Love and Devotion

"Jed, go to sleep," Abbey said sternly, pushing her husband back into bed.

"No time for sleep," he replied.

"You got shot last night, for Christ's sake!" Abbey exclaimed, smacking his
hand as she pulled the covers back up around him. "And you're supposed to be
resting."

"I'll rest when I'm dead," Jed declared firmly, pulling her down onto the bed
with him and kissing her deeply.

"Naughty, naughty," Abbey murmured. "Not until I say the magic words, dear."
She kissed him on the forehead and adjusted his hookups so they weren't in
her way. "Why won't you go to sleep, pumpkin? Are you afraid to go to
sleep?" When he looked hesitant about answering, she murmured, "Jed, it's
only me. You can tell me."

"I'm afraid it will all be gone," he replied. "I know it sounds stupid,
but..." He held her tightly, ignoring the pain it put him in. "Sweetie,
will you sing for me?"

"Sing? Here in the hospital? Jed I haven't sung for you in a very long
time" replied Abbey. Although she knew she would end up singing, if only to
get her husband to sleep. "What did you have in mind, honey?"

Jed thought for a moment. "How about What a Wonderful World this Would Be?
I still remember when I first heard you sing it. We were so young... Your
voice was so beautiful..."

"Okay, but you have to promise me you will close your eyes." Jed nodded his
head slightly and finally closed his eyes. Abbey reached over to turn out
the light over his bed, stroked his hair and softly began to sing.

**Don't know much about history,
**Don't know much biology.
**Don't know much about science books,
**Don't know much about the French I took.
**But I do know that I love you and I know that if you love me too
**What a wonderful world this would be.

By the time she reached the second verse, her wounded yet stubborn husband
was asleep.

"Finally," Abbey adjusted the oxygen tubing and kissed her sleeping husband
before turning to go out into the hall. She spotted her husband's best
friend, Leo, slumped in a chair down the hall. Leo grinned at the sight of
Abbey and got up to greet her with a hug.

"How's he doing?" inquired Leo.

"Stubborn as ever but finally sleeping," replied Abbey in a decidedly weary
voice.

"How about some coffee? You look like you could use some," said Leo.

"Sounds like just what the doctor ordered," Abbey and Leo continued down the
hall towards the elevator.

"He'll be up and harassing the doctors first thing tomorrow," Abbey sighed,
crossing her arms over her chest tightly as they got in the elevator. "I can
guarantee you on that, even though I'd rather not do that, as it proves I've
been around him too much when he's sick or hurt... You know, Leo, why is it
that he seems to get the short end of everything? Remember when Jenny dumped
champagne down his front at your wedding? And when Liz was born and he had
the flu?" Abbey's hands slid wearily over her eyes. "And when Megan was
born and he had just broken his back falling through thin ice because he
didn't bother to listen to me and not go skating?"

"Abs, listen, he's just a klutz and a pain in the ass. It's his mission to
make life complicated for everyone, especially you, because you were unlucky
enough to fall in love with, and marry, him," Leo said wryly as the elevator
doors slid open and they headed for the cafeteria.

"Yeah, but this time, he could have died..." she said quietly.”Sometimes, I
wish I hadn't met him. Just because my life would *be* less complicated."

"But you love him too much to even think that as a real possibility," Leo
replied, ordering two cups of coffee and steering her to a table. "You
realize you two never have told me how you met. All I know is he brought you
to my wedding, and I had never heard a word about you from him."

She chuckled and said, "Well, that's the way we meant it to be, Leo. If you
don't know, you can't spread it around," she finished mysteriously with a
wink.

"Oh, Abbey, come on, please?" Leo wheedled like a little kid.

It was obvious to her that he was still riding the fine line between sanity
and breakdown... the last 24 hours had not been kind. So, she sighed, and
said quietly, "Remember Disney's 'Sleeping Beauty', and that song, 'Once Upon
a Dream'?"

"Yeah."

"That's how we met, Leo... once upon a dream..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~
1967
South Bend, Indiana


Abigail McCall sat bolt upright in her bed, a fine sheen of sweat covering
her body, a longing in her heart, her body... Apparently, *he* had visited
her dreams again...

For the fifth time in three weeks, Abbey had awoken from a deep sleep in a
state of both frustration and excitement. Just who was the man in her dreams?
He was both good looking and charming, yet considerably older than she --
somewhat short, with brown hair that appeared reddish in the right light,
piercing blue eyes and a smile to die for.

She could never quite catch his name, Joe, Jake, Jeb? Something with a "J"...

The dreams were disturbing enough by themselves, but they were coming at a
time when she and Ron were starting to talk marriage -- Ron Erlich, her soon
to be intended. The man she thought was the man of her dreams. They had
been going together for 3 years, ever since Abbey had moved to South Bend to
live with her grandmother when she was a junior in high school. After the
death of her father, troubles with her mother back in New Hampshire had
gotten too difficult to overcome and Nana welcomed her with open arms and an
open mind. She had flourished in school and had been accepted to St. Mary's.
While still in high school, she met Ron at a Notre Dame football game she
was attending with her friends.

