Don’t Make a Fuss

I feel Abbey's cool hand on the back of my neck as I take a deep breath and begin.

"Thanks for coming over on short notice. I know you are all staring at the cane wondering what happened? Did I borrow Leo's bike again? Did I trip because I was once again walking and reading a file at the same time? What did your geeky President do this time?

"Well some of those things probably did occur to us" quips Josh.

Leo gives him the evil eye and he looks like a hurt child.

"I didn't hurt my back or anything like that. I have been keeping something from you and from the rest of America. Abbey and I feel it is time to come clean and fill everyone in. Seven years ago I started to have some strange symptoms including muscle weakness and fainting among other things. After numerous tests I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis."

The room gives a collective gasp. Abbey squeezes my hand and Leo just gives me a little nod.

"My particular type is called relapsing/remitting. I have a normal life expectancy. I should recover fully from each relapse. I usually go for over a year without any problems. My last one was right before the State of the Union last winter. That's right, when I broke the glass pitcher and was sprawled out on the floor right behind me. I had another relapse last night. I've been having some weakness in my leg hence the need for the cane. Hopefully it will only be for a few days."

I realize no one is speaking. A big change from how things usually are in my office. And everyone is just staring at me. It's beginning to get unnerving.

"Will someone please say something, anything?"

Sam is the first to break the awkward silence. "I think I speak for everyone here when I say we are all shocked by your news. I don't know exactly what to say or do"

Everyone murmurs in agreement.

"I'm sure you all have a lot of questions. Feel free to throw them at me. I know this is a lot to take in but I really feel it was time to come clean."

"Why did you decide that now was the time?" asked Josh.

"I had a really rough night last night. It wasn't just hard on me. Abbey and Leo spent the better part of the night staying up with me. I realized I wasn't being fair to them, making them keep this a secret. Before you ask, Leo has known since the State of the Union. Last night I decided to just tell the rest of my staff but Leo and I talked this morning about just going public and getting on with more important things."

"What brings on the relapses, sir?" asks Toby.

"Different people have different triggers. Mine tend to be fever and stress. The episode usually only lasts a day or two. Sometimes a symptom will stick around longer. I think this limp will be around for a while. So Abbey and Admiral Hackett think the cane is a good idea. They want to try and reduce the chance of me falling or something like that. Apparently there is a rumor that I am a klutz."

At least that brings a few smiles to the room. I notice CJ hasn't said too much. She's just staring at me.

"CJ, is there anything you want to ask"

She starts to say something but can't get the words out. Tears spring to her eyes and Toby hands her a tissue. Great, I've made my Press Secretary cry. I look around the room and everyone starts reaching for the tissues. Thanks to Mrs. Landingham there are plenty of tissues to go around. Before she went home she strategically placed some around the room. What would I ever do without her? The only one not crying is Leo but he can't even look me in the eye either. I hear Abbey sniffling behind me.

"OK, enough crying. I'm not dying. I just might need a little help, a hand here and there to help me up. I do not want to be fussed over. And that is an order, understood?"

I get a room full of nods. Nobody wants to try and speak yet.

"I'm sure all of you have things to do. Please don't make a big deal out of this. Have a great weekend and I will see you Monday morning."

Not wanting to hang around and have everyone come over to me I grab my cane and walk outside. Abbey starts to follow me but I send her back in to field more questions from the reporters and I am sure from the staff too. I hear Leo emphasizing that I do not want to be fussed over. I walk over and lean on one of the columns. I should have worn a jacket. I have one right in the office but I am too stubborn to go back in and get it. Too stubborn and too afraid to look anyone in the eye, especially Abbey and Leo. I glance over my shoulder and it looks like the office has emptied out. I just see Abbey and Josh talking inside. I kind of remember Abbey saying that she ran in to Josh last night in the Rose Garden. She said he was very concerned about me. He's really a great guy.

I hear the door behind me open. I really don't want to talk to anyone. Maybe if I stand perfectly still they won't notice me. Guess that wasn't really going to work. Abbey comes over and holds out my jacket for me to slip on. She's wearing that old sweater of mine she found in the closet. God she looks cute.

