Knees of My Heart
Friday-White House movie theater, the movie has just ended.
"Josh, I'm going. I'll call you
in the morning."
"Yeah, bye"
Donna's knees graze mine as she scoots in front of me, she pats me on the
arm and smiles as she steps into the aisle.
I turn to watch her leave the room.
She looks over her shoulder one last time at me and gives me a little
wave. My heart soars, I can't help it, I
am hopelessly smitten.
Did I, Joshua Lyman, just admit to being smitten? Oh God, I think I
did. At least I didn't do it aloud.
I should go back to my office for a few minutes. The theater is almost empty. The President and Ellie just left. He had his arm around her shoulders and she
seemed to be smiling at something he just said.
The porter watches me for a minute to see if I am going to leave. I just wave to him to go ahead and start
cleaning; he's not bothering me. I still
have half a bottle of iced tea and some M & M's left. It's quiet here; I think I'll stay for a
while. Ponder the events that, well,
didn't happen over the past week and a half.
And maybe some that did happen.
OK, it's been over week since Joey's little speech about Donna and her
misdirection. Over a week since she woke
me up by caressing my cheek. I've been
paying more attention, no closer attention; to Donna this week and I have come
to the conclusion that Joey Lucas is imaging things.
Donna's not acting any different.
Don't get me wrong, that's not a bad thing. We are still bantering, yelling, joking and
yes, flirting. But nothing that we
haven't been doing for over 2 years now.
I'm trying my best not to seem overly eager or overly distant. It is a
fine line that I am having trouble staying on.
The past three days have been rather hectic, even for the White House.
Between the Surgeon General, "The Prince of New York", the Blue
Ribbon Commission and the arrival of Eleanor Bartlet we have been running
around like the proverbial chickens with our heads cut off.
Millicent Griffin sure had us
scrambling. I'm glad she didn't resign
or get fired. I kind of like her. When I
was shot she came to the hospital frequently, even saw my scar,
apparently. I hated to be the one to
have to go over and ask for her resignation.
I knew she would turn the conversation to me, asking me about my aches
and pains, my eating habits and my blood pressure. Speaking of the aches and pains she shouldn't
have mentioned my right arm and leg.
Because they had been fine for weeks, until she said something. And since I have been sitting in the same
position for a few hours my leg is very stiff and sore at the moment. Time for a walk.
Anyway, Donna was waiting for me when I got back from meeting with Dr.
Griffin. As usual she knew what kind of
mood I would be in and she had cleared the next hour so I could regroup. She stayed with me for a while in my office
as I alternately paced and stared out the window. She didn't say a word even though I know she
wanted to. That's one of the things I
like most about her, she knows when to just keep me company but not say
anything. After a while she did go back
out to her desk to work. But I caught
her checking on me a few times. It was
nice, reassuring and familiar.
I was in my chair with my feet on the windowsill when my hour was up.
Instead of just sticking her head in the door and reminding me of my next
appointment she came in and sat on my desk behind me. I'm not sure how long she was there before
she spoke. I didn't really hear her come
in so I jumped at the sound of her voice behind me. She reached over and spun me around to face
her. She slid off the desk and reached
over to smooth my hair back in place.
She got my jacket and held it up for me to put on, she straightened my
tie and I left. Nothing unusual about
that, right?
Come to think of it, have I ever seen Margaret or Mrs. Landingham do those
things for Leo and The President? No, do
Cathy and Ginger do the same for Sam and Toby, well, probably. So this leads me to one of two conclusions,
Donna does "like" me or more likely, I have somehow managed to
approach the age of forty and still need help dressing myself. Maybe both conclusions hold a bit of the
truth.
I gather my coat and backpack and head out to my car. While I drive I recap the situation, as I see
it. I like Donna, she like me. Neither of us wants to admit that to the
other. It is just like junior high all
over again. Maybe I should pass her a
note in study hall. God, why does it
have to be like this? I know why, we
work in the most important office building in the world, Josiah Bartlet is my
boss. I am her boss, she is my assistant.
All of those things are teamed up against us. And I don't know how to change that. So I
have to work on a plan. But, as I have
said before, Donna is my plan maker. So,
I'll have to think up one on my own.
But not tonight, my brain seems to have given up on me and I am home. I'm
getting tired, my leg is stiff and I just want to crash on the couch and watch
some meaningless television. Right, like
I will be able to skip over CNN and CNBC in search of some completely
meaningless sitcom. But I will try.
OK, so nothing is on. Let's try a CD. I grab the first one I see. Jimmy
Buffett, Riddles in the Sand. I listen
for a while without really hearing. Thoughts
of Donna keep running through my head.
After a while, something makes me start to listen to the words filling
my living room.
I've got a question for you
Please grant me an interview
Don't want to read it in a magazine
Don't want to see it on the silver screen
Don't let the craziness tear us apart
I'm down on the knees of my heart
Down here on the knees of my heart
This comes from deep in my soul
Your sweet love has taken control
I'll swim across the ocean if you tell me so
I'll take you to the jump up if you want to go
It never is too late to make a brand new start
I'm down here on the knees of my heart
Down here on the knees of my heart
Oh how I will sing if you give me everything
I live for the day when there's nothing in our way
I will be waiting tonight
You'll find my boat by the light
I'm gonna show you what my love can do
Out on the ocean all alone with you
We'll find a desert island on an ancient chart
Take me from the knees of my heart
Take me from the knees of my heart
Take me from the knees of my heart
Take me from the knees of my heart
And that's where I am at this moment, down on the knees of my heart.
I hope that next week will bring about a turning point, for me, for
us. And when tomorrow comes I will lay
in bed waiting for the phone to ring.
Maybe I will even get up enough nerve to tell Donna that 'I live for the
day when there's nothing in our way'. OK,
not too likely, may I will just ask her out for coffee, somewhere far away from
the West Wing and all the obstacles that are cropping up within its walls.
THE END
