In the Blink of an Eye

Tuesday dawned clear and bright. Josh woke up well before the alarm, stiff and sore, as had been the norm for the past week or so. He threw on some sweatpants and a t-shirt and wandered around his apartment for a while trying to work out the pain in his leg and hip. He thought about calling Donna but it was still too early for that. He made some coffee and went out on the front step to wait for the sun to come up. The slate steps felt cool under his bare feet. It had rained some time during the night and the air had that fresh spring smell to it. He took another look at his watch, 5:45. Grabbing his cell phone he had brought out with him he punched Donna's number.

"She's usually up by now," he muttered to himself.

She answered on the first ring.

"Morning, Joshua, what's wrong"

"Morning Donnatella. What makes you think something is wrong?" he asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Josh, it isn't even 6 in the morning yet and you are awake enough to dial the phone, what's up?" she asked taking a sip of her own coffee.

"Well, the dialing thing was no big deal, speed dial is a wonderful invention. I woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep" he sighed as he gazed down the street.

"Hip or leg?" asked Donna

"Both, I took some Advil and I walked around for a bit. I'll be fine. I'm just going to sit out here and enjoy the sunrise"

"You're outside?" asked Donna, a little surprised. She was sitting on her front step too but that wasn't all that unusual. She was known to sit and watch the sunrise a few times a week.

"Yeah, I remember you saying how you like to sit out with your coffee and watch the sunrise, I figured I would give it a try" confessed Josh. "Although, I don't know how much I can see from my front steps"

"I know what you mean, I have to lean out and over the railing myself." said Donna with a laugh. She smiled to herself about the fact that Josh remembered her morning ritual. She smiled again when she realized that in a strange way they were sharing in that ritual this morning.

"Josh are you sure you want to go in today?" asked Donna, trying to gauge how Josh would be on this, the anniversary of the shooting at Rosslyn.

Josh sighed before answering.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I'm sure I won't be alone at all, people will be hovering and fussing." said Josh, his voice nearing the whining stage.

"Josh, those fussing, hovering people are your friends and they are just trying to help. Please try to remember that today. Your schedule is pretty light so if you need time to yourself take it. If you want to hide in your office and nap on the couch, do it. I can assure you, no one will push you to do anything today. If there is anything you need me to do today to make things easier on you, just ask. Promise?"

"I promise, I will ask for help when I need it. Does this mean you'll bring me coffee this morning?" asked Josh hopefully.

"No, but I'll share mine"

They both sat quietly as the sun rose over the horizon and spilled onto the DC skyline.

"Hey, Donna"

"What?"

"The sun's up"

"I know, time to get moving. Take it slow, I'll see you in a while" said Donna as she took one last glance at the sun and turned to go in her front door.

"I will, see you soon"

Josh got up slowly and went to shower and get ready to face the day ahead. More than anything he wished he could just curl back up in bed and sleep the day away. But he knew that wouldn't solve anything, so he took a shower, dressed and headed off to work.

As Donna got out of her car she saw Josh's enter the lot. She stood by her car a few rows over and watched him get out. He couldn't see her and she was glad she had a minute to watch him unnoticed. He got out slowly and grabbed his backpack off of the passenger's seat. He closed the door and sat on the hood of the car for a minute, one hand absently fingering the scar that ran down his chest. His shoulders were slumped and his eyes seemed intently focused on the bumper of the car. Donna quickly crossed the lot and stopped in front of him, putting one hand on his knee and lifting up his chin with the other. She tossed her own bag next to his. Not caring where they were or who saw them, she reached out to take him into her arms. He stiffened at first but a second later melted into her embrace, resting his head on her shoulder. She could feel him shaking slightly. He clung to her like a lifeline, afraid that if he let go and looked her in the eye he would fall completely apart.

Donna just held him and tried to whisper words of reassurance to him. She could feel his warm tears soaking through her cotton shirt. After a while, Josh took a few deep, shaky breaths and untangled himself from her arms. He reached for his handkerchief and wiped his face. Looking her in the eye he started to say something when she reached over and put a finger to his lips.