Ron was her first love. The man she wanted to give her innocence to,
eventually.

Abbey rolled over in the bed to glance at the clock. 7:30. She had a 9:00
rehearsal with her accompanist at the church. She was doing a solo Sunday
morning and really wasn't ready. She was having trouble concentrating -- on
her music, on her studies, on everything. The trouble had started with the
first dream a few weeks previously, and now she couldn't get him out of her
head, asleep or awake.

She could hear Nana downstairs, making breakfast. The smell of the coffee was
enough to get her out of bed and into her bathrobe. She came down the stairs
to find fresh coffee cake waiting on the table.

Nana turned to greet her as she sat down at the table and picked up a glass
of juice. "Good morning, Abigail. Sleep well?"

Abbey tried to answer but ended up choking on the juice that had gone down
the wrong way. Wiping her mouth with a napkin, she managed to answer, "Just
fine," in a weak voice.

"Abbey, are you losing you voice? I hope not -- you have that big solo this
weekend..." Anne McCall said with concern in her voice.

"Nana, I'm fine, the juice just went down the wrong way. Let's have
breakfast." Abbey motioned for Anne to have a seat, but she just shook her
head.

"I don't have time to sit. I have a Garden Club meeting in half an hour and
I have to get ready."

Abbey just laughed. "Since when do you get dressed up for a Garden Club
meeting? Aren't you going to be planting things and getting dirty? I just
bet that new neighbor from down the street will be there; David Hamilton,
isn't that his name?"

Anne could feel her face blushing at the mere mention of her new neighbor's
name. He was the talk of all the ladies on the block, a tall, handsome
widower with time on his hands. "Abigail, don't you have better things to do
than to tease your old grandmother?"

Abbey shook her head. "No, not really, and you're not that old, Nana." She
reached for another piece of coffee cake as Anne leaned over and kissed her
on the forehead.

"Thanks for the compliment. I'll see you later. Is Ron coming over for
dinner?" Abbey stared out the window, a million miles away, not hearing a
word her grandmother was saying. "Abigail Lynellen, didn't you hear me? Is
Ron coming for dinner?" repeated Nana in a louder voice.

"Oh..." said Abbey coming back to earth, "I don't know, I haven't asked him
yet. I'll let you know."

Anne walked out to the living room shaking her head and murmuring to herself,
"I wonder what has gotten into that girl..." Satisfied with her appearance
in the mirror, Anne left for her meeting, leaving behind her granddaughter,
who was, at that moment, humming a tune she couldn't quite place.

Abbey finished in the kitchen and went to shower and get ready for the day.
Thoughts of her mystery man continued to fill her mind as she left the house
for the short walk over to the church. Her accompanist, Edna Terry was
waiting for her.

Abbey got right to work on her picking her piece for Sunday. She had
narrowed it down to "Ave Maria" or "Amazing Grace". As she sang she couldn't
help but think of her dream man.

What dreams would that night hold?

Suddenly she realized she was still singing and Edna was not playing.
"Abigail, we're done with the song," said Edna, starting to get a little
annoyed with her wayward soloist.

"I'm sorry, let's try each one once more and then we will pick the one for
Sunday." After going through them both again they decided on "Ave Maria".
Edna gathered her music and quietly left the church as a group of young
candidates for the priesthood entered with Father Nicholas.

Abbey thought maybe some time of reflection and prayer would be good for her
soul at the moment so she quietly entered a pew at the rear of the church.
The young men went into the front pews for their morning prayers.

As she looked at them praying, she felt they were so lucky, they knew what
they wanted out of life, not that she had any aspirations of becoming a nun
or anything like that. It was just that they knew where they were headed.

Something she was no longer sure of.

The prayers had ended and the men rose to go to the altar for a class of some
kind. Roll was called and each went up when his name was read. The first
name in the B part of alphabet was called, "Bartlet, Josiah." Abbey watched
as a somewhat short but nice looking young man stood up and promptly tripped
over the kneeler.

He landed head-first on the cold stone floor. Abbey was out of the pew in a
flash, dashing up the main aisle, her pre-med instincts kicking into full
gear. "Father Doniphan, get me a towel," she demanded. All of the snickers
over Josiah's accident had ceased abruptly when she had turned him over and
found him unconscious, a gash on the side of his temple.

Abbey pressed the towel to the wound and shook her head.




Soft, yielding lips... moans of pleasure and delight... a body molded to fit
his... eyes of an angelic temptress, full of color and emotion; pools of
devotion and adoration....

