Secret Files of Joshua Lyman, DCOS
My bag starts to slide from my shoulder and I catch it just before it hits the floor. Normally I don’t care but my laptop is in there. Ever since I almost let Donna take my laptop home I’ve been thinking about what’s in the folder marked PRIVATE.
I spent the last few hours thinking about what’s in there while I did a little work in the office, alone. I know Donna is absolutely terrified at the thought of me being alone in the office for more than a few hours. Not that she’s worried about me getting lonely. No, she’s terrified about the amount of damage I could do to the filing system. Last time she went on vacation I think it took her a week to undo what I did.
Anyway.
When it became clear I wasn’t being very productive I packed up and headed home. I stopped for a sandwich on the way home. A nice meaty, manly sandwich, something Donna would never let me order. So I am going to sit on my couch, drink beer, eat my sandwich and channel surf.
OK, I managed to kill an hour. The sandwich just gave me heartburn and I only had one beer in the refrigerator. And there’s nothing good on television.
Now what?
I could call Donna, she what she’s doing. But I’m thinking maybe she’s enjoying a little time to herself.
I could catch up on my email. I think I’m in the middle of a message to my Mom and maybe one to Sam, I can’t remember.
I could take a shower and go to bed early, get more than 5 straight hours worth of sleep.
I could clean my townhouse. I just noticed I can write my name in the dust on my coffee table.
None of those sound too appealing, except for the shower.
~~~~~~~~~~~
OK, I’m showered, I’m in my favorite blue pajamas and I’m wide awake. I hunt in the fridge again, hoping another beer magically appeared. No such luck but I do find a couple of cans of Coke and I think Toby left a bottle of Jack Daniels last time we watched football.
Found it. Donna must have put it away. It was behind the box of whole grain cereal and some organic salad dressing. Both unopened, by the way.
OK, back to the couch with my JD and Coke.
And there is nothing on television. I glance over towards the recliner. My bag is sitting there, my laptop calling to me. But it’s not calling me to work.
I’m feeling a little….I don’t know, sentimental, emotional or as Donna would say, sappy. I’m not exactly sure why but I am. So I grab the laptop and fire it up.
Buried deep inside, in the file marked PRIVATE is basically a history of the last 5 or so years of my life, or should I say the history of Donna and I, of our relationship or whatever the hell we have is. The file is, by far, the most organized thing in my life. While the rest of my existence is unorganized and haphazard this folder is meticulously organized, arranged and kept. It’s never been seen by eyes other than mine. And complete mortification on my part would occur if someone did read it.
I take a big gulp of my drink, letting the warmth of the liquor work on my sensitive system. A few taps on the touchpad and some of the things I hold most dear pop up.
I’m really not sure why I’ve decided to read, or should I say reread, all of this right now. Guess I’m feeling a little lonely, a little bored and sappy. I’m in a strange mood and let’s just leave it at that.
http://www.clinique.com/ Donna’s makeup for her alabaster skin
http://www.travelwisconsin.com/ To
learn what makes Wisconsin
http://www.visit.hawaii.org/ I swear I will use this one some day
http://www.opi.com/ Who knew there were so many different colors of nail polish?
http://www.1800flowers.com/ For every February and April
http://www.benjerry.com/ Have to keep up on the new flavors
www.starbucks.com So I can read about the coffee Donna won’t bring me
www.catsmeow.com In case I want to add to Donna’s collection
www.snapple.com To learn some interesting facts to stump Donna with
I suppose keeping a list of these websites is a little strange. But it saves me the time of having to use Google every time I want to go to a website. And yes, thanks to Donna I do know how to use Google.
The next file in the folder is by far the largest, sappiest thing there is. I have a secret to confess. For over four years I have saved various emails from Donna and a rather large number of instant message sessions. I think this habit could possible earn me a smack in the back of the head from CJ, endless teasing from Toby and a big sappy smile from my Mom. I know it would lead to tears on Donna’s part if she ever found out about it.
