Regrets at 30,000 Feet
We barely make it onto
the plane without collapsing. Donna and
I are on one side of the plane with Toby across the aisle from us. I'm feeling generous as I motion for Donna to
take the window set.
OK, so it's dark out and
there's not much to see. Plus I just had
two beers and 2 glasses of Coke so I'm bound to make a few trips to the
bathroom during the flight.
But let's just pretend
it's because I'm feeling generous. She
flops in the seat and curls up in a tight little ball. I grab her a pillow and blanket.
"Thanks," she
mutters as she pulls the blanket up around her ears and closes her eyes.
I sit down and promptly
start to fidget. I'm bored already and
the plane hasn't even begun to taxi. I
have absolutely nothing with me, Donna's the only one who is carrying anything
and I know that going into her tote bag is asking for trouble. There are no good magazines and Toby doesn't
appear in the mood to chat.
The flight attendant does
her little speech and for once I actually pay attention, cause there's nothing
else to do. The plane takes off and I'm
beginning to regret that last soda as the seatbelt sign is still illuminated.
"Josh, stop
fidgeting."
"I can't."
"I told you not to
have that last soda."
"I know. I'm beginning to regret it. Do you have any Advil?"
"In my bag,"
she grunts as she points toward it with her shoeless foot. "I told you not to have that second
beer."
"I know, I regret
that too...wait you didn't tell me, you weren't even in the room at the
time."
"Whatever," she
whispers as I struggle to get her tote bag loose from under her seat. "A little help would be nice here,
Donnatella."
With a good deal of drama
she leans over and just pulls the Advil out of her bag and hands me two. I'm pretty sure she has water in there but
she's not offering and I don't really want to drink anything else at the
moment. So I swallow them dry and try to
sit still. I'm doing a pretty good job,
I think.
"Josh what's
wrong?"
"Huh?"
"You stopped
fidgeting. You're not going to be sick
are you?" she asks as she starts to pull an airsick bag out of the pocket
of the seat in front of me.
"No, I'm fine. I was just thinking."
"Oh was that the
smoke I smelled?" she snorts.
She is very adorable when
she is past the exhausted stage. It's
quite amusing really.
"Funny,
Donnatella."
"Well, it's the best
I could do after spending the day with dumb and dumber."
"Which one
is..."
"Don't ask."
Thank God, the seatbelt
sign goes off and I'm able to use the bathroom.
Apparently a lot of other people were holding it in too cause there's a
line at the restroom.
Donna appears to be
asleep when I get back. She's curled up in her seat, facing my seat. She's put the armrest up and her legs are on
my seat, just great. Regret number
three, not being in first class.
I gently pick her legs up
and sit down sort of sideways so I can tuck one leg under me and rest her legs
across my other leg.
Regret number 4, not
keeping up with my yoga, cause I don't know how long I'm going to be able to
sit like this. But I rest my cheek
against the back of the set and Donna scoots a little closer, resting her
forehead against mine. I think I'll be
ok for a while.
I regret flirting with
Cathy this morning. If I hadn't done
that she may have already talked to Toby and I about the plight of the small
farmers and we won't have missed the motorcade.
But to be honest, I had
fun today. Sure it was hot, we were
cranky, Toby was pissy, but hey, it was an adventure.
Donna shifts in her sleep
so her head ends up on my shoulder so I'm able to turn a little and put both
legs down, thus restoring the circulation to my right leg.
She was amazing
today. Always one step ahead of me,
knowing what I wanted and what I needed before I had a clue. I know, she's like that all the time. But today, being out of the office, I saw
things a little clearer. I regret not
having thanked her enough before she fell asleep.
I doze for a while,
missing the beverage service completely.
When I wake up Donna's completely in her own seat, looking out the
window drinking a cup of coffee. She
smiles and reaches to smooth down my hair.
"You want to
share?"
"You're offering me
coffee? I don't think I'll be fired for
missing the motorcade."
"Ha ha," she
says with a grin as I take the coffee.
"I'm sorry about
today," I whisper as I hand the coffee back.
"It wasn't your
fault."
"Maybe not but I
could have been a little nicer to you."
"As usual." she
smirks.
"OK, I need you to
'not be you' for a few minutes," I say as I repeat the words she said to
me in my office over a year ago.
"OK," she
whispers as I can see a faint blush coming over her cheeks, mixing with the
pink from being out in the sun all day.
"Seriously, you were
great today. One step ahead of me,
letting me rant when I needed to and reining me in when I needed to be. Although I do regret having Mr. Grumpy pants
along for the ride," I tease as I hitch my thumb over my shoulder in the
direction of the now snoring Toby.
"He wasn't that
bad. He did provide some
entertainment. I regret not packing some
sunscreen," she laughs as she points to her face. Without thinking I bring my hand up and press
my palm gently against the pink skin of her cheek.
"Nice and
cool," she whispers as she leans into my hand. For a split second I'm unable to move. And then Donna sits up straighter and further
away from me.
I regret that she feels
the need to do that. We used to be so
physical with each other and this past year things have been strange. Our rhythm comes and goes. Some days, we're like a well-oiled machine,
and others, we're a machine in need of tuning.
I can tell by the look on Donna's face that she feels the same way.
"You know what I
regret the most?" I whisper as I snuggle back against the seat and steal
half of Donna's blanket.
"What?"
"Losing sight of the
big picture."
"Yeah, you two have
a tendency to do that," she says as she looks over my shoulder at Toby.
"But I think I got
sight of it again. Due to you, our
friend at the bar and what happened tonight." I sigh.
She nods. "There's nothing like a tragedy to bring
things back into focus." she whispers, thinking of the kids in the pool.
"Thank you, for the
letters."
"You're
welcome."
And we're silent for a
few minutes. She curls up in her seat,
her posture mirroring my own. I glance
at my watch. We still have enough time
to sleep for a while before the plane lands.
Donna looks at her watch too.
"Try and get some
sleep, or you'll be regretting it later," she whispers as she turns off
the light over my head.
I nod a little and close
my eyes. I'm vaguely aware of her
caressing my cheek for a minute and brushing back my hair. It makes me feel safe and yes, even loved.
And now my biggest regret
is not being awake enough to tell her she makes me feel that way. I can only hope she already knows it.
The End
