No Sword Nor Grassy Knoll

Toby watched as CJ lost her grip on the empty champagne bottle. It hit the ground and rolled under the coffee table. He leaned over to get it, setting it on the end table. CJ was out for the count, a combination of too little sleep, food and emotional exhaustion. Stone cold sober, Toby put his still full glass next to the bottle. He gently nudged CJ so she was stretched out on the couch instead of curled up uncomfortably in the corner. He covered her with a blanket and sat back down in the chair to think.

The conversation with CJ had gone as he had expected. She knew what was coming and did all in her power to ramble on, not giving Toby a chance to speak. But that tactic only worked for so long. There had been raised voices, tears, disbelief and finally a strange acceptance of a situation they no longer had control over.

Telling CJ had taken more out of Toby than he even imagined, but even as the clock neared midnight, his day wasn't over yet. He still had one more long walk to make, one more confession to get through, this one even harder.

As CJ snored softly Toby wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and pulled his cell phone from his belt. "Andi, it's me," he said softly as he heard the sleepy voice of his ex-wife on the other end.

"Toby, what's wrong?" she asked, suddenly awake.

"I need to come over. I need to talk to you," he said quickly and cryptically.

"Uh, fine," Andi said. "Toby are you OK to drive?" she asked. While he didn't really sound like he had been drinking she couldn't be too sure.

"I'm fine. I'll be there soon," he said as he quickly got off the phone.

Toby turned off the lights in CJ's office and sat down on the coffee table in front of her. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. He pushed her hair back off her face and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Love you," he added with a whisper. He turned to leave and didn't look back to see CJ's eyes tracking him as he left the room.

"Love you too," she whispered in the silence of the room.

Toby returned to his office and stood in front of the bookcase. He pulled a small key from behind the top shelf of books. He moved like a man on a mission to behind his desk where he unlocked the bottom drawer. He pushed aside the bottle of whiskey given to him by Lord John Marbury and pulled out a standard legal sized envelope. It was fat with the contents he had put in there days earlier. He shoved it into his jacket pocket, locked the drawer and returned the key.

As he drove through the DC night a litany of "headlines" ran through his head.

"Communications Director is the Leak"

"Toby Zeigler-Ex-White House Communications Director"

"Zeigler Indicted"

"Did He Act Alone?"

"Why?"

Tears fell freely from his eyes, wiped away with an awkward hand as he drove through the deserted streets.

He knew it was only a matter of hours before he was called before Oliver Babish, President Bartlet and the rest of the world. Speculation would be fueled by the need for answers, truth would be distorted by the need for sensationalism. As if the whole situation wasn't already "juicy" enough.

But the truth was simple---

He did it and he acted alone. There was no sword to fall on and nobody standing on the grassy knoll.

What he'd done was cut and dry, why he had done it was not so clear, even to him.

*****************

There was a single light on in the foyer of Andi's house when he pulled behind her mini van in the driveway. As he fumbled for his key, Andi opened the door. She watched as her ex-husband plodded up the steps, hands shoved in his pockets and a completely unreadable look on his face.

"Hey," Andi said with a little smile as she patted Toby on the shoulder. He stood up straighter for a second and kissed her cheek. The kiss was his normal greeting, delivered with downcast eyes and hands to himself. "I made some tea, do you want some?" she asked as she led Toby through the foyer, towards the family room. "Go sit down, I'll get the tea. Are you hungry, did you eat dinner?" she asked. Like CJ earlier, she was determined to keep rambling in the hopes that Toby wouldn't say what he came to say.

"Andrea," Toby said sharply. Andi stopped short at the sound of her full name. Toby only called her that when he was exasperated with her. Andi shoved her hands in her bathrobe and turned to face her ex-husband. She saw the tears in his eyes and she knew the inevitable was about to happen. She motioned for him to take a seat on the couch. He sat with a sigh as he shrugged out of his suit jacket. While he got comfortable, Andi disappeared into the kitchen to get the tea and a box of tissues she was pretty sure they would soon be needing.

"Here," she said as he handed him a cup of tea and sat down next to him. Despite the fact that it was still summer, she pulled the afghan over her legs and motioned to Toby to start. Her rambling was over and it was time to face the inevitable.

