, she already sounded exhausted. Josh passed the phone off to his mom so she
could talk to Susannah for a while.
Then, knowing it was the right thing to do, he called to talk to
Leo. By the end of the conversation he
could tell Leo wanted him to head back to DC but Josh knew in his heart that he
wasn't ready. And Leo didn't push,
instead he asked Josh to try and do a little work from the hotel or the
hospital. Josh promised to see what he
could do and hung up feeling badly about deserting everyone at the White House.
While his mom went to try out the whirlpool tub in the bathroom Josh took a
few minutes to unpack the duffle bag.
Inside he found the expected clothes, a few pairs of jeans, a pair of
khaki pants, some shirts, socks, his sneakers and underwear. He also found the items his mother had hinted
at, the things which might bring a little comfort, the heating pad (complete
with adapter), a picture of Donna and himself that usually resided on his
dresser, a box of his favorite green tea, the bag of hard candy he'd meant to
take to work but left on the kitchen counter and the cranky baby bubble bath
Donna kept on hand for when he was past the point of reasoning with and just
needed to relax. He wished he had known
about the bubbles before he had taken the shower.
Josh took the box of tea bags to the kitchenette, put some water on to boil
and set up his laptop on the table. He
logged onto the internet to check for the files Margaret was sending to
him. He read through them, made some
notes on a legal pad and wearily typed out an email to Leo. His concentration was almost non-existent and
he worried about whether or not he should be advising anyone on such important
matters.
Almost an hour later Rebecca came out of her bedroom to find Josh still
sitting at the table, absently stirring his cold tea. "Josh," she said as she lightly
touched his shoulder. He jumped, nearly
spilling the remaining tea.
"Sorry," he muttered as he tossed the spoon aside and wiped up
the table with a napkin. "What time
is it?"
"Almost 8:30," Rebecca said as she emptied his cup and put some
more water on to boil.
"Working?" she asked as she motioned towards the laptop.
"I was trying to. I answered
some emails, tried to think of some sound advice to give Leo and reread Donna's
emails," he said with a weary smile.
"Would you like to read them?"
"I would. But I'll do it later,
after you're asleep," Rebecca answered as she patted Josh's shoulder.
"Yeah, I suppose that would be for the best," Josh agreed as he
got up to pour the tea. They drank their
tea and talked about a few benign subjects until Josh started to yawn.
"Josh, go to bed. It's after 9;
I'm sure Donna's asleep for the night."
"I suppose you're right," he replied as he stood up and stretched
a bit, feeling the familiar twinge in his back and leg.
"Take some Advil and use the heating pad," Rebecca suggested,
sounding very much like Donna at the moment.
Josh grinned and leaned over to kiss her goodnight.
"Sleep well Joshua, I love you."
"Love you too, Mom."
Josh brushed his teeth and crawled wearily into bed. Rebecca poured herself another cup of tea,
grabbed a box of tissues and settled in to read Donna's emails.
Josh tossed and turned for a long time.
He thought about getting up and pacing around but he knew that would
alert his mom to the fact he wasn't sleeping.
He also considered taking a sleeping pill, his mom had tossed them into
his bag, but he didn't want to sleep that long.
He thought about sneaking out and going back to the hospital after his
mom fell asleep but he figured she'd probably booby trapped the door to their
suite.
A little after midnight both of the remaining members of the Lyman family
were finally asleep. Rebecca had read
all of Donna's emails, had a good cry and called to talk to Leo for a little
while. She tried to convince him to give
Josh a few more days in Germany.
*****************
The fully expected nightmare woke Josh a little before 3. Unlike most of his dreams he didn't remember
the details when he finally woke himself up.
But it didn't take much imagination to know what the theme of the dream
had been. He wasn't sure if he managed
to wake himself up before screaming. A
few minutes later, when his mother hadn't rushed into the room he figured he
hadn't screamed after all. With a heavy
sigh he untangled himself from the blankets and went into the bathroom for a
drink of water. He splashed some cool
water on his face and used the bathroom before heading out into the sitting
room. The sound of the toilet flushing
woke his mom. She sat up and listened,
trying to decide if she should go out and check on her son. She didn't want to hover; he was after all, a
grown man.
Ten minutes later the lights to the sitting room were still on but Rebecca
didn't hear Josh moving around. She got up, threw her robe on and went to check
on him, hoping he'd just fallen back to sleep on the couch. She found him on the couch, not sleeping. It took him a minute or two to notice she was
there. In those few minutes she got a
good look at him. And she wasn't happy
with what she saw. He was pale and shaking with fresh tear tracks on his face.
With his knees pulled up and his arms wrapped around his shins and he was doing
his best to curl up into a ball.
Rebecca crossed the room. Stopping
behind the couch she leaned over and kissed the top of his head before running
her fingers through his curls. Josh
looked up at her, not bothering to wipe away the tears. Rebecca just shook her head, wondering what
Josh has ever done to deserve all that had happened to him in his life. She walked around the couch and sat down next
to her son.
"Honey, I think you need to talk about it," she said softly. The last thing she wanted to do was to upset
him even more.
"I don't know where to start."
"Start anywhere, Josh. It
doesn't matter. What matters is that you
don't keep it all inside. It's not
healthy."
"You sound like Stanley," Josh snorted.
"Which one?"
"Doesn't matter," he replied with a grin. "Well, if we're going to talk I'm going
to need some tea," Josh muttered as he started to stand up.
"Josh, sit. I'll do it,"
she offered as she guided him back down onto the couch. Josh wanted to argue but didn't have the
energy.
"It's my fault," Josh said quietly a minute later as Rebecca
perched on the edge of the coffee table as she waited for the water to
boil. "I sent her there. I put her in danger."
"Josh you got her on the CODEL, yes.
But it was ultimately her decision to go. You were trying to help her to grow in her
job. It's what she wanted."
"She didn't want to be sent across the ocean only to be blown
up," Josh said, louder than he should have. "It's not fair."
"Joshua David, calm down," Rebecca said simply as she got up to
pour the tea. She carried the mugs to
the coffee table and set them down carefully before tucking her feet under her
and sitting next to Josh. "No, it's
not fair," she said as she handed him his tea. "Nobody blames you. Not me, not Susannah and not Donna."
"How can you be sure?"
"Did Donna throw you out of her room?
Did Susannah scream at you? No,
they didn't. Because they don't blame
you. And it's high time you stopped
blaming yourself." Josh could only
nod. "Now, other that the obvious,
how are things between you and Donna?"
"Other than the fact that I got her blown up?" Josh snorted. Rebecca let out a frustrated breath, took the
mug from Josh before he spilled it and took his hands in hers.
"Look at me." Josh looked
down at their hands. "Josh," she
repeated, her voice taking on the same stern edge as it did so many times when
he was younger. With a resigned sigh
Josh lifted his head enough to look at his mom.
"Stop," she said firmly and simply.
Giving up on the pity party Josh settled back in the corner of the
couch. "Things are a little
strained, and not just for the obvious reasons.
She's looking to grow in her job and while I know it's for the best I'm
having trouble...trouble..."
"Cutting the cord?"
"Something like that. And now
there's this other....thing."
"Thing?"
"Well, not thing exactly. Guy,
Heathcliff on the moors, bodice ripping..." Josh stopped short while Rebecca was
beginning to think her son had gone completely 'round the bend. "Apparently Donna met this guy in Gaza,
a photographer. I think they... you
kn-know," Josh stuttered.
"Yes Josh, I know what you're talking about. I'm old, I'm not
dead," Rebecca smirked.
"OK," muttered Josh, feeling his cheeks turn red. "Anyway, this guy Colin, he shows up at
Donna's hospital room. Just waltzes in
with flowers and this rugged, I'm too-sexy-for-my-camera look. He touched her toes Mom. He kissed her, in front of me," Josh
said, his voice rising at the end.
"Josh, a good looking man kissed Donna in front of you, her boss. So what?" asked Rebecca trying to make
her point without actually making it.
"He flew all the way from Gaza to see her."
"You flew all the way from DC," Rebecca pointed out with a laugh.
"Yeah, I did," Josh said quietly.
"And it was a longer flight than from Gaza."
"Yeah, Mom, I know that. And
even if I didn't, Colin pointed that out to me."
"Why did you fly here?"
"Because," Josh whispered, feeling that answer said it all. There really wasn't any need to elaborate and
he hoped his mom wouldn't make him explain himself.
"Yeah, because. So what are you
going to do about it?"
"Right now? Nothing. The time is not right. And yes, I've been saying that for way too
long now. But it's true this time. Now is not the time."
"I agree. It's time to just let
things happen. Let Donna set the
tone. You need to be whatever it is she
needs. She's confused about what's
happened, she's in pain and I'm sure she's feeling quite a bit of survivors'
guilt. Josh could only nod. Survivors' guilt was something he was way too
familiar with. "But what you need
to do now, more than anything, is get some sleep," Rebecca said softly as she
held out her hand for Josh's empty mug. He handed her the mug and stood up
slowly, getting his bearings before heading back to his bedroom. Rebecca rinsed the mugs and turned off the
lights. She knocked once on Josh's door.
"Come in," he called. Rebecca pushed open the door and stepped in the
room, letting her eyes adjust to the darkness.
"Coming to tuck me in?" Josh asked as he scooted over to the
middle of the bed giving Rebecca room to sit down.
"Yeah," his mom replied with a smile that Josh couldn't really
see in the dark room but could hear in the tone of her voice. She sat down on the edge of the bed. "I didn't ask but I assume you had a
nightmare earlier."
"Yeah."
"Think you'll be ok now?"
Josh nodded. "Call me if you
need me."
"Mom, I'm a grown man," Josh whined.
"Yeah, call me if you need me," she repeated with a grin. She pulled the blankets up, ruffled Josh's
hair and kissed his forehead. Although
her gestures made him feel like he was a little boy, he found them comforting.
"Hey mom," he called softly as she reached the doorway. "Thanks for coming."
"There's no place I'd rather be."
Josh smiled at the familiar phrase and closed his eyes, hoping sleep
would return quickly.
************************
"Donna, sweetie, you need to eat," Susannah said as Donna pushed
away the breakfast tray.
"I'm not hungry," Donna sighed as she glanced at the clock on the
wall for the tenth time in as many minutes.