Josiah Bartlet winced as the sunlight burnt its way through his eyelids,
amplifying the pain he was already feeling in his head. He moaned and tried
to sit up, but was restrained gently. "Shh... don't try to get up," said a
gentle voice. "You're on the couch in Father Doniphan's office."

He forced himself to open his eyes and found himself staring up into the most
beautiful face he had ever seen. "What happened...?"

"You tripped and took out the kneeling pew. Knocked yourself out, too," the
young woman said quietly. "How's your head?"

"It hurts," he replied wryly.

"I'd imagine," she said, lifting the towel off the wound. "Well, at least
it's stopped bleeding, for the time being. I don't think you'll need
stitches, but I'm only pre-med, so I wouldn't know for certain..."

He couldn't stand watching her, not knowing her name... "I'm Josiah Bartlet,
but everyone who gives a fig calls me Jed," he said.

"I'm Abigail McCall," Abbey replied with a slight smile. "Tell me something
-- are you always that clumsy, or was that just a random accident?"

He shrugged. "I'm always that clumsy."

"Oh..."

"I dropped the incense burner at Wednesday evening Mass," he chuckled. "I
actually set myself on fire."

Abbey chuckled and pressed a cool, wet cloth to the wound on his head,
washing away the blood. "I'd pay real money to have seen that," she
murmured. "But I missed Mass on Wednesday, because my boyfriend took me out
dancing for my birthday."

Jed felt his face fall. She had a boyfriend. Of course... of course she
would have a boyfriend. She was beautiful, intelligent... sexier than
hell... Where did that thought come from? he wondered, mentally shaking
himself. He was going to be a priest -- torturing himself wasn't going to
make that any easier. "Happy birthday," he said.

"Thank you," Abbey replied with a smile. "It was my twentieth."

"Old woman," he teased, wincing.

"Oh, I'm sorry..." she murmured. "And I am not old."

"I was only joking," he sighed.

"Uh-huh..." She glanced at the clock on the wall and nearly had a fit.
"Ohmigod... I'm supposed to be in World History right now!" she groaned,
putting her hands over her eyes.

Abbey sank down into the chair next to the couch trying to weigh her options.
Part of her knew she belonged in class but part of her was not quite ready
to leave her patient. There was just something about him that she couldn't
quite put her finger on. Something oddly familiar.

"Abigail, everything okay? You're staring at me. Do I still have blood on
my face?" asked Jed.

It took a minute for Abbey's brain to register the fact that someone was
talking to her. "What? No, I cleaned all the blood away. I'm sorry, I was
just trying to decide if I should run and make the second half of World
History or not." She glanced at the clock once more and then at Jed. She
made her decision based on her heart, not her head. "I can get the notes
from my friend over the weekend."

"Okay, you know -- if you ever need help in history just ask me; I'm great in
history and I am just full of all kinds of useless trivia," said Jed as he
struggled to sit up.

"I'll keep that in mind. Here let me help you." Abbey helped Jed sit up and
then took a seat next to him on the couch. "Are you ready to try and stand
up?"

"I think so; could you give me a hand?" Abbey stood up and Jed reached for
her hand. The touch of his hand and hers could only be described as
electric. They both felt something yet neither one knew how to put it into
words. Jed stood for about 30 seconds before his face went pale and Abbey
gently pushed him back onto the couch. "Lean over and put your head between
your knees. Do you pass out easily?"

Jed took a ragged breath and said, "No, I just hyperventilate." Abbey sat
back down next to him and held his hand until his breathing returned to
normal. It was a few minutes before either one could speak. Jed looked at
his hand in Abbey's and quickly pulled it away. For the second time in an
hour he thought, why am I torturing myself? She has a boyfriend and I am on
my way to becoming a priest.

"I think I'm ready to try and stand again." Jed stood up and just waited to
see what would happen. He tried to focus on the crucifix over the door,
anything to get his mind off of the lovely Abigail McCall who was at that
moment gathering both of their belongings in her arms. Father Doniphan came
back into the office to check on Jed.
"Josiah, are you going to be all right?"

"Yes, sir. Miss McCall was very helpful. If I may, I think I would like to
go back to the dorm and lie down for a while," answered Jed in a slightly
shaky voice.

"Very well, hope you feel better, son. Miss McCall, would you be able to
accompany Josiah back to his dorm? I will call ahead and let them know you
should be allowed in for just a minute. I must get back to the group. Thank
you so much for your assistance today."

"You are welcome, Father. I will see you Sunday," said Abbey as the older
priest patted her arm.

"Thank you, Father; I'm sure I will be well enough to help you serve at Mass
in the morning." Father Doniphan left to return to his teaching.

Abbey and Jed slowly walked outside and down the street towards Jed's dorm.
Neither one spoke, but the silence between them spoke volumes. Both had
feelings that they couldn't deny, even if they had wanted to. They arrived
at his dorm and the young priest at the door let Abbey in without a word.
Jed led the way up a flight of stairs and down the hall. After unlocking
the door, he turned to Abbey, only to find himself utterly and completely
speechless... something he was not accustomed to at all. It was Abbey who
finally spoke. "Here is your textbook and your notebook. Are you sure you
will be okay? You did take a nasty fall."

