Replacing the Memories

Josh tossed the file he had been reading back on the desk and rubbed his eyes. He looked at the clock and frowned, deciding that 11:20 was a little too early to break for lunch. The day had started early and he was already fading a little. It was May once again and the second anniversary of the shooting was rapidly approaching.

With help from Donna he was dealing with the situation the best he could. She had moved in with him a few months earlier and things were going great. Much to their surprise the press didn't seem to care all that much. The called their relationship "a fairy tale" and basically let them keep their private life private.

And so they fell into a comfortable routine, pretty successfully managing to keep their personal relationship out of the office. Josh still bellowed and Donna still didn't bring him coffee; but she did share her own more often. Not that things were strictly business all of the time. More than once they'd been caught in a heated embrace behind Josh's office door. But incidents like that were few and far between.

So as the anniversary approached Josh thought more and more about the decision he had come to a few months earlier.

With a glance to make sure his office door was closed Josh went to the bookshelf and reached behind a stack of physics textbooks to retrieve a small box. He opened it and admired the ruby and diamond ring inside. He remembered his grandmother telling him the story of how his grandfather had proposed with that very ring. He recalled his father giving Joanie the ring when their grandmother had passed away. He remembered his mother sitting at the kitchen table the day the repairs on the house were finished and they had moved back in after the fire. She held the ring in one hand and a hair ribbon of Joanie's in the other. He thought about the day his mother gave him the ring and the note from his father that had been in the box.

He had planned on proposing the minute he got back to the office after getting the ring out of his safe deposit box. But by the time he had gotten back a crisis had arisen and there was no time for personal matters. Things were hectic for a few days and then Donna moved in. To propose right after she moved in seemed a little to contrived so he waited. March turned to April and the whole anniversary/non-anniversary rolled around. He had considered, briefly, proposing on that anniversary but just sent flowers instead. Donna took them in the spirit in which they had been sent, and for that he was grateful.

So now it was May, otherwise known as the month Joshua Lyman would rather just skip over completely. His mother had just sent him an e-mail earlier that morning, to check up on him and tell him she was still waiting. He regretted telling her "it's time". She had been bugging him about when he was going to propose from the time she had gotten that email. The bugging was good-natured and he took it in stride. But now he was tired of waiting and anniversary or no anniversary he was going to propose in May.

Josh closed the box and put it back on the shelf. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, not really surprised when his hand came back slightly damp. Grabbing a tissue off the desk he blew his nose and went to open the door.

"Donna." he bellowed as he stuck his head out into the bullpen.

"Josh." she yelled back without taking her eyes off her computer.

He smiled as she swaggered over to her desk. Perching himself on the corner he waited until she was done typing to speak again.

"I'm bored." he whined as he stole a sip of her coffee.

"Well, you could go through that stack of mail over there." she replied as she vaguely gestured towards the opposite corner of her desk.

"I thought that was your job." he teased as he reached for the stack of envelopes.

"Yeah, but since you're so bored I thought maybe....." she looked at Josh for the first time and stopped short.

"What?"

"You ok? Your eyes are all red and watery." she said as she stood up and pressed her hand against his cheek.

"I'm, uh, I'm fine. Must be allergies or something." he muttered as he pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it softly.

"OK," she said, not really convinced that he was indeed fine. "You're free for lunch, you want to grab something and take a walk?"

"Sure, about an hour?"

"Sounds good. Now take your mail and let me work." she teased as he swaggered back towards his office.

An hour later Josh had managed to read through the mail and send a message to his mother, nicely asking her to leave him alone. She had sent a reply almost immediately, reminding him that she wasn't getting any younger.

"Josh, you ready?" asked Donna as she stuck her head in the office.

"Yeah," he said as he stood up, stretched a bit and grabbed his wallet.

Josh and Donna left the White House hand in hand; stopping at a deli around the corner for some sandwiches and drinks. They ate on a bench under the shadow of the Washington Monument.

Josh was quieter than usual as he picked at his lunch. Donna took note of it and tried to brush it off by attributing it to the fact that it was Friday and he was tired. But she could read a calendar and she knew there was more to it than his normal exhaustion after a long week. She chose not to push him to talk, knowing that could very well backfire. They finished eating and then walked along the walkway down to the Lincoln Memorial and back up through the Vietnam Memorial.