"It's early, only 7:30," Susannah commented. "He's probably still asleep."
I've always hated the fact you could read my mind," Donna said with a
snort. She pulled the breakfast tray
back towards the bed and lifted the lid off the plate. The sight of the eggs turned her stomach so
she picked up a piece of toast instead.
Susannah was wandering around admiring the large collection of flowers
Donna had already received. She noted
with a smile the large bouquet of roses from Josh. There were also flowers from Leo, The
President and Mrs. Bartlet and from the Senior Staff. Donna watched as her mother read all the
cards, knowing what would be coming shortly.
"Who's Colin?" her mom asked as she fingered the card bearing his
signature.
"Someone I met in Gaza. A
photographer," Donna said, hoping that was enough of an explanation. She should have known that wouldn't be enough
to satisfy her mother's curiosity.
"You just met him and he sent you flowers?"
"Brought me flowers," corrected Donna as she once again checked
the clock and glanced towards the hallway.
"I...we...it's complicated.
Colin and I had a...we..."
"One night stand? Two lonely
people in a foreign land?" guessed Susannah, cringing at the unplanned
rhyme.
"Yes...no...yes. Yes, we had a,
you know. But it wasn't this cheap
thing. I didn't pick him up in a bar or
anything. We met at one of the
meetings. He showed me the real Gaza,
things I wouldn't have been able to see otherwise. I don't regret what I did," she stated
as a tear slipped down her cheek.
"Colin showed up two days ago. And I was glad to see him. He made me feel alive Mom. He's...he's hot," Donna said with a
grin. "He showed up in his
photographer's vest with his camera over his shoulder, flowers in
hand." She stopped short and once
again checked the time.
"But?" asked her Mom as she carefully sat on the edge of the
bed. Donna just shrugged her shoulders,
grimacing at the pain in her side.
"But when hottie photographer showed up you already had a
visitor. A man in a rumpled suit who
flew across the ocean with no luggage to be at your side," she correctly
guessed as more tears slid down Donna's cheeks.
"How did Josh react?"
"He tried to act like he didn't really care. Called Colin "Heathcliff on the
moor" and made fun of him. At one
point I woke up and they were both standing there watching television. Neither one would sit down. It was like this weird face off. It felt..."
"Good?" Donna nodded.
"Of course it did. What girl
wouldn't want two great guys fighting for her attention?" Donna chuckled and reached for her cup of
juice. "So now what?"
"I don't know. Colin's going
back to Gaza and Josh...Josh is still here.
As much as I want things to change, now is not the time," Donna
replied choosing her words carefully.
"And for once I agree. It's time for you to let Josh take care of
you. Let him give you whatever it is
that you need. Go with the flow. Enjoy what time you have with him here. I imagine he'll need to be getting back to DC
soon."
Josh, who had been listening to Susannah comments from the hallway, smiled
to himself as he realized the similarities between what she had said and what
his own mother had said. "Good
morning," he said as he poked his head in the room.
"Josh," Donna whispered, the tears starting all over again.
"She's a little emotional this morning," Susannah explained as
she handed Donna some tissues.
"It's the drugs," Josh teased, using the excuse he frequently
used when he had been recovering. In
fact it was an excuse he still tried to use even when Donna pointed out that
"sappiness" was not a side effect of Paxil or Altace. "Mom said for me to send you over to the
hotel for real food and a nap," Josh said as he glanced over Donna to look
her Mom in the eye.
"Go, we'll be fine," Donna assured her. Susannah had no doubt that was true. She squeezed Donna's hand and said her
goodbyes. She headed for the elevator,
waving off Josh's offer to help her with her bags. "So what did you bring me?" Donna
asked as Josh carefully sat down on the edge of the bed and out of habit rolled
up the sleeves of his blue plaid shirt.
"Bring you?" he teased.
"I showered, put on clean clothes, ate and slept. What more do you want from me?" he asked
as he reached to unzip his backpack which he had tossed on the chair. Donna pouted for a second. "Magazines," he said as he reached
into the backpack.
"Please God, no physics magazines," Donna groaned. Josh handed her a couple of fashion magazines
and the only English copy of People magazine the hotel gift shop had.
"Hand cream, green tea and hard candy from my Mom. She stopped by my place and packed me a
bag," he explained as he dropped the goodies on the bed. "Do you want some tea?"
"Please," Donna replied with a genuine smile. As Josh went out to the nurses' station in
search of some hot water she thought about all the cups of tea she and Josh had
shared when he was recuperating in the hospital after the shooting. It had become a ritual. Even now, they hardly ever shared coffee if
they were working late at night, or if they were just hanging out, it was
always tea they enjoyed together.
They drank their tea and Donna appeased Josh by finishing her toast and
attempting a few bites of yogurt. She
tried to read a magazine but found it too much effort to hold the magazine up
and focus. So Josh did what she had done many times for him four years earlier,
he read aloud to her.
While Donna dozed in the late morning Josh sat on the cot and spread out
his work. When the doctor came in Josh
excused himself to call Leo, or more correctly he hoped to just leave a message
for Leo as it was 5:00 in the morning in DC.
As Josh's luck would have it Leo was already in the office, well before
dawn.
As much as Leo didn't want to do it he had to insist Josh head home the
following night. His presence was needed
at Camp David. Josh didn't try to argue,
he'd already been give more time than he had ever thought possible.
Susannah and Rebecca came just as Donna's lunch tray was delivered. So Josh and his Mom let Susannah have some
time alone with her daughter. Josh and
Rebecca headed to the hospital cafeteria to get themselves something to eat.
******************
Rebecca watched with a smile on her face as Josh dug into a plate of
food. Freshly shaved and in clean
clothes he looked 10 times better than he had the previous evening. But as she watched him eat she could tell
there was something he was keeping inside.
"What?" Josh asked as he wiped his face with his napkin, in
case the reason his mother was staring at him was a stray piece of food stuck
to his chin.
"What aren't you telling me?"
Is it Donna?" Rebecca asked.
"I talked to Leo this morning."
"Already," she asked as she glanced at her watch, it was still
very early in the morning in DC.
"Yeah, he was in the office at 5."
"You have to go back," sighed Rebecca, her words coming out as a
statement not a question. Josh just
nodded. "When?"
"I'll head back tomorrow night.
I need to be at Camp David."
"Did you tell her yet?"
"No," Josh sighed. It was
one conversation he was not looking forward to.
"I know Susannah's going to be here but can you stay too?"
Josh asked, not really sure where that question came from or why it was so
important for him to have his mom stay.
"Of course I'll stay," Rebecca assured him, not questioning at
all why is was important to him.
They finished their meal in relative silence. When they returned to Donna's room she was
awake and in fairly good spirits. Both
Susannah and Rebecca shared embarrassing stories about their children causing
groans from both Josh and Donna.
A little after 4 Donna was starting to fade again. Before falling asleep she insisted that her
mother and Rebecca promise to go out for a real dinner and spend the night at
the hotel. Susannah reluctantly agreed
to sleep at the hotel, it wasn't like Donna would be alone, Josh had no
intention of leaving Donna's side.
While Donna slept Josh watched television for a while, read the newspaper
and glanced at the few files he had brought with him. He thought about calling Leo and checking in
but settled for checking his email.
There were a few messages from Leo asking him to weigh in on a few
aspects of the meetings at Camp David.
Josh tried to formulate some coherent thoughts but found himself
contemplating something else entirely.
He pulled a legal pad out of his backpack and flipped through the pages
until he arrived at the page he'd written on the plane ride over. He read it a few times, thought about ripping
the page out but eventually just flipped the other pages over and shoved the
whole thing back into his backpack.
Donna was starting to stir and that called for his full attention.
"Hey," he whispered as he poured her a drink of water. He held up the straw so she could take a few
sips before trying to speak.
"Hey," she whispered back barely loud enough to be heard.
Josh reached to brush her hair out of her face. "You ok, you're a
little warm," he said as he pressed his hand against her cheek.
"Feel yucky," she replied with a sigh.
"Yucky huh?" That
description doesn't really help me figure out what's wrong," he teased,
knowing she had said similar words to him, many, many times over the
years. Donna gathered the energy to
stick her tongue out at him. "I'll
go see if Christine is around," Josh offered. Donna nodded and closed her eyes.
Half an hour later Dr. Leahy came into the room to check up on Donna. "So, feeling yucky huh?" he asked
as he picked up her chart. Donna and
Josh both nodded. "You answering
for her, or do you not feel well either?" Dr. Leahy teased Josh.
"I'm fine," Josh muttered not all that convincingly.
"Yeah, that's why you're limping around and look like crap,"
Donna said with a smirk.
"Yeah, yeah. Could we talk
about her now?" Josh groaned as he pointed towards Donna.
"Certainly. So you're running a
fever of almost 101, indicating some kind of infection. We'll draw some blood and see what we can
figure out. Until then we'll try to keep
you comfortable. Try to drink something,
or see if you can get him to feed you some ice chips," Dr. Leahy said,
hitching his thumb towards Josh who had migrated to the other side of the room,
just in case the doctor wanted to check Donna's dressings. "I'll check back in a few hours."
"Thanks," whispered Donna.
She held out her hand towards Josh and he crossed the room just as
Christine came in to draw the blood. He
tried to leave the room but Donna's death grip on his hand kept him where he
was. Closing his eyes to avoid the sight
of blood, he held his breath and made it through in one piece. He opened his eyes to see both Donna and
Christine rolling their eyes at him.
"Leave me alone," he groaned.
"You two behave, I'll be back in a little while," Christine
smirked as she picked up the vial of blood and headed out the door.
"Congratulations, you didn't pass out," Donna teased.
"Yeah, well, I didn't look either.
You want something to drink, ice chips; your dinner tray came a little
while ago anything." Donna grinned
at his rare display of complete attentiveness.
"Some juice and a cool cloth," Donna whispered as she struggled
to find the PCA button. Josh handed it
to her and went to find some juice. By
the time he got back with it Donna had drifted off again. He brushed back her hair from her face,
kissed her cheek and set a cool damp cloth on her forehead, something she'd
done countless times for him. He was
sitting in the chair, flipping through a magazine when there was a knock at the
door. "Come in," he called
softly, figuring it was Christine or their moms. Josh looked up to see Colin standing
there. Josh quickly dropped Donna's hand
which he had been holding ever since he sat down.