Anyway, things are chronologically arranged and there are even a few handwritten notes, in distinctive penmanship, that I scanned in, after I finally learned how to use my scanner.
And this isn’t all of my “Donna stuff”. In the back of my closet is a box with cards, letters and photos, mostly stuff from when I was recovering after Rosslyn but some birthday cards too and “just because” cards.
Before I start reading I need another drink and some music.
OK, Norah Jones is in the CD player and my glass is filled.
********************
To:jlyman@whitehouse.gov
From:dmoss@whitehouse.gov
Subject: Didn’t think you could do it
I’m on my way out. Hope you get out of the meeting soon. You need some sleep.
Congrats on holding things together in the Mary Marsh meeting. Maybe Toby should take lessons from you.
Sorry about the coffee. It won’t happen again.
See you in the morning.
Donna
How true, I think I’ve gotten three cups of coffee since.
I’m not sure why but I think that was the first day I saw something more in Donna…in our relationship. It wasn’t that anything happened that day, well, she did say all the girls said I looked hot in that shirt. I’d like to think she’s one of those girls. I remember going home that night and doing basically what I’m doing now, drinking and thinking. For some reason I had saved the email and the rest, as they say, is history. And just who the hell is it that says that anyway?
********************
Abner: DONNA!
Impervious: Don’t yell, Joshua
Abner: Whatever. What are you doing up, it’s after 2 in the morning
Impervious: I could ask you the same thing. You didn’t eat more of those chocolate muffins did you?
Abner: Yeah, I had two. They were the finest muffins in the land Donnatella and I washed them down with a cup of coffee.
Impervious: Great a sugar rush and a caffeine high. So how’s Mandy?
Abner: Shut up.
Impervious: OK, goodnight
Abner: No wait, don’t go. Hold on, phone is ringing.
Impervious: Oh no, don’t even tell me you want me to come into the office.
Impervious: Josh?
Abner: Shit, I have to go back to the office. The plane carrying Morris Tolliver was just shot down.
Impervious: Do you want me to come in?
Abner: No, get some sleep
Impervious: OK, call me if you need me. Do good in there. Bye
Abner: Bye
I love it when she says that to me. I tease her about her horrible grammar but I find it endearing.
********************
jlyman: You’re fired
dmoss: Again?
jlyman: I mean it
dmoss: CJ let you have it didn’t she? You going to tell me the whole story?
jlyman: Nope
dmoss: I hate you
jlyman: I know.
dmoss: So what about my raise?
jlyman: Get back to work
It’s
strange how sometimes we use IM and sometimes I just bellow. But the truth was, at that point I was still
hiding in my office, just in case CJ was wandering around the bullpen.
********************
I was teased about that smoking jacket and cigarette holder for weeks. I know the cigarette holder went in the trash. I think the smoking jacket might be in the back of the closet in my guest room. But I don’t think it’s really me. I’m more of a cartoon boxer and plaid flannel bathrobe kind of guy. But of course, if Donna wanted to see me in the smoking jacket, I’d suffer through wearing it.
********************
To:Abner@aol.com
From:Impervious@aol.com
Subject: Are you ok?
Just wanted to make sure you’re ok. I know something was bothering you today and obviously you didn’t want to talk about it. If you’ve changed your mind call me, don’t worry about the time.
In case you’re wondering, the not-so-secret appointment with Stanley and the Ave Maria CD were dead give aways.
Donna
I didn’t sleep at all that night. I must have picked up the phone a dozen times to call Donna, but I never actually dialed. At that point Donna didn’t know a whole lot about Joanie, other than I had a sister who died very young. It wasn’t until after the shooting that I told her anything in detail. But I came close that night. I think the thing that stopped me was that up until then I had never really let Donna see me get emotional, other than the night my Dad died. How things have changed.
********************
Abner: I want my money back!!!
Impervious: Me too. Go to sleep.