"I'll be fine, I had a great doctor," said Jed, blushing slightly.

"Pre-med student, actually. I should be going I have to meet Ro..someone for
lunch." Abbey couldn't help but look at Jed. It was all she could do not
touch the bruise on his temple. She balled her hands into fists to lessen
the possibility of doing something she shouldn't. "I guess maybe I will see
you at church sometime."

"I'd like that, I'm assisting at the 10:00 mass on Sunday morning, will you
be there?" said Jed, looking hopeful.

"Yes, I am singing a solo, "Ave Maria". I was practicing right before you
and your class came in this morning. I was having trouble concentrating on
the music so I decided to pray for guidance, that's what I was doing when
you, uh, tripped."

"That was you singing? You have a beautiful voice."

Now it was Abbey's turn to blush. "Thank you. I will see you Sunday -- take
care and watch where you are going!" She turned to go down the hall but Jed
caught her by the arm and turned her towards him. Time seemed to stand still
as she looked into his bright blue eyes.

"Abigail, do you want... oh, never mind. I'll see you Sunday." He gave her
one last smile and went into his room, closing the door behind him. As he
closed it, Abbey let out the breath she didn't realize she had been holding.

What in the world am I doing?! Abbey thought to herself. I'm standing in a
dorm full of young men destined to become priests, having completely impure
thoughts about one of them!

She turned quickly and ran down the stairs and out into the courtyard. She
glanced at her watch -- great, now she was also running late to meet Ron.
Ron... she wasn't sure she wanted to see him at the moment. Her mind was a
jumble of confusing thoughts. She found a pay phone and cancelled her lunch
with Ron, instead heading back to the one place she knew she could think, the
church.

Later that afternoon, after her Music theory class, Abbey headed home.
During the walk home, she hummed to herself. When she got home she sat on
the front porch swing, thinking, humming and swinging. She must have hummed
the tune 10 times before she realized what it was that she was humming.

**I know you
**I walked with you
**Once upon a dream
**I know you
**That gleam in your eyes
**Is so familiar a gleam
**And I know its true
**That visions are seldom
**All they seem
**But if I know you
**I know what you'll do
**You'll love me at once
**The way you did
**Once upon a dream

Then it hit her. It was him; the man in her dreams was Josiah Bartlet. She
put her feet out to stop herself from swinging and just sighed.

Abbey sat on the porch swing for the longest time, her mind on everything and
nothing in particular. She was hard-put not to visualize Josiah Bartlet in
her mind, which annoyed the bejeebers out of her. And what was it that she
had finally equated between her mystery man and the klutz who had hurt
himself...? The eyes... the beautiful blue eyes... sincerity and truth
prevalent in them... With a scowl, she leaned forward, putting her elbows on
her knees, and her face in her hands, covering her eyes. Why was this
happening to her?

"Abigail, darling?" Anne said quietly, gently touching Abbey on the shoulder.

Abbey nearly jumped out of her skin. "NANA, DON'T DO THAT!" she exclaimed,
her hand over her heart. After her breathing had returned to normal, she
asked, "How was Garden Club?"

Anne gestured at her black skirt, where traces of dirt still lingered.
"Messy, of course... what's the matter?" she asked, sitting beside her
granddaughter on the swing.

"Nothing is the matter," Abbey replied firmly, avoiding her grandmother's
probing gaze. "I'm just..."

"Just what?" Anne prompted.

"Worried," Abbey said quietly. "I've been having the strangest dreams,
and... Ron and I are talking about getting married, and Mom..." her voice
trailed off to a whisper. "And Mom's coming to visit, remember?"

"Yes, I remember," Anne replied gently. "And I'm pleased that you and Ron
are talking about marriage, but even the best laid plans go awry, honey. And
as far as your dreams..."

"No, I'm not talking about it," Abbey interjected before her grandmother
could finish the sentence. "Yes, I agree -- dreams have power. But I don't
need you to analyze these, okay? I know exactly what they mean," she said
with conviction, getting up and walking into the house to answer the ringing
phone. "McCall residence," she said.

"Hi, sweets," Ron Erlich said. "You busy tonight, since you cancelled lunch?"

"No, of course not," Abbey said with a smile. "Nana wanted me to invite you
over for dinner, anyway..."

"No, Abs, I meant, are you free to go out for dinner tonight?"

"I guess so," she said with a shrug.

"Great. Wear something really nice," he instructed. "I'll pick you up at
seven."

"Okay, Ron," Abbey said. "Kisses."

"Kisses," he replied, hanging up.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"So..." Abbey said quietly, primly putting her napkin on her lap. "Why the
nice place, instead of the diner again?" she asked. They usually went out to
eat at a little diner about a block from Notre Dame.

