Searching For Answers in the Fog

On the morning of Robert's first day as ER Chief of Staff Elizabeth called his house at 6:15 to get an idea of his frame of mind. Two minutes into the conversation she was wishing she hadn't bothered. He was snarky, unwilling to make an effort to make things work and he didn't even seem particularly happy to hear from her. In the four days since his bout with the kidney stone things between the two of them had been on the "cool" side. He called her the afternoon he found out about his new assignment but they hadn't made an effort to spend too much time together. However, they had gone out to dinner the previous night but Elizabeth's effort to get him to talk proved fruitless. Robert was content to dote on Ella and Elizabeth lacked the energy to fight with him to get him to talk.

She hung up the phone with a vague promise to check on him later. By noon that day the rumors of Robert's tirades had made their way to the OR. By early afternoon it was clear they weren't just rumors. Elizabeth saw him once in the ER and tried to keep things on a professional level. They spent a few minutes in the lounge and she saw first hand how he was doing. In those few minutes she saw just how broken he was. It took a great deal of restraint to just clean up the mess from the refrigerator and not take him into her arms. She tried to talk to him but didn't get very far. He had completely shut down. She left him sitting on the couch finishing his coffee. The look on his face, combined with his general crappy attitude, sent Elizabeth to visit Kerry that afternoon. After listening to Kerry call Robert a cockroach she was at the end of her rope with both Kerry and Robert.

After completing her last surgery Elizabeth went to pick up Ella from daycare. Ella flew across the room and into her mother's arms when Elizabeth entered the room.

"Mommy," said Ella as she kissed Elizabeth's cheek.

"Hi, sweetie. Ready to go home?" she asked as she walked to get Ella's things out of her cubby.

"Wob, Wob," said Ella as she grabbed her coat.

"Robert's working honey," replied Elizabeth, "And you are not going to be around him while he's acting like an ass," she added to herself.

Elizabeth and Ella had a quiet evening at home. Dinner was chicken fingers with fries and corn. Elizabeth had managed to basically put Robert and his problems out of her mind for a few hours. That ended when she and Ella sank into a tub full of bubbles. Ella had become rather fond of the fussy baby bubbles Robert had at his house so Elizabeth had bought some for her. As the bubbles enveloped the pair Elizabeth inhaled the familiar scent, sending her mind quickly back to Robert's situation. She wanted to make sure he was safe but didn't want it to seem like she was in "mother hen" mode. She settled for paging him with the message to just return the page so she wouldn't worry too much.

Two hours later she hadn't heard from him. She tried his house and even ended up calling Dorothy to see if she had heard from him. She hadn't heard from him all day but promised to let Elizabeth know if he turned up. Elizabeth checked on Ella and settled down on the couch to flick through the channels a little before 11. She was fighting the urge to worry about him without much luck. As she was dozing off a few minutes before midnight the phone rang.

"Hello" she muttered as she struggled to sit up and focus.

"Hello, is this Lizzie?" came the voice through the line. Elizabeth was immediately wide awake. Robert was the only one who called her Lizzie and the voice on the other line was definitely not him.

"Yes, it is," she said, suddenly very close to freaking out.

"This is the bartender over at Al's. I have a friend of yours here. Short, bald, nice suit, sling. Doesn't talk much, won't give his name but he handed me a card with your name."

"Drunk?"

"Among other things. Got beat up pretty bad. What should I do with him?"

Elizabeth took a deep breath. Against her better judgment she gave her home address and told him to put Robert in a cab. She threw on her bathrobe and waited. After 15 minutes of pacing in front of the living room window a yellow cab pulled into the driveway. She tied the robe and stepped out onto the front porch. It was chilly and a fog had rolled in. Robert climbed out of the back seat of the cab. As he crossed the yard he looked a little better than Elizabeth had expected. He was staggering a little and had some dried blood at the corner of his mouth but he wasn't completely bloodied and falling all over himself. He fished some money out of his pants pocket and tossed it in the driver side window. He walked up to Elizabeth and stood in front of her, head hanging, looking completely defeated.