********************
impervious: What are you still doing there?
jlyman: Just finishing a few things.
impervious: There’s nothing that can’t wait until morning. Go home.
jlyman: In a few minutes.
impervious: OK. How was the food?
jlyman: Well, since I don’t like salmon, not that great. Dessert was good, some kind of chocolate cake thing. I snagged you a leftover piece.
impervious: Thanks, did the bowtie survive?
jlyman: Just untied it now. One of these days I’ll learn to tie it myself.
impervious: Yeah and pigs will fly by my window.
jlyman: You’re probably right. I’m leaving now.
impervious: Good, see you tomorrow.
jlyman: I’ll bring breakfast.
Honestly, I know how to tie a bowtie. I just chose not to do it for obvious reasons.
********************
Sometimes I really do think she has too much time on her hands.
********************
To:Abner@aol.com
From:Impervious@aol.com
Subject: You did good
Josh,
I wanted to tell you something before I left but you were fighting with Mandy and I didn’t want to interrupt. Well, not really…well, you were fighting…but I didn’t want to interrupt. OK, I’m making no sense (stop laughing)
You did good today. Yeah, yeah, grammar, grammar, grammar.
But I mean it, you guys made the right decision. I was proud of you today. And I just wanted you to know that.
You da man.
Donna
PS-I am not “testing” your office in the morning.
What can I say, I am DA
MAN.
********************
Dear
Donnatella,
As
you can see I didn't get you skis. I
found this book while on a forced shopping trip with the President, a trip I
don't wish on anyone.
Anyway,
there are a few things I'd like you to know.
When
you came into my office declaring yourself my assistant I had a fleeting
thought of just throwing you out of the building. But as you talked I came to realize that you
had a certain way about you. You told me
that you could be valuable to me. And
you were right.
You
are more valuable to me than you will ever know. Not just professionally. I cherish the time we spend together, in and
out of the office. I thank you from the
bottom of my heart for the times you let me in your apartment, drunk and
cranky. For all the times you refused to
get me coffee but shared yours anyway.
For the times, too many to count, that you saved my butt in the office
by providing a file, a reference, an excuse, a smile or a shoulder to lean
on.
But
most of all for knowing how to make me laugh in the wee hours of the morning
when my head is pounding and my brain has turned itself off. Those are the times I will remember forever.
May
this coming year be filled with more good memories. And maybe even a cup of coffee or two.
Merry
Christmas.
Love,
Joshua
It took me 4 hours, a
couple of beers and half a dozen drafts to get that just right. And I think it turn out just fine. I know Donna liked it. I must have caught her rereading the note 3
times that day. God only knows how many
times she’s reread it since. I imagine
she’s got it memorized. I know I have
her thank you note memorized.
Yes, skis would have killed me.
Well, I’ve hit my limit (two drinks). Probably shouldn’t have combined beer, Jack Daniels and Coke with salami and provolone. Wonder if I have any ginger ale in the kitchen?
Yeah, there were a few emergency cans in the back of the pantry cabinet. Stashed there by Donna, I’m sure. Where would I be without her? Nauseous and lonely, instead of just lonely.
I’m not sure why exactly I seem to have thrown this little pity party for myself tonight. Guess I don’t need a reason. It’s not like I had any other big plans.
Now, who has the nerve to interrupt my pity party by calling me?
Donna, cool. I love Caller ID.
“Lo.”
“How much did you drink?”
“Hello to you too Donnatella.”
“Yeah, Hi. So how much?”
“Two.”
“Two what?”
“Uh, a beer and a Jack and Coke. And a salami and provolone sandwich with extra oil and vinegar.” I figure I might as well admit everything up front. She’ll drag it all out of me sooner or later.
“There’s ginger ale in the cabinet.”
“Already found it. Thanks.”
“Do you need anything? I could come over for a while if you want.”
God, that’s tempting. “No, I’m fine. Enjoy your time off.”