"Because I want to talk to you about something important," Ron said with a
sweet smile. He reached into his pocket and brought out a small jewelry box.
"Abbey, I know it's not much, and I'm not much right now, but I love you, and
I would be honored if you would marry me."

Abbey's heart plummeted into her feet. Oh, God...

"Ron, I... I don't know," she stammered, feeling sick. "I... give me time,
please..."

"Abbey, what's wrong?" he asked gently.

"Nothing's wrong, and I wish everyone would just stop asking me what's
wrong!" Abbey cried, standing up and flinging her napkin onto the floor. She
grabbed her jacket and ran out of the restaurant into the dark of night,
nearly colliding with someone along the way.

"Hey, watch it!" came Jed's familiar voice as he caught her elbows and held
her awkwardly to keep her from knocking them both down. "Miss McCall..."

"Let me go!" Abbey demanded, glancing over her shoulder to see Ron coming her
way. "Please, let me go," she begged.

"Get your hands off of her!" Ron bellowed.

"Ron, stop... Ron, don't..." Abbey said. "I just ran into him and..."

"It's true," Jed supplied. "She came out of the restaurant and ran into me."

"Let go of her," Ron ordered curtly.

"STOP IT!" Abbey shouted, breaking herself free of Jed's hands and walking
away from them both. She walked all the way home, ignoring Ron in his car,
following her. She ran up the porch steps and slammed her way into the
house. She picked up the note Anne had left on the table and scanned it
quickly before going upstairs and flopping onto the bed.

When she awoke hours later, she was in a state of panic. All she could
remember of the dream was the rush of adrenaline her body was still riding
and the words "Your husband was shot."

Shot? Husband?

Abbey lay on the bed trying to remember more of the dream. But nothing was
coming back to her. Not even the face of one Josiah Bartlet.

She glanced at the clock on the bedside table -- it read almost 3 in the
morning. She stood up and realized she was still in the skirt and sweater
she had worn to dinner with Ron. She took a nightgown from the dresser and
pulled it on over her head.

"What am I going to do?" Abbey thought to herself. "The man I thought was the
man of my dreams proposed and I said no. The man of my actual dreams turns
out to be a clumsy geek, studying to be a priest, who I can't stop thinking
about!" She padded down the stairs to get a glass of milk. On the table
were 2 pieces of paper. She picked up the one with the familiar handwriting.

Abigail,
A young man followed you and Ron home. I discovered him outside, tripping
over the bushes. He left this note for you.
Nana

Abbey reached for the other slip of paper. Her legs felt unsteady so she sat
at the kitchen table. Her fingers trembled as she unfolded it.

Abigail,
I'm very sorry for what happened outside the restaurant. I won't pretend to
know what happened between you and your friend. I just hope I didn't make
things worse. I really want to make sure you are all right. Tell your
grandmother, I'm sorry I startled her in the bushes. I didn't mean to trip
but you've seen how clumsy I am and it was dark. Take care of yourself and I
hope to see you on Sunday.

Jed Bartlet

Abbey reread the note 4 times. The more she read it, the more she knew that
marrying Ron was the wrong thing for her to do. But what was the right
thing? she wondered. Certainly having feelings for one headed for a life of
celibacy was not the right thing. But she was way beyond reasonable thinking
at the moment. She went back to her room, tucked the note under her pillow
and fell into a dreamless sleep.

Abbey spent most of Saturday locked in her room, thinking. She refused to
take Ron's calls. Even Nana was unsuccessful in getting her beloved
granddaughter to come downstairs and talk. It was around 5 in the afternoon
by the time Abbey crept down the stairs and went into the kitchen. A note on
the table let her know Nana was on a date with David and Ron had called, 6
times.

She finally got up the nerve to call him and try to explain herself. The
conversation hadn't gone well and now she was in tears on the porch swing.
Tears of what? she wondered. Tears for losing Ron? Tears for falling for an
unavailable man? Tears for not knowing what she wanted? After an hour of
sobbing and feeling sorry for herself, Abbey went in to the kitchen for a
snack. The phone rang; she reached for the receiver, hoping with all her
might that it wasn't Ron. It wasn't, it was worse.

"Hello, Mother. How are you doing?" Abbey sighed and leaned against the
counter, trying to think of ways to get her mother off the phone. Her mother
went on and on about her younger sister, Marie, and her recent
accomplishments as a musician and actress.

Abbey loved her sister dearly, and was proud of her, but she was not in any
kind of mood to hear all of this from her mother. "So when are you and Marie
coming for a visit? Oh, that soon, sounds great. Can't wait to see you.
Ron? Well, we are having a little bit of a rough time right now. No, I'm
not sure if you will seeing him. I'll have to see how things go. Mother, I
have to go, there's someone at the door. Love you, too."