"Come inside. Let me have a look at you," she said as she reached out to take his hand. She led him through the living room and down the hall to the bathroom. She put the toilet lid down, slipped off his overcoat and sat him down. Reaching over his head she grabbed a washcloth from the shelf and wet it with warm water. Elizabeth tipped his chin up and wiped at the dried blood on his face. He had a split lip but it wasn't actively bleeding and wasn't very deep. There was a small cut over his left eyebrow. He flinched when she dabbed at that. The cut wasn't real long but it was fairly deep. If she had been in the ER she would have put in a stitch or two. "Obviously I can't stitch you here. Are you ok with Dermabond?" she asked, keeping things as clinical as possible.

"Fine."

"I'll be back in a minute. Go lie down on the couch."

Elizabeth went upstairs to her bathroom to find the sample of Dermabond she knew she had. She also grabbed her black bag she kept in the closet in the bedroom. By the time she got back downstairs Robert had slipped off his suit jacket and loosened his tie. He was sitting on the end of the couch waiting for her. Elizabeth turned on the light on the end table so she could see what she was doing. She took off his tie and unbuttoned his white dress shirt. "Lie down." Robert complied without a word. She gently held the edges of the wound together and applied the three layers of Dermabond. "OK, done. What else?" she sighed wearily.

"I hit the back of my head and my shoulder."

"On what?"

"The floor," he snorted.

"Fine, let's deal with your head first," she said as she helped him sit up and gently ran her fingers over the back of his head. There was already a lump forming. "Did you lose consciousness?"

"No."

"Double vision?"

"No."

"Vomiting?"

"Not today."

"Headache?"

"Yeah, for about a month now," Robert said bitterly.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and reached into her bag for the penlight. She shined it in his eyes, checking pupil response. It was fine and Robert had no trouble tracking her finger with his eyes. "OK, no sign of concussion. Let's take off your shirt so I can see your shoulder," she said as she reached for his right arm to undo the buttons on the cuff. He shrugged out of the shirt as Elizabeth dug into her black bag for the blood pressure cuff and stethoscope. "Take this off too," she said as she reached over and grabbed the hem of his undershirt. She pulled it off and tossed it aside as Robert turned away from her. He flinched as she carefully ran her fingers over the bruise that was forming over his shoulder blade. "Can you move it?"

"Yeah, I think it's just bruised."

"I agree. You will be sore tomorrow but it will be in a sling."

Robert nodded and turned stiffly to rest against the back of the couch. Elizabeth took a quick blood pressure reading, frowning at the numbers. "Have you been taking your blood pressure medication?"

"Yes," he answered, sounding annoyed.

"It's a little high; I was just asking. Any other pain?" she asked as she ran her hands down his sides, gently probing his ribs. He flinched when she hit the sore spot on his left side. Letting out a frustrated breath Elizabeth ran her fingers over the sore spot again. There were no obvious breaks and he didn't seem to be severe pain but that didn't stop Elizabeth from regretting her decision to tell the bartender to send him to her house. She would feel much more comfortable examining him in the ER but she knew there was no way he was going now. "Let me see," she said as she pointed to his left hand. He grudgingly held up his hand. "It's too dark in here. Come into the kitchen." She walked out, leaving him to haul himself up off the couch.

Robert sat down at the island and held his hand out for inspection. Elizabeth wasn't at all impressed with what she saw. His hand was pale and a little cool to the touch. But she knew that didn't have anything to do with the beating he'd received. She took a peek under the bandage. The mark that was left from when he trapped his arm in the gurney was healing very slowly. "Let me see the other one." Robert held out his right hand without a second thought. As Elizabeth took it into her hands she made a startling revelation. There wasn't a mark on it. No bruising, no swelling, no split knuckles, nothing to prove he had been in a fight. Then it hit her, he didn't fight back. That realization took her breath away. It spoke volumes to his mental state, volumes she wasn't quite ready to hear. She knew she should feel sorry for him, but she didn't, she didn't pity him, she was frustrated with him and angry at him.

Getting him to talk about it was something she didn't have the energy to do at the moment. Like the weather outside he seemed a little foggy, not head injury foggy, but more lost in his own thoughts. He looked down at their joined hands silently. "Robert," Elizabeth said softly trying to break him out of the fog.