"Colin."
"Josh."
The two men stood up and for a moment regarded each other silently. Both had managed to clean themselves up
considerably since they had first met. Josh
vaguely gestured towards the chair in the room that was the furthest away from
the bed. Colin grabbed it and pulled it
next to Donna's bed, opposite the side Josh was occupying.
"She looks worse than she did before," Colin went to touch her
toes. Josh's glare caused him to pull
his hand back before he even got close to her foot.
"She had a blood clot," Josh said calmly. "About 36 hours ago," he added for
good measure.
"I...I had no idea. I was
working on a story."
"Don't worry, she wasn't alone.
I was here. Donna's mom arrived
yesterday and so did my mom."
"Your mother flew all the way over here to see Donna?" Colin
asked.
"Yes. Mom and Donna are very
close," Josh said smugly. But in
the back of his mind he could hear Donna's voice urging him not to make
trouble. "So, I see you managed to
find some clean clothes and a shower too," Josh said, trying to make small
talk.
"Yeah. I got a hotel room. How is she, really?" Colin asked as he nudged his chin towards
Donna's sleeping form.
"She just spiked a fever. They
took blood to see what kind of infection is brewing." Colin just nodded. The two men kept a relatively silent vigil
over Donna for the next hour or so, breaking the silence every once in a while
to comment on what was on the television.
Josh's ringing cell phone brought him out of his thoughts. It was Leo.
He excused himself and headed out into the hallway. They talked strategy for a little while until
Leo got to the real reason he had called.
"Josh, I need you back here."
"I know. I'm leaving tomorrow
night."
"Morning," Leo said more sharply than he should.
"Evening," Josh replied echoing Leo's tone.
"Fine," Leo relented knowing that arguing with Josh was not going
to help the situation. "How is
she?"
"Some kind of infection is brewing, she's running a fever."
"Poor kid," Leo whispered suddenly feeling bad that he really did
need Josh back DC. "Give her my
love."
"I will."
Josh closed his phone and hooked it back on his belt.
*******************
Josh peeked in the door and found Colin holding Donna's hand. She was awake and smiling at him. Josh stayed in the hallway, torn between
going in and interrupting what looked like a private moment and respecting that
private moment. Deep down he knew it
wasn't his place to be jealous. No
matter what he felt in his heart or what he thought might be in Donna's heart,
they were, in stark reality, still just friends.
Josh saw Colin reach into his pocket and drop an envelope on the bed. He kissed Donna's forehead and squeezed her
hand. He headed for the door, stopping
in front of Josh. "I don't belong
here, I know that now. Take care of
her." Colin offered his hand to
Josh who took it, all the while keeping his eyes on Donna. Colin took off down the hall and Josh went
back into the room.
"You ok?" he asked as he closed the door behind him. Donna shook her head and the tears
started. "What did he do to
you? What did he say?" Josh asked
as his anger threatened to get the best of him.
"Joshua, please calm down," Donna pleaded. At the sound of his full name Josh took a
deep breath and calmed himself.
"What's in here?" Josh asked as he picked up the envelope. He
turned it over in his hands, there were no markings as to indicate what was
inside but by the feel of it, it was obviously photos.
"Don't open it," Donna said.
It's pictures of...of..."
"He took pictures of it?" Josh all but yelled as he threw the
envelope back on the bed.
"He's a photographer Josh, it's his job. He didn't sell them; he didn't even show them
to anyone. He was going to destroy them
but he thought maybe I would want..."
"Want what? To see them? Why in the world would you want to see
them?" Josh spit out as he stood up and started to pace. Donna let him be for a few minutes. Sooner or later he would figure out why she
might want to see them. He stopped short
as it hit him.
"You don't remember anything do you?" Donna shook her head. "It's perfectly normal."
"I know."
"What's the last thing you remember?"
"Colin walked me to the car. He
snapped a few pictures of me as I got in.
I remember Admiral Fitzwallace asking me something. I don't remember what it was. And then I remember waking up here, with you
next to me."
"Do you want to see them?" Josh softly asked again as he sat back
down. He turned the envelope over, his
thumb poised to break the seal.
"No. Take them with you. Keep the safe. Maybe one day I'll change my mind."
"OK," Josh said as he reached for his backpack. He shoved the photos in the front pocket and
fished out two pieces of hard candy. He
offered Donna one. She made a clumsy
effort to open it but eventually gave up and handed it back to Josh. He opened the mint and put it in her mouth
for her. Josh got up and resumed his
pacing, alerting Donna to the fact he had something to say. She let him be for a few minutes until the
pacing started really annoy her.
"Josh stop pacing. You're
making me dizzy. What is it you have to
say?"
"You know me too well," Josh chuckled as he turned the chair
around and straddled it, crossing his arms over the back. "I have to go back."
Donna nodded; she had pretty much figured that out. "When?"
"Margaret booked me on a flight at 10 tomorrow night. I don't want to go," he whispered as he
leaned over a little to rest his chin on his arms. He made no effort to hide the tears that were
starting to fill his eyes.
"Josh, I'll be fine," Donna said with much more conviction than
she really felt. "My Mom is
here. Go back to DC with your mom."
"Mom is going to stick around.
If that's ok with you."
"Of course it is. She'll be
able to drag my Mom out of here once in a while," Donna said with a
smile. She let her own tears fall for a
few minutes and she and Josh silently held hands.
"Tell me what's going on at work," Donna said a while later,
anxious to change the subject. Josh was
leaving in a little over 24 hours and talking about it wasn't going to change
that fact and it wasn't going to make it any easier.
"No work, those are the rules," smirked Josh. Donna groaned, she should have known
"THE RULES" would come back to haunt her one day.
"Fine," Donna grumbled as she reached up push her hair out of her
face. "Do you have a scrunchie in
your backpack?"
"Do I have a what? Where?"
Josh teased as he pointed to his receding hairline. He picked up his backpack and set it gently
on the bed, knowing Donna usually had one or two hair "things" in
there. She unzipped the front pocket and
reached around until she found what she was looking for. She also pulled out a brush and Josh's
Chapstick.
"Is nothing sacred?" Josh teased as she used the Chapstick and
tossed it back in the bag. He held out
his hand for the brush. Donna put the
head of the bed up a little as sat up as best she could. Josh perched on the bed and carefully ran the
brush through her hair untangling the knots.
"I can't wait to take a shower," Donna muttered as she closed her
eyes, enjoying the feeling of being pampered a little.
"Well, I think you're stuck with sponge baths for a while," Josh
pointed out as he gestured towards her leg with the hair brush. "But maybe I can track down a male nurse
for you." he teased. "Hand me
the hair thing." Donna handed him
the blue plaid scrunchie. It took a few
tries but Josh managed to get it straight and down low enough that it wouldn't
annoy her when she put her head back on the pillow.
"Nice job," teased Donna as she put her hand on the back of her
head, feeling Josh's handiwork. "So
you'll paint my nails next?" she asked.
"Gee, I don't think I have any nail polish on me," muttered Josh
as he patted down his pockets.
"That's ok. Mom left some here.
It's in the drawer."
Josh gave an exaggerated sigh and reached in the drawer for the pale pink
polish. He pulled the tray around so
Donna could put her hands on it. Just as
he was finishing up the second coat there was a soft knock at the door and both
his mom and Donna's mom walked in. It
took about 3 seconds for both of them to burst into laughter loud enough to
cause Christine to pop her head in to make sure everything was ok.
The four visited for a while.
Eventually Rebecca dragged Josh out to get him something to eat, giving
Susannah some time alone with her daughter.
"He has to go back," Donna said as soon as Josh and his mom were
out of earshot.
"I know. Rebecca told me. You ok?"
"I guess. I mean, I still can't
believe he was actually here at all."
"Did he tell you what Leo said?"
"No. He didn't really say just
how he ended up here," said Donna as her curiosity grew.
"Apparently Leo said to him, if there's somewhere you'd rather be, I'm
sure everyone would understand." As
expected that knowledge brought Donna to tears.
Susannah handed her tissues, got her a drink of water and held her hand.
"He did a really good job," Susannah teased as she admired
Donna's nails.
"He's even better with toe nails but I didn't think that would be a
good idea," Donna said with a grin.
"Did you talk to the doctor?"
"He called me," Susannah replied as she pressed her hand against
her daughter's cheek. "You don't
feel too warm."
"I feel a little better, I guess.
I'm really bored."
"Why don't you make a list of some magazines and stuff and I'll see
what I can get tomorrow," Susannah offered. Donna shrugged her shoulders.
"Hand me the backpack, I'm sure Josh has some paper in
there." Susannah set the backpack
on the bed, watching with amusement as Donna just starting going through the
bag like it was her own. "Colin was
here earlier," Donna mentioned casually as she pulled out the legal pad
and hunted for a pen. Susannah stopped
what she was doing, picking the dead blooms off the flowers arrangements, and
just stared.
"And?"
"And he left. He went back to
Gaza." The look on Donna's face
told her mother there was more to the story.
"He said he didn't belong here, that he was glad to have met
me. He left me some pictures he had
taken of me and the..."
"He took pictures of it?" Susannah spit out in the same tone Josh
had used.
"Mom calm down. Like I told
Josh, it's his job, he didn't sell them, he didn't show them to anyone."
"Where are they?"
"In here," Donna said as she patted the backpack. "And they're staying in here. Josh is going to take them back to DC and put
them somewhere. Maybe someday I'll want
to see them. I don't know. I just want the option."
"OK. Did you eat anything?"
"No, I wasn't hungry. I think I
am now. Can you see what you can find
me?" asked Donna. The sudden urge
to be alone was rather strong at that moment.
"Sure."
Alone for the first time in what seemed like forever Donna took a few deep
breaths and thought about what might help occupy her time after Josh was
gone. She flipped through the legal pad
in search of a blank page. Something
caught her eye and she stopped to read.
Tears sprang to her eyes as she quickly read what Josh had obviously
written on the plane ride over. There
were two versions, one formal and one informal.
She picked up the pen, flipped the page and started to write. By the time her mother returned she had
nearly filled half a page in her distinctive, loopy handwriting.
