If the Phone Doesn't Ring

Lyrics and Music by Jimmy Buffett, Will Jennings and Mike Utley

1993

God, how did I end up here? Alone on a flight from Manchester NH to Arizona. With a layover in lovely Newark, NJ. At least I don't have to change planes. That makes one less bar I have to pass by today. I think back over the past 24 hours with disgust, sorrow and yes, finally some hope. When I found myself face down in the parking lot of the Motel 6 in Manchester I knew I was in trouble. I had come to NH the night before, ready to face both Jed and my problems. But instead of going right to the farm where I was expected I went to the bar down the street. I know, bad idea. So when I found myself face down I called the only person I knew who would even consider helping me. Jed, my best friend of 40 years and if I don't straighten myself out I'm sure he will be my ex-best friend. And I wouldn't blame him at all.

But for now Jed and I are still friends. He did come pick me up from the hotel and take me back to the farm, why I'll never know. I don't remember too much of last night. I do remember Abbey just shaking her head at me with tears in her eyes. She told me Jenny had called. When I went to use the phone she took it from me, saying that Jenny didn't want to talk to me. Abbey went into the bedroom to call and tell her I was there and not to worry. Like that was going to stop her from worrying. Then Jed threw me and my stuff into the guest room and told me I had 30 minutes to clean up and meet him in the study.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, I'm not sure which, the hot shower cleared my head. So, physically I felt better but emotionally the consequences of my actions were becoming clearer and clearer. I started to wonder why anyone cared at all anymore. I certainly didn't deserve any of it. I glanced at the clock as I sat on the bed pulling on my socks. Jed was probably waiting for me in the study. I really shouldn't keep him waiting. He made time for me when I know he should have been in Concord running the state. It was almost 2 in the morning and he had to leave for the governor's mansion at 7:00.

The door was open so I went in. Jed was on the couch with his feet up, drinking a cup of coffee. He motioned for me to sit but I just paced instead. He just watched me for a while. God bless him, he held his tongue as long as he could. Finally he just exploded.

"Leo what the hell are you thinking, no wait you're not thinking. At least not about anything important, just your booze and your pills. Jenny's been calling here everyday, frantic about you. Abbey and I have taken to fighting about you. She thinks I should just give up and I always tell her, things will change soon, he'll get the help he needs. And just when I think things are looking up I get a phone call from you, from some parking lot a few miles from this very house. This very house, the place you were supposed to be last night for dinner. The girls were looking forward to seeing their Uncle Leo. And I had to make up some lame excuse why you didn't show up. They're smart girls, they can see what's happening. For Christ's sake Leo, when are you going to learn? When your car is in a ditch somewhere and you're bleeding, when you've lost your job or God forbid, when Abbey and I have to help Jenny and Mallory bury you."

I was standing against the wall with my arms crossed, trying not to cry when he reached over, grabbed a pillow and threw it at my head. I know he really wanted to throw the coffee mug at me. I couldn't even hold myself up anymore and I just slid down the wall to the floor and collapsed in a heap, sobbing. Anyone else would have just given up on me and left the room. But not Jed, he grabbed the tissue box out of the bathroom and got a glass of water. He sat down next to me, handed me some tissues and put his arm around me. Thank God he didn't say a word. He just let me cry until no more tears would come. I finally looked up to see him crying too, which started me all over again. After what seemed like an eternity he helped me up and we went into the kitchen.

He sat me down at the counter and handed me the phone and a piece of paper with a number. He told me he was going to talk to Abbey and by the time he got back I had better have made some plans. I did, which I why I am now here on this plane heading to Arizona.

We finally did get a few hours sleep last night. Jed had his driver take us to the airport in Manchester early this morning. The short drive over was spent in silence. I wanted him to just leave me at the curb but he insisted on walking me in. He probably didn't believe I would get on the plane and I couldn't say I blamed him.

We sat and had coffee while we waited. I really wanted to say something but everytime I started the words just came out wrong. He was quiet too, which is a very rare occurance for him. Finally the announcer called my flight, we walked up to the counter together.

"Jed, I don't know how to thank you...I feel so stupid, how could I have...."

"Leo, don't worry about it. Just stay and get the help you need and that will be all the thanks in the world I could ask for." He shook my hand and pulled me into a quick hug. "Call me"

"I will, when they let me use the phone. I don't think that will be for a while, so, if the phone doesn't ring it's me."

"Yeah" Jed waved one last time and left to go back to running the state of New Hampshire.

I picked up my carry on and turned to go down the tunnel. My own words echoed in my head, if the phone doesn't ring it's me.

There are oceans of feelings between us

Currents that take us and sweep us away

That's why we seldom have seen us

In the light of a cold hard day

(Well, this morning is the light of a cold hard day)

Lots of new friends with the same old answers

Open your eyes, you might see

If our lives were that simple

We'd live in the past

If the phone doesn't ring, it's me.

The rest of the song didn't come back to me right away but as I sit here waiting to take off from Newark I remember the last lines.

If it takes all the future

We'll live through the past

If the phone doesn't ring, it's me.

THE END

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