An hour after leaving they returned to their professional lives with a peek on the cheek just inside the White House gates.

The afternoon dragged on for Josh who was in the middle of a very long meeting in the Roosevelt Room. He restlessly listened to a group of senators who were opposed to the new bill the White House was trying to get passed. He tried to sway their opinions but was met with more and more reasons why the timing of the bill wasn't right. He got a little loud more than once but Donna's voice in his head managed to rein him in enough to keep him from saying something he would totally regret. Just past the 3-hour mark Leo, sensing that his deputy wasn't exactly giving the meeting his full attention, decided to end it. They made plans to continue on Monday morning. Josh rose, shook their hands and gathered his things to leave.

"Josh, sit for a minute." said Leo as he closed the door.

Josh had a feeling of dread reminiscent of being sent to the principal's office in the 5th grade. He dropped the pile of folders back on the table and sat back down in his chair.

"I'm sorry for that little outburst, uh, outbursts." said Josh quietly, looking quite sheepish.

Leo smiled and shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I just wanted to know how you're doing. Things have been so busy lately we haven't had a chance to, uh, chat."

Josh tried not to laugh. "Leo, when was the last time we chatted." he asked with a dimpled grin.

"OK, maybe that was the wrong phrase. But you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do. I'm doing ok. I would love for this month to be over like yesterday but I'll get through it." said Josh with a sigh.

"Good. If you need anything, a day off, some work farmed out to other people, someone to talk to, some time in the Press Room to make a personal announcement...."

"OK, you and my mother have really got to stop talking to each other." teased Josh. "Like I told my mother, please leave me alone, I plan to do it before the month is over."

"Good boy." grinned Leo. "Now, find Donna and get the hell out of here for the night. And don't come in early tomorrow."

"Thanks Leo. For, you know, caring and stuff." Josh said softly as he walked out of the room.

Leo watched him with concern and sent up a silent prayer for a relatively calm rest of the month.

The next week flew by quickly. Things were hectic but manageable in the West Wing and the rest of the White House. Donna was keeping a close eye on Josh who seemed to be doing pretty well. His friends noticed he was a little quieter than usual and didn't press him to talk. They invited out for drinks a couple of nights after work but he had declined. He was content to just go home with Donna and relax.

The anniversary of the shooting was on a Wednesday and by Monday of that week it was clear Josh was struggling to keep things together. He was trying his best to act as if nothing was wrong. And to an outsider he was probably succeeding. But to those who knew and loved him, he was on the verge of failing miserably. By that afternoon pretty much everyone in the West Wing had asked him if he was ok. He would mutter that he was and change the subject as soon as humanly possible. Everywhere he went he was met with whispers that ended as soon as he came into sight. It was annoying but he was trying his best to realize that people were just worried about him.

Around 4:00 on that Monday afternoon he returned from a meeting on the Hill and collapsed on the couch in his office. Donna was on the phone when he passed by and just smiled as she caught his eye. She ended the conversation as quickly as she could and went to check on Josh.

She stood unnoticed in the doorway for a minute. Josh was stretched out on the couch, staring at the ceiling. His left hand was absently fingered the scar on his chest. She silently walked in the room and took a quick glance at the schedule sitting on his desk. He had a few phone calls to return but after that he was done for the day, barring an emergency.

Donna moved Josh over a little and perched on the edge of the couch. She brushed her fingers through his hair and kissed his forehead.

"You feel ok?" she asked.

"I guess. I'm just tired I think."

"OK. Why don't you finish up your phone calls and we can get out of here."

"Donna, it's only 4 in the afternoon, I can't leave yet."

"Yes, you can." said Donna, sounding a little more insistent.

"No." replied Josh, sitting up in annoyance. "I'm tired of having other people pick up the slack because I can't get my act together."

Donna exhaled sharply to vent her growing frustration as Josh scrambled to stand up. She shot him a look as he nearly toppled her onto the floor. Turning to look over he shoulder she caught the eye of Jed Bartlet and jumped to her feet.

"OK, standing is great but you don't have to knock each other over in the process." said Jed with a grin. "Sit, please."

Josh and Donna sat back down on the couch as Jed leaned against the front of Josh's desk.

"Sir, do you want me to leave?" asked Donna as she pointed towards the door.

"No, stay right here." said Jed as he turned his attention towards Josh. "So, I guess the country will go to hell in a handbasket if you leave early?" asked Jed, eyebrows raised.