"Must be some list," Susannah teased from the doorway.
"Uh, no I was just writing something else," Donna said
cryptically as she signed her name, pulled out a blank sheet of paper and
flipped the pad closed. She quickly
wrote down a few things for her Mom to pick up for her.
"You ok?" Susannah asked, noting Donna's eyes were red.
"Yeah, just a little weepy.
Must be the meds," she teased as she reached for the cup of pudding
her Mom had brought for her.
By the time Donna was done eating she was starting to glance at the clock
every few minutes. Susannah noticed but
decided not to mention it. Josh came in
the door a little before 10. Having
changed from jeans to sweatpants it was clear he had no plans to leave the
hospital until the next morning.
Susannah watched as her daughter visibly relaxed the instant her
"boss" came in the room.
Susannah went to talk to the night nurse and giving Rebecca and Josh a
little time with Donna.
*****************
By 10:30 Rebecca and Susannah were on their way back to the hotel, Josh was
getting some water for tea and the nurse was doing a vital check.
"Well?" Josh asked as he came back in the room carefully carrying
two cups of hot water. He set them on
the tray and dropped a teabag in each.
"Fever's below 100. Started a
new antibiotic and they want to cut this thing back in the morning," Donna
said as she held up the PCA button.
"Well, let's hope you're not as crabby as I was when my morphine was
cut," Josh said with laugh.
"I sure hope not," smirked Donna as she reached for her tea. "Brings back memories, doesn't it,"
Donna said as she gestured towards her tea and then around the hospital room.
"Yeah," muttered Josh.
Donna shivered a little against the sudden memories and the over air
conditioned room. She put the tea aside before she spilled it. "You ok?" Josh asked as he set
aside his own tea to give her his full attention.
"Cold," she whispered as she pulled the blanket up a little
higher.
"Want another blanket?"
Donna nodded as she rubbed her arms a little to try and warm up. Josh tossed another blanket over her lap but
that didn't do much for her arms.
"You want this?" he asked as he gestured towards the blue
plaid shirt he had on.
"What about the IV?" Donna asked.
"You still remember how to disconnect it?" Josh asked with a
smile. She'd cut him loose countless
times when he was in the hospital. The
nurse had taught her how to do it and she'd become quite adept at it.
"Disconnect what?" Christine asked as she appeared in the doorway
carrying a sizeable box. Both Josh and
Donna looked at her with appropriately guilty grins.
"She wants to put this on," Josh said as he slipped his shirt off
his shoulders.
"I think we can do that," said Christine as she put the box on
the chair. She disconnected the IV and
Josh helped Donna slip on the shirt.
With the IV reconnected and a vital check done the nurse left them alone
with orders to behave and not mess with the medical equipment.
"What's in the box?" Donna asked as she finished her tea.
"I don't know. Let me
look," Josh replied as he stood up to investigate. "It looks like it's from Gaza,"
Josh said as she pulled the tape loose.
"It's from Andi; it's your stuff from your hotel room." Josh set the clothes aside. "I'll take these to the hotel and have
them washed."
"Please tell me my laptop is in there."
"Here it is," Josh said as he pulled out her brand new government
issue laptop and set it on the tray table.
He found the power cord and the voltage adapter. "You want me to turn it on?" Donna thought about it for a few seconds but
decided she was too tired to deal with it.
Josh put her toiletry items in the bathroom and put her books and
magazines in the top drawer of the bedside table. He pulled out the last item. It was a picture of the two of them, the very
same image that was currently sitting on the night stand in his hotel
room. Josh silently handed it to Donna,
not wanting her to feel strange or embarrassed.
She took it without a word and set it on the table next to her bed.
"You look really tired. How
about we turn out the light?" Josh suggested as he took in her worn out
expression.
"OK," Donna whispered quietly.
"Can you get my toothbrush?"
Josh helped her brush her teeth. He
rolled up the sleeves of the shirt a little more and tucked her in with a kiss
on her forehead. "Sleep," he
whispered as he turned out the light.
Josh sat next to her until he was sure she was asleep. He brushed his
own teeth and turned the television on so he could catch the headlines. He was almost asleep himself when his cell
phone vibrated against his hip. He sent
up a little prayer before looking at the Caller ID. His prayer was answered, it wasn't Leo. It was Sam.
Josh went out into the hallway so he wouldn't wake Donna. He paced back and forth, up and down the
hallway, smiling in the direction of the nurses' station with each lap. After only three days it was clear to all of
the nurses and most of the doctors that Josh and Donna were more than boss and
employee.
While he talked the night nurse went to check on Donna. Josh glanced at her with an anxious look on
his face when she came back out of the room.
She gave him the thumbs up signal and a smile as she headed back to the
desk.
Sam ended the conversation when he heard Josh start to yawn after each
sentence.
Around 1:00 AM Josh finally gave in to his own exhaustion and curled up on
the cot after tucking the blankets back around Donna and kissing her forehead,
just to check for fever, he told himself.
He slept soundly for a few hours, waking when the nurse came in for a
vital check a little before 4. Sleep
didn't return quickly and he got up quietly and crept out of the room. He paced the halls for a little while trying
to push back the growing panic he felt.
He was surprised he'd been able to make it as long as he did without
experiencing any panic symptoms.
Feeling the walls start to close around him Josh quickly returned to
Donna's room, grabbed his cell phone, his sneakers and his sweatshirt. He pulled the sweatshirt over his head as he
headed for the elevator. He took a few
deep breaths and leaned against the elevator wall as it descended to the ground
floor. The faint music in the elevator was almost deafening to his ears,
quickly turning from a vaguely familiar melody to the sound of sirens. He stumbled out the door and headed for the
exit. Almost running by the time he hit the front door he pushed the door open
and went out into the predawn darkness.
He sat on the stone wall outside the hospital until he caught his breath
and was reasonably sure he wasn't going to throw up or pass out.
Josh slid off the wall and ran his hand over his face. He walked around the block trying to
completely get rid of the restless panicky feeling. A distraction was what he needed but there
weren't too many of them around at 4:30 in the morning. Summoning up a little brain power he figured
out the time difference from DC to Germany, coming to the conclusion there
would be plenty of people still at work he could talk to. He mentally ticked off names of people,
deciding Toby was probably the best one to try.
He would still be at work and unlike Leo, he would be glad to listen to
him ramble and unlike CJ, he wasn't likely to get emotional over the phone.
Josh went back to sit on the wall in front of the hospital and dialed
Toby's number.
*****************
"Hey Toby," Josh said, trying to not to sound too pathetic.
"Josh?" Toby asked as he reached for the remote so he could mute
the television.
"Yeah, it's me."
Toby took a quit glance at his watch and did a little mental
calculating. "Isn't it the middle
of the night? What's wrong? It is Donna?"
"Yeah, it's the middle of the night.
Donna's doing ok, sleeping obviously," Josh added as he kicked his
heels against the stone wall.
"And why are you awake?" Toby asked as he leaned back in his
chair and propped his feet up on the desk.
"I woke up when the nurse came in."
"Where were you sleeping?" Toby asking, knowing full well where
Josh would have been sleeping.
"Donna's room," Josh said quietly, feeling his cheeks blush. "I couldn't go back to sleep. I paced the halls and started to panic a
little. Figured it would be better to
get out of the building before I completely lost it and got sent to the psych
ward."
"Good choice. You ok now?"
"I think so."
"Andi got back today."
"That's great. Tell her we got
her package."
"Package?"
"Donna's stuff from the hotel room.
So did you tell her how you feel?"
"What, that she should never go away again," Toby said. Josh could tell he was smirking.
"No, the part where you profess your eternal love," Josh teased.
"Nope. Didn't do that. Did you?"
"Nope."
"Josh, you realize that we're, you know, pretty pathetic."
"Yeah. I think I'm getting used
to it," Josh said with a yawn.
"How's things there?"
"Crazy. We miss you, both of
you," Toby said quietly, conveying the fact that it wasn't just Josh's
politcal mind and Donna's organizational skills they were missing.
"Thanks. I'm leaving here
tomorrow night on Leo's orders."
"I just want to let you know, as much as we need you here we all tried
to get him to let you stay. The
President included." Josh was quiet. He wasn't sure how to process that
information, be pissed at Leo or be grateful towards the President. Not that it mattered all that much, he was
still heading home in 17 hours.
"Josh...Josh..."
"Sorry," Josh muttered, pulling himself back to the conversation.
"You ok?"
"I think so," he replied as he yawned again.
"Why don't you try to get a little sleep," Toby suggested as he
let his brotherly feelings towards Josh come through in his voice.
"Yeah. I think I can. If I don't talk to you before I leave here,
I'll talk to you when I land."
"Is your car at the airport or do you want me to pick you
up?" Josh started to laugh at
Toby's offer but something made him stop.
"My car's at home. Margaret has
my flight information. I'd appreciate a ride. Thanks."
"Yeah, don't mention it. I
gotta go, Leo's waving me into the Oval.
Give Donna a kiss."
"I will. Thanks Toby."
"Yeah." And with that Toby
hung up.
*********************
Josh walked to the corner and back before heading back to the room to try
and get a little more sleep. He could see the nurse walking quickly towards
Donna's room as he got off the elevator.
So much for getting rid of the panic, he thought to himself as he broke
out into a dead run towards her room. He
got to her room expecting the worst.
What he found wasn't nearly as bad as he had imagined during the 5
second dash down the hall, but it was certainly bad enough. Donna was rolled onto her side, arms wrapped
around herself throwing up what little she'd eaten that day. Not giving as much as a second thought to his
queasiness Josh moved to stand behind here.
The one nurse moved aside to let him rub Donna's back and hold her head.
"I'm done," Donna whispered a few minutes later. The nurse got her cleaned up and Josh helped
to settle her back against the pillows.
He put a damp cloth on her forehead and pulled up the chair. "That was embarrassing," she said
with a sigh.
"Donna, please. How many times
have you held my head while I puked?" Josh asked with a smile.
"Can't count that high," teased Donna. "Where were you? I woke up and you weren't here," she
asked as she reached for Josh's hand.
"I uh, I woke up when the nurse came in about an hour ago. I couldn't
go back to sleep. So I walked the halls
for a little while," he said, hoping his half truth would be accepted by
Donna.