"How about a little walk, sweetie. You look like you need it"

I nod my head in agreement and take her hand. We walk in complete silence. It's scary how well Abbey knows me. She totally understands that right now I need to be with her but I don't need to talk. We don't get very far before I need to stop and rest. I lean with my shoulder against another column. Abbey stands behind me, one arm wrapped around my waist, her chin on my shoulder. I can hear her breathing. I start to relax a bit.

"You were great Jed. The girls will be so proud of their Dad."

"Thank you, for being here today, for last night. I know I was a pain in the ass."

"Really, you weren't that bad. You were just scared, so was I. Let's head back. I think you should take it easy today. Go back and take a nap."

"I'll be up in a little while. I want to talk to Leo about a few things."

I give Abbey a kiss and a hug and limp back to my office. It is surprisingly and thankfully empty. I take off my coat, toss it on the couch, sit in the chair and put my feet on the desk.

"Leo, are you in there"

Leo pokes his head in the room.

"You yelled, sir?"

"Come in here and grab me something to drink while you're at it" I bellow at him.

Being the smart-ass that he is he asks, "Would you like me to toss you one of Mrs. Landingham's cookies too"

I groan at the "tossing cookie" comment.

"We don't need to discuss cookie tossing ever again. Seriously, have a seat" Leo sits on one end of the couch and I limp over to join him at the other end. "I want to thank you for last night. That was most certainly not in the job description of Chief of Staff"

"Jed, what I did last night was in the job description of friend."

OK, now Leo's going to make me cry.

"I saw the note you left. Thanks. It made Abbey cry. I liked it too. Well, I guess, what I mean is, oh you know what I mean."

"Yes Mr. President I know what you mean.

Then we engage in the manly tradition of slugging each other in the shoulder when what we really need to do is share a big hug.

"Well, I think I have had enough sharing for the moment. I'm going to go back to the residence and take a nap"

"Good idea, sir. Feel better. Call if you need anything"

"Leo"

"Sir"

"You know I love you too"

"Yes, I do"

We throw out all formality and hug before I limp back for a nap.

I never realized how far my office is from the residence. Pretty far to limp along with a cane. The meeting went as well as I expected. But I didn't really expect the staff would go through a box and a half of tissues. I just hope Leo got my point across that I do not want to be fussed over. I have my doubts. Monday morning will come soon enough, we will see then.

Abbey's not in the bedroom when I return. She left a note saying she was in her office trying to clear up some things so she can spend some time with me. I take that to mean, "fuss over me". I guess I can deal with it from her, maybe even Leo, but not the entire staff. I call her and tell her I'm back and not to rush.

A hot bath sounds like a nice idea. But just throwing myself on the bed sounds even better. Although I will never admit this to Abbey I take my temperature before I crawl into bed. I can't figure out the stupid ear thermometer. Guess I will have to do it the old fashioned way. That gives me three minutes to grab something to drink and find the remote. I take it out, 100.1. I'm not surprised. I don't feel so great at the moment. A quick trip to the bathroom for some ibuprofen and I am sprawled out on the bed. I vaguely recall turning on ESPN to catch the football scores.

I wake up and realize the sun is starting to set. I squint at the clock, 5:15. Nothing like a 3 hour nap. I'm covered up with the quilt. Since I don't remember grabbing the quilt or turning off the TV I assume Abbey is around somewhere.

"Abbey, you in here?"

"I'm on the balcony, I'll be right in"

She comes in through the french doors. She's still wearing my sweater. I can't help but give her a goofy grin.

"Have a nice nap. How are you feeling?"

"I feel OK, a little weak and dizzy but nothing like last night."

"Any fever" She sits next to me on the bed and kisses my forehead.

"Pretty cool, can I get you something."

I motion to the drink on the nightstand she reaches over me to grab it. All of the sudden I realize I am really thirsty. I start to drink when she reminds me,

"Take it slow. We don't want to have any repeats of last night"

I start laughing and tell her about Leo's tossing cookie comment.

Abbey props herself up on the pillows and I lean back on her so she can hold me. I can feel her breath on my hair. I start to talk and she just puts her fingers on my lips. She wraps her arms around me and holds me tight. There's no place in the world I would rather be. We stay this way for a good half an hour. The room grows dark.