"Shhh, it's ok. You don't have to say anything" she whispered.

She smoothed back his hair and kissed his forehead before taking a step back and grabbing her bag. Josh hopped off the car and slung his backpack over his shoulder. They walked to the building in silence, lost in their own thoughts.

From his own car a row over Leo had watched the whole scene play out before him. It broke his heart to see Josh like that. He was like a son to him and he couldn't stand to see the pain he was obviously in. He did smile at the fact that Josh had Donna to look after him. Making a mental note to make sure nobody gave Josh a hard time that day, he ran a hand over his face before getting out of the car.

The morning had flown by without any major incidents. Josh had agreed to give Danny Concannon a few minutes for an article Danny was writing so they were in Josh's office behind the closed door. Donna was typing away when she looked up to see Leo standing there.

"Hey, Leo. He's in there with Danny. Want me to send him over when he's done" asked Donna.

"No, I came to see you. You want to go get some coffee or something?" asked Leo as he cast a glance at Josh's door.

"Sure, let me just leave Josh a note"

Leo and Donna walked to the Mess in silence. A silence that was causing Donna's imagination to run wild, what did Leo want, did something happen in a meeting earlier that she didn't know about? Leo looked at her face as he held the door open for her.

"Donna, calm down, nothing's wrong." said Leo as he placed a hand on the small of her back and steered her to a corner table. "Tea?" he asked as he motioned towards the counter.

"Please"

Leo returned a few minutes later with a cup of tea, a cup of coffee and 2 blueberry muffins.

"Josh said something this morning to me and I just want to make sure you know about it. He's planning on going to the Newseum later, did you know that?" asked Leo as he took a sip of coffee.

"I know. We had a talk about it on Saturday. I think he needs to go. He hasn't been anywhere near Rosslyn in a year. He asked me to go with him. I think it will give some...I don't know..." Donna's voiced trailed off as she willed herself not to break down in front of Leo.

"Closure?" whispered Leo, finishing her thought.

"Yeah, something like that. He's had a rough time over the past week or so, both emotionally and physically. His emotions have been all over the place. One minute he's yelling at someone about to tear their head off and the next he's too quiet, brooding, weepy even. He's worked so hard over the past few months to move on and put things behind him. I'm just worried all that hard work will go down the drain in the blink of an eye today. Physically, he's had a hard time too. The stiffness is back and he's trying his best to hide it. But he can't, at least not from me"

Leo patted her hand and gave her a napkin to wipe her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I'm the one who's supposed to be strong today and here I am crying in front of the 2nd most powerful man in the world."

"I love how all of you manage to forget about John Hoynes" chuckled Leo. "Anyway, what ever place in line I may hold, I'm here now as Josh's friend and your friend. I'm glad you are going to go with him. You're good for him and I don't mean professionally, although no one could keep him in line like you do. I've seen how you are with him. You have quite a way with him. You always seem to know what to do, you know when to leave him alone and let him throw a temper tantrum, when to step in and tell him he's acting like a jerk, when to just be there for him and even when to give him the hug he so desperately needs. Like this morning" said Leo with a wink and a smile.

"Oh God, you saw us? Who else saw us?" asked Donna as she felt her cheeks turn red. She turned her eyes away from Leo and stared out the window.

"I don't know, it doesn't matter. I want you to have someone drive the two of you to the Newseum."

"You mean an agent, I don't know Leo. Josh won't exactly be thrilled about that" commented Donna warily.

"I know, but I want you to be able to give Josh your full attention and not have to worry about parallel parking and feeding the meter, ok?" said Leo in a tone that left little room for arguing.

"Deal. I have to get back; Danny's hour is almost up. Thanks for the tea and muffin"

"Your welcome. I'm going to stay here for a minute"

"Hiding from Margaret?" teased Donna.

Leo nodded as Donna stood up to leave. She took one step and then turned back to give Leo a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks" she whispered as Leo shooed her away with a wink and a smile.