"In your sneakers and sweatshirt?"
Josh sighed, knowing he'd been caught.
"I had to go outside for a little while," he admitted as he
crossed his arms on the bed and dropped his head down wearily.
"Panic attack?" Donna guessed as she reached to run her fingers
through his hair.
"Little one. I walked around
the block and then I talked to Toby for a little while. He misses us.
I think everyone does."
"I miss them too," Donna said.
She could feel the tears start to well up in her eyes. "I just want to go home," she said
as her emotions start to get the best of her.
"I know sweetie," Josh said as he grabbed tissues for both of
them. "Soon," he promised,
knowing he had no right to promise something like that.
Donna drifted back to sleep just as the sun was starting to come up. Figuring Susannah would be back at the
hospital early in the morning Josh decided against trying to go back to sleep. He packed up his things and went in search of
a cup of coffee.
**********************
Back at the hotel, about the time Josh finally got Donna settled down
enough to fall back to sleep, Rebecca woke up and padded into the
kitchenette. She made some coffee and pulled
a banana from the fruit basket. There
was a knock on the door separating her suite from Susannah's. "It's open," Rebecca called as she
reached for another coffee mug.
Susannah came in. Much to Rebecca's
surprise the younger woman looked like she had had a decent amount of
sleep. She took the coffee Rebecca
offered her. The two women settled down
on the couch, feet tucked under them, sipping their coffee.
"I talked to the night nurse when I got up. Donna had a rough patch early this
morning. Apparently the pain meds didn't
agree with her."
"Josh had that same problem."
"Apparently he was right there when she got sick. Guess he got past his queasiness."
"I think my son would get past anything for your daughter,"
Rebecca said with a grin.
Susannah nodded. "The timing's
all wrong right now," she muttered, her comment coming out of nowhere.
"Yeah. And I think that's
something the four of us can all agree on.
I just hope the right time comes soon," grinned Rebecca. "So what do you know about some handsome
photographer?"
"Well, he's got good taste in women, he's gone back to Gaza and
apparently he'll take a picture of anything?"
"Anything?" Rebecca asked.
"He took pictures of...you know..."
"No."
"Yes. Donna tried to convince
me it was just because he's a photographer.
Which is probably true but I don't like the thought of there being
pictures floating around out there.
Colin swears there is only one set but I don't know if I believe
him."
"Where is that set?"
"Josh has them. Donna wants him
to keep them in case she wants to see them someday."
"She doesn't remember anything does she?" Susannah just shook her head. "Josh didn't remember anything for a
long time."
"And then he exploded," Susannah said, her hand flying up to her
mouth as the words spilled out.
"I'm sorry. Maybe I wasn't
supposed to know that."
"Susannah, I'm sure you know all there is to know about my son,"
Rebecca softly assured her. "And I
know all I need to know about Donna.
Yes, Josh had a rough time that Christmas. But he eventually came through in one piece,
thanks, in no small part to Donna. He'll
be there for her. He has a pretty good
idea of what to look for."
"So any idea when Donna can fly home?"
"Not yet. They want to make
sure her lung heals from the embolism."
Rebecca just nodded. She was
unsure if Susannah knew what killed her husband Noah. "What's wrong?" Susannah asked her
new friend.
"How much do you know about my husband?" Rebecca asked as she
pulled her knees up to wrap her arms around them.
"Not much. His name was Noah;
he died during the first campaign.
Cancer right?"
"In a way. Cancer didn't kill
him. He had a complication when he went
in for chemo the afternoon of the Illinois primary."
"Pulmonary embolism," Susannah correctly guessed. Her guess was confirmed by the look on
Rebecca's face. "Tell me about
him," she said.
They ordered breakfast and talked for over an hour about their husbands,
their kids, their lives. They felt so
connected, despite only having met each other days earlier. As Susannah was getting ready to head for the
hospital they heard someone fumbling around outside the door to Rebecca's
suite. It was Josh, struggling in his exhausted state to deal with the
keycard. Rebecca let him in with a laugh. Josh gave them the quick run down of how
Donna's morning had been so far before excusing himself to go shower. Susannah headed for the hospital and Rebecca
checked her email on Josh's laptop.
"Mom, can you get that stuff laundered for Donna?" Josh asked as
he came out into the sitting room and pointed towards the bag he'd brought from
the hospital.
"Sure. All of it?"
"Uh, not sure, let me check," Josh muttered as he dumped it on
the coffee table while Rebecca headed to take a shower. Always organized, Donna had her dirty things
in a separate compartment. Josh tossed
them aside and then pulled out what looked like the clothes she didn't have a
chance to wear. Everything was wrinkled
so he just tossed it all together in the dirty pile. He reached into the side pocket and found
what he assumed were her pajamas. As he
pulled them out he recognized a t-shirt of his own, an old Harvard shirt, faded
and soft from years of wear. He pulled
it out and held it close. Even though he felt ridiculous doing so he inhaled
deeply, smelling the faint sent of mango shampoo and Happy cologne. The scent was both comforting and upsetting
at the same time. He folded up the shirt
and stuffed it in his backpack.
Josh went into his room and packed up his things, he didn't want to have to
worry about doing it later. He wanted to
be able to spend as much time with Donna as he could before he had to head for
the airport. He heard his mom go into
her room as he packed up the book he'd been reading and tossed a few pieces of
hard candy in the front pocket. His hand
hit the envelope with the pictures in it.
Taking a deep breath he pulled it out and paced around the room for a
few minutes, holding the envelope in one hand while tapping it against the
other. His feelings ran the gamut from
fear, to curiosity, to anger, to the desire to want to protect Donna at all
costs. Standing with his back against
the wall he took a deep breath and used his finger to open the seal. The paper cut he got doing so should have
been the first clue he shouldn't be looking at the photos. He wrapped a tissue around his finger. The top photos were the ones Colin had taken
just before Donna had climbed into the Suburban. She looked exactly as Josh had pictured her
on the trip, hair flowing, no makeup and happy.
After half a dozen or so shots Josh flipped to the ones of the
bombing. The first was a wide shot of
the car, upside down and in flames.
Josh should have stopped there.
He pushed down his growing queasiness and flipped to the next one. It was a shot of Donna taken with the zoom;
she was upside down, bleeding and unconscious.
Without really focusing on what he was looking at Josh quickly flipped
through the rest of the pile. As he saw
pictures of ambulances the sounds of sirens filled his head, at the sight of
fire, the smell of smoke filled his nose, at the sight of Donna being pulled
from the wreckage his stomach revolted.
He ran to the bathroom, dropping the photos in the hall. He made it to the toilet just in time.
Rebecca was just finishing getting dressed when she heard a groan, the
sound of a door being slammed against the wall and finally the sound of her son
getting sick. Thoughts of letting Josh
handle things on his own never entered her mind as she pushed open the bathroom
door. Josh was slumped over the toilet
heaving violently. Rebecca knelt down
next to him, just as she had done dozens of times when he was younger. She rubbed his back and whispered to him, all
the while wondering what exactly had happened.
She glanced towards the hallway and saw the photos strewn on the
floor. She couldn't see what they were
of but she knew in an instant what he had been looking at.
When Josh calmed down a little he sat back on his heels. His mom handed him a glass of water so he
could rinse his mouth. She helped him to
stand up on shaky legs, steering him back to sit on the closed toilet lid. Rebecca wiped the sweat and tears from his
face and the blood from his finger. She
found a Band-aid in Josh's shaving kit and put it over the paper cut. Josh had yet to say anything and she was
being to really worry about him.
"Josh, sweetie, talk to me," she said as she knelt down in front
of him and put her hands on his knees.
Josh covered her hands with his and lifted his head enough to look his
mom in the eye.
"I looked at them," was all he said.
"I know. You felt you needed to
see for yourself. I understand."
"It's my fault. Everything's my
fault, first Joanie and now Donna," Josh whispered harshly.
Rebecca stood up so she could look down on her son. "Joshua David Lyman," she started
as she lifted his chin up with her finger, "Neither of those things were
your fault, neither of them. We've been
through this before. You carry too much
guilt around with you. It's not healthy
and you really need to stop," she said bluntly. "Brush your teeth and come back
out," she said as she handed him his toothbrush.
Seeing as he wasn't going to be allowed a pity party Josh hauled himself up
and did as he was told. He brushed his
teeth and left the bathroom. Rebecca had
picked up the photos without looking at them, stuffed them back in the envelope
and sealed it with a few address labels she found at the bottom of her purse. "Can I trust you to take these home and
hide them somewhere?" she asked as Josh returned to the bedroom. He nodded and she put them back in his
backpack. "If you want to look at a
picture, look at this one, she said as she held out the picture of the two of
them that was still on the night stand.
"Donna had the same on with her in Gaza. It's next to her bed right now," Josh
said as he ran his hand over the image.
He carefully put it in his backpack and grabbed his pills. He was starting to shove his feet into his
sneakers when Rebecca put her hand on his arm.
"Where are you going?"
"To the hospital, where else?"
"Josh, you're still shaking and you're white as a sheet. You need to
sit for a few minutes and relax. Let me
make you some tea. You should really try
and eat something."
"Mom," Josh whined, "Please stop fussing over me. I'm a grown man."
"A grown man who just spent 15 minutes getting sick and can't stand up
without leaning against something," Rebecca pointed out. Josh quickly moved his hands from where he
had them braced against the back of the couch.
"Fine. Make some tea while I
call and check in with Donna."
Rebecca agreed with a nod and went to the kitchenette. Josh called the hospital to check in. Donna was scheduled to have a few tests done
in about an hour. Susannah convinced
Josh not to hurry in as Donna was likely to take a nap when she returned from
the tests. "You win," Josh
announced as he snapped his phone shut and turned to face his mom. "Donna's having some tests done and
Susannah thinks she'll sleep afterwards.
So I'll rest for a little while."
"Good boy," Rebecca smirked as she poured the water for the
tea. She didn't have much luck getting
Josh to eat something but she gave up trying, figuring he knew what was best.
A little after 11, Josh walked through the front door of the hospital
carrying a small bouquet of wild flowers in one hand and his backpack in the
other.