Abbey hung up the phone and went into the living room. She stared out the
front door -- of course there was no one there. She walked back upstairs and
climbed back into bed, not wanting to be awake when Nana returned from her
date. She pulled up the covers and whispered to herself, "Okay, dreams, now
is your chance, what am I supposed to do?"

She woke up at six on Sunday morning. Before opening her eyes, she tried as
hard as she could to remember her dreams. She could only recall bits and
pieces. A black car, a blond haired man, a young woman with tears in her
eyes, Jed in a hospital bed. She couldn't make sense out of any of the
images except one, Jed, and even then the hospital bed didn't make any sense.
She sighed to herself and then realized that in 4 short hours she would be
in the same church as Josiah Bartlet. Her heart skipped a beat as she headed
towards the bathroom.

She arrived at church by 9:15, hoping to get a glimpse of Jed before the
Mass. She went to the choir room and practiced with Mrs. Terry. Any
lingering thoughts of not being ready to sing disappeared as she went through
the piece twice. By 9:50, she was sitting in the choir loft keeping a close
eye on the center aisle. Then she saw him, in his vestments. He was once
again carrying the incense burner and she hoped he wouldn't drop it. He
brought it to the front of the church and as he turned to take his seat he
saw her and gave the slightest of smiles. Abbey's heart melted.

Abigail McCall had been singing in public for almost 10 years without getting
very nervous. But on that morning, sitting and listening to the opening hymn
and prayers she found her hands shaking and her stomach doing flips. It was
her turn to sing; she stood and sent up a silent prayer. Her voice filled
the large sanctuary.

As she finished her solo, she looked down where Jed was sitting. He was
staring at her as if they were the only two people in the room. She returned
to her seat and somehow made it through the service. She didn't have a clear
view of Jed from her seat but she did see him at communion. She looked at
him just as she took a sip of wine and nearly choked. He had to work hard to
keep a straight face.

When the service ended, she went to the choir room to grab her pocketbook and
coat. She desperately wanted to see Jed but thought he would have things to
do after the service. She was buttoning her coat when she heard someone come
into the room.

"Abigail?" Her head flew around and her eyes met Jed's. For a moment time
stood still. "Would you like to... I mean I was going to go out to... would
you like to go get something to eat with me? I want to properly thank you
for your help the other day."

"I'd love to go, but you don't need to thank me again. You already did. By
the way, how is your head?" Without thinking, she reached out her hand and
touched his bruised temple. His blue eyes met her hazel ones and the gaze
lasted way too long for two people who were not meant to be together. It was
Jed who finally looked away.

"How about the diner down the street?" Jed sensed Abbey's hesitation and
asked, "I guess that's where you and your boyfriend usually go?" Abbey could
only shake her head. "Okay, we'll go somewhere else.'"

Jed led the way out of the church and down the street to a little restaurant
where he'd eaten before with some of his classmates.

They entered the small room and found a booth in the back. The next two and
a half hours went by like it was ten minutes. They didn't eat much but they
sure talked. About everything, about nothing. Abbey had never felt so at
ease around a man before. Conversations, stories, and feelings just flowed
from her as never before. She told him about everything -- her father's
death, her problems with her mother, the decision to come live in South Bend,
her grandmother and even about Ron.

Jed was a great listener. He was charming, adorable and as she kept
repeating to herself, totally unattainable.

Jed did his share of the talking, too. He told about growing up in New
Hampshire, as part of the family that had founded the state 2 centuries ago.
He told of his decision to enter the priesthood, he told stories of his youth
and of his best friend, Leo.

At last, the conversation slowed and Jed asked for the check. They left the
restaurant and walked back to her house. Nana was on the porch swing with
David when they returned. Abigail made the introductions and the 4 of them
chatted for a while. Both Jed and Abbey had studying to do, so Jed walked
back to campus, with his mind full of questions and his heart full of longing.

Nana and David went out for a walk after dinner. When she returned, Abbey
was studying at the kitchen table. She looked up when her grandmother
entered the room. "So, Abigail, are you going to tell me just what is going
on, or am I going to have to guess?"

"No, you don't have to guess. I'll tell it all..." She took a deep breath
and spilled the whole story ending up with, "I think I'm falling in love with
a man destined to be a servant of God."

Anne looked at the pain in her granddaughter's eyes. "I don't know what to
say about Jed Bartlet, other than he's quite cute. However, I think you did
do the right thing about Ron. I really don't think it was meant to be."

Abbey sighed, "But now what, Nana?"

Anne took Abbey's hands in hers and said simply, "Follow your dreams."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jed awoke from a sound sleep, very uncomfortably aroused. With a groan, he
pulled the pillow down over his face in an unconscious attempt to smother
himself. He knew exactly who he had been dreaming about, and it wasn't
Elizabeth Taylor or Marilyn Monroe... Sighing, he got up and went into the
bathroom, peeled off his clothes, and stepped into the icy shower.