By the time 4 o'clock rolled around Josh's bad mood was in full force and the rest of the senior staff was pretty much walking around on eggshells. Donna was trying her best to be understanding and supportive but after the third time Josh yelled at her for something that was his fault she found herself taking refuge in the ladies room. CJ had heard the yelling coming from Josh's office and saw Donna head for the bathroom in a hurry.

CJ went into the bathroom quietly. Donna was splashing water on her face at the sink.

"Hey, you ok?"

"Sure, just great. Nothing like being yelled at for something I didn't do. God he just drives me insane. Sometimes I wonder why I stay" mused Donna as she reached for a paper towel.

"Well, let's be honest, we both know why you stay but we're not going to talk about that right now" declared CJ with a knowing smile on her lips.

"Good idea. I'm not in the mood to talk about the sweeter side of Joshua Lyman right now. Although seeing that sweet side appear sometime in the near future would be fine with me" sighed Donna as she sat down on the counter, swinging her feet out in front of her.

"I haven't seen him much today. How bad is he?" asked CJ as she leaned against the wall facing Donna.

"Hard to tell. His mood changes in the blink of an eye. He's pissed off half of Congress and a few reporters, Leo and the President are worried about him, he refused to talk to his mother and he looks like he's going to burst into tears at any minute. Speaking of bursting into tears..." sobbed Donna as she reached for the box of tissues next to her.

CJ watched silently for a minute as Donna collected herself and quickly calmed herself down. She handed Donna a glass of water.

"Thanks, that's the second time I've lost it today. At least this time I'm in the privacy of the ladies room. Earlier I was in the Mess with Leo" moaned Donna as she replayed the incident over in her mind.

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad. Leo understands"

"I know he does" agreed Donna. She slid off of the counter and splashed water on her face again. "I'd better go before he sends out a search party. Thanks"

Donna gave CJ a quick hug before walking back into the lion's den that was Josh's office. The door was closed so she knocked softly. She didn't get an answer so she opened the door a crack and peeked in. Josh was facing out the window with his feet on the sill. He had a folder in his lap but it was clear that he wasn't reading. Donna quietly walked over and stood in front of him, leaning on the windowsill. He smiled weakly as he pulled his feet off the sill and turned the chair around in some feeble attempt to avoid her.

Donna wasn't about to give up that easily and she moved to sit on his desk. Josh looked at her with those big puppy dog eyes and she almost burst into tears for the third time that day. He sighed and moved his chair close enough so he could fold his arms up and put his head down on the desk. Donna glanced behind her and saw that the door and the blinds were both closed. She moved closer to him and ran her fingers through his unruly hair. He sighed contentedly. They sat there in silence for a good ten minutes. They never said a word. She just sat there running her fingers through his hair, offering him some comfort, however small it was.

He sighed deeply and grabbed her hand. He lifted his head slowly and kissed her hand before placing it in her lap. She slid off the desk as he reached for the phone and punched in a number. Stopping in the doorway and looking over her shoulder one last time at him she finally heard him speak for the first time in 15 minutes.

"Hi mom, it me"

A smile came across Donna's face as she closed the door behind her.

Forty minutes later Josh appeared before Donna with his backpack slung over his shoulder and a small smile on his face.

Without a word she turned off her computer and grabbed her own bag. They headed out the door into the late afternoon sun. Just as Leo had promised there was a car waiting for them. Josh hadn't been thrilled at the prospect of having an agent drive them but, by using the words Leo had used on her, Donna was able to convince him to go along with the plan. They nodded to Andrew, the agent, as they climbed into the Suburban.

Traffic was unusually light and they arrived at the Newseum quickly. Donna had made a decision to just let Josh take the lead. She didn't know what to expect, nor did she really think he had a clear idea of what he was going to do. Andrew parked out front and stayed by the car. She let Josh go on ahead and she turned to look at Andrew.

"I'll be right here, just yell if you need anything" said Andrew as he grabbed a bottle of water off the front seat and sat down on the bumper of the vehicle.

Donna saw Josh standing by the fence. She remembered him saying he had been thrown against it in the chaos of the shooting, right before a bullet had torn through his body. She saw him lean his head against the fence, his white knuckles gripping the chain link. She leaned against a wall, the one opposite the place where Toby had found Josh, bleeding and alone.