Josh smiled weakly before shrugging his shoulders.

"Joshua, listen to Donna. Finish your calls and go home. I assure you we will survive a few hours without you."

"Yes sir." replied Josh stubbornly.

Jed slid off the desk and waved towards the couch to keep Josh and Donna from rising up as he left.

"Happy now? You have presidential orders to go home. We're out of here in 30 minutes, I'm timing you."

"I'm sure you are." smirked Josh as he stood up to go to his desk.

Donna left, quietly closing the door behind her. Jed headed to Leo's office and knocked softly on the door before letting himself in.

"That was quick. I thought you were going to actually talk to him." said Leo as he stood up.

"Sit down. I was going to talk to him but when I got there he was giving Donna a hard time about leaving early. He looked like crap so I thought that sending him home to get some rest was more important than talking to me."

"Probably. He looked that bad? I haven't seen him too much today between my meetings and his." said Leo as he tossed his glasses on the desk and leaned back to put his feet up.

"He looks tired and, I don't know, haunted I guess." said Jed with a shrug of his shoulders. "So, any word on when he plans on proposing?" he asked with a laugh.

"Last update was, and I quote, 'before the month is over'."

"Good." said Jed as he smiled and headed for the Oval Office.

Twenty-eight minutes later Donna steered a pouting, exhausted Josh out of the White House and into his car. He handed over the keys with only a small argument and slouched down into the passengers seat. Donna kept the conversation flowing, if only to keep Josh awake in the car.

By 6:30 Josh had eaten, showered and put on a pair of Cat in the Hat boxers and a Mets t-shirt. Donna was in the kitchen cleaning up from dinner and getting the coffee maker ready for the morning. She watched Josh practically bounce around on the couch in an effort to get comfortable.

"Josh you want some tea?" she called from the kitchen.

"No thanks." he yelled over the back of the couch as he clicked the TV from C-Span to CNN.

Donna came out and joined him on the couch. She took the remote from him and changed to ESPN. Kicking off her shoes she propped her feet on the coffee and pulled Josh down to settle his head in her lap. They watched TV in silence for a few minutes until Josh starting fidgeting. He kicked the arm of the couch, ran his fingers through his hair, sighed, and annoyingly drummed his fingers on Donna's knee. Donna kept quiet for as long as she could, which, in reality wasn't all that long.

"Josh, stop." she said as she pulled him by the shoulder so he rolled over on his back. "You need to relax."

"How can I relax Donna, everybody's still at work and I'm here in my pajamas. For God's sake, it's not even dark out yet." he said bitterly as he pointed towards the window.

"I know. Look you need to get some sleep. The next few days are...."

"I don't want to sleep." said Josh firmly as he rubbed the heels of his hands against his eyes.

Donna reached down and took his hands in hers. "Why don't you take a sleeping pill? You rarely have a nightmare when you do."

"I hate to take them." he whined.

"I know. But you're gonna need some sleep if you're going to get through the next few days in one piece."

"I know." he sighed. "OK, I'll take it. They're in the bathroom."

"I'll get it. You get in bed."

Josh shuffled across the room muttering about how the sun hadn't even set yet and he was being sent to bed. Donna shook her head, rolled her eyes and grinned as she went to get him a glass of water and a pill.

Even with the pill it took Josh a long time to settle down enough to fall asleep. In fact, as Donna pointed out to him as the urge to sleep finally hit him, the sun had set before he was asleep.

Donna stayed with him for a while, rubbing slow gentle circles over his back and shoulders. She hoped the sleeping pill was enough to keep the nightmares at bay. It usually was but with the anniversary of the shooting upon them she knew to expect the unexpected. She shuddered at the memory of their trip to the Newseum the previous May. The haunted look in Josh's eyes, the silent fear that took a hold of him, the way his own body reacting violently to the memories, how the sound of a single siren had been enough to make him physically ill.

Josh rolled over in his sleep, onto his back. The glow from the streetlights cast shadows over his face. Donna reached to rub her thumb over his forehead in an attempt to erase the lines that were present, even in his sleep. She cupped his cheek with her hand and leaned over to kiss him gently before climbing out of bed.

Grabbing her tote bag she settled on the couch to get some work done. She clicked on the TV and turned to CNN out of habit. There was a commercial for the upcoming retrospective about the shooting. With a sigh of disgust she turned to Lifetime. For the next few hours she worked on some note cards for Josh, talked to his mother on the phone and did a load of laundry.