"Hmmm?" he muttered.

"You didn't fight back?" she said, her words coming out more as a statement than a question.

He just shook his head and said nothing. Elizabeth had no idea what to say, how to react. So she said nothing as she let both his hands go and got up to get him some Advil. "Here, take these," she said as she handed him 2 Advil and a can of ginger ale.

"Dorothy's secret cure," he said with a small smile.

"Yes," replied Elizabeth coolly.

Robert took the pills and slid off the stool to use the bathroom. "I think you left some pajamas in the guest room," she called after him.

While Robert got changed Elizabeth hung up his overcoat and suit jacket. She put his shoes by the front door and turned off the lights in the kitchen. What she wanted more than anything was to just go up to her room and collapse into her bed. But given the fact that he'd hit his head she wanted to wake him up in a few hours just to make sure he was ok. There hadn't been signs of a concussion but since she had only a penlight and her own instincts to make that assessment she didn't feel safe letting him sleep through until the morning. The thought of sleeping for two hours and then stumbling down the stairs didn't seem very appealing. But neither did sleeping with him in the guest room. She sat down on the couch and curled up under the afghan to wait for him. A few minutes later she was just about to doze off when Robert wandered into the room and curled up on the couch, head in her lap. A feeble protest was about to come out but she was too tired. She reached to grab Robert's right arm and set the alarm on his watch for 3 AM.

"Three?" he whined.

"Well, I'd rather wake you and make sure you're still alive in a few hours than have to push your lifeless body off me at 6:15 when I get up."

"You're compassion overwhelms me once again," he snorted.

"If you wanted compassion then you came to the wrong place," she said flatly.

Robert wisely decided not to reply to that comment. He closed his eyes and fell asleep instantly. The alarm went off at 3 and Elizabeth had no trouble waking him. She got him a drink of water and went upstairs to her own room for a few more hours sleep.

***************

Elizabeth's alarm went off at 6:15 and she took a quick shower. Her day didn't officially start until her first consultation appointment, scheduled for noon. She had some reading to do and some paperwork to catch up on so Kris was coming at 8:00. And now she had to do something with Robert. She decided against looking nice so she just threw on a clean set of scrubs and went to check on Robert. Ella was still asleep so she tucked the covers around her and crept down the stairs.

In the living room Robert was snoring softly. Elizabeth pulled to ottoman next to the couch and sat down. As was usually the case in sleep, Robert was the picture of innocence. The sleep Elizabeth had gotten had calmed her down a little in regards to Robert and his situation. She was still frustrated with him but her anger had dissipated a little. She was torn between the urge to take him into her arms and tell him things would be alright and the urge to give him a swift kick in the ass. In the early morning light she watched as he slept. He was curled up on his right side facing her, afghan tucked under his chin. There was a bruise over his left eyebrow and dried blood on his lip but all things considered he didn't look all that bad. Elizabeth gently ran her finger over the line of Dermabond. She was pretty confident there wouldn't be a noticeable scar when the wound healed. Having no idea what time his shift started she gently shook his shoulder. "Robert....Robert, what time do you have to be in?" she asked.

He moaned a little and cracked his right eye open. "Huh?"

"What time do you need to be at work?"

"10, what time is it?"

"Almost seven. Do you have clothes here or do you need to go home first?" she asked, keeping her voice void of any emotion.

"I don't know," he sighed as he sat up quickly. A little too quickly as he went completely pale.

"Drop your head down," she said as she gently guided his head down towards his knees. "Take a deep breath. Are you going to be sick?" Robert shook his head. "Good, keep your head down I'll get you some orange juice. When was the last time you ate?"

Robert just shrugged his shoulders. Elizabeth bit back the harsh words that threatened to escape. She went into the kitchen and poured him some juice and put some bread in the toaster. Ella started fussing as she pulled the toast out. "Robert, there's juice and toast in the kitchen. I'm going up to get Ella."

"OK, thanks."