Josh slowly made his way to the wall, his right hand held firmly over the scar on his chest, as if he was reliving that night. Donna held her breath and stayed where she was. She felt like she would, in some strange way, be intruding if she went over to Josh at that moment. He walked in front of her, not really noticing her at all. A feeling of panic rose up inside of her and she cast a glance towards Andrew. He jumped up and started to come over when Donna waved him back.

Josh stood in front of the wall for a minute and then slid down to sit. Donna had a flash of how he must have looked that night, bleeding, pale, scared and utterly alone. She felt hot tears prick at her eyes and she wiped them away with the back of her hand.

Josh was still sitting with his back up against the wall, his eyes closed, his face expressionless and almost as pale as his white dress shirt. After not moving at all for a few minutes he opened his eyes and looked at Donna. She scrambled to her feet and crossed the walkway to kneel in front of him. He had pulled his knees up and was hugging them to his chest, his head leaning back against the wall. She put her hand on his cheek gently. Despite the warmth of the late afternoon sun he felt cool and clammy.

"Josh...Josh can you hear me" she asked quietly. She was vaguely aware of Andrew's presence on the stairs to Josh's left.

Josh looked in her direction but didn't really focus on her. He nodded slightly and dropped his head down. Donna reached over to rub his back for a minute. She could hear his breathing coming in bursts, too quick and too shallow.

"Josh lift your head for a minute" she said pulling his chin up so she could take off his tie and undo a few buttons of his shirt. He uncrossed his arms slowly and she slid off his suit jacket.

He was clearly not in any shape to stand on his own so Donna just settled herself down next to him. Her hands absently playing with the buttons on his jacket, which was in her lap. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Andrew stand up.

"I'll be right back" he said as he headed back towards the car.

A minute later he returned and handed her a bottle of water. He sat back down on the steps just out of sight.

"Josh, I want you to look at me" she said firmly as she touched his arm.

He turned to look at her, his face still eerily blank.

"Good, can you take a few deep breaths for me?"

He drew a few shaky breaths. His eyes got clearer and seemed to focus more.

"Good, here's some water, I want you to take a drink. Take it slow...that's good"

He gave the bottle back to Donna and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Do you want to try and stand up"?

He shook his head and stretched his legs out in front of him, his hands fidgeting in his lap.

"OK, we can sit for as long as you need to. Is there anything I can do?" asked Donna. As she waited for an answer she realized that Josh had not said a word since getting out of the car 30 minutes earlier.

Much to Donna's dismay he just shook his head again. He did reach out for the water and drank some more of it. He played with the bottle in hands before taking a deep shaky breath and turning to face Donna.

"Thank you" his whispered, his voice full of pain and sadness.

"You're welcome. You wanna try getting up" Donna asked with a smile.

"Yeah"

She stood up first and held out her hands to him. Leaning back she pulled him to his feet. His legs threatened to give out underneath him as he tried to take a step.

"OK, let's just try standing still for a minute" said Donna as she tossed his jacket on the wall and grabbed him by the elbow. She guided him back to the wall. He leaned over the wall, resting his elbows on the top. He was paler than he had been a few minutes ago, if that was actually possible.

"Drop your head down and take a few deep breaths. I don't really relish the idea of you passing out here. Want some more water?"

Josh did as she told him. A few shaky breaths later he took the bottle from her and finished it in a long gulp. It was at that moment a police car down the street turned on its sirens and lights. It passed by them, not 30 feet from where they were standing.

Time stood still for Josh and Donna for a brief moment. Donna reached out to wrap her arm around his waist as his face lost what little color was left. He turned to her as if to say something. His hand flew up to his mouth. Time starting moving again in fast-forward as Donna realized he was about to throw up. A quick glance around by Donna and Andrew yielded no trashcans, bags, buckets or anything else that would come in handy right about then. Andrew took off in the direction of the car as Donna pushed Josh's head down to hang over the wall.