“Time off? I’ve run to Kinko’s three times already,” she points out with a laugh.
“Yeah, sorry about that.”
“It’s ok. I’m not real good at just sitting around.”
She suddenly sounds like she’s in the middle of Massachusetts
Avenue
“A bunch of us went out for a drink.
We’re at the little place on New York
New York , Massachusetts
“Why don’t you come over?”
“Already in my pajamas,” I say with a yawn.
“It’s 10:30 , do you feel ok?”
she asks. I can’t tell if she’s being a
wise ass or if she’s worried about me.
“I have ginger ale and Advil. I’m fine. Call me tomorrow morning.”
“I will. Sleep well Josh.”
“You too.”
I wait for her to hang up the phone before doing the same. I pace around for a few minutes. I decide to stick my head out the front door for some fresh air to try and clear my head. It doesn’t work; as I take my first deep breath the frigid air sends my less than stellar pulmonary system into a coughing fit. The memories of being forced to take deep breaths and cough while I was recovering in the hospital come rushing back. I shudder from the cold air and the memory as I flop back down on the couch. Might as well read a little more, I don’t think I’ll be ready to sleep any time soon.
Jlyman: DONNA!!
Dmoss: If you don’t stop yelling I am never caddying for you.
Jlyman: Sorry. What are you doing?
Dmoss: Working, what are you doing? And why are we IMing?
Jlyman: Cause you told me you didn’t want to talk to me if I was going to whine. And I’m whining so I’m not coming out of my office.
Dmoss: Thank you. Are you ready to talk about it?
Jlyman: What’s there to talk about. I went to the deposition, I deposed, I almost took a swing at Claypool. End of story.
Dmoss: Josh, you did what you had to do. You were trying to protect Leo, it’s what you do.
Jlyman: It’s getting harder and harder to do.
Dmoss: I know. And Leo knows it too. He knows it’s about to all come out. He knows you’re trying your best.
Jlyman: My best isn’t good enough.
At that point Donna came into my office, incurring the wrath of my whining. If I remember correctly she actually shared her coffee with me as she sat and listened to be rant and rave. She tried to cheer me up by promising to caddy for me. Which she never did end up doing. But we did go miniature golfing once last summer. She beat me royally and it cost me a seafood dinner. Not that I minded taking Donna out to dinner.
********************
dmoss: The Secretary
of Agriculture?
Jlyman: Yes, get over it.
Dmoss: I’m trying, lol
Jlyman: Did you get my dry cleaning?
Dmoss: Of course. Did
you really think I’d let you go to the State of the
Jlyman: No, but I was just checking. Is it the shirt I look hot in?
Dmoss: God, am I ever going to hear the end of that comment?
Jlyman: Nope
Dmoss: Didn’t think so and no it’s not that shirt. Hold on the phone is ringing.
Dmoss: Leo wants you to stop by.
Jlyman: How did he sound?
Dmoss: It was Margaret. She said he’s doing pretty well.
Jlyman: He could be doing better if I had been able to stop this whole mess.
Dmoss: Josh, we don’t have time for this now. You need to see Leo, get something to eat and change. If you want to drink and wallow later, be my guest.
Jlyman: You’ll let me drink tonight?
Dmoss: It’s the State of the
Jlyman: Yeah right. I’ll remind you of that fact when you cut me off at two drinks later.
Dmoss: I have no doubt you will. Go see Leo.
Donna did stay true to her word that night. She did watch how much I drank while we were still at the White House but after we got back to my place she let me get drunk and wallow in…whatever. She also did something that night she had never done before, she spend the night at my place. She slept in my guest room. But it wasn’t romantic in the least. I think after she was up until 3 in the morning holding my head while I puked she was just too tired to go home.. As much as I get annoyed when she talks about my sensitive system, it’s all true.
********************
If you don’t
stop complaining about your burger,
this is what
you are getting for lunch next week!!
