Keeping an Eye on the Future, While Dining with the Past

Donna stood in the hallway watching as Matt Santos and his group of proud but tired fellow Democrats filed out of the House chamber after the vote. The feeling was electric and exciting, yet all she felt was a distinct sense of loss and sadness. Six months ago a victory such as the one they just had would have called for "the finest muffins and bagels in the land". Now she was standing in the hallway of the US Capitol in an outfit from the day before, wishing more than anything to hear an obnoxious bellow and see a grown man swagger down the hall like some high school football player who had just scored a date with the prom queen. Instead she watched as Matt Santos passed her by with the briefest of smiles in her direction. She'd come to realize a few things about Matthew Santos in the previous 12 hours, things she needed to ponder in the silence of her home, or as was the case lately, the silence of a non-descript hotel room.

But for now, there were only two things on her mind, a shower and a phone call to Josh.

They'd spent more time talking in the past few days. No serious or life changing conversations, just friendly ones that always seem to have the undercurrent of something more. It was what they needed at the moment. Both were so busy with their respective candidates that it left little time for a social life. But they knew they'd meet up soon, in some hotel restaurant or boring event. The thought of seeing each other kept them going, gave them something besides the primaries to look forward to.

"Hey Donna," a voice called from behind her as she was almost out the door. She turned to see Cliff Calley heading towards her. "Thanks for all your help last night."

"No problem," she smiled as she held the door for Cliff. "It was all for the President," she added.

"I know. So where are you off to now?" Cliff asked, clearly just making pleasant conversation as the two of them walked down the steps of the Capitol.

"Home for a quick shower," she said as she gestured to her wrinkled outfit. "Then back to work. You?"

"Quick shower in the locker room and back to my office."

"That's good."

"It's pretty weird sitting in that office, know what I mean?"

"Yeah," Donna replied with an almost wistful tone in her voice.

"I found Josh sitting behind my desk yesterday," he said with a laugh. Donna didn't reply as she didn't really know what to say. "You free for dinner tonight?" Cliff asked. "I mean, I know you said you weren't free until after Super Tuesday but with Josh out of town I was just wondering."

Donna stopped short, not quite figuring out why Josh being out of town would have anything to do with whether she was free or not. But she was tired and not in the mood to try and figure that one out. "Yeah, I'm free but how about you come over and I'll cook. I'm tired of eating out and by tonight I don't think I'll have the energy to leave the house," she teased as she stifled back a yawn.

"Sounds great. Call me later. I guess you know the number," he said with a grin.

"Yeah, I do," Donna replied with a matching grin. She gave a little wave in Cliff's direction and headed for the Metro as he turned to walk towards the White House. She wasn't sure why she'd agreed to have dinner with Cliff. Although one might think there were hard feelings and awkwardness between them since the diary incident, that just wasn't true. Three days after she'd sat by the fountain in the cold with Josh, a letter was delivered to her house. It was short and she had long ago committed it to memory. It resided in a box on the bookshelf in her living room. The box was wooden with hand-woven Lapland ribbons. In addition to that letter there were other items of sentimental value, a Bartlet for America ID tag, some stamps from around the world, a few cards from Carmine's House of Flowers, some goofy get well cards and a small leather bound book on skiing.

*****************

A hot shower and a fresh set of clothes worked wonders and a little under an hour later Donna was sitting on the couch in her living room finishing a container of yogurt before heading back to work. She pulled a book out of her tote bag and placed it on the bookshelf. The wooden box caught her eye and she pulled it off the shelf and set it on the coffee table. She refilled her coffee mug and sat down for a quick little trip down memory lane. She set aside the ID badge and the stamps before picking up The Art and Artistry of Alpine Skiing. Even though the sentiment on the inside cover had long ago been burned into her memory she opened it up and read it...

Dear Donnatella,

As you can see I didn't get you skis. I found this book while on a forced shopping trip with the President, a trip I don't wish on anyone.

Anyway, there are a few things I'd like you to know.

