In the Shadow of Abraham
A quick glance at my
watch tells me it's 8:45 , which translates into roughly
between 8:30
and 9:15 . Although that technically makes it relatively
early for me to be leaving I am packing my backpack and getting the hell out of
here. It's been a long day, not just time
wise. I've completely lost my ability to
banter and I'm getting nothing done, so I think now is a good time to make my
escape. Plus, as Donna continually
points out, I am still recovering from whatever it was I was plagued with
around the election. I'm feeling much
better but I still haven't completely recovered the energy needed to put in
18-hour days.
Which reminds me, I still
have one last antibiotic pill to take. I
fish it out of my pocket and swallow it with the rest of my Snapple from
dinner.
I leave Donna a quick
note, telling her I'm going to visit Abe and head home. She's in the Mess with Margaret and my best
guess is she will catch up with me on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in
about 20 minutes. She has this uncanny
ability to sense when I need her.
I pull on my coat and
head out the door. It's warm for
November in DC so I don't bother buttoning it.
I walked to work this morning, something I've been trying to do more
often. It forces me to get a small
amount of exercise and gives me time to think.
Well, the truth is, I use the time in the morning to strategize and plan
the day. At night I usually use the time
to brood about whatever has happened during the day that's worthy of brooding
over.
And tonight's subject is
something John, excuse me, Mr. Vice President, said this afternoon.
The comment about how I
would have been good in Leo's job.
Now, that comment wasn't
surprising to me. As I'm sure he thought
it would be. I've long thought that had
things worked out differently, had I not gone to New Hampshire
What if I hadn't taken
the time to talk to Leo on the Capitol steps the day he came to see me?
What if I hadn't gone to New Hampshire
What if I had been so
engrossed in my crossword puzzle that I didn't realize I was hearing "the
real thing"?
Would I be enjoying the
comforts of the big office next to the Oval or would I have shot off my mouth
one too many times and have been shown the proverbially door?
I don't really know.
But what I do know is I
wouldn't trade anything for the experiences I've had over the past 5 years.
Sure, some experiences I
could live without, burying my father, taking a bullet meant for my friend,
saying goodbye to Mrs. Landingham, finding out the President has MS and a host
of other crappy things that have happened.
OK, now I'm just
depressing myself.
I look up and realize I'm
at the foot of the Lincoln Memorial.
It's amazing how many times I've walked here without really paying
attention to where I'm going. It's like my body is on autopilot sometimes.
The marble likeness of
Abe stares out over the reflecting pool towards the Washington Monument midnight I don't normally get to go up the
steps but today I have the time and more importantly, the energy to actually
climb them. Something I've lacked over the past few weeks.
As I sit on the top step
I look out and see Donna coming up the path from the Vietnam Memorial. She looks worried when she can't find me on
the bottom steps. I'm just about to yell
to her when she looks up and spots me. I
wave as she starts towards me. I smile when
I realize she's holding two big cups of what I can only hope is coffee.
"Hey," I say
with a smile as she sits down next to me.
"What did I do?" I ask as I point to the coffee she holding
out for me.
"Nothing and it's
not coffee, it's green tea," she says with a smile as she hands it to me.
I take it with a
smile. Donna's been trying to cut down
my coffee intake for a few months now. I
kept trying to tell her that election time was not a good time to cut back on
coffee. But as usual she didn't
particularly care about my argument. So
she stocked up on tea and I have to admit I've become quite fond of green tea
with orange, passion fruit and jasmine.
But I don't pass that information on to just anybody; I have an image to
uphold. And well, that tea just sounds
too girly.
"So, what are you
brooding about tonight?" she asks with a knowing look.
I can't sneak anything by
her. And that fact has saved my ass more
times than I care to admit.
"Something John said
earlier."
"John?"
"The Vice
President," I say with a smile as I realize I don't usually refer to him
by his first name in front of Donna, or well anyone.
"I got smacked down
by him, the reason isn't important, and during the smacking he said something
that got me thinking."
She gives me the worried
little smile I've come to adore and I spill everything.
I explain the whole thing
to Donna. What he said, my feelings and
my internal game of "what if?" She listens quietly, gently rubbing my
back as I talk.
When I finish my story,
we're both quiet for a few minutes. I'm
sure she needs a little time to process what I've said. So I drink my tea and gaze across the
reflecting pool at the Washington Monument
"Do you ever wish
things had turned out differently, that you'd taken a different road?" she
asks quietly.
Her question honestly
shocks me. How could she even ask that?
"No, never. All the things that have happened, good and
bad, I wouldn't trade them for anything."
"But Josh, you
almost died doing this job."
"And as you so
nicely put it last week, I could also get hit by a bus walking to work in the
morning," I tease with a grin.
"But you could have
been sitting in Leo's office right now..."
"I'll sit there
someday, just wait. The California New Hampshire
She's quiet for a minute
and I know she's thinking the same thing I am, if I hadn't realized what I'd
found in Jed Bartlet, our paths would never have crossed and I'd have a huge
void in my life.
"I don't regret my
choices either," she says softly as she puts her head on my shoulder. I turn my head a little and brush a kiss on
her forehead.
"I can't imagine
life without this," I whisper.
"Me neither."
she says and then chuckles softly.
"What?"
"Exactly...what? What is this thing that we have?" she
asks as she glances away from me.
I'm not sure if she's
expecting an answer or not. So I tip her
chin towards me and give her one anyway.
"What we have is....is "us", nothing more, nothing less,
plain and simple, like it or not."
"I like it,"
she whispers as she kisses my cheek.
"Me too. You want to come over for a while, watch a
movie or something?"
"Sure," she
says as she stands up and holds out her hand to help me up. I hold her hand a fraction longer than
necessary before dropping it so I can pick up my backpack.
"I get to pick the
movie," she announces as she practically skips down the steps.
Great, some girly
movie. Might as well paint Donna's nails
for her too.
I give Abe one last
glance before I leave. No matter how
many times I look at him, I'm still in awe of the majesty and beauty of the
whole monument. I hear Donna giggling
behind me. As much as she likes the
Lincoln Memorial she doesn't quite see what I see. And she's always quick to tease me about
it. That's ok, she's got a thing for the
Capitol and I tease her about that.
We walk in silence for a
while, close but not touching. I realize
the wall that was between us for the past year or so has pretty much crumbled;
the bricks have fallen and we've returned to "us". But we're still dancing over the line that
divides our personal relationship and our professional one. Each time I think we're about to make the big
leap something, or someone gets in the way.
And in a way, I'm not complaining.
As much as I think Donna and I would be good together, I sometimes feel
hesitant to risk what we have now. I
think she feels the same way.
Now that we've been
re-elected certain things that would have been picked up by every news outlet
in America
So I fumble along waiting
for a sign, any kind of sign. I haven't
seen one yet.
THE END
Back to Musings
of the Misdirected