He realized very quickly that the cold water wasn't going to help do anything
but make it worse, because all he could get into his head was the picture of
Abbey's warm hands all over his body...

He had only ever had sex with two women in all of his 23 years on earth --
one when he was 16 and the other when he was 18. And it was the latter that
had made him decide to become a priest. He had never felt anything like what
Abbey did to him unconsciously...

He was falling in love with her.

But how could he be in love with her if his true path was the priesthood?
How could he be in love with her when she was in love with someone else --
that Ron fellow? Too many obstacles and roadblocks separated them.

He visualized her face in his mind, her gentle smile... her beautiful, kind
eyes... And he knew that he was in so much trouble it wasn't even funny.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Abbey somehow managed to avoid Ron and Jed for almost two weeks. Her mother,
Isabelle, and her sister, Marie, arrived and made themselves comfortable in
Anne's house. And already, Abbey couldn't wait for them to leave.

"Dear heart," Isabelle called as Abbey tried to run out the door. "Aren't
you going to eat some breakfast?"

"I'm not hungry," Abbey replied, pushing the door open into Jed's face --
literally. "Oh no, Jed, I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed, dropping her books and
pulling her handkerchief out of her skirt pocket and pinching his bleeding
nose in it. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," was his muffled response. "I came to see if you were okay. You
haven't been at church..."

"I've been sick," Abbey said. "Come inside and I'll clean you up." She
guided him inside and into the kitchen, past her inquisitive family's stares.

"Is Jed all right?" Anne called.

"I'm fine, Mrs. McCall," Jed replied as Abbey cleaned him up. "Were you
really sick, or were you just avoiding me?" he asked Abbey quietly.

"Both," Abbey said, honestly. "My mother and sister are visiting, and...
well..."

"Ah," he said knowingly. "Want to go out later or something?"

"Anything to stay out of the house!" Abbey giggled quietly. "There, all
better. You are such a klutz."

"Yeah, but you like me anyway," he teased, and then looked aghast at what he had
just said so presumptuously.

Abbey blushed. "Yes, I like you anyway," she murmured. "Come meet my
mother, Jed," she said quietly, leading him into the dining room. "Mom,
Marie, this is my friend, Josiah Bartlet. He's a student at Notre Dame, and
is originally from Manchester."

"New Hampshire?" Isabelle asked with a smile. When Jed nodded, she gushed,
"Oh, well, that's where we're from!"

Jed shot Abbey a side-long glance, and watched her blush. "Mom, please..."
she murmured.

"I bet your parents are Thomas and Katherine Bartlet, aren't they?" Isabelle
asked.

"Yes," he said cautiously.

"Katherine and I are in the sewing circle together! Isn't that such a
coincidence?"

Abbey looked like she wanted to crawl under the table and DIE. "I've got to
get to class. Sorry, mom..." She sprinted for the door, on the verge of
tears. Jed caught up with her on the porch, picking up her books which she
had dropped to clean him up. She looked at him and put her hand over her
mouth before walking quickly down the path to the sidewalk.

"Abigail, wait!" Jed called, running to catch up with her. "Are you all
right?"

"No, I'm not!" Abbey sobbed angrily, throwing her books down on the ground
again, this time with the full intention of having done it. "And I'm tired
of everyone asking if I am! You, mom, Nana, Ron, Marie... my friends...
everyone! I'm sick of it! Sick and tired of it!" Tears streaked down her
cheeks and she swiped at them. "And what do any of you care, anyway, if I am
hurting?"

"I care," Jed said quietly. "Will you tell me what's wrong?"

"My whole life is wrong! I see people with their perfect families and their
mothers who love them, and I feel so sick inside, because I know my mother
loves me, but she can't stand being around me. And I see perfectly happy
couple walking around, and I think about what Ron and I could have had if I
hadn't been so stupid as to turn his proposal of marriage down!" she ranted,
sinking to the ground in despair, crying and crying... "And now... I'm in
love, but the man I'm in love with doesn't love me."

Jed put his arm around her shoulders. "I'm sorry," he said gently. "Is
there anything I can do...?"

"No," she choked. "No..." She looked up at him with tear-filled eyes and
whispered, "Hold me, please..."

Jed shook his head. "I don't think that's such a good idea... for either of
us," he said. "Come on. I'll walk you to class," he said gently, helping
her to her feet. About ten minutes later, he asked, "What are you doing this
weekend?"

"Nothing," Abbey whispered, wiping away the last of her angry tears. "Why?"

"Leo's getting married and I'm the best man. I have to go up to Ann Arbor,
and I was just thinking about how lonely it was going to get on the way up
and back." He looked very shy, very hesitant, as he asked, "Would you like
to come with me?"

"Mom and Nana won't like it," Abbey said, biting her thumbnail. "But... I am
an adult." She thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, I'll come with
you," she finally said.