"I did it," Toby said quickly and quietly as he looked down at the mug of tea he held in his hands. He couldn't bring himself to look at Andi. He heard her sigh and saw her put her own tea down.

There was no need for Toby to clarify just what he'd done, she knew, in fact she'd suspected for a while now. Andi held her hand out to him, a gesture that caught him by surprise and for a second he could just stare at it. Andi eventually reached out to put his tea on the table and took his hand in hers.

It took Toby a minute to pull himself together to continue. He didn't cry but instead held onto Andi's hand for dear life.

"I'm not entirely sure why I did it."

"I'm sure you had your reasons," Andi said, cringing at how lame that sounded. "Answer this, who did you tell?"

"I just told CJ a little while ago. All hell should break loose in a few hours."

"Why now, why spill it tonight?"

"Margaret spent the entire day testifying on The Hill. It got to me, she's a good friend and I put her through hell. And I was about to do the same to CJ. But..." Toby's voice trailed off as he reached for another tissue.

"But what?" Andi urged.

"But when Leo was served, that was the last straw."

"It would have all but ruined the Santos/McGarry campaign."

"True, but it was more than that, it was personal. Years ago, in that dark VFW hall, Leo fired everyone but me. Why, I'll never know. I would have fired my ass, but he didn't. He saw something in me and gave me another chance," Toby said with a sob.

"Come here," Andi whispered softly as she opened her arms to him. Toby curled up in her embrace and let her comfort him. It was rare for him let his guard completely down and allow himself to be soothed.

"I think I did it for David, out of some warped way of getting back at him for what he did to himself. I know that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. He kills himself so I throw away my career, what the hell is that about?" Toby snorted as he squirmed in Andi's embrace. She loosen her grip on him and he sat up a little to drink some of his tea. "It was a few years ago, I was spending the weekend at David's, everyone else had gone to bed and we were sharing a bottle of whiskey. It became a game of one upping the other. I know this....I know that. Who has better secrets, stuff like that. David hinted at a military shuttle. It didn't surprise me, I was sure we had one but never really gave it much thought. When I heard about the Space Station being in trouble, something in me just snapped at the thought that our government was considering letting innocent people die to keep the shuttle a secret. My brother was dead because he saw no other way out and there we were, discussing our way out of avoiding disaster and they're trying to decide if a foreign life is worth saving."

Andi just nodded a little, she didn't really know what to say nor did she know what Toby was expecting of her, what he was looking for. She rubbed his back as he got some more thoughts together.

"I stupidly thought it would just blow over."

"That was pretty naive of you," Andi said bluntly.

"I know. I still held out hope that it would just end. Then the subpoenas started getting handed out and my friends were put through hell because of me. All day I kept telling people, especially CJ, to get a lawyer. She told me she didn't need one, as she hadn't done anything wrong. This afternoon I called my lawyer. Tonight I told CJ I got a lawyer and with those words, she knew. I think she knew before that."

"Now what?"

"I imagine my phone will start ringing off the hook in the next few hours."

"And in the grand scheme of things?" Andi asked.

"I don't know. I certainly have some guesses and none of them are pretty. But it's time face the music. That's why I came tonight, to confess to you in person and to give you this," he said as he pulled the envelope out of his jacket pocket. "This is everything you'll need if I... if I'm not around for a while. There's a Power of Attorney, bank account information, names, phone numbers, everything you could possible need."

Andi just shook her head and didn't reach for the envelope as if touching it would make everything "real". Toby took her hand and shoved the envelope into it. "Put it away," he said with a harsh tone he hadn't intended to use. It was that tone that caused Andi's brave exterior to crack. Up until that moment, she'd been able to hold herself together in a effort to comfort Toby.

They curled up together on the couch, wrapped in each others arms, crying for the unknown. Eventually the tears stopped, first Andi's and then Toby's. They untangled themselves and got up off the couch. Andi took the envelope to her home office to put it in the safe and Toby took the empty mugs to the kitchen. By the time Andi came back out he was standing in the foyer, jacket thrown over his arm, clearly ready to leave. She watched him unnoticed from the doorway for a minute. He looked like a defeated man, one who'd lost all hope, one whose life was falling apart. In short, he looked like he felt.