Around midnight she crawled into bed next to Josh. She put her head on his shoulder, her hand resting over his heart feeling the strong steady beat through the soft worn cotton of his t-shirt.

The sleeping pill gave Josh a much needed 8 straight hours of sleep. Unfortunately those 8 hours ended sometime around 4 in the morning and he just couldn't get back to sleep. He crept out of bed carefully, trying not to wake Donna. He showered and dressed quickly. He made coffee and caught the early headlines on CNN. By 5 he was restless and feeling cooped up so he left a note for Donna, threw his backpack over his shoulder and walked to work.

The early morning chill was refreshing, making him feel more like himself than he had in days. He took his time walking arriving just as the sun was rising over the dome of the Capitol. The bullpen was dark, even Leo wasn't in yet. He dropped his backpack and coat in his office and headed to the mess for some more coffee and something to eat.

He had just finished scanning the headlines of the morning paper when he looked up to see a few men in dark suits and earpieces. Scrambling to his feet he nearly knocked over his coffee mug.

"Good morning, Mr. President." he said as Jed Bartlet stopped a few feet from him.

"Good morning, Josh. Sit, please." Jed said as he pulled out a chair for himself. "You're here early. Couldn't sleep?"

"Slept fine. Eight hours in fact. But, having fallen asleep before the sun was barely set I was up a little early." explained Josh with a grin.

"I see. So, anything new, anything I should know about?" asked Jed with a wink.

"Let me guess sir, you've been talking to Leo, who has been talking to my mother."

"Something like that."

"As I am sure Leo told you, I'm working on it. I don't know. I want to propose, I really do. But is now the right time? Should I be doing this now with the anniversary coming up tomorrow?"

Jed took a sip of his own coffee before speaking. "Why not? Replace some of the bad memories of this month with good ones."

Josh pondered that for a minute as he finished his bagel. "That sounds like a plan, sir. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now I want to talk to you about tomorrow."

A suddenly pale Josh peered at Jed over the rim of his coffee mug. "Excuse me?" he whispered.

"Tomorrow. Take the day off."

"Due respect sir, no." Josh said plainly.

"Josh, I'm not asking, I'm telling."

"Sir, you were shot too. Are you taking the day off?"

"No, I'm not. But you are."

Josh blew out a frustrated breath and reined himself in before he said something he would regret.

"Fine, I'll work from home."

"Joshua," said Jed in that warning tone he usually saved for his daughters, "You will not work from home. You will give your lovely assistant the day off too and you will do something fun, something relaxing, something I don't really need to hear about." he teased.

"Fine. Truth be told I wasn't really looking forward to the looks of pity I'm sure I would get tomorrow. It's hard enough to deal with without everybody...." Josh's voice trailed off as he waved his hand in a vague gesture that meant he could not quite get his feelings into words.

"I understand son. That's why you're taking the day off." said Jed as he stood up.

Josh jumped to his feet. Jed smiled and patted his shoulder as he passed by.

"Thank you sir."

"You're welcome, now get to work."

The day was rough with one crisis after another. On one hand it made the day all the more stressful for Josh but on the other it kept him busy and kept his mind occupied. His last meeting of the day was scheduled for 7:00. Around 5 he dragged himself into his office and collapsed on the couch. Donna was on the phone at the time and by the time she had gotten off and grabbed him something to drink he was sound asleep. She knelt down by the couch for a few minutes, smoothing back his unruly hair. A soft knock at the door brought her to her feet.

"Hey, Sam." she whispered as she motioned for him to step back into the bullpen.

"He ok?" Sam asked as Donna quietly shut the door behind her.

"He's past the point of exhaustion but so far he hasn't gone off on anybody, which is a change from this time last year. I'm going to drag him out of here after his meeting. He's forbidden to set foot in the building tomorrow."

"That's good. You taking the day off too."

"Yeah, Presidential orders. You need to see him when he wakes up?"

"No, that's ok. It can wait." said Sam as he grabbed a piece of candy off Donna's desk and headed back to the Communications Bullpen.

The meeting set for 7 didn't start until nearly 8 and it dragged on and on and on. By 10:45 Donna was sitting in Josh's chair, trying to stay awake. Finally at 11:20 Josh appeared in the doorway, ready to drop. Donna grabbed his backpack and led him out to the car. As she expected she had to wake him when they got home.

