Not Too Much to Ask
Josh's thoughts are in
between the *********
By the beginning of July
things were beginning to calm down, a little. The first round of depositions
were done. Everyone had managed to
survive, some better than others but everyone did survive nonetheless. Josh had done better than Donna
expected. Not that she expected the
testimony to go badly or anything like that.
She was just expecting the whole situation to be more emotionally
draining on him. He had been feeling
better, mostly due to the fact that he had finally given into his body's need
for regular rest and decent meals. Sure
he'd had his share of moments but he was starting to realize he couldn't do
everything for himself. Yes, Joshua
Lyman was starting to ask for help when he needed it.
Things between Josh and
Donna were good. The whole bantering thing was back in full force. His bad mood from the previous month had
diminished. They had spent time together
outside of the office but still hadn't really crossed over the line from
friendship to something more. Well, the
truth was they had spent way too much time dancing over that line but each time
they somehow ended back up on the platonic side, just barely. But they were enjoying the way things
were. It was comfortable, they both felt
safe and it was what they both needed.
It was late in afternoon
of July 6th by the time the nation's capital had recovered from the Fourth of
July festivities. Josh returned from a
long and not too productive lunch meeting over by the Capitol. He dragged himself through the bullpen and
sat down at his desk to catch his breath, literally. He had foolishly decided that walking back
from the hill for exercise was a good idea.
It probably would have been a good idea, if it hadn't been 85 and humid
outside. It was times like this that the
repercussions of a near fatal gunshot wound hit him hard. He was still struggling to catch his breath
when he looked up to see Donna walking through the bullpen. Even from down the hall she could see he
looked awful. She quickened her pace and
stepped into his office, closing the door behind her.
He was sitting with his
feet up on the desk. He was flushed and
sweating, one elbow propped up on the armrest, his head resting in that hand,
the other hand on his chest, over the scar.
She could hear him struggling to catch his breath.
"Josh, what's
wrong?" she asked, trying to keep the panic out of her voice as she walked
around his desk to stand in front of him, dropping the Discman she had in her
hand.
"Walked back from
the hill" he said with a gasp.
"Josh, it's like 90
out there, what are you nuts?" asked Donna.
Josh just smiled weakly
and shrugged his shoulders.
"Here" she said
as she held out the bottle of water she had with her.
He took it and drank it,
slowly. He felt bad enough as it was, he
didn't need to toss his cookies in front of her again. He finished the water as she disappeared into
the bullpen for a minute. She returned
with a cool, damp paper towel and another bottle of water. Josh swung his feet down and started to stand
up. He didn't get too far. Donna grabbed him by the elbow and steered
him towards the couch. He plopped down
as Donna moved to turn the air conditioner to high. She turned to find he was still sitting up.
"Josh, lie
down"
"Donnatella, please,
not now, I'm a little out of breath as it is" smirked Josh.
Donna just rolled her
eyes at him as she knelt down next to him.
She reached over to take off his tie and undo the top buttons of his
shirt. He rolled up his sleeves as she
slipped off his shoes. Pushing Josh over
a little she perched on the edge of the couch.
Josh's breathing was slowly returning to normal and his color looked a
little better.
"Better?" she
asked as she reached over to smooth back his hair and put the damp cloth on his
forehead.
"Yeah, thanks"
"I'm going to the
Mess you want something?" she asked as she stood up.
"Iced tea, thanks.
"No problem. Relax for a few minutes, here" she said
tossing him the CD player.
"Oh great, girly
music" he smirked as she closed the door behind her.
He put on the headphones
and opened the top to see what was in the player. Mary-Chapin Carpenter.
"I can live with
that" he muttered to himself. He
settled down on the couch and pushed start.
To hear you say my name,
To see you search my
eyes,
To feel you touch my face
It more than satisfies.
********** Oh God, did she set this up for me to hear
this song? It's the truth, even if I
won't admit it to anyone. When she looks
at me, with those big blue eyes, I melt.
When she touches me, well, let's just say my thoughts are not exactly
appropriate for the boss/assistant relationship. Which is, of course, not the relationship we
have. I'm not sure how to define what we
have. God knows I've tried. **********
If I was not the first
Just say I'll be the
last,
It's too much to expect,
But it's not too much to
ask.