"Toby," Andi said softly, so she wouldn't startle him. He looked up with tired, sad brown eyes. "Why don't you go up and watch the kids sleep for a few minutes," she suggested.

Toby shrugged his shoulders and kicked his toe against the floor. It wasn't that he didn't want to, it was that he was afraid he'd totally fall apart if he did. One look at his face and Andi understood.

"Go upstairs," she urged, knowing he needed to see Huck and Molly. With a little nod, Toby set his coat over the banister and headed quietly up the stairs.

Andi got herself a glass of water, turned out the lights and washed the mugs to stall a few minutes, giving Toby some time alone with the kids.

As she could have predicted Toby was curled up on Huck's bed with both the kids. Whether he'd taken Molly out of her room or if she'd wandered into her brother's room earlier, as she was known to do, wasn't important. Molly was curled up in Toby's lap, Huck snuggled against his side, holding Molly's hand. The twins had learned to climb out of their cribs at an early age and they were still known to wander out of the their beds during the night. A gate at the top of the stairs kept them from wandering too far.

Andi leaned in the doorway watching as Toby's tears streamed down his face as he held Molly tight and gently stroked Huck's red hair. The twins were as different as night and day. They barely looked related, let alone like twins. Huck was red haired and quiet, built like his father, he was a thinker and preferred to let his sister do the talking. Molly was taller than her brother, with her dad's dark curly hair. She was a born leader, often leading her brother into trouble.

Molly squirmed in Toby's embrace, opening her eyes just enough to realize what was happening. "Daddy," she whispered sleepily as she snuggled back in Toby's arms. Huck slept through the whole thing. He'd inherited Toby's ability to sleep anywhere and through anything.

After Molly drifted back to sleep Toby stood up carefully and put her back in her own room.

"I'll just be...." Toby muttered to Andi as he gestured towards the stairs.

"Toby, stay," Andi pleaded as she reached to grab him by the hand and pull him towards her bedroom. Toby looked shocked for a minute. While he did spend a fair amount of time with Andi and the kids he rarely spent the night and when he did, it was usually in the guest room. Once in a while, usually if he and Andi curled up with the kids in her bed to watch a movie, he'd stay in her room.

Andi steered Toby in the direction of her bathroom. "Your toothbrush is in medicine cabinet." Toby brushed his teeth, rooted around for the bottle of Advil and shook three into his hand, washing them down with a handful of water. He took off his shirt, tie, pants and socks, dropping them in a messy pile. He used the bathroom and started to head towards the bed. He got a few steps out of the bathroom and turned back, grabbing his cell phone out of his pants pocket. He walked around to the opposite side of the bed, the side that had been "his" when they were married. He checked to make sure his phone was set to "ring" as he knew it was only a matter of time before he was summoned.

Andi took him into her arms. He curled up, tucking his head under her chin and wrapping his arms around her. They didn't speak, there would be plenty of time and need to do that in the next few days.

***************

It was just before dawn when Toby's cell phone rang. He grabbed it on the third ring. "Yeah...OK...give me half an hour."

"It's time?" Andi muttered sleepily.

"Yeah," Toby said as he rolled out of bed. He stumbled into the bathroom, splashed some water on his face and smoothed down his remaining hair. Andi rolled over on her side and watched as he got ready to go.

"I think there's a clean shirt in the closet," she said as he held up his hopelessly wrinkled one. Toby dropped the other shirt back on the floor and found a clean one in the closet.

"I'll call you as soon as I can. Don't wait by the phone," Toby said as he buttoned the shirt and put his tie around his neck.

"Good luck," Andi said, unsure of what exactly the right thing to say was. Toby gave a wry smile and chuckled a little, his default gesture in circumstances such as the current one.

"I don't think there's enough luck in the world," he admitted before leaning over and kissing her forehead. "I love you."

"I know," Andi said, unable to repeat the sentiment. It wasn't that she didn't love him, she just wasn't ready to admit it and let him completely into her life. "Kiss the kids," she called as he headed down the hall.

Toby kissed both of the kids quickly, not stopping long enough to give in to his emotions. He headed out into the already humid morning, ready to face the consequences of his actions.

THE END

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