"Josh, honey, let's go. Wake up. Come on, open your eyes." she said as she undid his seatbelt and shook his shoulder.

He groaned a little and opened his eyes enough to become aware of where he was and what he had to do. Not 10 minutes later he was curled up on the bed snoring softly.

Donna tucked the quilt around him and then went into the bathroom to change. She wandered back into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water. Wanting to be prepared for the nightmare that she was sure would come she grabbed a couple of Advil too.

As predicted the nightmares did come. A little after 2 Donna woke up to the sound of Josh calling her name. He was sitting up, eyes fixed straight ahead but not really seeing anything. She pushed the pillows behind her and sat up, pulling Josh back against her.

"Josh, wake up." she whispered into his ear as she pushed the hair back off his sweaty forehead. "It's ok, you're safe."

Usually it only took a few words from her to get Josh to focus and wake himself up. But tonight it looked like it was going to be a little harder to get him to come out of it.

"Joshua, it's just a dream. Come on Josh, listen to me." she said, her voice starting to show the panic she felt inside.

She wrapped her arms more firmly around him as he was still shaking badly. With a few more whispered words his ragged, rapid breathing started to slow down.

"That's good, take a deep breath." coached Donna as she kissed the top of his head. Josh tried to talk but Donna stopped him with her fingers against his lips. "Don't talk yet, just breathe."

Her grip on him loosened as he got control of his breathing. With a corner of the sheet she wiped the tears from his face.

"You want some water?"

Josh just nodded his head against her chest. Donna reached over, grabbed the water off the nightstand and twisted the cap off for him. He took a few large swallows and then sat up with his head in his hands.

"Relax. I'll be back in a minute."

Donna returned with a cool cloth. She handed him the Advil which he took without complaint and then wiped his face and ran the cool cloth over the back of his neck.

"Better?"

"Yeah." he whispered, his voice hoarse.

Donna went to the dresser and grabbed a dry t-shirt for him. "Here, change into this."

Josh changed his shirt, used the bathroom and crawled back in bed where Donna wrapped her arms protectively around him.

"You want to talk about it?"

He simply shook his head and turned his head to plant a kiss on her shoulder.

"OK, close your eyes, try to go back to sleep."

He tried but tossed and turned for almost an hour before extracting himself from Donna's arms and wandering out of the bedroom. He clicked the TV on but quickly shut it back off as he caught a glimpse of his own face on MSNBC. He remembered very little of that night and preferred to keep it that way. There's no need to add fuel to the fire of his nightmares with a retrospective in living Technicolor.

Wandering around for a while did nothing to calm him down or bring him any closer to the sleep that he desperately needed. He picked up his backpack and took out a pile of files he snuck in there behind Donna's back. Reading for a while about the effects of acid rain wasn't even enough to make him fall back to sleep. Somewhere around 4 in the morning he made a cup of Sleepytime tea, turned on the CD player and curled up on the couch. Expecting to hear the Springsteen CD he had left in there the previous day he groaned at the sound of Donna's Enya CD. Lacking the ambition to get up and change the CD and not really wanting to sit in silence he left it on. After a few songs he had to admit to himself that it really wasn't that bad. The combination of the music, the tea and sheer exhaustion were enough to send him crawling back into bed with Donna a little before 5.

Donna's internal clock had her up at a little after 5:30. She smiled at the sight of Josh sleeping peacefully. Thirsty, she went into the kitchen for a drink. She frowned at the sight of the teacup on the coffee table and the files on the couch. For a split second she was hurt that he didn't wake her up but she pushed those thoughts aside as she took a drink of water and wandered back to bed. In the 5 minutes she was gone Josh managed to roll over onto the middle of the bed, long limbs seeming to take up every inch of the big bed. Donna laughed as she lifted his right arm and dropped it closer to his body, giving herself enough room to curl up next to him. She tangled her legs with his as she slipped a hand under his t-shirt. His skin was smooth and warm as her fingers came to rest over the scar from the bullet wound. A few minutes later she joined him in sleep.