Ella had heard Robert's voice and was very excited by the time Elizabeth changed her and carried her downstairs. She squirmed out of her mother's arms and ran to find Robert. He was sitting at the kitchen table drinking his juice and contemplating the toast in front of him. Ella ran up to him and patted his leg. "Hi, sweetie," he said, his demeanor changing instantly. He reached around and picked her up, planting her on his lap. She reached for a piece of toast, nearly knocking over the juice glass. "Whoa, sweetie, slow down," he said as he moved the glass back. "Do you want some juice?" Ella nodded her head.

Elizabeth put some juice in a sippy cup and handed it to Ella along with a plate of sliced banana. She watched as Robert interacted with Ella as if he didn't have a care in the world. It was a nice change. They shared the banana and the toast while Elizabeth made a pot of tea and some oatmeal. Ella babbled with Robert while he read the headlines. While the oatmeal cooked Elizabeth leaned against the counter sipping her tea and watching the pair. She caught Robert's eye and gave him a sad smile. He glanced away quickly. "Do you want some oatmeal?" she asked Robert.

"Sure," he said, much to Elizabeth's surprise.

She dished out three bowls and put Ella in her highchair. They ate in relative silence, their attempts at small talk falling short. Even Ella picked up on the tension. Elizabeth washed her hands and let her down from the highchair before starting to clear the table. "I'll do that," offered Robert as he motioned for her to put the dishes down.

"Thanks. Let me go check on the clothes situation," said Elizabeth as she headed down the hall. She found clean socks and underwear in the laundry room. A quick search of the guest room yielded a pair of pants but no dress shirt. She searched the dresser and the closet for a second time without luck. She sat down on the bed with a chuckle. Sitting in her guest room holding Robert's underwear was not something she had ever envisioned. Flopping back on the bed she tossed the socks and underwear aside. Robert found her there a few minutes later. He stood in the doorway watching her feeling uneasy about things in general. He wanted to apologize...for something, but didn't know where to start.

"No luck with the clothes?" he asked, his voice flat.

"You have everything but a shirt. And the one from yesterday is pretty bloody. Do you have one at work?

"Yeah, in my office," he snorted.

"OK, then I will drop you off at home. Be ready to leave in 20 minutes," said Elizabeth as she brushed past him and headed upstairs to brush her teeth and find her shoes. Kris arrived ten minutes later and by 8:00 Elizabeth and Robert were on their way to his house. The weather hadn't improved overnight; it was still foggy and damp. But the weather fit their moods perfectly.

As Elizabeth pulled into his driveway she didn't turn off the car; she just put it in park and waited for him to get out. When he didn't open the door right away she turned to look at him. "Not even going to cut the engine. Maybe you should have just pulled up to the curb, slowed down a little and kicked me out."

"Don't give me any ideas," she said harshly.

"Why are you so pissed at me Lizzie? I didn't do anything to you," he said honestly not realizing he'd done anything wrong.

"You got drunk last night, got into a fight and gave the bartender my number. You came to me for help even though you belonged in the ER. You expected me to help you, no questions asked."

"And you did," he pointed out. He instantly regretted his words.

She shot him an incredulous look as she shook her head. "Robert, I don't have the energy to get into this with you right now. I have a pile of paperwork and a mountain of reading waiting for me at work."

"At least you have something waiting for you," he snorted.

"Robert, you should be thankful you have a job!" she yelled, her voice echoing off the car's interior.

"Well Lizzie I thought you had a little compassion but I guess you're going to stand with Kerry on this one."

"Robert, I am not taking sides," she said, annoyed with herself that she'd been sucked into this conversation to begin with. "I want what's best for you. I want you to be happy."

"Do I look happy?" he screamed, his sound of his voice just adding to the pounding in his head. He let his head slump back against the headrest, swallowing hard against the pain.

"No, you don't. But you also don't look like you are interested in making things work in the ER. Give it time Robert. And stop making everyone miserable, me included."

"I'm making you miserable?" he asked. "Fine then, I'll just let you get to work," he added as he opened the car door and climbed out. He slammed the door behind him and stormed across the wet lawn. Elizabeth watched him, right hand posed to put the van into reverse and back down the driveway. She watched as he fumbled for his house keys, finally sliding the key into the lock and stumbling in the front door.