There's a knock on the door and in walks Zoey. I reach over to turn on the light.

"Hi, how ya feeling Dad? Mom told me you had a bad night"

"I'm doing better sweetie, thanks for asking. Why don't you climb up here with us for a minute."

Zoey grabs a pillow and curls up next to us. I can't believe how grown up she has become.

Zoey asks for my version of the staff meeting. "I heard you made the whole room cry."

"That's not true, your Uncle Leo didn't cry. OK, so he couldn't look me in the eye either, but that's not the point."

"I would love to stay and hang out with you guys but I have a date with Charlie tonight. We're going to the movies."

"You know you can watch movies here"

"Dad, it's not the same. I promise I will not try to lose my agent."

"Good girl"

She leans over and kisses Abbey and I. On her way out she says, "No funny stuff, Dad's still recovering"

I throw a pillow at the door as she closes it behind her.

I go to take the nice hot bath while Abbey goes to the kitchen, probably to annoy the staff until they just give up and let her cook. I told her not to go to any trouble. Chicken soup would be fine with me. Just the thought of anything spicy sends me into the need for some slow, deep breathing exercises.

I am just about to drift off in the bath when I hear Abbey come back into the bedroom. She comes in and sits on the side of the tub.

"I'd ask you to join me but I don't think I'm up to any recreational activities just yet"

"That's OK. I'd rather just spend the night fussing over you" as she tosses the washcloth on my head.

"Great, just what I want" I groan as I splash her.

"Why don't you get out? There's some soup and crackers on the coffee table"

"Abbey, I think I need a hand here. I guess taking a really hot bath wasn't such a great idea while I'm still kind of dizzy"

"Pretty good assumption, Mr. President" as she helps me out and hands me a towel. She grabs my bathrobe off the back of the door and tosses it to me on her way out of the bathroom.

I throw on my robe and run my fingers through my damp hair in front of the mirror. God, I look awful. I'm glad I insisted on no cameras at the meeting this afternoon. I promised the press they could have some on Monday morning.

Abbey's waiting on the couch for me. She sits while I eat. The soup goes down pretty easily. I can tell she wants to say something.

"What are you trying so hard not to say"?

"I want to make an appointment for you at Bethesda, Monday afternoon, if possible. I want to run some tests and get some blood work done."

"Can't the doctor just come here"?

"He could, but you will need to go there to have the tests done anyway"

"OK, make the arrangements. Monday afternoon, I have to go to the office in the morning. Americans need to know that I am still fit to run the country. OK?"

"Fine. I need to get some work done on that speech I am giving next week. All my material is in my office. Do you want me to go get it and work up here or do you want to be alone for a while"

"I'll be fine up here by myself. I'll call if I need anything. I'm just going to read for a while. Have you seen my glasses?"

"They're on the table next to the bed. You fell asleep wearing them last night. I'll be back in a few hours. Use the cane"

"Yes, Dr. Bartlet"

"I love you"

"Love you too"

Alone at last. I go to the closet and throw on my oldest, most comfortable flannel pajamas. I'm going to do this relaxing thing right. I'm restless but pacing around with the cane is just not the same. I keep hitting it on the furniture. I can't remember the last time I actually didn't have anything to do. Don't quite know what to do with myself. The phone rings. I cringe, she can't be checking up on me already. It's Josh.

"Hello Josh. I'm going to put you on the speaker phone. I'm trying to pace and I can't carry the phone and the cane at the same time."

"No problem, Mr. President"

"Josh, is there something you wanted to discuss, anything important?

"No, sir" he seems to be fumbling around for the right words "I was just calling to check on how you were feeling. I'm not fussing, I swear"

"Josh, it's OK. Abbey told me she ran into you last night"

"Sir, I really didn't mean to pry last night. Mrs. Bartlet didn't tell me anything."

Josh, I'm not mad at you. If anything I am upset with myself for keeping my condition a secret. I shouldn't have waited so long"

I'm not watching where I'm going and I walk into the coffee table.

"Damn it"

"Sir are you OK?"