********************
When Josh arrived at Donna's room she had returned from her tests and true
to Susannah's prediction was sound asleep.
Susannah was sitting in the chair by the window reading a book. "Good morning, again," Josh said as
he knocked lightly so he wouldn't wake Donna.
"Hi Josh. She just got back
about 15 minutes ago, fell right back to sleep."
"Everything ok?" he asked as Susannah stood to take the flowers
from him so she could put them in a vase.
"Yes. They were doing some
studies to make sure the blood flow in her leg is ok. As far as they can tell it is. But she has a long road ahead of her. I wanted to talk to you about that. Would you like to go to the cafeteria? Maybe get some tea?" Susannah offered
with a smile.
"My mom just forced two cups of tea on me," Josh chuckled.
"But I'd be glad to sit and talk."
Josh dropped his backpack on the chair next to the bed, in case Donna
woke up and needed something out of it but more importantly so she knew he was
in the hospital.
The cafeteria was relatively empty, the breakfast rush was over and it was
too early for lunch. Josh led Susannah
towards a table in the corner and went to get her tea. Deciding that he was a little hungry after
all Josh got himself a muffin and some juice. He sat down at the table and
waited for Susannah to start the conversation.
"Donna and I were talking about what's going to happen after she gets
out of here. The doctors think she will
be able to leave here and not have to be admitted to Walter Reed when she gets
home. They think she'll be able to be on
her own, provided she has enough help at home.
Of course, her father and I would love for her to come home to Wisconsin
to recover." Josh's face fell, he
knew that was certainly a possibility but it was one he had tried not to think
about too much. The thought of not seeing
Donna for possibly months was almost too much for him to bear. "Donna's vetoed that idea. We knew she would," said Susannah with a
laugh. "My daughter has a mind of
her own."
"She sure does," Josh said.
"That's one of the reasons I...." Josh stopped short. "One of her great qualities," he
said as he tried not to cringe at how stupid his remark sounded. Susannah let it slide with a knowing smile.
"So she wants to return home.
And I don't blame her, it's where all her friends are, it's where her
job is, it's where you are," she said without elaborating at all.
"You know I will do everything I can to help her. After all, I have to return the favor she did
for me four years ago," replied Josh as he pressed his hand lightly against
the scar on his chest.
"I know she can count on you. Which leads me to my next
question," Susannah said with a grin.
"Please Mrs. Moss, don't ask me what my intentions are towards your
daughter," Josh sighed dramatically as he put his head in his hands. His actions brought a smile to the face of
Susannah Moss.
"I wasn't going to. Or at least
not in those exact words. And please
don't ever call me Mrs. Moss, that's my mother in law," Susannah teased.
"Donna needs friends right now.
She needs to feel safe and loved, she doesn't need to be starting a
relationship with...with the ultimate gomer," Josh said with as straight
as face as he could manage.
"Timing is everything," Susannah muttered. Josh nodded in agreement. "But at least hottie photographer left
the country," she smirked.
"Could we please not call him that?" whined Josh as he picked up
his glass.
Susannah grinned and reached for her tea.
"After Donna wakes up I'm going to go back to the hotel for a
while, take your mom out to lunch. I
want you and Donna to have some time alone before you need to head
back." Josh looked up from his
muffin expecting to see a smirk playing across Susannah's face. Instead he found honesty, trust and caring,
things he didn't think he see so soon on the face of Donna's mother.
Donna was awake when they got back to the room. Josh said a quick "hello" and
headed to find her something to drink while Susannah talked to her for a few
minutes.
"I didn't think she'd ever leave," Donna said when Josh returned
to the room about 10 minutes later.
"She's only been here a few hours," Josh pointed out as he handed
Donna a bottle of juice.
"And she'll be here every day until I go home. And then she'll be at my home for God knows
how long," Donna snorted as she struggled to get the cap off the bottle.
"There," Josh said as he opened it for her. "Your mom seems nice," Josh
muttered matter of factly.
"She is, but I can only take so much of her. You're lucky you're leaving," Donna
joked.
"Hey, I'm just lucky she didn't want to rip me from limb to
limb," teased Josh. "I thought
for sure she would blame me completely," he added as his voice took on a
more serious tone and his face clouded over.
Donna saw his mood change before her eyes. She motioned for him to sit down in the chair
next to the bed.
"Did you really thing she was going to blame you?" Donna asked as
she reached for his hand. Josh nodded
and glanced away, not wanting to meet her gaze for fear of either falling apart
himself or having Donna get all emotional yet again. "Josh, look at me," Donna said as
she ignored the pain in her side and reached to firmly take hold of his chin. "I don't blame you," stated
sharply. "It wasn't your fault, you
shouldn't feel guilty. It happened and
there is nothing you could have done to stop it. You didn't order me to go to Gaza; I went of
my own free will. Remember that like you remember the fact that I came back to
my job in the White House, that I came back to you." Josh could only
nod. "Now, what did you bring
me?" Donna asked, eager to change the subject before either one of them
melted into an emotional mess.
"Flowers," Josh said as he pointed towards the vase.
"They're beautiful," Donna whispered as she craned her neck
around as far as she could. "Put
them over here," she said as she pointed to the bedside table, "So I
can see them better." Josh moved
the flowers and sat back down next to the bed.
"I didn't have a chance to get you anything else," Josh said as
he picked up Donna's hand.
"I wouldn't imagine you did. You weren't gone all that long,"
Donna pointed out with a grin.
"Sorry," Josh muttered as he did his best to stifle a yawn. He said nothing more as he tried his best to
look "normal". Donna wasn't
buying it for a second, she knew something had happened; Josh was paler than
usual, more quiet and had a vaguely uneasy look about him.
"Josh, what's wrong?" Donna asked as she gave his hand a
squeeze. Josh flinched as she pressed
her thumb against the Band-aid on his finger.
"What happened?" she asked.
"Paper cut. I was opening
something," Josh replied with a wave of his hand.
"Something?" Donna whispered as she caught his hand again,
brushing her thumb against his palm.
"An envelope," Josh said.
It only took Donna a few seconds to realize what he had opened. She sighed deeply, not knowing what to
say. She was curious to know about the
pictures but certainly didn't want to upset Josh.
"What happened when you opened them?" she asked, figuring her
simple question would allow him to share what he felt comfortable enough
sharing.
"After the paper cut?" he asked as he did his best to stall. Donna nodded and silently urged him to
continue. "I looked at them. I
won't tell you about them," Josh said firmly.
"OK," whispered Donna, completely trusting his judgment.
"Then I...I..."
"Puked?" Donna guessed, taking in his pale face and vaguely
"unwell" look about him. Josh
confirmed her guess with a nod of his head.
He leaned forward, putting his elbows on the edge of the bed and rest
his chin in his hands. Donna reached out
to brush back his hair a bit, suddenly craving a little contact. "You ok now?" she asked as she
cupped his cheek.
"Yeah. Mom made me tea and
forced me to sit for a little while before I came over."
"Good. So, how about you help
me hook the computer up so I can check my email," Donna suggested with a
forced smile. She knew they needed to
change the subject. Josh nodded and got
up to grab her laptop from where it was sitting on the cot. He plugged it in and got it connected to the
internet while Donna drank her juice and picked at the lunch tray the nurse had
just delivered. While she picked at the
food Josh got rid of the junk mail and read some of the messages to her, mostly
ones from the other assistants and her friends back in DC. Josh read a long one from Sam that left both
of them in tears. There was one from the
President; actually Charlie had typed it for him. The certainly didn't matter
to Donna, the fact that the President of the United States had taken time out
to send her a message sent her over the emotional "edge". Josh got her some tissues and took a look at
her inbox. There was only one left, a
message from CJ. The mere mention of a
message from CJ caused a strange reaction from Donna. Josh realized she'd had the same reaction
each time CJ had called over the past few days.
Donna hadn't taken a call from CJ and even glanced away from the
television each time she'd seen her on the screen.
"Sure you don't want me to read this, it's the last one left?"
Josh asked hoping that the "clueless" act was the way to go.
"I don't know. I guess
so," Donna sighed. She hoped that
by allowing Josh to read CJ's email he would just back away from the waters he
seemed so intent on wading into. She
wasn't buying the clueless act at all. She knew he knew something was wrong.
Josh read the email. Although it was
certainly hard to tell from the written word CJ's tone seemed a little strained
and Donna didn't suggest that Josh type a response to her. Josh took that as a sign and set the computer
out of the way.
After Donna was done eating Josh cleaned up the leftovers and handed her a
magazine while he excused himself so he could check his voice mail and return some
calls. He started to leave the room but
Donna just pointed towards the chair over by the television, clearly she didn't
want to be alone. Josh talked to Leo,
Toby and CJ. As Donna was listening to
his every word, trying to bypass the "rules" and find out what was
going on at work, he couldn't ask CJ what was going on. When Josh finally hung up he turned to Donna
with an overly cheery look on his face.
She snorted and shook her head.
"Sit," she said as she pointed to the chair. Josh kicked off his sneakers and curled up in
the chair. Even after all the years it
still amazed Donna at the way Josh could curl up in the smallest of
spaces. "So I guess you want to
know about CJ."
"Yeah, I do. What
happened?"
"The night of the lockdown CJ and I were locked in her office."
"Yeah, I know. I talked to you
on the phone. You hung up on me."
"You don't know how to use a phone," Donna smiled, "Anyway
we were having a conversation. I had
just found out I was going to be the press babysitter on the CODEL. She accused you of selling me a bill of
goods. I tried to defend you but she
made some valid points."
"Like what?" Josh asked, not quite sure he liked where the
conversation was headed.
"That I should have outgrown this job three years ago. That you hold
me back," Donna held up her hand to keep Josh from saying anything. He nodded for her to continue. "I tried to deny it and then she said
something that really got me thinking.
She said she couldn't blame you, that it takes two. Basically, you hold me back and I stay,
for...for whatever reason."
"What was the reason she said?" Josh asked even though he knew
full well what the answer was.
"I stay because of you," she said quickly.
"And is it true?" Josh pressed as he unfolded his legs and leaned
on the edge of the bed.