Robert tossed his overcoat and suit jacket over the banister and walked through the house to let Gretel out the backdoor. Despite the chill he followed her out and stood in the fog watching her run around the yard searching for the ball.

Elizabeth tried to just leave, she really did. But she couldn't. Shutting off the engine she climbed out of the van and headed for the front door. Robert had left it unlocked and she left herself in. She called his name a few times but didn't get an answer. The shower wasn't running. She felt a draft coming down the hall and followed it to the sliding glass doors in the library. Through the doors she saw Robert out on the deck leaning over the railing, head hanging. With a heavy sigh she pushed the door open enough to sneak out. Gretel spied her instantly and bounded up to her. Robert made no effort to acknowledge her presence even though it was clear he knew she was there. Elizabeth petted Gretel on the head before crossing the deck to where Robert remained. She wrapped her arms around him from behind, resting her chin on his shoulder. Pressing her cheek to his she wasn't surprised to find his cheek damp. "Come inside, it's cold out here," she whispered as she reached for his hand. With a bit of reluctance he let her lead him back inside. The last thing he wanted to do was to talk. He knew he wouldn't be able to keep his emotions in check if he started to open up. He needed to focus, just take a shower, get dressed and head into the hell that was the ER.

"I'm going to go take a shower," he muttered as Elizabeth stood by the door waiting for Gretel to come back inside.

"OK."

Elizabeth wandered around the house for a few minutes. As she handed Gretel a biscuit she heard a thud from upstairs. She went up to make sure he was ok. "Robert," she called as she knocked on the bathroom door, "Everything ok?"

"Yeah, just dropped the shampoo bottle," he said the frustration in his voice coming through loud and clear. "Lizzie, you're letting in a draft, come in or get out."

"Excuse me?"

"The room," he said with a laugh, "Sit on the counter, keep me company."

"Sure," she said with a little laugh of her own. She closed the door behind her and sat up on the counter, her feet swinging freely in front of her. She looked up at the shower door. Although it was made so you couldn't exactly see through it not much was left to the imagination. She let her mind wander a bit as she watched him shower.

"Lizzie?" Robert called, bringing her out of her little fantasy.

"Mmmmm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Before, when you said that I was making you miserable did you really mean that?" he asked, finding comfort in asking that question with the barrier of the shower door between the two of them.

"Honestly, yes. To some extent. I just get frustrated trying to defend you sometimes. I know, you never asked me to defend you, you never asked me to care. But I do care and I will defend you, when your actions are worth defending. And yesterday, they weren't," she said, pausing to see if he would respond. When all she heard was the rush of water from the shower she forged on, suddenly eager to get some things off her chest. "You need to make an effort to help yourself. I can't do it all. The ER assignment is crap, I know that. I told Kerry that yesterday. At which point she called you a cockroach. But that's neither here nor there."

"I've been called worse," Robert said his voice barely loud enough to be heard over the spray of the water.

"I'm sure you have," chuckled Elizabeth. "So, unless you want to take a leave of absence you're going to need to make the best of it."

"Do you think I should take a leave?"

"I do and I've made my point pretty clear about that. Robert, aside from the fact that the ER assignment is crap, are you even comfortable down there?"

Robert was silent as he contemplated the true answer to that question. He wasn't comfortable in the ER. He was a surgeon; he wasn't up on the latest trends in emergency medicine. "No, I'm not comfortable in the ER. I have no idea what the hell I'm doing down there," he said miserably as he shut off the water. Elizabeth handed him a towel and turned to leave the room to give him a little privacy. "Dammit," he said loudly as he pushed the shower door open with more force than necessary. It rattled on the track, the noise echoing through the bathroom. Elizabeth turned to face him. He was standing in front of her wearing only a blue towel. It was clear he was close to the edge. Quickly glancing at her watch Elizabeth realized if he was going to have a meltdown he was going to have to be quick about it, they had to be at the hospital in an hour. She held out his bathrobe for him and he turned around to slip his arms in. As he walked out of the room she closed the shower door and picked up the towel he'd just let fall to the floor.