When you came into my office declaring yourself my assistant I had a fleeting thought of just throwing you out of the building. But as you talked I came to realize that you had a certain way about you. You told me that you could be valuable to me. And you were right.

You are more valuable to me than you will ever know. And not just professionally. I cherish the time we spend together, in and out of the office. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the times you let me in your apartment, drunk and cranky. For all the times you refused to get me coffee but shared yours anyway. For the times, too many to count, that you saved my butt in the office by providing a file, a reference, an excuse, a smile and a shoulder to lean on.

But most of all for knowing how to make me laugh in the wee hours of the morning when my head is pounding and my brain has turned itself off. Those are the times I remember most fondly.

May this coming year be filled with more good memories. And maybe even a cup of coffee or two.

Merry Christmas.

Love,

Joshua

She closed the book and held it tight to her chest for a minute as she took a few deep breaths, having just put on her makeup she wasn't in the mood to have to redo it. She put the book aside and drew out a plain white envelope with her home address on it. She pulled out the single sheet of white paper and opened it. Like the message from Josh, this one was also long ago committed to memory.

Donna,

I just want to let you know that I didn't read the diary. I took it in the coffee shop with me, started to open it and slammed it shut. I know there was nothing in there I needed to read. I'm truly sorry for everything I've put you through these past few days.

Cliff

Over three years had gone by since Cliff had sent that note. Donna had seen him a few times over the years. She held no ill feelings towards him. After all, she was the one who had lied and the truth was he'd done more than he should have to help her. When she'd gotten wind of the fact that CJ had hired him to do Josh's job she was more than a little shocked but then realized that he good at what he did, even if he did it for the wrong party. And when she'd run into him he was nice to her, even paid her a compliment about how she seemed changed. And deep down she did feel changed and it was nice to know someone else had realized it too. So she held no expectations for dinner other than to catch up with someone who, had circumstances been different, just may have ended up being a big part of her life.

Donna packed everything back into the box, left a quick voicemail message on Josh's phone, telling him to watch CNN to see how the vote went, brushed her teeth and was off to face the next day of her changed life.

***************

A little before 4, Will walked into Donna's office intending to give her some coffee and ask her if she wanted to catch some dinner later. Given the fact that she was sound asleep with her head on her desk he decided against the invitation. "Donna," he called quietly from the doorway. He didn't get a response at all so he went all the way into the office and gently shook her shoulder.

"Go away Josh," Donna muttered as she was still basically asleep. Will chuckled a little, loudly enough to wake Donna completely. "Oh God," she groaned as she ran the back of her hand over her mouth, just in case she was drooling. She looked at Will who was standing in front of her desk looking a little more than mildly amused. "Shut up," she said as she took the coffee Will was holding out for her.

"So I guess maybe dinner's not a good idea, since I think you'll be dead to the world by about 7," Will teased as he sat down and propped his feet on Donna's desk. She glared a little and he put his feet on the floor.

"If you must know, I have dinner plans."

"What, did you manage to find someone on the campaign who doesn't have a 9 PM curfew," Will snorted.

"Cute. Dinner with an old friend. So did you want something besides dinner?" Donna asked as she picked up her phone messages to sort through them.

"The notes for the dinner meeting in Cleveland."

"Right over there," Donna said as she motioned towards a folder sitting on the bookshelf behind Will. He grabbed the folder and left with a little wave and smile in Donna's direction.

Donna finished the coffee, called Cliff and settled in to get a few hours work before heading home. She turned on AOL while she worked on the off chance that Josh was in his hotel room and online. In the middle of the day that wasn't really a likely scenario but it never hurt to try.

As luck would have it, Josh was online. He was sitting on his bed in his hotel in Atlanta. Helen Santos had sent him back to his room to get a little rest when she'd found him in the makeshift campaign office with his head down on the desk, fast asleep.

ABNER: Hey, I got your candy. You owe me, lol. Coffee or something.

IMPERVIOUS:I owe you coffee? lol. Yeah, good one. Not in this lifetime.

