Apology in Ink
Bring it on? Good God, do we really
need that as a motto? I mean, I get the
point but isn't "Bring it on" the name of some cheerleading movie? Whatever.
It's quiet now, quieter than things have been in a while and much quieter
than things will be in the near future.
I can't believe my world is about to come crashing down around me. I
wish Abbey were here. Even though we
disagree on just about everything right now, I need her. I need her to hold me, to wipe away my tears
and to tell me everything will work out.
Even though I have little faith that things will work out for the best. And what is the best, another term, finish
this one and fade out of the public eye, resign with some dignity or stay until
the bitter end? I honestly don't know at
this point.
But I do know one thing. And it's
been bothering me for about an hour now.
I think in my conversation with Charlie, I came across as hostile and well,
just plain mean. I didn't do it on
purpose and I'm reasonably sure he didn't take it personally but it's bugging
me just the same. Talking to him would
probably be a good idea, but I told him to go home a while ago. Stuck his head in, as usual, when I
bellowed. There was just something about
the way he looked. Something in his
eyes. Hurt, pain, disappointment,
weariness. Probably some of all of those
things. I know I am to blame for the way
he looked. I feel like I've yelled at
one of my kids. Because I love him as if
he were one of my kids.
Maybe a note, could email him, but that would involve, well, knowing how to
use the computer. And it's already late;
I don't have time for that. So, good
old-fashioned pen and paper will have to do.
Charlie,
I've been thinking about our
conversation. I want to apologize for
how I came across when we were talking outside earlier. I'm afraid my words might have come across as
hostile. They might have led you to
believe that I thought you were scared of me, when in reality, I know you are
scared for me. Not only for me, but also
for my family, for everyone else here and for our future.
After my initial anger at her for
doing so, I can honestly say that I am glad Zoey told you about my MS. Having an extra pair of eyes looking out for
me was/is probably a good idea. I'm sure my wife agrees with that. Thank you for keeping that knowledge to
yourself. You will not have to do that
much longer. The staff will be told very
soon and plans will be made to go public with my condition.
Like I said, I will never doubt your
loyalty to me or your love for me. After mentally reviewing our conversation
I'm not too sure you feel as confident in my loyalty and love for you. Believe me when I say, I love you like a son
and my loyalty towards you is unwavering.
The thought of you lying to protect
me is something that should have never crossed my mind. And it certainly should not have crossed my
lips. Because, above everything else,
you are a young man of considerable integrity and discretion. As deep as your feelings for both my family
and I are, I know you would never lie under oath. And I am sure in the next few weeks you will
spend a considerable amount of time under oath.
For that I am truly sorry. These
problems are mine and mine only. By
keeping things a secret I had hoped to spare those I love any distress. But as my plans have been know to do, this
one has come back to bite me in the ass.
The only thing I ask of you is to be honest, to me and most of all, to
yourself.
Things are going to get worse around
here before they get better. People are
going to be saying some pretty bad things about this administration and
me. Don't worry about me, I'll be
fine. Look out for Zoey and don't forget
to look out for yourself. Please, if you need to talk, talk to Leo. I've already told him to keep an eye out for
you.
I know I should probably be saying
all of this in person. But Oliver Babish
just left and I really not in the mood to face anyone at the moment. Not to mention it is almost midnight and I hope you are at home getting some
much needed rest. It's been a long day
all around and the days are about to get longer. I apologize in advance for what you are about
to be subjected to, it wasn't exactly in your job description.
By the way, the new motto around here
is "Bring it on". I explain that in the morning.
Thanks again for your concern for me
and for your quick thinking about the family medical history papers. Mrs. Bartlet signed them. Fortunately, or
unfortunately, I'm not sure which, at the moment.
I will end this now and try to get
some rest myself. Thank you for all you
have done for me. And thanks in advance
for all the things you will put up with in the coming days. I want you to know that the love and loyalty
you have towards me will be a bright spot in the dark days that are to come.
Jed
Bartlet
Well, a little longer than I had planned.
But I'm long winded and once I get on a roll, look out. At least Charlie is used to that by now. I'll just put this on his desk; he can read
it in the morning.
So, now I'll go back to the residence and try to rest. Something I have had problems doing over the
past few nights. Maybe I'll ponder our
new slogan for a while, there has to be a better one than, Bring it on.
THE END