"Yeah just walked into the coffee table. No klutz comments please"

"None from me. I don't have anything else important to tell you so I guess I will see you Monday. Feel better, sir"

"Thanks for calling Josh"

I lean on the back of the couch, trying to stretch out my back. All this resting and limping around is beginning to takes its toll on my back. I don't know what to make of Josh's phone call. I am beginning to think that Josh will be the one making a fuss over me. Oh. well. I retrieve my glasses from the bedside table; grab my book from the coffee table and the stack of blue folders from my briefcase on the chair. I'm sure there's something in here I need to be reading. I stretch out on the couch. I have to force myself to read the contents of the folders. Nothing major. The heck with my novel. I channel surf for a while. My leg is starting to get stiff and achy. I take one of the pills for my back, grab the quilt and a pillow and curl up on the couch. I wish Abbey were here. But if I call her she will be back up here in a minute and I know she really does have work to do. Besides, I'm tired enough now the pill should knock me out.

I wake up groggy and find Abbey watching me from the chair. My whole body feels stiff and my eye is starting to bother me.

"Hey you, have a nice nap?"

"What time is it?"

"Almost 10:00, I've been back for a while but didn't want to disturb you. How about some juice?"

"Sure, I took a back pill a while after you left. It was starting to act up. And my leg was aching. Can you check my eye."?

Abbey hands me some juice and gets her bag. She yells to me from the closet. "Leo, CJ and Hackett called to check on you while you were sleeping"

"It's starting already" I groan. "Damn it, I knew this would happen. I don't want to be babied"

"Jed, give them time to get used to the idea. It hasn't even been 12 hours since you told them"

She checks my eye. "I don't see anything, how does it feel?"

"It's just kind of sore and my vision is a little blurry."

"The optic nerve is probably inflamed, all the more reason for a complete check up. I made arrangements for Monday at 6:00."

"So what great tests did you sign me up for?"

"A complete neurological exam and an MRI plus some blood work"

"Not the MRI, last time I hyperventilated and passed out. It was totally humiliating"

"I'll order something for you to help you relax"

"So what to you think the diagnose will be. Think the course is changing from remitting/relapsing to secondary progressive. I know that's the next stage of the disease"

"True it is the next stage but some people never get to that stage. The MRI will give us more information."

"Look, worrying about things tonight won't get us anywhere. Why don't you just lie back down and I'll rub your leg for you. Try to relax."

I set my feet in Abbey's lap while she rubs my leg for me. I feel better just having her near me. I feel myself start to relax.

Sunday dawns and I vow to take it easy today. We go to mass even though I'm not sure I'm ready to be seen in public with the cane. Abbey convinces me to go and I guess I'm glad I did. People didn't stare at me anymore than they do on a normal day. Maybe things won't be so bad come tomorrow morning.

When we get back home Abbey goes to get a few hours work done. I debate just crashing on the couch and watching football but I really should go over to the office for a few hours too. I limp my way over there. I see the light on in Leo's office. I poke my head in and he is on the phone. By the sounds of it, he is talking to Josh. He waves me into the room and I drop on his couch, quickly making myself comfortable by putting my feet up too.

"Hope you and you're dirty shoes are comfy on that expensive, government owned couch, sir."

"It is pretty nice actually" as I kick my shoes off.

"Yeah, I'm still here Josh, the President just walked in, plopped on my couch and took his shoes off. No, I don't think he's taken too many pain pills."

I roll my eyes at Leo. He hangs up the phone, sits down with his hands laced behind his head, puts his feet on the desk and just stares at me.

"Jed, do you want something or are you just visiting. Was Josh right, did you take both of the pills at the same time again?"

"No, I thought I would come down and check on the country. So have I missed much in the last 36 hours."?

"No, not much. Things have actually been pretty quiet. Guess you picked a good time for a relapse."

"Glad I was able to pick a convenient time, Leo."

"Seriously, how are you today"

"Better, my leg is the same but I have a bit more energy and no fever. Abbey scheduled some tests for me tomorrow evening."

"That's probably a good idea. I left some files on your desk for your review. Toby and Sam left your speech for the health care worker's conference. Everyone's been calling to see how you are feeling."

"I hope you made your point with the staff about not fussing over me."