ABNER:can't blame a guy for trying. saw the vote stuff on cnn. you did good

IMPERVIOUS:We all did. It was a group effort.

ABNER:so I heard Matt Santos almost sat on you.

IMPERVIOUS:Shut up. How did you hear about that?

ABNER:I have my ways

IMPERVIOUS:Whatever. So what are you doing in your room in the middle of the afternoon?

ABNER:resting? lol

IMPERVIOUS:Haven't we been through this before, you can't rest while you're on the computer.

ABNER:yeah, I know. I did try to sleep, honest

IMPERVIOUS:How long 5 minutes? lol

ABNER:10

IMPERVIOUS:Figures. Actually I just fell asleep at my desk, lol

ABNER:drooled?

IMPERVIOUS:no

ABNER:ok, confession time, Helen Santos just found me asleep in our office, head on the desk. and yes, I think drool was involved.

IMPERVIOUS:How pathetic we've become

ABNER:yeah. so big plans for tonight, other than sleeping lol

IMPERVIOUS:I have dinner plans

ABNER:REALLY?

IMPERVIOUS:Yes, people other than you find me fascinating on occasion

ABNER:I know, so who's the lucky person.

IMPERVIOUS:Cliff

ABNER:Calley?

IMPERVIOUS:How many Cliff's do you know?

ABNER:only one

IMPERVIOUS:He wants to catch up?

ABNER:on what?

IMPERVIOUS:My life, I don't know.

ABNER:are you sure about this?

IMPERVIOUS:About dinner with Cliff? I think I'll be fine. But thanks for the concern, lol

ABNER:just trying to save you from a night of Republican boredom

IMPERVIOUS:I'll take my chances. So what are your plans for tonight?

ABNER:honestly? I think a date with the heating pad and a sleeping pill

IMPERVIOUS:Even dinner with a Republican sounds more exciting than that, lol. But seriously, a decent night’s sleep will probably do you some good

ABNER:probably

IMPERVIOUS:I have to get some work done and you should shut off the computer and rest before the dinner thing tonight

ABNER:how do you know I have a dinner thing

IMPERVIOUS:It's primary season. Don't you have a dinner thing every night?

ABNER:basically. I'll call you later, make sure you survived your dinner

IMPERVIOUS:Thanks, get some rest

ABNER:I will, bye

IMPERVIOUS:Bye

Donna closed out AOL and picked up the phone to call Cliff. He only had a minute to talk but they made plans to meet at her place around 8:00. That would give her time to get home, maybe take a power nap and find something to cook.

***************

At a few minutes before 8 Cliff climbed the steps to Donna's building. He was carrying a small but nice bouquet of flowers, a last minute purchase he'd made on the way over. He didn't want to arrive empty handed and wasn't really in the mood to drink so wine wasn't an option. He wiped his hands against his jeans, just in case he had sweaty palms. With a calming breath he rang the doorbell. Donna buzzed him in immediately and he climbed the stairs as she opened the door to her apartment.

"Hi," she said with a big smile as she threw the dish towel she was holding over her shoulder.

"Hi," Cliff said nervously as he handed her the flowers. "My mother taught me never to arrive empty handed," he said with a grin.

"She taught you well. They're beautiful. You can toss your coat over there," Donna said as she pointed to the bench by the door. She went into the kitchen to find a vase while Cliff took off his coat and took a few deep breaths. He wasn't exactly sure why he was nervous. He had no visions that this friendly dinner would be anything more than just that, a friendly dinner. Although he had no proof, he was pretty sure Donna was not available at the moment. Cliff wandered into the kitchen where he found Donna was stretched up reaching for the vase in the cabinet over the fridge. Cliff thought about being a gentleman and offering to get it for her, but even in her stocking feet Donna was 2 inches taller than he was.

"Something smells fantastic," Cliff said as he walked to the stove and lifted up a lid, revealing a pot of spaghetti sauce and meatballs.