One little request for Donna to check my food and this is what I got. I stopped complaining but as I recall I got salad twice the next week.
********************
To:jlyman@whitehouse.gov
From:dmoss@whitehouse.gov
Subject: Bye
Josh,
I’m leaving. Try not to do anything stupid.
There’s Advil in my desk drawer and more ginger ale in your fridge. Try to eat something.
Joey Lucas and Kenny are staying at the Marriott Courtyard
on
If you want someone to talk to when it’s all over at
Donna
PS- You owe me a pair of shoes. And with the other crap I had to put up with, I think you owe me dinner too!!
That was just one of those days when Donna went back and forth between
wanting to kick my ass, for getting drunk, and worrying about me, because I was
hung-over and felt like crap. Not to
mention struggling with my feelings about the whole Simon Cruz issue. I did end up calling her at a few minutes
after midnight . We didn’t say much as I recall but I think we
both found the phone call comforting. I
did end up taking her out to dinner the next weekend and when she ordered some
dress shirts for me from Lands End a few days later she added a pair of shoes
for herself.
********************
To:Abner
From:Impervious
Subject: Sorry
Dear Josh,
Sorry. I couldn’t resist.
I made you a graphic for the cover
page so when you get done writing the plan let me know, I’ll be happy to type
it for you.
I’m taking some soup to CJ. Call me later.
Donna
I’m still trying to live down that day. I don’t think it’s ever going to happen but I’m still hopeful. CJ did get her revenge last year when I had to have root canal. But at least I was smart enough to just stay home afterwards. Donna brought me soup too.
********************
I know Donna didn’t know Joey was with Al. We may tease each other but we would never send each other into a situation where we would be humiliated. I found Donna curled up in her seat on Air Force One after I got out of my meeting. We shared some chocolate and fell asleep together. It was a nice ending to a long and rather crappy day.
********************
Dmoss: Want to hear
more about what life was like 100 years ago?
Jlyman: Not particularly.
Dmoss: Spoil sport
Jlyman: Whatever
Dmoss: OK, I’m leaving.
Jlyman: Going home to do a little mending on the sewing machine?
Dmoss: Wouldn’t you like to know.
Jlyman: Always Donnatella. See you tomorrow.
Dmoss: Bye
OK, so I think that little IM session was our first of many vaguely inappropriate ones. Every time I visit my mom and I see the antique sewing machine in her living room I get these really inappropriate thoughts about Donna.
********************
OK, so maybe it doesn’t say Banana Bar, but it certainly doesn’t look like panda bear.
********************
To:Abner
From:Impervious
Subject: No Subject
Dear Josh,
I’m sorry if I gave you more
information than necessary on English as a National Language. But admit it, the stuff on James Madison
helped.
I made a little something to cheer
you up.
I tried to give her devil horns
but I couldn’t quite figure out how to do it.
Hang in there, you’ll get through
this just like you get through everything else.
It’s your turn to buy bagels
tomorrow.
Donna
Yes the stuff on James Madison helped and the graphic did make me smile. But devil horns would have been better.
********************
To:jlyman@whitehouse.gov
From:dmoss@whitehouse.gov
Subject:
See what we’re missing.
Donna
Believe me, I know what we’re missing.
********************
To:jlyman@whitehouse.gov
From:dmoss@whitehouse.gov
Subject: Bye
Josh,
Sorry about your chair. Curtis should have it done by Wednesday.
Thanks for not making me go tonight. I’ll be watching.
Do good!!
Donna
She sent that before heading home the night of the Town Hall Meeting. I first saw it a week later. I begged for 2 days for her to read my email to me. She had been dragging my laptop back and forth, working when I was sleeping but she hadn’t let me near it. She finally gave in almost a week after I was shot but she insisted on reading the emails to me. This was fine. I was still not able to sit up very well and I was doped up on the good drugs, making it hard to focus my eyes for any length of time. Not to mention my hand eye coordination was crappy. I remember her crying, ok, both of us crying, when she read this email to me. Not that is was a particularly moving email, but we were both aware that it could have very well been the last thing she ever sent me.