"Jed, I did all I could. You could always use your cane tomorrow to keep people in line"

"Great idea, I may have to use it. I'm going to go get some work done. Why don't you stick around and have dinner with Abbey and me"

"Thanks for asking but I have a meeting to go to later. One thing before you leave, Toby and I were talking earlier, what do you think about a national address or at the very least a press conference"

"I think the idea sucks. How about a compromise. I'll let the photographers follow me around tomorrow to reassure the public that I am still able to run the country. I think that will be enough for now. I'll think about an address after the test results are back."

"What tests are you having, they sound kind of serious?"

"Abbey scheduled an MRI to check for areas of plaque or scarring in the brain. I had one 7 years ago before I was diagnosed and they want to compare the two. If there is more scarring the MS might be changing course, from relapsing/remitting to secondary progressive, which is the next severe type."

"Jed, I'm so sorry"

"We don't know what the outcome will be. The disease doesn't always progress."

"You keep me posted and let me know if you need anything. I will try to keep the staff under control tomorrow.'

"Thanks, I'll see you in the morning."

I spend the next few hours try to find my desk. I can't believe how much stuff piled up in 2 days. But everything is neat; I guess Charlie was in here last night or this morning. It's almost 6:00 by the time I finish. Abbey pokes her head in as I am getting ready to go back to the residence.

"Want some company on the way up?"

"Sure, I'm just about ready"

We leave hand in hand. It's been a long day, but I managed to make it through without a nap. After a light dinner I am ready for bed. Abbey checks my eye and my temperature.

"100.1, I'll get you some ibuprofen, that should bring it down pretty quickly. Do you need a pill for your back?"

"No, I think I'll be fine without it"

I lay on the bed in my flannel pajamas. Abbey curls up next to me and rubs my back until I fall asleep.

I wake up around 1:00 AM to the sound of rain. Great, now the weather fits my mood. Abbey's sound asleep next to me with her arm thrown over my hip. My leg is stiff and I need a drink of water. I slide out of the bed, remembering to grab the cane. I get a drink in the bathroom and walk up and down the hall for a while. All of the sudden I am too wired to sleep. I come back to the bedroom and stare out the french doors at the rain. I turn to walk around the room and bang the cane against a table. Abbey wakes up.

"Sweetie, everything OK?"

"I'm fine. The rain woke me and I'm having trouble settling back down. Go back to sleep"

"Nice try, Josiah. The rain hasn't woken you up in over 30 years. What's wrong"?

"My leg is stiff and my eye hurts. I'm nervous about tomorrow."

"Come here"

I sit down on the bed next to Abbey and she feels my forehead.

"You feel cool. Do you want something to help you sleep? I can give you something so you won't be groggy in the morning."

"Yeah, that sounds good."

Abbey goes into her bag and comes back with an injection.

"Great, I thought you were talking about a pill"

"Jed, you know this will work faster"

"Fine, do it quickly"

I lay on my side and Abbey gives me the shot in my hip. I pull the quilt up again and the next thing I remember is the alarm going off at 6:00.

I feel pretty good as I get up and shower. Abbey is already in her office. Charlie is on his way up. I asked him to come up at 6:30 so we can talk. There's a knock on the door as I am finishing up getting dressed.

"Good morning Charlie"

"Good morning sir, how are you feeling today"?

"I feel OK considering the weekend I had. I just want to tell you a few things before we go down to the morning meeting. I will admit I may need some extra help for a few days. But no fussing"

"No, sir"

"Don't hover. It just makes me nervous."

I go into the bathroom and bring out the bottle of my back pills and some ibuprofen.

"Here, you hold on to these just in case"

"Certainly sir. It's almost time for the meeting. I think we should start walking over"

I agree to let Charlie carry my briefcase.

When we arrive at the Oval Office Mrs. Landingham is working at her desk. She greets me normally and hands me a cup of coffee. So far, so good.

Leo is waiting for me in my office.

"Good morning, sir. How are you feeling?"

I put up my hand in the "just a minute" signal. The door opens and they all come in CJ, Sam, Toby, Josh. Now they are all here and I respond to Leo's question.

"I will only say this once. I am feeling much better, but my leg is still bothering me, I am cranky and please don't ask again."

