Just Us…Nothing More,
Nothing Less
It’s a little after 3 AM and I'm in my office with my feet
on the windowsill staring out the window, not really seeing much of
anything. I suppose I'm a little drunk.
No sensitive system
jokes, please.
I can still hear the
celebrating going on in the bullpen but I had to escape for a few minutes. Amy and John Tandy left a while ago. She did come say goodbye to me, but didn't
let me speak.
I think I realized
something as Amy walked away.
I have no idea what the
hell I want.
Really, none.
"Josh."
God, how does she do
that? I didn't even hear her. I drop my feet to the floor and turn around
to see Donna standing in the doorway, looking both tired and beautiful.
"No shoes." she
says, reading my mind as always.
"I'm going to head home soon.
You need anything before I leave?"
"No, I'm fine."
I say, trying to actually look, well, fine.
She's not buying it.
"Josh, you don't
look fine. You should be celebrating
with everyone in the bullpen but instead you're here, sitting in the
dark."
"It's not completely
dark." I say, pointing to the desk lamp that is bathing the room in a nice
relaxing glow.
She comes in and sits in
a visitor’s chair, propping her feet on the desk.
"So, Cinderella,
when did you lose your shoes?" I ask lamely, trying to move the
conversation away from where I am afraid it is heading.
"Somewhere between
the third and fourth drink, I think." she giggles as I realize she too is
in that not quite sober place that I am currently enjoying.
I move out from behind my
desk and sit in the other visitor chair. On impulse I reach over to the desk and pull
her feet into my lap. She looks startled
for a moment but relaxes as I press my thumbs against the bottom of her left
foot. She sighs and then blushes as she
realizes just how sexy the sigh ended up sounding.
I flash her a dimpled
grin as she scoots farther down in her chair and rests her head on the back of
the chair.
"Amy leave?"
she asks out of nowhere.
I glance around the room,
"Apparently so."
"Was that her
boyfriend?"
"Yeah." I
mutter.
"Josh, what's going
on with the two of you?"
"I don't know."
I say honestly. "I like her."
I admit as I look up to search Donna's face for some kind of reaction. There isn't one but I can tell she trying not
to show anything. "But she's
been..."
"Annoying?"
supplies Donna.
I raise my eyebrows.
"She tells you not
to talk to her, smacks you in the head..."
"But you do those
things too." I point out smugly.
"But that's
different."
"How is that
different?" I ask, pressing the issue more than I would have had both of
us been completely sober.
"We're
different. We’re just…us." she
offers as an explanation.
I take a few minutes to
contemplate that statement.
"Yeah, we are. And speaking of different..." I start to
say but somehow lose my train of thought as Donna shifts her feet in my lap and
her heel comes dangerously close to..well, you get the idea.
"Things are
different Joshua. There's no denying
it. Cliff, Amy, things have
changed." she sighs with her eyes closed.
I don't even know how to
react to that. Part of me wants to ask
what it would take to get things back to where they were and part of me is
afraid it's too late to go back. And if
it's too late to go back does that mean it's also too late to move forward.
And in which direction do
I want to move? That's the question.
Sitting here as we are
now feels so natural and relaxed. And
intimate but I don't know if it feels romantic.
That's strange, intimacy without romance. But with Donna, I suppose anything is
possible.
"Yeah. Do you think we can get back to where we were
before...?"
"I hope so."
she says with a sincere smile and a look of hope.
"Me too."
She yawns and rubs her
eyes.
"Why don't you go
home?"
"Cause you didn't
finish my other foot." she laughs as she nudges my now idle hands with the
toes on her right foot. I get back to
work as she closes her eyes.
Ten minutes later I can
tell she's drifted off. As I watch her
sleep I have a moment of clarity. One
I've had before.
I don't ever want to lose
this...what ever *this* is.
I look up to see Joey
standing in the doorway, smiling. She
turns around and signs something.
"Took you long
enough." I hear Kenny's voice as I see him move into my line of vision.
I laugh at how we must look
to her; to anybody other than ourselves.
"It's just us,
nothing more, nothing less." I say and then wait for Kenny to translate.
Joey smiles and then
signs something quickly.
"But whatever it is,
you look happy." says Kenny.
"Thank you," I
sign, using one of the half dozen or so signs I actually know.
"Goodnight,
Joshua." says Joey in her own voice.
"Goodnight."
They leave and I look
over at Donna and smile. Realizing I’m
not getting any closer to having the answers to my many questions I close my
eyes. I let out a big sigh and wonder
when things got so complicated.
The End
