Tied
I need sleep.
In the past 2 days I've exactly 2 hours sleep. And they were between 5:30 and 7:30
this morning.
So it's now 8:30 at night and
Donna just went home. Today was,
horrible, to put it mildly. We've had
our differences in the past but we've never been at each other's throat like we
were today.
We just picked at each other, all day.
Bantering was non-existent, we were barely civil to each other.
So here I am now, sitting back in my chair with my feet propped up on the
windowsill. I think I look pretty ridiculous. I have my bow tie around my knee,
trying in vain to learn how to tie it, cause after this morning I don't think
Donna's going to be doing it for me anymore.
And let's face it; her tying my tie was more than just, well, her tying my
tie. It was a ritual, one that we both
looked forward to. A ritual that was
much more intimate than either of us would ever admit to. I've lost count of
the number of times I've almost leaned over and kissed her while she was
winding my tie into a perfect, well, almost perfect bow. I think sometimes she
screws it up just to have to do it again.
So anyway....
When I woke up on my couch in my office this morning I was still dressed
from the dinner last night. I was
covered up with my coat and of course missing my tie but still had on my tuxedo
pants and shirt, including cuff links, which made for a pretty nasty mark on my
cheek when I woke up.
I heard Donna come in the room a few minutes before I actually got up. Now
normally she would have knelt down next to the couch, brushed back my hair and
woke me up nicely. But not this
morning. And I guess I didn't really
blame her. I was pretty cold to her last
night. And while I really think my words
and actions were called for, it doesn't keep me from feeling both guilty and
hurt.
Anyway, I heard her drop something on my desk before opening the blinds and
flicking on the overhead lights. She
said "Josh get up" in a voice that was so void of emotion it was scary.
She slammed the door a little too hard and went back to her desk. I hauled myself off the couch and sat at my
desk. There was a note in her
distinctive handwriting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joshua,
Oscar Wilde once said---
A well-tied tie is the first serious step in life.
You'd better start learning.
Donna
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As if that wasn't a big enough hint, she downloaded some instructions on
tying a bow tie from the Ask Jeeves site.
Guess that's her way of telling me I'd better learn how to tie it myself.
I threw everything in my drawer, including the two bow ties, one perfectly
tied and the other rumpled and undone.
I grabbed my extra set of clothes from my closet and went to the locker room
to shower and change. As I passed by
Donna she was on the phone. The look on her face gave new meaning to the
phrase---fit to be tied.
A hot shower and a clean suit did little to make me feel better. In fact, every time I saw Donna my stomach
became tied up in knots. As a result I
ate very little today. And Donna didn't
even bug me about it.
Which in turn bugged me.
After last night things calmed down a great deal around here, leaving me
with plenty of time today to relive and rehash the conversation with Donna.
I know I came across as being a jerk, really I do. When she first mentioned a date I was shocked
cause she didn't tell me about it before she had it. Probably cause she was sick of me sabotaging
them.
From shocked I went right into disbelief that she would date someone who I
was professionally at odds with, after that, well, it was time to move on to
pissed as hell. But not pissed at Donna,
although I was angry, I was more pissed at myself for how I treated her. I treated her as if she was an idiot. Of course she knew that she couldn't see him
again, that it would be a big conflict of interest, for everyone involved. She
knew that and she felt she had to tell me about him anyway. She didn't have to, nobody saw them. But she took the high road and came clean. So
what did I do? I went and treated her
like a child.
"You can go home now."
I think that's probably the nastiest thing I have ever said to her. And believe me, I said my share of nasty
things. But usually my nasty comments
just sort of roll off her back and we're back to normal banter mode in an hour
or two. But not this time. It's gonna take much longer than that. And I have this suspicion that things are
going to get worse before they get better.
I just realized that our conversation tied up a few loose ends about why
she turned up drunk at my front door a few nights ago. I am pretty sure the name of the Republican
gomer is Cliff. And that she found out
he had been reassigned to House Oversight the night they met. That would also explain why she kept grabbing
my shirt during the press conference.
Usually when mysteries like this get tied up in neat little packages I feel
better. But now I just feel sick.
Not for nothing, but a few months ago we were hand in hand at the Bartlet
farm. What happened to that? Why is Donna now dating a... a Republican
gomer who is out to get me and those around me.
Probably has something to do with the fact that I haven't actually, ya
know, asked her out or anything.
Wow, I haven't been paying the least amount of attention to the bow tie
that is currently around my knee and what do you know, I've managed to tie a
somewhat reasonable bow.
So why is it that I feel like my hands are tied behind my back?
Cause I don't know where to go from here.
I don't know what to say to Donna. I don't know how to act. I'm pretty sure flowers aren't a good idea
right now but I need to do something.
I'm at the end of my rope and I'm slipping fast.
So I will take some advice from FDR who said----When you get to the end of
your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
I just hope the knot I tie in my rope is better than the one that just come
undone from around my knee.
It's getting late so I think I'll go home and do the only thing that seems
reasonable about now. I'm going to
ignore my delicate system, take out the bottle of scotch and tie one on.
THE END