I get a chorus of "Yes, sir"

The rest of the meeting goes smoothly. No major worldwide problems to speak of. A couple of bills heading for a vote. I let some junior photographers in to snap a couple of photos of me. The morning headlines are not too bad. Mostly file photos of me along with the stories. Most papers have an article by their health writers describing MS. I couldn't really ask for a better reaction. I dismiss everyone for now.

Josh was quiet during the meeting. I get the feeling that he wanted to say something.

"Charlie, could you tell Josh I want to have lunch with him here in the Oval"

"Yes, Mr. President"

"And ask Mrs. Landingham to order something for us. Nothing heavy and very few vegetables"

"Yes, sir." He goes out to Mrs. Landingham and I can hear her groaning something about roughage.

A few budget meetings behind me and it's time for lunch. The morning went well. Not too much fussing. Abbey only called once to check on me. Even Leo was too busy to bother me. Things are looking good. Josh is walking through the bullpen as I pass by. I wave him over. He seems genuinely frazzled, not his normal frazzled either. We sit down on the couch and Charlie brings lunch in to us.

"Everything OK, Josh"

"Sure, Mr. President. Why do you ask"?

"You look like you are about to jump out of your skin. And you keep staring at the cane. Is this cane making you nervous?"

"Mr. President, a friend of mine from college died of complications from MS 2 years after we graduated. I hadn't really thought about him much in the past few years. Guess I'm having flashbacks or something like that. I'm sorry. Forget I mentioned it."

"You had a feeling something was wrong didn't you?"

"Yes, Mr. President, I did"

"Did you suspect MS"?

"I did, I've noticed some things, your gait is off at times, I can tell when your eyes are bothering you. I also saw Mrs. Bartlet give you a shot once on Air Force One. I was waiting outside your study and the door was ajar. I kept my suspicions to myself. I almost did say something last year, when you had the relapse around the State of the Union."

"Thank you for not saying anything to anyone, but you could have come to me"

"I didn't feel right sir. It was none of my business"

"Well, everything is out in the open now."

"Yes, it is and I know this probably inappropriate of me to say, but I was proud of the way you handled things this weekend. I know it must have been a hard decision to make."

"It was and thanks for the support. Now eat"

"Yes, sir"

Leo stops by just in time for dessert. We have cookies. Leo starts to say something and I hit him with the cane.

"What are your plans for the afternoon?"

"I have some phone calls to make and then I want to gather some work together in case I don't make it to the office tomorrow morning."

Josh goes back to work.

"Is he OK, he seems a little out of it today?"

"We had a nice lunch, had some time to talk, he'll be fine"

"Care to elaborate, Mr. President?"

"No, that's not necessary Leo."

Leo leaves and Charlie comes in with the afternoon's schedule.

At 4:30 I go back to the residence to get ready for the ride over to Bethesda Naval Hospital. Abbey is already waiting for me. The ride over goes quickly and silently. I hold Abbey's hand tight and rest my head on her shoulder. I have never been so terrified. I concentrate on some deep breathing and try not to panic.

The motorcade arrives at the hospital and we enter through the service entrance. Why can't I just drive myself somewhere, for once.

Abbey and I are ushered to an examination room at once. A nurse enters immediately. Guess there are some perks to being President, no waiting. She takes my vitals and prepares to draw some blood. I hold Abbey's hand and avert my eyes. I've never been too good with needles. Which is why I never learned to give myself the Betaseron shots. The nurse seems a little nervous but manages to get the vein on the first try.

"Dr. Browne will be in to see you in just a minute. Please change into the gown in the bathroom Mr. President"

"Thank you"

"See that wasn't so bad."

"The blood test wasn't what I was worried about."

"Jed, you will do fine with the MRI. You will get a shot of Versed before you go in. It'll relax you. I will stay with you as long as I can. Just practice the deep breathing. Go in and put on the gown. I'll wait out here."

I change into the gown, if you can call it that, it has no back. Abbey helps me settle onto the gurney. Dr. Browne is at the door.

"Mr. President, good to see you. Sorry it is under these circumstances. I am going to do a complete neurological exam and then we will do the MRI."

