Gifts and Dreams
I'm standing against the wall, listening to the carolers in the lobby. Donna's by my side. We're not quite holding hands; after all we
are in public. But we're close enough so the back of my hand keeps brushing
against hers, a comforting feeling. The
Bartlet girls are in front of us giggling over some inside joke. For a moment things feel right with the
world.
Someone opens a door nearby and I shiver as the cold air hits me. "Josh, you ok?" asks Donna as she
reaches to actually hold my hand for a second.
"Fine, just cold," I answer, realizing she must have thought the
music was getting to me. After three
years of Paxil and bi-weekly therapy I feel I can listen to some Christmas
carols without a problem.
When the singing ends Donna goes over to talk to Ellie for a minute, while
I make small talk with Liz. We avoid the
subject of Doug. We talk about Gus and
his fear of lighting the Christmas tree.
Out of the corner of my eye I see Zoey head out into the hall. She catches my eye and waves me over. "I'm going out for some fresh air. You want to join me?"
"Sure, let me grab my coat and send Donna home," I reply with a
smile.
I turn around and don't see Donna so I head for my office. She's sitting at her desk shutting down her
computer. "You leaving now?" I
ask her as I lean against the door jamb.
"Yeah, you should go too. Get
some sleep."
"In a while; I have a date," I say as I watch for her
reaction. A brief glimpse of
disappointment comes over her face. I'm
not sure how that makes me feel.
"Zoey want to take a walk," I smirk as I head into my office
to grab my coat. I put a handful of
Hershey Kisses in my pocket and return to Donna's desk. Handing her a few gets me a smile in return. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Early you have staff at 7:30," she reminds me. She looks like she wants to say something
more.
"OK, call me and make sure I'm up.
Oh and Donna..."
"What?"
"It's not socks."
She laughs and throws a kiss at me.
I toss it back to her with a laugh and head down the hall. When I get to the door I turn around to see
if she's watching me. She is and she
gives a wave as I wink and push the door open.
When I get outside Zoey's already there.
She's watching as the lights on the Christmas tree are flicking off and
on. Hey," she says with a smile as
she kisses my cheek.
"What's up with the lights?"
"Dad took Gus out in his pajamas to flick the switch. Gus thought it would just be him and my Dad
before. That's why he freaked.
We watch until we see the pair heading back towards the White House. "So, how have you been? You look great."
"I'm pretty good. Some days are
better than others. Thanks for the candy
you sent, by the way."
"You're welcome. Guess it was
nice having your sisters here tonight.
How was dinner?"
"Dinner?" she snorts, "Ellie was late, Liz is pissed and Dad
got called away."
"So, the usual?" I smirk as I pull a Kiss out of my pocket for
her.
"Yeah, but it is nice to all be together. I will admit that."
I just nod. I'd do anything to have
a family dinner with my Mom, Dad and Joanie.
"How's your Mom? Did she come
up for Thanksgiving?"
"Yeah, it was nice. She cooked
dinner for the two of us. Friday we got
up early like all the other insane people and went shopping."
"You went to the MALL?" she teases, knowing shopping is not my
favorite activity. This is why Donna is
the designated shopper.
"Yes, I went to the mall," I say with my best wounded face on.
"And you bought Donna socks?" she says as she reaches up and
smacks me on the back of the head.
"Oww. Who told you that?"
I mutter as I rub the back of my head.
"Donna and I were talking. She
told me what she got you and she told me about the socks. Don't worry, she didn't actually believe
you."
"Good. You wanna walk out to
the tree?"
Zoey nods and take my arm as we head towards the Ellipse. "So?"
"So what?" I ask, trying to act innocent.
"What did you get her?"
"More than one thing, actually.
The first one, while a little extravagant is rather useful and something
she really needs, and wants."
"A new car?"
"Uh, government salary Zoey," I point out. "I bought her a laptop." Zoey's just staring at me. That's not a good
sign. I have no idea what she's
thinking. "Zo?"
"A laptop? Well, it's certainly
generous and useful but...but it seems like it's more useful for you."
"That's what my mom said. So
when we were at the mall she steered me towards the jewelry store.” Zoey stops
dead in her tracks, nearly sliding on the packed snow. She turns to face me. She's got this excited look on her face. Now, I'm in trouble. I know what she's thinking. "No, no, wait, not a ring," I start
to explain as her face falls a little.
"Zoey, we've never been on a real date. I think proposing is jumping the gun just a
little," I tease.
"Yeah, but I just had this vision of a Rose Garden Wedding," she
says wistfully.
"You can have the Rose Garden Wedding.
Anyway I didn't get her anything at the jewelry store. Everything seems too....too much," I
mutter, knowing exactly what I mean but unsure if I'm making myself clear. Zoey nods so I guess she understands.
"Anyway we went to this really nice gift shop. Have you ever heard of the Cat's Meow?"
"Aren't they those wooden pieces with pictures of different buildings
and stuff on them?"
"Yeah. So I got her some of
them."
"Meaningful ones? Or just the
first ones you saw?" she asks.
"Of course meaningful ones. Do
I look like a complete loser?" I tease as I hold up my right hand to make
an "L" on my forehead."
"Not right now," she remarks dryly.
"I stood there for over an hour trying to decide which ones to get
her. Anyway, I got her the Lincoln
Memorial, cause it's "our place", the state flags of Wisconsin, cause
that's where she's from, New Hampshire because that's where we met. I also got the White House for obvious
reasons. And I got one more but I'm not sure about giving it to her."
"What," asks Zoey as she stops walking.
"State flag of Hawaii. For
when...."
"For when you finally take her there?"
I nod, suddenly feeling rather shy.
"Joshua Lyman, you're actually blushing," Zoey teases.
"Are you sure they're ok? Not
too cheesy or cheap?"
"Josh, they are not at all cheesy.
And it's not the amount of money you spend. It really is the thought that counts. And Donna will love the fact that you put a
lot of thought into her gift." Zoey assures me as she pats my
shoulder. We walk in silence for a
minute admiring the tree.
After circling the tree twice I let Zoey pick our next destination. "Let's head back. I'm not exactly dressed for the snow,"
she points out as she glances down at her dress boots and bare hands. She's wearing a coat that looks suspiciously
like Charlie's. I'll tease her about
that later.
"So are Doug and Liz leaving early tomorrow?"
"After breakfast. Which I
suppose my father will insist we all sit down to together."
"It's not like you had dinner together. Family is a precious thing Zoey. Remember that. I'd give anything to have a family
dinner." She looks up to me with a
sad smile and takes my arm.
"What is it you want Josh?"
Her question throws me for a minute.
I'm not sure what exactly she means.
So I answer honestly and off the top of my head. "I want to get my life together, to be
happy for no particular reason. I want
something to live for that doesn't have anything to do with this
building," I gesture towards the White House, "with this city. I want
the white picket fence and the Little League games on Saturday afternoon. I
want a family of my own. A little boy to
take out in the snow in his footie pajamas and boots, just the two of us.
"And this little boy, he wouldn't by any chance have blond curls and
blue eyes would he?" teases Zoey.
"In my dreams he does," I admit with a sad smile.
"Life's too short Josh. I
almost learned that the hard way. Don't
waste anymore time."
I stop short, thinking about how Zoey and I have both been given second
chances. She walks about 20 steps before
realizing I'm not next to her. As she
turns around and heads back towards me I don't even try to hide the tears that
have suddenly started streaming down my face.
Zoey reaches me and wraps her arms around me, her own tears starting to
fall. We must make quite the pair, two
people clinging to each other desperately trying to make sense of their lives,
each of us searching for the piece that will glue everything together...and
make us whole.
THE END