"Relax, take a deep breath...I'm right here...it's ok"

Donna rubbed his back as they waited for the inevitable to happen. And it did. With a few coughs and a gasp Josh got sick. She held his head and rubbed his back as the retching wracked his body. Andrew came up to them with a roll of paper towels and another bottle of water. Donna motioned for him to just stand by Josh and make sure he didn't fall over. She ripped off a few papers towels and wet them with the water. Reaching under Josh she undid a few more buttons on his shirt and pulled it off his shoulders slightly. She placed the wet towel on the back of his neck and wet another one to hold up to his forehead.

The retching eventually stopped and Andrew stepped away to give them some privacy and to get rid of the few onlookers who were starting to stare. Donna handed Josh the water bottle.

"Here, rinse your mouth and spit, don't swallow"

He did as he was told. He took the paper towel Donna held out to him and wiped his face. Holding on to the wall with one hand he walked to the steps and sat down. Donna grabbed the water and the paper towels before sitting down next to Josh. He had his head in his hands and he was shaking badly.

"Take a deep breath, it's ok..that's it, just relax" whispered Donna as she smoothed back his hair.

"I wanna go home" said Josh as he turned to face her. His eyes were full of sadness and pain. It just about broke her heart to see him this way.

Donna reached out to wipe away the stray tears from his cheeks.

"OK, you look better, pinking up a little. Do you think you can walk?"

Josh nodded his head and stood up slowly. Andrew walked over to them to offer a hand. Josh waved him off silently and the three slowly walked back to the car. Andrew held the door for Josh and Donna climbed in the other side. She reached over to buckle Josh's seatbelt. Putting her arm around him she settled his head down on her shoulder as Andrew pulled out into traffic. The ride to Donna's place was thankfully short and Andrew left them quickly and quietly.

Donna carried both her bag and Josh's backpack as she took Josh by the elbow and led him up the steps. Opening the door with one hand she guided him in with the other and steered him towards the couch. He collapsed in a heap, curling up and facing the back of the couch. Donna pulled off his shoes and left him there as she went to get changed and check her answering machine.

Just as she thought there would be, there were messages from Sam, Leo and the President. She called Sam back and filled him in on everything. He said he would call the others.

Peeking out at Josh she saw he was fast asleep so she decided to take a quick shower. Twenty minutes later she was in the kitchen making tea and sorting the mail. She heard a siren in the distance and out of habit glanced at Josh. Sound asleep on the couch, he didn't flinch.

She got up to find something to eat. She had gone to lunch with Margaret but had serious doubts that Josh had actually taken the time to eat during the day. She hadn't been to the store in a while and her fridge was starting to resemble Josh's. She gave up her search when she realized Josh was stirring on the couch. She grabbed a bottle of iced tea from the fridge and went into the living room.

She sat on the coffee table and watched as Josh hovered in that place between dreams and reality. He gave her a dimpled smile as his eyes focused and he realized where he was. He sat up slowly as she moved to sit next to him.

"Hey, feeling better?"

"I think so. I was kind of hoping I just had a nightmare about tossing my cookies in front of you but my aching muscles assure me that it really happened. I'm sorry"

"Joshua, you have nothing to be sorry about. Hey, you even managed not to hit my shoes" teased Donna.

Joshua burst out laughing but stopped when all the muscles from his shoulders down protested.

"Can't laugh, hurts too much" he moaned.

"Poor baby" said Donna as she reached out to caress his cheek. "You want to try something to drink. I brought out some tea but I think I have Sprite and Coke too."

"Tea's fine"

She opened the bottle and warned him to go slow.

"I don't have a whole lot to pick from but do you want to try and eat something?"

"Uh, not sure yet." he mumbled as he leaned forward, put his head in his hands and closed his eyes.

Donna got up and went to the bathroom to get a cool, damp cloth. She helped him out of his dress shirt and put the cloth on the back of his neck. Curling her long legs under her she sat sideways on the couch and faced him. He took a few more deep breaths and sat up again. Donna took the cloth from the back of his neck. Uncurling her long legs and propping her feet on the coffee table she took him by the shoulders and put his head in her lap. She brushed his hair back and put the cloth on his forehead.