Donna was awake again by 8. She crept out of bed, tucked the quilt back around Josh and went to shower. She was sitting on the couch a little after 11 doing some reading when Josh wandered out wrapped in the afghan his mother had made. He sat down on the couch next to her and took the files out of her lap and the pen out of her hand. Without a word he curled up with his head in her lap. The look on his face told her he was in no mood to talk. Donna bent down to kiss his cheek softly. Josh turned onto his left side, burying his face in the worn cotton of his Harvard t-shirt that Donna was wearing. It wasn't long before Donna felt the warm tears soaking through the shirt onto her stomach. Trying to hold back her own tears Donna held him tight and said nothing. After a while Josh calmed down a little and rolled onto his back. Donna wiped his tears and brushed back his hair.

"I can't do this." he whispered.

"What?"

"This...losing it every year. Is this going to happen every May for the rest of my life?" he asked as he rubbed his hands roughly over his face.

"I don't know." said Donna. "It might."

"Great. Maybe we should just go away for the month."

"Hawaii?" asked Donna hopefully.

Josh laughed as a couple of left over tears spilled onto his cheeks. "Someday." he promised as he wiped his eyes.

"But you know you'll never have to worry about going through this alone. Right?" she reassured him.

"Yeah. I know." he said, planting a kiss on her hand.

Josh looked up at her and smiled. For a fleeting moment was about to run and grab the ring box out of his sock drawer where he had hidden it the night before. But somehow proposing in boxers and t-shirt with a tear stained face wasn't quite what he had in mind. Not that he exactly had a plan or anything but he was fairly sure that proposing his current state was not something he wanted. He wanted a little more romance, a little less angst. He wanted to look a little less pitiful when he did it.

"Josh....Josh, you ok?" Donna asked as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"Huh?"

"Are you ok? You kind of spaced out there for a minute."

"Yeah, I'm fine, just thinking about something." he muttered as he slowly sat up. "I'm going to take a shower and then we'll get out of her for a while. Go for a walk, grab some lunch, something. I can't sit around her all day. That ok with you?"

"Sounds like plan." agreed Donna.

Half an hour and one argument about calling the office later they left home hand in hand. It was a beautiful spring day, warm enough for shorts. As they walked down the front steps to the sidewalk Josh ran his hand over the pocket of his tan cargo shorts, making sure the ring was safe.

They took the Metro to Foggy Bottom with no real destination in mind. Content to just walk for a while in silence they found themselves heading towards the mall. Even after all their time in DC they never tired of spending time wandering around the monuments. Their busy schedules left them precious free time and what time they did have was usually spent on things like sleep, food and laundry.

The lunch crowds were thinning out and dressed as they were they blended in with the tourists, which was just fine with them. The eventually made a large circle, from the Lincoln Memorial to the Capitol and back. By the time they were passing by the American History Museum they were starving. They grabbed a couple of hot dogs from the vendor outside and sat on a bench eating and talking. All the while Josh was still trying to think of the perfect place to propose. One by one he had decided against proposing at any of the monuments they had passed by on their walk. To him that seemed a little too clichéd. He was sure literally thousands of couples had gotten engaged at Abe Lincoln's feet or in the shadow of the Washington Monument.

He got up to throw away the trash from their lunch. On his way back to Donna he ran a hand over his shorts to check on the ring again.

"Josh, is your leg bothering you?" asked Donna. "You keep rubbing your hand over it."

"No, it's fine." said Josh quickly as he took her hand before she had a chance to rub his leg too. She gave him sort of a strange look as they started walking back towards the White House. Josh looked longingly at the West Wing as they passed by the top of the Ellipse.

"Josh, you just looked at the White House and sighed." teased Donna. "It hasn't even been 24 hours since you were at work."

"Can't I just stop by and pick up my mail or something? Read a memo? Pop in on a meeting?" whined Josh.

"No way. I'm not getting shot on sight." smirked Donna as she pulled him along, kind of like a stubborn child.

They arrived back home a little after 4. Donna practically had to disconnect the computer and the phone as Josh was having serious withdrawal issues about work. She eventually managed to think of something to distract him with, leading him into the bedroom.

Around 6 Donna woke up from an hour's worth of sleep, happy, refreshed, naked and completely alone. She grabbed Josh's robe out of the bathroom and went to find him. He was in the kitchen making the one thing he could make without difficulty, spaghetti.

"Hey, have a nice nap?" he asked.

"Yeah. You sleep at all?"

"A little. You want a beer?"

"Sure. How many have you had?" she asked pointing at the beer in his hand.