********************
Donna sent that to me about a week and a half after I was shot. It was the first day she left my alone for more than an hour. And the first time she left me my laptop. I was still weak and in a lot of pain, not to mention on the verge of being diagnosed with pneumonia. But I was able to read a little of my email and check out CNN.com. This was the first of many, many cards Donna sent me. Most of them were actual cards, ones I keep in the box in the back of my closet. I don’t look at them very often. The last time I looked was when Zoey was kidnapped and I was feeling helpless.
********************
Abner: I’m bored!!
Dmoss: Josh, you’re supposed to be
sleeping
Abner: Can’t, I tried
Dmoss: I left 45 minutes ago. You didn’t try very hard.
Abner: Did so
Dmoss: Stop whining. Did you finish your lunch?
Abner: No
Dmoss: Not hungry?
Abner: No
Dmoss: What’s wrong?
Abner: Nothing
Dmoss: Josh….
Abner: I don’t know
Dmoss: Do you want me to come
back?
Abner: No, it’s your first full
afternoon back
Dmoss: This is the first time
you’ve been alone, isn’t it?
Abner: Yeah it feels weird
Dmoss: Why don’t you put on a
movie and relax on the couch?
Abner: I’ll try
Dmoss: Good. I’ll be back around 5. Do you need anything?
Abner: Work would be nice
Dmoss: Funny boy. I’ll pick up some magazines.
Abner: Great
Dmoss: I have to get back to
work. Get some sleep
Abner: I’ll try. Bye
Dmoss: Bye
The was about a week after I had gotten home from the hospital. Up until that afternoon I hadn’t actually been alone for more than a few minutes in almost 3 weeks. When Donna headed for the office after making me lunch it took all of 15 minutes for me to feel uneasy. I eventually did fall asleep after a pain pill and half a Lifetime movie. I managed to sleep until Donna came back. I remember waking up to the feel of Donna brushing back my hair and kissing my forehead. That was then and is now my favorite way to wake up. It just doesn’t happen often enough.
********************
That was Donna’s
first semi-full day back at work. It was
slowly getting more comfortable being home alone but I was also getting very
bored. I’d only been outside for
doctor’s appointments and physical therapy appointments. Cabin fever was beginning to set it.
********************
Abner: hey
Impervious: What are you doing up?
Abner: I could ask you the same
thing.
Impervious: It’s only 11 and I’m
not recovering from a bullet wound.
Abner: can’t sleep
Impervious: Why not?
Abner: don’t know
Impervious: Josh, talk to me.
Abner: don’t feel good
Impervious: What’s wrong?
Abner: don’t know
Impervious: Did you push yourself too hard in PT this
afternoon?
Abner: not really
Impervious: Obviously something’s
wrong, you’re down to using partial sentences and no punctuation. What hurts?
Abner: stomach hurts, head hurts, chest hurts
Impervious: Did you eat dinner?
Abner: I couldn’t
Impervious: Did you throw up?
Abner: not yet
Impervious: Are you running a
fever?
Abner: I think so
Impervious: Take your temperature.
The thermometer is on the nightstand.
Abner: brb
Abner: 100.8
Impervious: Take some Advil, try
to drink some Gatorade and I’ll be over in 15 minutes
Abner: you don’t have to come over
Impervious: I’m coming over, deal
with it.
Abner: ok
Abner: thanks
If I recall correctly Donna made it to my house in less than 15 minutes. By the time she got here I was in the bathroom puking my guts up. She stayed with me, rubbed my back and held my head. When I was finally able to stand up and leave the bathroom we argued for a good hour about calling the doctor. I finally won out when I kept down Advil and half a bottle of Gatorade. Donna stayed that night curled up next to me in my bed. I think she was scared to leave me and that was fine, I was scared to be alone.