**********OK, I know I
won't be the first, but can I just say, the thought of Dr. Freeride and Donna
together, well, let's not go there. To think that I could be the last, that is
too much to expect but I hope someday I can get up the nerve to ask.**********
Now I can only dream,
Of being all you need,
And I can only try,
To be the reason why,
You think about today,
And forget about the
past,
It's too much to expect,
But it's not too much to
ask.
**********I would love to
forget about a good part of the recent past.
I mean, in the past 15 months I've been shot, spent painful months
recovering, had a breakdown, said many, many things to Donna for which I will
never forgive myself...gomer comments, self worth comments, need to be coupled
up comments, and so on. But have I gone
too far, can she forget about the past?
I know I need her but deep down I'm not sure that she needs me*********
Now I can only dream,
Of being all you need,
And I can only try,
To be the reason why,
You think about today,
Cause the past is just
the past
It's too much to expect
But it doesn't hurt to
ask
**********The past is the
past and maybe we should forget it. But there are too many reminders, physical
ones like the scars on my chest and palm, the stiffness that continues to
plague me, the way my back aches after a long day, the way I still wake up in a
cold sweat at least once a week. And the
emotional scars, the kind we don't see, the kind that send me to the therapist
every two weeks, the ones Donna carries around on her heart, those that were
caused by me and my big mouth. Have we
been through so much that we can't put the past behind us? God, I hope not. Being all Donna needs, being the one to make
her life whole is a dream of mine, probably more likely just a fantasy of a guy
who is nearing 40 and never really been in love before, but whatever. A guy can
dream, right?**********
Donna appeared in Josh's
doorway just as the song was finishing for the fourth time. She smiled as she handed him a bottle of iced
tea. She kicked off her shoes and
perched on the couch next to him again.
He pulled the headphones off of his ears.
"Like the CD?"
she asked as he handed her the Discman.
"Yeah, one song in
particular" he admitted with a flash of his dimples.
"You gonna tell me
which one or are you going to make me guess?" she asked as she reached for
the iced tea bottle.
"Guess" he
smirked.
"Not Too Much to
Ask" she said in a voice that was a little huskier that she had intended.
Josh could only nod as he
felt himself blush. He looked into her
eyes and then the exhaustion he had been feeling for hours caught up with him
and he yawned loudly, thus breaking up the moment, if it was a moment, he
wasn't too sure.
"Feel ok?" she
asked as she placed one hand on his chest, over the scar.
"Yeah, I was just
too hot, I shouldn't have walked from the hill, it was too much in this
heat. I'm fine, really" he said
honestly as he laid a hand over hers.
They stayed that way for
a few minutes, barely breathing, neither one wanting to move. The ringing of Josh's phone brought the
moment to an end. Donna stood up and
answered it.
"Josh Lyman...ok
Sam, I'll tell him"
"Your dinner meeting
was cancelled"
"Good, I wasn't in
the mood for that one anyway. So got any
plans for dinner?" he asked, almost shyly.
"Well, I have a
bunch of work to do, I have this slave driver boss ya know" she smirked.
"Well, I know for a
fact that he's exhausted and plans on spending the next hour or so on the couch
reading. So maybe after that we can grab
something."
"Sounds like a
plan. Mind if I work in here? It's cooler than out in the bullpen."
"I'd like that"
he said with a smile.
Donna grabbed her work
and set herself up at Josh's desk. She
took the CD out of the player and popped it into Josh's computer. He settled back down on the couch with a pile
of blue folders and his iced tea.
They worked in silence
through the first 5 songs. When
"Not Too Much to Ask" started they put down their work and just
listened. They didn't look at each
other, they didn't speak, they just sat, each lost in their own thoughts and
dreams. The song ended and Donna picked
up her pen as Josh returned his eyes to the file in his lap.
"Hey Josh"
"Hmmm?" he
muttered not looking up.
"You are the
reason"
"Reason for
what?" he asked distractedly.
"The reason I think
about today and try to forget the past" Donna stated simply without a
whole lot of emotion.
Josh looked up with his
eyebrows raised and a full dimpled smile on his face.
"Really?" he
asked quietly.
"Really" she
whispered as she bowed her head to return to her work and to hide her blushing
cheeks.
~~~~~~~~
It's too much to expect,
But it's not too much to
ask.
THE END