The exam goes fine. Pretty involved. I walk, touch my fingers to my nose, follow the light and other fun things. Abbey stays with me. Dr. Browne makes some notes while the nurse comes back in to give me the shot. I get very nervous looking at the needle. Abbey takes charge and convinces the nurse to let her give it to me. The nurse almost looks relieved. I guess drawing blood from the President was enough excitement for one night. Abbey injects me in the thigh.

"You should feel this work pretty quickly. You may not fall asleep but you should calm down considerably. I will stay with you as long as I can"

"I love you, Abigail"

"Love you too, Josiah"

I get wheeled down the hallway to the MRI room. Abbey holds my hand and kisses me on the forehead before I am moved into the machine. I can feel myself tense up. I concentrate on my breathing. The shot seems to be working. I try to stay still. It is taking so much longer than I thought. Or maybe it just feels that way. I feel tears rolling down my cheeks. I feel myself losing control just as I hear Abbey's voice.

"It's over. You did great. Someone will be in to take you out of the machine, I will be right in."

I have never been so happy to see Abbey. The tech leaves us alone in the room for a minute. She wipes the tears from my eyes and helps me sit up. Bad move. I get very dizzy and must look awful.

"Honey, lay back down on your side"

I see her reach for a basin.

"I think I'm going to be.."

Abbey, God bless her, is right there with the basin.

We get back to the original room. All I want to do is go home and sleep. The test results will be back tomorrow afternoon. Abbey helps me get dressed. I bow to Abbey's wishes and take a wheelchair out to the limo.

"I'm going to call Leo. I have some things I have to take care of tonight with Lilli and I don't want you to be alone." I am too tired to argue.

Leo is waiting when we get back to the residence. I insist Abbey go straight to her office. Leo helps me into bed and sits at my feet waiting for me to fall asleep.

Tuesday morning arrives bright and sunny. I feel groggy and not too steady on my feet, even with the cane. I call Charlie and ask him to postpone the morning meeting until 10:00. Abbey helps me get dressed. After a couple of cups of coffee and a little breakfast I feel better. Abbey insists on walking me to the office. Everyone is waiting, trying to act normal. They are actually doing a pretty good job, Except Josh.

At the end of the meeting I dismiss them but ask Josh to stay.

"Mr. President, did you want something from me?"

"I just wanted to talk for a minute, sit down. When I said don't fuss over me I didn't mean you have to try your best not to look me in the eye. You're allowed to show some emotion Josh. I know this is strange for you."

"I'm sorry sir"

"I know, it's OK. I should have my test results back this afternoon, so why don't we get back to work."

"Yes sir."

"Josh, thanks"

"Yes, Mr. President"

I manage to keep busy for the rest of the morning and early afternoon. Dr. Browne said he would call at 3:00. Abbey comes into the Oval Office at 2:45. I ask Mrs. Landingham to hold all calls except Dr. Browne. We sit on the couch holding hands in silence. The phone rings.

"Mr. President, Dr. Browne." I put him on the speaker.

"Good afternoon Doctor Browne, you are on the speaker and Abbey is here with me"

"I will get right to the results I know you are very anxious. I have compared the MRI results from yesterday with the one you had seven years ago. There are some changes but I honestly do not think the disease has moved to secondary progressive."

Abbey and I finally take a breath.

"Thank you doctor, what course of treatment to you recommend for this relapse. This one seems to be giving Jed more trouble than in the past."

"Mr. President, ideally I would like to put you a 4 day course of Depo-Medrol by IV, in the hospital, but before you say anything I know you will not agree to that. So I have decided a 4 week tapering course of oral Prednisone along with some physical therapy if your leg isn't better in a few days."

"That I will agree to. Thank you very much"

"You’re welcome, I will come and re-examine you later in the week. The prescription will be there soon. Now go celebrate sir."

I grab Abbey and hold her tight. We are both crying. I know the staff is standing outside the doors. I go to the door to Leo's and Abbey heads to Charlie's door. We open them and like a cartoon the entire staff practically falls in the room. They see the joy on our faces and we start the celebration. I see Josh off to the side and go over to see him. He's trying to hide his face. I grab a handful of tissues from one of the many boxes.

"Here, Josh, it's OK"

He turns to me, tears streaming down his face and we throw all formality out the window and embrace.

THE END

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