"Better?"

"I think so. Don't feel like puking so I guess I'm doing better" said Josh with a weak smile.

Returning the smile Donna reached over to rub his stomach gently. She could feel the muscles relax under her touch. He sighed and gave her a sweet dimpled smile. They were so comfortable with each other that it was almost frightening. She watched him for a while as he closed his eyes and relaxed even further. He was still a little pale and his stark white t-shirt made the dark circles under his eyes more visible but he had a vague look of contentment on his face. She continued to watch him as the sun set and the room turned dark. She reveled in the thought that in some way she had shared both the sunrise and the sun set with him. Sure, it wasn't the first time, there were plenty of times she got to work before dawn and left after sunset. But something about today was different, intimate and comfortable.

She sighed and looked down to find Josh's big brown eyes staring back up at her. His expression of one of pure adoration; it took her breath away. She smiled slightly and licked her lips nervously, trying to decide how to put her feelings in to words without sounding corny.

She was saved by the sound of the ringing phone. She untangled her fingers from Josh's hair and picked it up.

"Hello...Oh, hi Sam. What's up?"

Josh let out a small groan and rolled his eyes at the phone.

"Yeah he's awake...seems to be doing better, a little pale and tired...no, no more cookie tossing"

Josh threw his hands over his eyes and groaned again.

"Yeah, that's him, you wanna talk to him...sure, hold on"

Donna put her hand over the phone and looked down at Josh.

"Be nice, he's worried about you. Why don't you ask him to come over"?

"Fine" said Josh as he took the phone but made no move to remove his head from Donna's lap.

"I'm fine, really...yeah, she took good care of me"

Donna smiled at Josh as she felt a blush rise up through her cheeks.

"You wanna come over? See for yourself that I'm still in one piece...great...uh, I don't know, how about just some wonton soup and plain rice...yeah, I'm not real hungry...hold on a sec.

Josh looked up at Donna.

"He's bringing Chinese, what to you want?"

"Sesame shrimp and dumplings"

"Heard that...good...see you in a little while"

Josh turned the phone off and tossed it on the coffee table. He still made no move to get off of Donna, which was just fine with her. He picked up her hand and kissed it before laying it on his chest. Under her fingers she felt his strong, steady heartbeat. The heartbeat that was almost silenced forever. She thought about how she felt when she was watching his surgery.

As if he knew what she had been thinking about he asked, "What was it like that night, when you were watching"

"How did you know that's what I was thinking about? It was strange, surreal. From where I was I could see your face, you were so pale. Your eyes were taped shut, you had nasal oxygen and the clip on your ear, monitoring something, pulse ox maybe, I don't know. You had the shower cap looking thing on your head. Because of the drapes I couldn't really see a whole lot that was going on in your chest. It was crowded in the room. Every once in a while, if someone stepped away I was able to see a little. I saw the bypass machine with its hypnotic lights and sounds. I couldn't hear the beeping but I concentrated on the lights, following the beat of the machine, willing my racing heart to slow down and beat in time with it. I...can't believe I just admitted that to you. That sounded so stupid" she said biting her lip and glancing away from him.

He reached up and caressed her cheek.

"Donnatella, look at me. That wasn't stupid; it was one of the sweetest things I ever heard."

She smiled and wiped her eyes.

"What's the first thing you remember after the surgery?"

"I remember waking up in the recovery room. The President and Leo were there. Leo had his hand on my arm and the President leaned over so he could hear me, I think I asked him 'what's next', I'm not really sure but that's what I've been told. He brushed back my hair and kissed my forehead before leaving. I remember Leo staying for a while longer. He held my hand and tucked the blanket around me when I started to shake. He fed me ice chips and wiped away my tears. I just kept crying, I don't even know why, I was so drugged I wasn't in any pain but I couldn't stop crying and he just sat there with me, like my father used to when...."

Josh stopped suddenly after mentioning his father. He was thankful for the fact that the room had grown dark and Donna couldn't see his face. He could feel tears start to fall.