Donna bit her lip and pondered how to phrase her answer. She wanted to tell him the truth but didn't
want him to feel any worse that he obviously did already. "To some extent it is. You gave me a chance in New Hampshire and you
took me back when you had no reason to trust me. I guess in some ways I felt I owed you
something, I guess. And then things got
too comfortable I suppose. We work so
well together."
"We do," whispered Josh.
"I'd be glad to share the blame with you," he offered with a
grin. "I don't push you to do more
and I should."
"And I don't push as hard as I should for more responsibility,"
Donna countered. Josh nodded. But there was still more to it, he could
tell.
"What else?" he asked as he tentatively reached for her
hand. When Donna made no effort to reach
out to him he pulled his hand back.
"She said I should go to lectures, symposia, look for other
opportunities, both personal and professional."
"She told you to meet other men?" Josh asked as he tried his best
to look horrified but didn't even come close.
"Well, I think her suggestion was actually to go out and have one
night stands," Donna laughed. As
she saw Josh's face drop and take on a whiter shade of pale she reached for his
hand.
"And that's what you did?" he said quietly. The tone of his voice didn't give away a clue
as to how he was feeling at that moment.
Truth was he had no idea how he felt.
Emotions were fighting for space in his body and mind.
"Yes, Josh. I had a one night
stand with Colin. But I imagine it would
have been more than a one night stand if things...if things had gone
differently," Donna stated, deciding the honestly was the best course of
action.
"And now. Do you still feel
that way? Do you plan on seeing him again?"
"I don't know. Things are
different, changed."
"What do you mean?" Josh asked, eager to her what she thought.
"Things are...confusing. A week
ago I had no men in my life and now I have these two amazing guys who flew long
distances to be with me."
"I flew further," teased Josh.
"I know. But right now I
need...but what I mean is, I don't need..."
"You don't need the ultimate gomer right now?" Donna just nodded as she sniffed a bit. "I will be whatever you need. I will be for you what you were for me, your
rock, your shoulder to cry on, the person you call in the middle of the night
when the nightmares get bad, the one you talk to when you just don't understand
what's happening in your mind. Whatever
you need, sweetie," Josh whispered, the endearment flowing easily from his
lips.
"Thank you," Donna mouthed, unable to get any words out.
"When you get back to work we're going to talk to Leo about giving you
more responsibilities. I'll just have to
figure out a way to do some things for myself," he said with a
self-deprecating laugh.
"Like work the computer?" Donna teased.
"Hey, did I not just open your email and read it to you?" Josh
cried in mock horror. "I'm getting
much better at using the computer.
"Yes, you are," Donna finally agreed.
"How about you get a little rest.
I'm going to run to the cafeteria and grab something to eat. I'll be
right back. OK?"
Donna started to object but a wide yawn nixed that idea. Josh tucked her in, drew the blinds and
headed to find something to eat.
*******************
While Donna slept Josh ate and read his own email. After a half an hour worth of internal debate
he emailed CJ. He told her simply that
he and Donna had talked about their conversation and that he understood why she
said what she did. He assured her there
were no hard feelings and that he would try to get Donna to either email her or
take her next phone call.
Christine came in the room to check on Donna a while later. Donna woke when she stuck the thermometer in
her ear to get a temp. "Back to
normal," Christine announced with a smile.
"How are you feeling?"
"Better, I think," Donna answered sleepily.
Christine took a quick look at Donna's leg and checked her toes. "Everything
looks good. Dr. Leahy should be by in a little while. Do you need anything?"
"No, I think we're fine," Donna answered. Christine left with a smile knowing Donna
would be well looked after by Josh.
"What time is it?" Donna asked as Josh sat down next to the bed.
"A little after 3. Can I get
you anything? Juice? Something to
eat?"
"No Josh, I'm fine. What time
do you have to leave?"
"I should leave here about 7. I
have to go back to the hotel to get my stuff and I want to see my Mom before I
go."
"Less than 4 hours," Donna muttered. "It could be weeks before I can fly
home. We've never gone that long without
seeing each other. It's gonna be strange."
"I would think you'd rather enjoy the peace and quiet," Josh
teased.
"I should. But I think I'll
miss hearing you bellow," Donna said quietly.
"I'll call and bellow over the phone," Josh promised with a
grin. "And I'll get better about
emailing. And I won't complain about the
length of your emails."
"Good," said Donna with a grin as she reached to pull her hair
free from the blue plaid scrunchie. Josh
held out his hand for it and rooted in the drawer for her brush. He situated himself on the edge of the bed
and brushed out Donna's hair for her.
She was perfectly capable of doing it herself but Josh was willing and
they were both craving the contact knowing it would be weeks before they had
another opportunity to be that close.
Josh redid the scrunchie, helped Donna settle back against the pillows and
without thinking pressed a kiss to her forehead, lingering a little longer than
he should. As he pulled back he saw Donna blush. It was probably one of the
first times he'd seen a little color in her cheeks, she was still so pale.
"Can you find my mirror in my bag?" Donna asked.
"Sure, what for?"
Donna just gave Josh a roll of her eyes before replying, "To see
myself obviously. I haven't yet,"
she added with a shrug of her shoulders.
"Anything I should know about? Any Frankenstein scars?" she
asked.
"Nope just some cuts and bruises.
And a lot of freckles," Josh called over his shoulder. Donna groaned. "What?
The freckles are cute," Josh said as he handed her the small mirror
he found tucked inside her toiletry bag.
"They were cute when I was 6, Josh," Donna pointed out as she
took the mirror from him. She took a
deep breath and looked at her reflection.
It honestly wasn't as bad as she had expected. The scrapes weren't too bad and the bruises
were beginning to heal. And she had to
admit the freckles weren't too bad.
"Freckles aren't too hideous?" Josh teased.
"Nope, but I'd rather see them on you."
"I don't have freckles," Josh protested. "Dimples, yes, freckles no."
"Joshua, I've seen pictures of you as a little boy. Trust me; if you actually went outside in the
sun once in a while you'd have freckles."
"I go outside," Josh whined.
"Before dawn and after sunset," Donna shot back. "You know, a little sun and fresh air
wouldn't kill you."
"They might," Josh whined.
Donna just glared at him.
"Fine. By the time you get
back I'll have freckles."
"And tan lines?" Donna teased.
"Now you're pushing it. How
about when you come back I'll take you to the beach?"
"I don't think I'll be ready for the beach," Donna said as she
pointed to her right leg.
"Yeah. How about a picnic on
the Mall?"
"It's a date," Donna said with a smile. That smile quickly faded as she took a glance
at Josh's watch. It was almost 4.
"Don't do that. We have 3 hours and we're going to make the best of
it. What do you want to do?"
"Go dancing," Donna teased.
"Cute. I have a crossword
puzzle book, playing cards or we could watch TV," Josh suggested not
really knowing what Donna would feel up to doing.
"Poker," she said without hesitation. Josh pulled the cards out of his backpack and
Donna reached into the drawer and pulled out a big bag of M & Ms. Josh groaned, with his bad poker face he knew
the chances of getting any candy was pretty slim.
An hour later as Donna's dinner tray was being delivered she was taking
pity on Josh and giving him a handful of M & Ms. He'd been beaten badly but the smile on
Donna's face more than made up for his lack of candy.
"Anything good?" Josh asked as he pointed towards the covered
tray. Donna took a quick look, made a
disgusted face and dropped the cover back down.
"Guess not," Josh teased as he looked for himself. The contents of the meal weren’t readily
identifiable so Josh just dropped the lid down too.
"I'll run to the cafeteria. What
do you want?"
"Soup. And a muffin,"
Donna replied. "And ice
cream," she added as Josh slipped on his sneakers.
"Anything else?" he asked dryly.
"I'd kill for a diet Coke."
"I'll see what I can do. Don't
go anywhere," he teased as he slipped out the door before Donna could
throw something at him. If anyone else
had teased her like that she wouldn't have taken it well. But it was Josh and his teasing was
different. Besides, when he had been
recovering she'd done her fair share of teasing him. When he had whined about his scar she teased
him by calling him Frankenstein. Never
failed to bring a smile to his face.
Josh came back to her room fifteen minutes later. He'd been able to get everything she
requested, plus he was able to swipe a fresh flower in a bud vase off one of
the tables as he'd left the cafeteria.
He put everything down on the tray table, setting the flower down with
great flourish. Donna smiled sweetly and
reached to smell the flower.
They ate in near silence, both lost in their own thoughts. Each took frequent glances at Josh's
watch. As much as they willed the time
to pass by more slowly it moved along at the same pace it always had. At six o'clock Josh pushed aside the remains
of their meal. The time they had been
dreading was drawing near. It was time
to think of a way to say goodbye.
"Do you want this back?" Donna asked as she motioned towards the
blue plaid shirt of Josh's she was wearing.
"No, keep it," Josh replied thinking of the t-shirt he'd taken
from her bag. "Mom is having your
laundry done. She'll bring your stuff by
tomorrow I'm sure."
"No hurry, I kind of like this look," Donna said dryly, motioning
towards the oversized shirt and the shapeless hospital gown.
Josh got up from where he had been sitting next to the bed. The sudden need to pace around was
overwhelming. He paced back and forth at
the foot of the bed a few times. Donna
caught his eye and smiled sadly.
"Sorry," Josh mumbled as he picked up his backpack and set it
on the edge of the bed. He pulled out
the Chapstick and dropped it on the bed along with two scrunchies he found
stuffed in the front pocket. He pulled
out his ancient Wesleyan sweatshirt and handed that to her too. He unhooked his Mets hat from the strap and
held it out to Donna. She shook her
head. "Please?" Josh pleaded.
Donna silently accepted the gesture. She took the hat from him and set it
gently on her lap. She knew the hat had
belonged to Josh's Dad. Since the day Josh returned to the campaign after Noah
died the Mets had was either on Josh's head or hanging from his backpack. It was never any other place. Josh started to
move his backpack. "No wait,"
Donna said. "Hand me my tote
bag." She stuck her hand in,
digging around for something.
"What are you looking for?" Josh as with a curious grin.
"Just a second," she said as she tossed things aside intently
looking for something. By that time Josh
had figured out she was looking for something for him to take back home with
him. He thought of just telling her
about the t-shirt but he wasn't in the mood to be teased mercilessly by
her. "Got it," she said
triumphantly as she pulled out a small manila envelope. She wordlessly handed it to Josh. "Take these and keep them safe until I
get back."