"My grandmother's recipe," Donna said as she turned on stove under the pot of water for the pasta. "I usually keep some on hand in the freezer. I haven't exactly had much time to cook lately."

"I wouldn't imagine you do. You need help with anything?" Cliff asked.

"I don't think so. But if you want something to drink, help yourself to whatever is in the fridge. There's soda, maybe beer, I'm not sure."

"Soda's fine. You want one?"

"Please, diet Coke."

Cliff poured the soda while Donna stirred the sauce. They chatted about the vote and the surprising spaciousness of Bob Russell's office. They laughed like old friends and found themselves more comfortable with each passing moment.

"Let me," Cliff said as Donna started to lift the pot to drain the pasta. Donna handed over the pot holders and stepped aside as Cliff dumped the boiling water and pasta into the waiting strainer.

"And that was the extent of my cooking skill," Cliff teased as he put the pot back on the stove and took off the mitts.

Not wanting to lug both big pots to the table, Donna handed Cliff the plates so he could fill them while she put the salad on the table and refilled their glasses. Cliff pushed her chair in for her and she smiled. She wasn't exactly used to someone being so chivalrous. Not that she expected Will to push in her chair when they stopped for fast food on the campaign trail.

Dinner was relaxed, comfortable and fun. Donna told of life on the campaign trail, the cities she'd visited and the people she'd met. Cliff talked about his brief life in the private sector and the trip to Africa he'd taken the summer before.

"That was fantastic," Cliff declared as he wiped his face and put his napkin on the table.

"Thanks, glad you liked it," Donna replied as she got up to start to clear the table. Cliff automatically jumped up to help. Donna loaded the dishwasher as Cliff insisted she let him wash the bigger pots that wouldn't fit in. While he washed, Donna made coffee and then sat on the counter to chat.

"So how's Josh?" Cliff asked. It was the first time his name had been mentioned all evening and the sound of it took Donna by surprise.

"He's...he's fine," Donna stumbled around a little to answer.

"In Atlanta now?"

"Yeah, I was supposed to be there but I hung around to help with the vote," Donna explained.

"Must be weird, being on opposite sides," Cliff mused as he lifted the pasta pot out of the sink and set it in the drainer. Donna just looked at him for a minute, trying to decide where the conversation was going. On one hand it seemed as if Cliff was fishing around for something but the look on his face was just one of a guy making friendly conversation.

"It's a little weird I guess," Donna said with a shrug of her shoulders. "For a while there we didn't talk too much."

"Really? Must have been kind of hard," Cliff said as he reached to put the bottle of soda back in the fridge.

"I guess it was hard. But leaving him was something I had to do, for me."

"But now you're back together, everything's fine?" Cliff asked with a smile as he hopped up on the counter opposite Donna.

"Huh?" Donna muttered suddenly finding herself more than a little confused.

"You're back together and everything's fine right?" Cliff asked starting to get a little confused himself.

"We were never....Josh and I aren't....Cliff, we were never "together" together," Donna explained with a sad little smile on her face.

"Really?" Cliff asked, clearly surprised at that bit of information. "But I thought...I just assumed somewhere along the line you two got together."

"You wouldn't be the first person to assume that," Donna laughed bitterly as she reached behind her and pulled out a bottle of rum from the cabinet. "Get some glasses and I'll fill you in," she said as she slid off the counter. Cliff grabbed the bottle of Coke and two glasses and followed Donna into the living room. "Josh and I have never been anything more than just friends," Donna started slowly as she poured the drinks.

"Yeah, and how many times did you have to repeat that to yourself before you believed it?" Cliff snorted. Donna just laughed and nodded, letting Cliff know he hit the nail on the head with his comment.

"Josh flew to Germany after the accident and while he was there I thought things were on the verge of changing between the two of us. And then when I got back home things were a little different but we were still dancing the line between friends and...much more than friends. We'd take two steps forward and one step back. The more I healed I became, the more things got back to our warped sense of "normal". We resorted to old patterns," Donna said. She took a deep breath and turned sideways to look at Cliff. "Do you really want to hear this?" she asked.