"Great," he said with a smile. "And did I tell you? I've dropped out of the
seminary."

Abbey stared at him. "You're joking," she accused.

"No, I'm serious. I've changed to a double major in economics and secondary
education," he said, shrugging. "Might as well put all that useless trivia
to use."

"So you're not going to be a priest?" She could hardly dare hope he was
telling the truth. Surely any moment now, he'd laugh at her for believing
him.

"Nope. My mother will wig out when I tell her," he grinned.

"I can imagine," Abbey chuckled. "Especially with what I remember about your
mother."

"She will be especially upset when I tell her I left the seminary because of
a woman that I had fallen in love with," Jed said.

Abbey recoiled as if she had been slapped, but recovered quickly. "Of course
she would be," she said calmly, though her heart was beating a painful tattoo
in her chest.

"Yeah," he said. "Well, we're here."

"I'll see you later," Abbey said weakly, walking into the Sciences Hall of
St. Mary's for her anatomy class. But she couldn't keep her mind on the
parts of the physical heart, for puzzling out the painful secrets of the
human heart. When her classes were over for the day, she came out of the
English building and saw Jed on a bench, waiting for her. "What are you...?"

"I'm here to walk you home," he replied with a smile.

"I don't need you to walk me home," she said indignantly, walking past him
with her chin raised.

"Abigail..."

"Abbey!" Abbey said, turning around. "You call me Abigail all the time, why
don't you call me Abbey like I want to be called?"

"Because you introduced yourself to me as Abigail, and I thought..."

"Don't think!" she retorted. She stopped and covered her eyes, seeing the
hurt in his beautiful eyes. "Oh God, Jed, I'm sorry..."

"No, you're right. You're a big girl. You don't need me to walk you home,"
Jed said, walking away quickly, trying not to let her see him upset.

Abbey walked home slowly, wishing the ground would crack open and swallow her
up. She went into the house and breezed past her sister, running up the
stairs, trying so very hard not to cry. She slammed the door shut and flung
herself onto the bed, beating on the mattress in anger -- anger towards
herself as much as towards Jed.

He loved someone else... He had actually given up the priesthood for someone
he had fallen in love with. Oh, she had no right to feel this way! She had
no right to be so jealous...

Anne came quietly into the room. "Abigail?" she murmured gently. "Are
you..."

"NO, I'M NOT ALL RIGHT!"

"I was going to ask if you were going to talk to me."

Abbey stared up at her grandmother with distant eyes. "Jed left the
seminary. He's in love with someone," she whispered, bursting into tears and
moving for her grandmother's comforting arms. "I... I..."

"Shh..." Anne murmured. "If it's meant to be, it will happen."

When Abbey had finished crying, she said, "I'm going to Michigan with Jed
this weekend for his best friend's wedding."

"All right," Anne said. "You know the rules, and I trust you."

Abbey nodded. "I think I'll be able to love him quietly, without him
knowing," she murmured. Sadly, she said, "I wish I was as good an actress as
Marie."

Anne hugged her again. "Your mother made lasagna, if you want to come down
and eat," she said.

"No, thank you. I'm not really hungry," Abbey said softly, putting her head
in her hands.

"Okay."

Anne left and Abbey went back to feeling sorry for herself. There was a
knock on her door not too long later, and Marie stuck her head into the room.
"Hi," she said quietly. "That guy who came earlier is here again. He wants
to talk to you. He fell in the bushes and is all scratched up..."

Abbey frowned. "Tell him I'm studying and that he needs to start carrying a
flashlight if he's gonna go out after dark," she said coolly.

"Abs, I'm not your messenger. Tell him yourself," Marie said, flouncing off.
"She's up here," she called down to Jed.

Abbey covered her head with the pillow and prayed he wouldn't come upstairs.
When she heard shuffling feet in the hallway, she knew God was playing poker
with the Devil again, and they were the stakes. There was a sudden yelp and
thud, and she threw the pillow away. "You klutz!" she bellowed, storming
into the hallway.

Jed was sprawled on his belly, having gotten his shoe caught on a raised spot
in the carpet and tripping. "I fell in the bushes again," he groaned,
sitting up and showing her his scratched face and arms.

"You are just..." Abbey said, getting down on her knees to inspect the
damage, "...an incredible piece of work!"

He flinched when she examined his latest bump on the head and slapped her
hands away. "I came to say I'm sorry," he said.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" she inquired, helping him up and pulling
him into her bedroom, to keep their conversation away from prying eyes.

"I'm sorry... I thought you knew when I said I had fallen in love and left
the seminary... I thought you knew I had left to be with you," he said
gently.

Abbey looked at him like he had grown two heads. "What?" she rasped. "You
left... the seminary... for me? You're... in love... with me?" She burst
into tears of relief. "Oh, God, Jed..."

"I know you're in love with someone, but I wanted to tell you anyway. I