"Oh, Joshua, I can't even imagine what you went through" whispered Donna as she wiped his tears and held him tight.

"I saw them, you know. My dad and Joanie. They were with me. They sent me back, back to my mother, to my friends, to you." he whispered.

Donna could only nod as she reached for a tissue. Not only did she not trust her voice, she also didn't quite know what to say to him. She wiped her eyes and handed one to Josh. He sat up slowly and took a swallow of the tea. Taking a deep breath he stood up carefully. He stood still for a minute, making sure his legs were strong enough under him before he tried to walk. Donna stood up next to him.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm just going to go splash some water on my face and use the bathroom"

He limped down the hallway slowly.

Donna flicked on the lights and went to the kitchen to set the table. Josh was still in the bathroom when Sam rang the bell. Running her fingers through her hair she answered the door with a smile.

"Hi Sam" she said as she closed the door behind him and reached for the bag of food.

"Hi, Donna" said Sam leaning over to kiss her cheek. "Where's Josh?"

"He's in the bathroom"

"Is he, uh, tossing.."

"No" Donna giggled "Just pulling himself together a little"

"Things were that bad?" asked Sam concerned for his friend.

"They were but I think he'll be ok. He talked about some things that I don't think he's ever talked about before. Even now, a year later, some things are still hard for him. There are too many reminders, his scars, the stiffness, the weekly blood pressure checks..." Donna stopped as she heard Josh shuffle down the hall.

Sam waited in the living room to see him while Donna put the food on the table.

"Hey Josh, you ok?" asked Sam somewhat alarmed at the pale, limping figure before him.

"I'm fine, please don't fuss" said Josh with a combination of whining and pleading.

"Deal, you wanna eat something?"

"I think so"

They joined Donna around her kitchen table. Sam and Donna ate heartily while Josh pushed a little rice around on his plate and ate a little soup. They talked about trivial things, nothing important or serious. And that was fine. Both Josh and Donna had had enough serious conversations for one day. By the time they were finished it was almost 9 and Josh was fading fast. He was sitting at the table with his chin propped in his hand and his eyes half closed.

"Josh, go lie on the couch before you fall out of the chair"

"What? Uh, yeah. You have an ice pack?"

"Yeah, Sam it's in the freezer behind the ice cream"

Sam got the ice and helped him to the couch as Donna washed the few dishes and put away the leftovers. She cast a glance at them as she wiped the table off. Josh was already asleep. Sam was sitting on the coffee table watching him.

"Sam, there's an extra quilt in the hall closet, can you cover him up?"

"Sure"

She stood in the doorway of the kitchen as Sam covered his best friend up. He knelt in front of Josh for a minute. He brushed Josh's unruly hair back and kissed his forehead. He turned to face Donna and crossed the room quickly to fall in to her arms. They stood silently in each other's arms in the middle of Donna's kitchen. Each lost in their own thoughts about Josh. Sam found his voice first.

"I still can't believe how close we came to losing him. Everything happened in the blink of an eye. Another millimeter, another few minutes and we could have lost him forever" whispered Sam.

"I know" muttered Donna

After a minute they pulled apart, quickly but not at all awkwardly. There's was a unique relationship. One that had been built on the feelings they shared for Josh. But now, years later their friendship had grown in to something special, something completely separate from Josh.

"Coffee?" asked Donna as she moved away from him.

"Yeah"

For the next two hours Sam and Donna talked and finished an entire pot of coffee, not to mention most of a Sara Lee chocolate cake. They had talked about Josh for a while. Then they moved on to office gossip and things went downhill as they both got punchy from lack of sleep over the last few days and started telling bad jokes. Their laughter woke Josh a little after 11. He stayed quiet for a while, listening to his best friend and his *whatever Donna was* giggle at each other's bad jokes.

"Hey in there, how's a guy suppose to sleep with all that giggling? It sounds like a junior high slumber party in there." he yelled from the living room as he got up off the couch and padded into the kitchen, still wrapped up in the quilt. Sam stood and gave him the seat next to Donna.

"Any coffee or cake left?" he asked.