"I do," Cliff said seriously.

"Before the accident I was considering moving on. I felt I'd stood still long enough and that I was staying for the wrong reasons. I wanted to do more in my job and I felt I had proven myself enough that I was ready to go out on my own. But then Josh got me on the CODEL. And well...." Donna stopped short as took a big sip of her drink.

"Yeah," Cliff whispered as he leaned over a little to squeeze her hand. Donna returned the squeeze before pulling her hand back.

"Around Thanksgiving I made the decision to move on. I didn't have a job lined up but I'd had some vague offers and knew I would find something. I'd saved up a little money too. For about a week I tried to nail Josh down to tell him about my decision. He canceled lunch after lunch until I just lost it. I quit in the middle of the bullpen," Donna said with a snort. Cliff just looked at her in amazement. "What?" she asked curiously.

"I think you've changed more than I had thought," cliff grinned as he kicked off his shoes and pulled his feet up on the couch. "Did Josh just lose it in the middle of the bullpen?"

"No, he...I think he was in shock. He tried to backpedal and apologize. He tried to reschedule our lunch. I don't honestly think he believed me until he walked in the next morning and saw a temp at my desk."

"Then what happened?"

"A few days later, he resigned to run Matt Santos' campaign. He emailed me the night he quit. Basically apologized, "bared his soul" so to speak. He said he got scared. And honestly, I got scared too. We'd toed this line for so long, it was just a part of us, it was who we were, it was what we did. He told me to take all the time I needed, that he would wait. He just asked that I let him know I read the email. Which I did. But I didn't call or anything. I guess I was hurt and confused, which I guess in turn, confused and hurt him," Donna said softly. She set down her glass and turned sideways on the couch, pulling her knees up to her chest. She was really trying not to get upset over the whole conversation and she was doing ok until Cliff gave her a sad smile and held out his hand. She took it and scooted a little closer to him. He put his arm around her in a purely friendly gesture.

"You don't have to continue," he said as he felt and heard her sigh against his shoulder.

"No, it's ok," Donna assured him. "We didn't speak until we ran into each other in New Hampshire. Awkward doesn't begin to describe how it was. I tried to be cool and act like I didn't care all that much but when he teased me about what "make work" job they had given me, it felt good to throw my actual title in his face."

"What's your title?" Cliff asked as he grabbed a few tissues out of the box on the end table.

"Media Director for the Northeast and the Pacific Northwest."

"I'm impressed. Not shocked, but impressed...proud."

"Thanks. And when we're in DC I find myself doing other things too."

"Like organized sleepovers for a group of middle aged Democrats."

"Exactly. Anyway, running in the same primary circle, Josh and I run into each other pretty often. Things have gotten better, less awkward. It was certainly easier to toe the line when I worked for him. We always knew that if one of us stepped over the line it would only be a matter of time before the other one pulled us back over. And yes, we did take a few small steps over the line, no big ones though," Donna said with a little laugh. "In the last week or so we've talked more than we had in months but we're not as close as we once were, not by a long shot."

"What do you want?"

"You're like the third person to ask me that this week," Donna said as she moved away from Cliff a little. She rested her elbow on the back of the couch, propping up her head in her hand. "Part of me wants the whole thing, the knight in shining armor, riding a white horse." Cliff couldn't help but snort.

"I'm sorry. I'm just having a little trouble picturing Josh on a white horse," he apologized as he motioned for her to continue.

"You're not the only one. I think we need to wait a few months."

"Until one of you is unemployed?"

"Something like that."

"I think waiting's a good idea. Josh Lyman may not be my favorite person in the world, but he obviously makes you happy. Or at least has the potential to make you happy," he teased. He was rewarded with a small, teary eyed grin. “I meant what said before. About how you seemed changed, and in a good way. You're more confident, poised. It's a good look for you. Whether you believe it or not, you have a great future ahead of you in politics."