Out in the bedroom Robert stormed around slamming the drawers of the dresser as he pulled out his socks and underwear. He yanked the closet door open with more force than necessary as he walked in to pick out a shirt and a pair of pants. Elizabeth watched him from the door to the bathroom. She came to the decision that just letting him get some of his frustration was probably the best course of action. He pulled on a pair of red plaid boxers oblivious to the fact that she was in the room. After he had his boxers and undershirt on he went to pull the blind up to let a little light in the room. Using about twice as much force than was needed he pulled the blind out of the track and it clattered to the floor. With a frustrated groan and a few colorful words he kicked it aside before collapsing in the chair.

Elizabeth took a seat in front of him on the ottoman. Robert was leaning over, his forehead resting in his right hand. She gently put her hands on the back of his neck and kissed the top of his head. She heard him sniffle a few times and take a few deeps breaths while she rubbed his back but he didn't completely fall apart as she had expected he would. Finally she glanced at the clock on the night stand; it was almost 9:15. "Robert, take a deep breath, you need to pull yourself together and get dressed." He nodded and raised his head as he wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. Elizabeth leaned forward and kissed him softly. When they broke apart she stood up and grabbed his socks. He sat on the edge of the chair to pull them on, struggling a little to get them up with one hand. He went back into the bathroom for a minute to bandage his wrist before pulling on his dark blue dress shirt. The buttons on the right cuff gave him the most trouble as they usually did. Elizabeth went over to help him, "Let me," she said as she took a hold of his right wrist. She did those buttons as well as the ones on the left sleeve.

Robert accepted her help without complaint or even a single word. "Thanks, can you grab a tie for me?" he asked, motioning towards the closet.

"Sure, what color pants are you wearing?"

"Gray. There should be a pair of suspenders on the back of the closet door, grab them too." Elizabeth picked out a tie to match. There were a few ties that were already tied hanging on hooks just inside the door. She picked one that wasn't already tied figuring if she tied it that would give him one more to add to his collection of already tied ones. She grabbed the suspenders while Robert stepped into his pants and tucked in his shirt. "Thanks," he muttered as he took the items and tossed them on the bed while he did the button on his pants. "Damn," he muttered as he picked up the suspenders. Getting the suspender buttons on while he was wearing the pants wasn't an easy task to do with both hands; with one it was virtually impossible. Elizabeth took them from him and did the buttons easily. She pulled them up onto his shoulders. He'd managed to flip up the collar and get the tie around his neck. She wound the silk into a perfect knot while Robert squirmed in front of her. "Nice, curls," he teased as she smoothed the tie down and fixed the collar. Elizabeth's hand immediately went to her hair. Between the damp weather outside and the steam in the bathroom she was sporting a wild set of curls.

"Very funny," she said as she found an elastic band in the bathroom to pull it back with. "At least I have hair," she teased.

"Hey, I had a head full of red curls once upon a time," he said as he went to the dresser and pulled a small photograph out of the top drawer. It was a picture of him at his high school graduation red curls and all.

"Robert, you were adorable," cried Elizabeth as she took the photo from him to get a better look at it.

"Oh and I'm not adorable now," he smirked as he shoved his feet into his shoes.

She gave him a pointed look. "You are very adorable, when you're not being an ass," she said bluntly. She handed the photo back to him and headed down the stairs.

Robert quickly brushed his teeth, shoved his wallet into his pocket and turned out the light. He headed down the stairs. The front door was open and he could see Elizabeth sitting on the porch railing. Robert grabbed his coat out of the closet and looked around for his briefcase. Remembering he left it at the hospital the night before he stepped out into the rain and fog, closing the door behind him.

"Ready to go?" asked Elizabeth as she stood up and gave him a little smile.

"Ready as I'm going to be I suppose," muttered Robert. He took the hand that Elizabeth held out to him and they walked to her car. Neither one knew what the next few days had in store for them. But there were certain things they were sure of.

Elizabeth was sure she would spend time over the next few days defending both herself and Robert; defending him and his actions to others at the hospital, defending her feelings for him and her belief that he could somehow succeed in his current position.

Robert was certain the next few days would basically suck. He was sure he would continue to feel like a fish out of water. And he was sure he would burn a few more bridges before finding his footing in the ER.

But they knew they had each other and they had Ella. And that would just have to be enough.

THE END

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