"Joshua Lyman, you haven't really eaten in God only knows how long, the first thing you put on your stomach isn't going to be coffee or chocolate cake. How about some toast."

"Fine"

"I'll get it" said Sam as he stood up and went to the counter.

"So, I guess maybe I owe everyone at work an apology for the way I treated them today" mused Josh as he took a drink of iced tea.

"No buddy, I think everyone understood. Don't worry about it. It wasn't that bad"

"Well, thanks for trying to nice, but things were *that bad*" chuckled Josh as Sam set a plate of toast in front of him. Just then Sam's cell phone rang and he excused himself to take it out on the front steps.

Donna glanced at the clock on the wall. It was nearing midnight and they had both been up since well before the sunrise. She once again faced the dilemma that was becoming more frequent as the days went by. Should she ask Josh to stay, so she could keep an eye on him, or should she have Sam drop him off at home? She walked to the window and stared out at the quiet street. She could see Josh's reflection in the window. He was picking at the toast and watching her, watch him.

"Josh, what do you want to do about..."

"I need to go home, Donna. It's not what I want but it's what I need. You've done more than enough for me today"

He stood up and walked over to her, stopping to stand behind her. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder.

"Are you sure you'll be all right by yourself?" she asked reaching up and back to touch his face. She ran her fingers along his jaw line, the stubble of a days worth of whiskers tickling her fingertips.

"Not entirely but I'll call if I need anything."

"OK, any time, wake me if you have to. Promise?"

He unwrapped his arms and turned her around to face him. Grabbing her hand in his he placed both of them over his heart.

"I promise"

They heard Sam clearing his throat from the doorway.

"Sorry, I'm gonna get ready to leave. Josh do you need a ride?"

"Yeah, thanks. Uh, I'll meet you outside in a few minutes"

Donna walked Sam to the door and said goodbye with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She turned to watch Josh as he slipped his shoes back on. She grabbed his dress shirt from the couch and held it out for him to slip on. He slung his backpack over his shoulder and threw his suit jacket over his arm. They stood by the door facing each other, not quite knowing what to do.

Josh wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned over to press his forehead to hers. She sighed as she reached up to lift his chin and look into his eyes. The pain in his eyes was fading and despite how tired he was, the twinkle was returning.

She drew a deep breath and reached up to give him a gentle kiss on the lips. It was sweet and just over the line of friendship. It was the kiss of things yet to come, of promises yet to be made and it was just what they both wanted, no needed.

It took a great deal of willpower on both their parts to end the kiss. The fact that Sam was out in the car was probably a good thing. After the day they had had, they didn't need to move further ahead than either of them was prepared for.

"Thank you" whispered Josh as he opened the door.

"You're welcome. Uh, pick me up in the morning, my car's at work."

"No problem"

And with a flash of his dimples he was gone. She closed the door behind him. Placing her palm on the door she whispered. "I love you"

As the door closed behind him, Josh did the same.

**********************

Half an hour later Donna was in bed reading a magazine. She was wearing a Harvard t-shirt and a pair of boxers that she had somehow forgotten to return to Josh after doing laundry for him almost a year ago. She was wrapped up in the quilt he had used earlier. If she breathed deep enough she was able to smell his cologne. On the table next to her was a photo of the two of them she normally kept in the drawer. It was taken at one of the inaugural balls; she couldn't even remember which one. They were dancing foreheads pressed together, blissfully unaware that they were being photographed. She ran her fingers over the image before tucking it under her pillow.

Across town Josh was getting out of the shower. He padded into the living room wearing a towel. He moved some things on the couch before finding what he had been looking for. He picked up the t-shirt he had let Donna use on Saturday night. He held the shirt to his face and inhaled the familiar scent of peppermint soap. Walking back into the bedroom he pulled the shirt on and grabbed a pair of boxers from the drawer. He went back to the bathroom and took a couple of Advil before settling himself down on his bed. He reached for the photo of the two of them he kept hidden in the drawer. It was identical to the one that was under Donna's pillow. Just as Donna had done, he ran his fingers over the image and tucked it under his pillow.

THE END

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