Not Quite Asleep
It's 2 in the morning and I'm still at the office.
I've had at least one too many beers.
I am exhausted beyond belief, yet wide awake.
It's answer A.
Oh yeah, did I mention the fact that I am curled up on my couch with my
head in Donna's lap?
Well, I am.
Life is good.
Even with all the bad things that have happened over the past few weeks I
feel like my life is heading in the right direction.
Maybe that's just the beer talking.
Or maybe I'm just enjoying the fact that my assistant's fingers are running
through my hair and caressing my cheek at this very moment.
I think she's under the impression I'm asleep. Maybe the fact that my eyes are closed, and I
haven't moved or talked in at least half an hour led her to believe I am out
cold. I'm enjoying the moment too much
to let her know I'm awake.
Yes, I am afraid that if she knew I was awake she would stop running her
fingers through my hair. So I'll just do
my best to be quiet and still. I know,
those aren't two of my strong points.
Anyway.
Today was one of the most gut wrenching days of my life. A perpetual roller coaster ride. Like the day my dad died and Bartlet won the Illinois
primary, or the day Joanie died or the day I was shot.
I went from the heart wrenching funeral.
To a meeting to discuss strategy (when we didn't even know which strategy
we needed to discuss)
To a few hours of relative peace.
To a strained conversation with Donna, where both of us were trying to hold
our emotions in check.
To the phone call from Leo telling us it was answer B.
To a short but life altering meeting.
Back to my office; where Donna was waiting with a cup of tea, open arms and
a box of tissues. She held me while
silent tears fell. Tears for the
President, tears for an uncertain future, tears for Mrs. Landingham I had so
carefully choked back during the funeral, tears for the fact that through these
crazed days I didn't realize the anniversary of the shooting was upon us. I'm sure Donna did, but she said nothing. She
just silently and without any great pretense took care of me. She made sure I ate, slept and changed my
clothes when needed. She knew when to
leave me alone, when to stay, when to talk and when to just "be" with
me. And for that I will be eternally grateful.
As we got ready for the press conference I was torn. Torn between needing to be with her and
wanting to just be with the senior staff.
I knew none of the other staff members were bringing their assistants in
the limo. But then there was the fact
that she's more than my assistant. She's
my...God, I don't even know. She saw my
confusion and told me she would go with Margaret. As much as I wanted to be with her when we
heard the public announcement, I was glad to be on the other side of the room. I was sure I was going to break down.
And then it happened.
Somewhere between late afternoon and 9 tonight the President changed his
mind.
"I will be seeking re-election"
With those words I jumped up, screamed and scanned the room for Donna. I
saw her push through the crowd to make her way over to me. She through herself in my arms and hugged me
tightly. I remember running my fingers
through her hair and kissing her.
No, it wasn't like that.
We weren't making out in the middle of the press conference. Everyone was hugging and kissing. I think I even kissed Toby.
We stood side by side as we watched the rest of the press conference; our
fingers entwined. I dragged her into the
limo when it was over, even though she tried to leave with Margaret.
We all went back to the White House.
Wet, tired and happier than we had been in weeks. We gathered in Toby's office, the same place
we had met earlier in the day to talk strategy.
We managed to pull together an impressive array of liquor in a short time. And we managed to go through most of it in a
short time too.
I think Toby is still in there with CJ.
Sam and Ainsley were last seen heading for the basement.
The President is in the residence with Leo.
The rest of the support staff headed for home about an hour ago.
Donna and I came back here. I had
every intention of grabbing my things and letting her drive me home.
Yes, I know what you're thinking, and tuck me in.
But she flopped down on the couch and put her feet up on the chair before I
could grab my backpack.
What was I to do? Yank her up and
force her to drive me home? I don't
think so.
So I joined her on the couch. She
kissed my cheek and settled me down with my head in her lap. I got very comfortable, very quickly, which
is why she thinks I'm sleeping.
We've been here for about an hour, I guess.
My left hand is tucked under my head so I can't see my watch. The time is probably wrong anyway.
She is still running her fingers through my hair. Such a simple gesture, yet it means the world
to me. I don't know how I would have
gotten through the past year without her.
I hope she knows what she's done for me, how much every little gesture
has meant.
God, I'm getting entirely too sappy now.
Must have something to do with that sensitive system I've been accused
of having. OK, so I really do have a
sensitive system, but we don't need to spread that around.
So for now, I'll just relax under the gentle touch of Donnatella Moss, able
assistant, finder of my *things*, keeper of my schedule, guardian of my
sensitive system, my bantering partner and yes, owner of my heart.
She sighs deeply and lets out a shaky breath. I feel her tears fall onto my cheek. My heart breaks at the sound of her crying
but something stops me from speaking, from moving...
She lifts up my right hand and presses it to her lips, planting a kiss
across my knuckles. She puts my hand
back down on her knee and gives it a squeeze as she whispers...
"I love you, Joshua"
My eyes pop open and before I can say a word my breath catches in my throat
and a single tear escapes, sliding down my cheek.
"I love you too, Donna" I think to myself as I finally allow my
body to give into its need for sleep.
THE END