********************
Abner: How do the numbers look?
Dmoss: Hello Donna. How’s your day. Thank you so much for that delicious lunch
you left me.
Abner: Yeah, yeah. The numbers?
Dmoss: Turn on CNN, I don’t have
time right now
Abner: DOOOONNNNAAA!!!
Dmoss: Joshua, don’t whine
Abner: Can I come in for a few
hours?
Dmoss: No
Abner: But it’s Election Day
Dmoss: Which is why you’re not
coming in. Too much stress.
Abner: Fine, can I go out tonight?
Dmoss: No
Abner: PLEEEEASE!!
Dmoss: I’ll let you out on the
stoop. I’ll invite everyone over. But no
comments about being an outdoorsman.
Abner: Deal. Can I drink?
Dmoss: One beer
Abner: Two
Dmoss: One. And you have to sleep this afternoon.
Abner: Fine, whatever, it’s not
like you’ll be able to tell if I slept or not.
Dmoss: Good one. I’ll be able to tell in 5 seconds flat.
Abner: Probably.
Dmoss: Yeah, it’s a gift
Abner: More like a curse. You know there are times I really don’t like
you
Dmoss: I can live with that
Abner: I’m going to take a
nap.
Dmoss: Good boy.
Donna did let you out on the stoop that night. I went out in the baggy pajamas that CJ bought for me and my slippers. I shut up about being an outdoorsman and got my one beer. I don’t think I’ve ever felt as alive as I did that night. I slept through the night for the first time since I had been shot. A week later I was ready to get back to work.
********************
To:Abner@aol.com
From: Dmoss@whitehouse.gov
Subject: Dinner
Josh,
Do you feel like going out to
dinner tonight? I figure since you’re
coming back to work tomorrow we should celebrate. Call me when you get wake up. I’m assuming since you haven’t bothered me in
the last hour that you’ve fallen asleep.
Donna
Abner: I’m awake
Dmoss: How long did you sleep?
Abner: An hour or so. Dinner sounds good.
Dmoss: I’m attempting to clear off
your desk. I should be there by 6
Abner: Ok. Where do you want to go?
Dmoss: You can pick. How are you feeling?
Abner: Pretty good. I think I’m ready to get back to work. I have a whole long list of things to do.
Dmoss: Remember, you’re not
working 18 hours tomorrow. 9-4 if you
rest after lunch, 9-2 if you refuse to rest.
Abner: I thought the rules were
going to stop when I got back to work?
Dmoss: Whatever gave you that
idea? Shower and change, I’ll be there in a few hours.
Abner: Bye
Obviously that was the night before I returned to work. My return date had been set for about two
weeks. But as the day got closer I
realized I probably wasn’t really ready to return but I did anyway. I was mentally ready, more than ready. But I was still physically weaker than I let
on. I was still weak, pale and way too
thin. I remember getting dressed to go
out to eat with Donna that night. I had
to tighten my belt to the last hole and my jeans were still loose. I remember Donna making mention of my weight
when she helped me into my coat. It was
cold that night and I wore my good wool coat.
I remember it just hung off my shoulders. Still being weak we opted to drive instead of
walk but still it felt good to be out.
We ate pasta and Donna even let me have a glass of wine. We walked to visit Abe Lincoln after we ate
and we sat on the steps staring up at the Washington
Monument
That night I had my first nightmare.
Donna had decided to spend the night on my couch. She wanted to be available to help me in the morning. Throwing on sweats and a t-shirt was enough of a struggle first thing in the morning. I tended to be very stiff when I first woke up. Showering, shaving, dressing in a suit, eating and packing my backpack was something I needed help with.
Anyway. Donna tells me I never screamed, never made a sound, yet she knew to come check on me. She found me shaking and completely dazed. As only she could, she calmed me down and held me until I settled down enough to go back to sleep. She stayed by my side for the rest of the night, her hand resting on my head.
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