"Thanks," Donna said sincerely. "And what about you? How in the world did you end up with a job in the West Wing?"

"I honestly have no idea. One day I was mocking CJ Cregg and the next day she offered me a job. I actually tried to turn her down."

"It's kind of hard to refuse an offer from the White House. Anyway, she's impressed with your work. Believe it or not, your name has come up on occasion in the West Wing. You know your stuff, you get the job done. You have a good future ahead of you," Donna mocked, using the same phrase he'd used on her.

"Yeah, my mother's been bragging to all her friends. Now they all want M&Ms with the Presidential Seal," Cliff teased as he motioned towards Donna's empty glass. She nodded and handed it to him so he could refill it. He got up off the couch just as the phone rang. Donna reached over and grabbed the phone, glancing at the Caller ID. It was no surprise that the caller was Josh.

"Hey Josh," Donna said as she ran her fingers through her hair. At the mention of Josh's name, Cliff decided to stay in the kitchen and give Donna some privacy. He looked at the photos on her fridge, dried the pots and set them on the stove and glanced at a magazine he found on the counter.

"It's safe to come back out," Donna teased as she hung up the phone. "Josh said hi,"

"Sure he did," Cliff snorted as he handed Donna her glass.

"Actually he said not to try and pull me over to the dark side," she laughed.

"Sounds more like him," Cliff muttered as he sat back down, slumping down a little to prop his feet on the coffee table.

"I'll be back in a minute," Donna said as she motioned towards the bathroom. While she was gone Cliff flicked on the television to check out the headlines on CNN, just in case the world had gone to hell in a hand basket while he and Donna were having dinner.

Donna came back a minute later. "Can't go for more than two hours without checking out the crawl?" she asked with a healthy dose of sarcasm in her voice.

"Just a habit," Cliff said as he shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, find something else," Donna said as she smacked him on the back of the head to draw his attention away from the screen.

"Owww," Cliff whined as he flicked through the channels, finally stopping on ESPN.

"Not what I had in mind," Donna snorted as she took the remote from him and flicked through the movie channels. She found nothing exciting on any of them.

"How about dessert?" Cliff asked.

"Did you bring some with you?"

"No. How about coffee and pie at the diner around the corner," Cliff suggested.

"Yeah, why not," Donna said as she realized that even though she was tired, she wasn't quite ready for the night to end. She could catch up on her sleep some other night.

***************

At little before 11:00 they returned to Donna's apartment. Dessert had been as nice and as relaxed as the rest of the evening. But there weren't any thoughts of something more by either of them. They both knew they were destined to be friends, nothing more.

"You want to come in?" Donna asked as they climbed the steps to her front door. Cliff was about to answer "yes" but changed his mind as Donna held back a massive yawn.

"I think you need some sleep," he answered as he shook his head. "It's been fun; maybe sometime when you're around uh..." Cliff stumbled around a bit.

"I'd love to do this again," Donna assured him with a smile.

"Great just let me know when you and Josh finally, you know, so I don't make a fool out of myself again," Cliff teased.

"No problem," Donna teased as she shivered a bit in the chilly night air.

"You'd better get in before you get too cold," Cliff said with a smile.

"Yeah. Thanks for the flowers," Donna said as she took a step forward and kissed Cliff's cheek. He did the same to her and turned to go down the steps. At the bottom he looked over his shoulder and waved with a grin on his face.

After she watched him turned the corner she went inside. She kicked off her sneakers and set up the coffee maker for the morning. She put the glasses in the sink and was about to turn off the kitchen light when her eyes landed on the card from the flowers. She realized she hadn't even read it when she'd put the colorful blooms in the vase earlier. She turned it over in her hand and read...

Donna,

Friends?

Cliff

It was short, simple and brought tears to her eyes. She put the card in the wooden box on the bookshelf and headed for bed. Just as she sank into the bed and pulled the comforter up over her the phone rang. She looked at the CALLER ID and smiled. "What do you want Joshua? You should be asleep," she snorted in the phone as she turned off the light.

THE END

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