"This is my first."

"Good."

Donna made salad while Josh finished up the spaghetti. She relented and let him turn on CNN while they ate. By some miracle the entire nation hadn't gone to hell in a hand basket while Josh and Donna had a day off.

The dishes done Donna suggested that they go sit out on the front steps and enjoy the spring evening. Josh grabbed the last beer out of the fridge for them to share. He checked his pocket for the ring once again as he opened the front door.

They sat in silence for a while, watching the sunset. Donna sat on the top step; with Josh a few steps lower, sitting between her knees. They passed the beer back and forth, each lost in their own thoughts. It was Donna who first broke the silence.

"Remember when we all sat out here the night of the Midterms?"

"Yeah. I was never so happy to be outside in my entire life." said Josh was a chuckle. "You had finally loosened the rules a little."

"Hey, don't mock the rules." warned Donna with a grin as she swatted the back of his head.

"Oww." whined Josh as he reached for the beer. "I remember last May, sitting out here with you when I told you I wanted to go to the Newseum on the anniversary. I was sure you were going to veto that idea. And maybe it wasn't such a good idea, I mean, I ended up puking and nearly passing out."

"Yeah, but I still think it was a good thing." said Donna as she leaned over a little to kiss the top of his head.

"I suppose." mused Josh.

"Maybe someday we can have good memories of May."

"Like when I take you to Hawaii some May?" asked Josh as he tipped his head back so Donna could see his smirk.

"Exactly." agreed Donna as she put down the empty beer bottle and wrapped her arms around Josh, pulling him closer.

Josh took a deep breath as Jed's words echoed in his mind, "Replace the memories." He untangled himself from Donna's arms and moved to sit on the top step with her. He took her left hand in his two hands and gently kissed her fingertips. She smiled, having no idea what was coming next.

"I have an idea about this whole month of May problem. Actually it wasn't my idea, it was the President's." explained Josh.

"OK." said Donna, not quite sure where Josh was going.

"He said we need to replace the memories, get rid of the bad and make some new good ones. This anniversary has already been better than last years, thanks to you." Josh said quietly.

It took about .5 seconds for Donna's eyes to well up with tears.

"Oh honey, don't cry. Not yet." said Josh with a grin as he handed her his handkerchief.

"Huh?" asked Donna growing more confused by the minute.

"I just want to say that these past few months have been the happiest of my life. And that's obviously because of you. You are my love, my best friend, the one who knows me better than anyone, even better than I know myself, and for some reason you haven't yet run away screaming." teased Josh as he wiped away the tears that were starting to flow freely from Donna's eyes. "I mean where would I be without you? Alone, unorganized and probably late for something. Seriously, you have made me the happiest man on earth and I love you with all my heart." Josh stood up, reached into his pocket and got back down on one knee. As soon as his knee hit the slate step Donna started to bawl.

"Oh, Josh." she gasped.

"Donnatella, would you marry me?"

Josh took her left hand and slipped the ring on. It fit perfectly. Donna was speechless as she admired the diamond and ruby ring.

"Uh, Donna." said Josh nervously. "You can answer me now." he teased, the look on her face obviously gave away her answer but he still wanted to hear her say it.

"Yes, Joshua, yes, I will marry you." she screamed as she threw her arms around him. She hugged him tightly and then sat back down next to him to admire the ring again.

"It was my grandmother's." Josh said quietly.

"I thought so. It's beautiful, I love it." she assured him as she held her hand out in front of her to admire it some more.

They stayed side by side on the step for a little while longer until the evening chill sent them back inside.

"So, I guess we're on our way towards replacing some of those bad memories of past Mays." asked Josh.

"Oh yeah." agreed Donna. She suddenly took a deep breath, squeaked a little and grabbed the phone. "I have to call someone."

"Who?" asked Josh with an amused look on his face.

"I don't know, someone, anyone." she said in a voice that was positively giddy.

"Can't call work, Donnatella, remember the rules." he smirked.

"Damn. I knew someday my rules would come back to haunt me." she said, stamping her foot in mock annoyance. "OK, we'll call our parents."

"Tomorrow. Let's let it be our secret for tonight." said Josh as he tucked her hair behind her ears and kissed her softly.

"OK. How about we make some more good memories." said Donna in her best sexy voice.

Josh just grinned and let her pull him towards their bedroom.

THE END

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