With a questioning glance in her direction he managed to open the seal
without getting another paper cut. He
tipped it a little and out slid two ID tags.
He recognized them instantly.
They were their ID tags from the first campaign. The one Josh had handed her the day she came
into his life and her own ID tag she'd gotten a few days later. Josh just nodded, slipped them back into the
envelope and tucked in the flap. He put them in the pocket of backpack,
carefully zipped it closed and gave the pocket a little pat. He glanced at his watch, it was almost time
for him to go, he still needed to stop by the hotel and say goodbye to his Mom
and Susannah.
"Just sit with me for a minute," Donna said as the tears
started. Josh sat down carefully, trying
his best not to jostle the bed too much.
He took her hands in his and they just sat and cried, tears rolling down
their cheeks, falling onto their clasped hands.
"I wanna go home," Donna sobbed.
"I know honey, I know," Josh said as he leaned forward and kissed
her forehead. He stayed with his
forehead pressed against hers for what seemed like an eternity. Finally he pulled back and reached for the
box of tissues.
"Josh I....I," Donna fumbled around knowing what she wanted to
say, sure of what was in her heart but unable to get the words out. But she knew that was for the best. It wasn't the time for big declarations of
love. Hopefully that would come soon.
"Don't," whispered Josh.
"I know," he sighed. He
also didn't want them to get into a conversation neither of them were
emotionally ready to handle.
So without words they conveyed what was in their hearts, emotions they
hoped to face one day in the near future.
As Josh started to stand up Donna pulled him in for one last kiss. It was short, sweet and only a second or two
over the line of chaste they'd spent way too many years toeing.
Josh tossed his backpack over his shoulder and headed for the door. He took one step out into the hallway and
stopped at the sound of Donna's voice, "Joshua."
"What?" he asked as he turned around and leaned in the doorway,
bracing himself with his hand against the top of the door frame.
"Why did you come here?" she asked simply as she clutched his
sweatshirt against her chest.
"Because there's no place I'd rather be Donnatella," he whispered
as he turned to leave. He nodded towards
Christine as he passed by the nurses' station.
She mouthed a quick "goodbye" and pressed some tissues into
his hand. He took them with a grateful
smile and headed for the elevator.
*******************
Rebecca had all of Josh's things packed up and sitting by the door when he
got back to the hotel. Judging by the
look on Josh's face she didn't have to ask how things had gone at the hospital. The look on his face was nothing short of heartbreaking. Rebecca steered him towards the couch, got
him a drink of water and sat down next to him slowly rubbing his back. "Do you want to talk about it?" she
asked when he seemed to have gotten control of his emotions.
"I don't even what to say. I
don't know how I feel. Everything is
just so confusing right now. Know what I
mean?" he sighed.
"Of course I do, a mother understands," Rebecca replied as she
kissed his cheek. A knock at the door
brought both of them to their feet.
"I just came to say goodbye," Susannah said as she came into the
room.
"I'll just leave you two alone for a minute," Rebecca said as she
went into the bedroom.
Josh and Susannah sat down, he in the chair and she on the couch. Like Josh and Donna they too were struggling
to put their feelings into words.
"I don't know..." they both said at the same time. Grins came across both their faces, breaking
the tension in the room.
"I imagine you've already had one completely emotional goodbye today
so let's not make this any worse than it needs to be," Susannah teased as
she stood up. She opened her arms and
Josh gave her a tearful hug. "Thank
you for everything you've done. Please
don't feel guilty," she said. Josh
nodded against her shoulder.
"I'll try," Josh promised as he stood up straighter and wiped his
eyes. Susannah patted his cheek and left
before she completely broke down. With a
deep breath Josh turned towards his Mom.
She gave him a quick hug. Josh
took one last glance around to make sure he had packed everything. Rebecca had offered to go with him to the
airport but he declined. Now that the
time had come he just wanted to go.
There was nothing he could do about the fact he had to leave. So with a big hug, kiss and a promise to call
every day he headed for the airport.
As the plane leveled off and the seatbelt sign was turned off Josh stood up
and pulled his backpack from the overhead compartment. The flight attendant came by and took his
drink order, Jack Daniels and Coke. Josh
once again reread Donna's emails. The
more he read them and the more he thought about it he began to realize that
maybe the Communications Department would be a good place for Donna to grow. She already had the ability to handle Toby,
he thought to himself as his drink was placed in front of him. He took a few
sips before setting his laptop aside.
Thanks to his White House ID he managed to get himself bumped to first
class and was lucky enough to have the row to himself. He kicked off his shoes and curled up trying
to relax a little. The alcohol helped
and he considered ordering another but Donna's voice in the back of head told
him to remember his sensitive system. He
chewed on the remaining ice as he hunted for a piece of hard candy in his
backpack. He popped a mint into his
mouth as he pulled out the legal pad and the picture of himself and Donna.
Josh stared at the picture for a few minutes and flipped open the pad to
the page he'd written on the plane ride over.
With one eye on the picture and one eye on the pad he reread over both
versions of what he'd written.
Leo McGarry, White House Chief of Staff:
I hereby resign my position as White House Deputy Chief of Staff, effective
immediately.
Joshua Lyman
Scrawled in Josh's angular writing it was short and to the point. Not exactly a wordy letter of resignation he
thought to himself as he dropped the legal pad into his lap and stared out the
window for a minute. But he'd written it
in a haze of fear, exhaustion and lingering feelings of uncertainty when it
came to how he felt about Leo.
After he'd reread Donna's emails and had some time to rest on the flight
over Josh had written another letter, one a little more personal, a bit more
informal even though the intended recipient usually commanded formality.
Dear Mr. President,
By now I am sure Leo has informed you of my decision to resign. I would like you to know that although my
actions may seem rash and spur of the moment I feel leaving is in my best
interest as well as the best interest of the administration.
Many things have changed over the past 9 months, some good and some
bad. All of them, as well as the tragedy
of the explosion in Gaza, have forced me to re-evaluate some aspects of my
life.
I am grateful for the opportunity to have served in your
administration. What I have learned here
will stay with me for the rest of my life.
Although certain things that have happened have altered my life in ways
I would rather not have experienced I will forever hold dear the memories of my
time in the White House.
It is time for me to move on, that has become clearer and clearer since
last fall. The events of the last 12
hours have just served to cement my decision to move on. It's time for me to focus on my personal
life, an area which has been neglected for far too long.
Please accept the resignation I respectfully submitted to Leo.
It has been a pleasure to serve to you.
Sincerely,
Joshua Lyman
Josh tossed the notepad aside, intending to open up his laptop and type out
the letters, just in case. As the pad
bounced off his leg and onto the floor the pages flipped over revealing
something written in Donna's loopy handwriting.
Josh sighed and picked it up to read.
Dear Josh,
First of all, I came across your letters by accident. I was looking for a piece of paper for write
something down for my mom. The page
opened and I couldn't help but read what was there. Please forgive me.
I can completely understand why you would want to leave. A lot has happened in the last 9 months and
more has happened in the past few days. But I don't want your decision to be
rash and based too much on what has happened to me. As I've said before and will probably be
saying for the rest of my life, it wasn't your fault. I know you probably wrote the letters under
extreme exhaustion, emotional anguish and maybe even the influence of something
you shouldn't be drinking with your sensitive system.
That said, if you are serious about resigning know that you have my full
support. To be honest, part of me is
surprised you didn't resign years ago.
So many things have happened that would have made a lesser man leave. But I do ask that you wait until we talk
about this, preferably face to face. I
know I could have confronted you with this before you left Germany but it
wasn't the time or the place. We're both
way too emotional right now to discuss subjects as serious as this. So wait until I get home, wait until things
settle down and most importantly, wait until you're thinking with both your
head and your heart. I know you believe
you were thinking with both when you drafted the letters but I think that by
now you can probably agree that your judgment was clouded by any number of
emotions.
I will never be able to put into words how I felt when I woke up and saw
you in my hospital room. But I imagine
you know exactly how I felt. But I only
had to take the Metro to be with you.
You had to fly across the Atlantic to be with me.
When I get back we have a lot to discuss, both work related and
otherwise. Until then I'll be counting
the days until I can come back to DC, work 18 hour days and listen to you
bellow. Know that you will never be far
from my thoughts. Call anytime, night or
day, no need to burden yourself with the time difference.
Love Always,
Donna
Josh reached for his handkerchief, blew his nose and ordered another
drink. He thought about composing an
email in reply to Donna's note. But
instead he reread the letters of resignation one final time before crumpling
them up and stuffing them into his empty glass.
Looking out the window, the stars in the sky twinkled and winked as Josh
finished his drink. He took one last
glance at the picture of himself and Donna before tucking it back into his
backpack. As he spread the blanket out
over himself and curled up against the pillow he thought about all the times he
and Donna fell asleep together on Air Force One. It was almost a ritual. No matter how short the flight was they
always seemed to end up curled up next to each other, sometimes only pretending
to be asleep. As he drifted off he
couldn't help but feel that a part of him was missing, that there was this void
in his life that he had finally figured out how to fill.
*******************
As the first light of dawn was breaking over the Atlantic Josh woke up and
stretched. A few minutes later the pilot
announced their descent into Dulles Airport.
Josh slipped on his sneakers, ran his fingers through his hair and
popped a mint in his mouth. For a second
he wondered what would be the fastest way to get home, the Metro or a cab. Then he remembered Toby was meeting him. That realization brought a smile to his
face.
When the plane stopped and the fasten seatbelt sign was turned off Josh
waited patiently for the others to deplane, even though he was in first class.
He wasn't in the mood to be part of a mob for the exit. He had no connecting flight, no place to get
to in a hurry. When the plane was
basically empty he hoisted his backpack over his shoulder and headed for the
jetway. As he entered the terminal he
quickly scanned the thinning crowds looking for Toby. He found him standing off to the side,
holding two cups of coffee.
Toby looked as haggard and as weary as Josh felt. He set the coffee down on the window ledge
and awkwardly walked towards Josh. Both
of them, each equally stubborn and prone to keep everything inside, did the
only thing they could think to do; they opened up their arms to each other, and
cried.
THE END
