Treading Water
Chapter 1-Smoking
I know I shouldn't be out here right now.
Not at midnight, in February,
without my coat and certainly not with the cigarette I'm holding in my
hand. So I smoke 2 a day, sue me. But I have been told that I'm not allowed to
smoke inside anymore. Something about
putting a hole in some antique, whatever.
So here I am, in the cold.
I can't believe the State of the Union was only 3
hours ago. It seems like 3 days
ago. So much has happened, the black
mark on Jack Sloan's record has been uncovered, not quite sure how we missed
that one, Abbey's pissed at me, I have a pretty good feeling why and 5 DEA
agents are somewhere in the jungles of Colombia, waiting on a move from me to
insure their safe return to American soil.
Sometimes I wish I could just go back.
All the way back, to a simpler time.
Right at this moment I would even go back all the way to Sister Marie's
kindergarten and learn the fine art of shoe tying all over again. But no use wishing, I am, after all, the
President of the United States
and my shoes are tied. But I get the
feeling my hands are about to be tied also.
I hear the door behind me open. I
contemplate flicking the cigarette out into the bushes but with my luck I would
set them on fire. I glance over my
shoulder and see Leo walking over. He
knows my nasty habit so I don't even try to hide it.
It must be time to go back in.
I send up a silent prayer for guidance as I put the cigarette in the
ashtray.
Chapter 2-Chess
OK, so maybe a game of chess with myself is a little strange. And the fact that I am doing it outside, in
February, during the wee hours of the morning.
What can I say, I'm a geek. And
proud of it.
Leo got cold and went home. But not
before mapping out my next 6 moves for me.
I hope he knows I appreciate him helping me out with my moves and I'm
not just talking about the chess game.
I don't know what I would have done without him tonight. The respect I have for him is enormous. He's seen things I can't even imagine and yet
he's still able to distance himself from the situation and help me make sane
choices.
The troops have been sent and all there is to do now is to wait. God, I hate waiting. For anything, good or bad.
I think I'll give up on the game. No
matter what I do, either way I win.
If only that were true in life.
Chapter 3-Focus
I don't even look back as I leave the bedroom and head back to the Oval
Office. I want to put distance between
Abbey and I before one, or both of us, says something really stupid.
"Focus"
Abbey kept saying that to me. She
wouldn't even fight with me. She was too
worried I wouldn't be able to focus on Colombia. I can focus on plenty of things at once. And she knows that.
Jackass.
I can't believe she called me that.
Oh, it's certainly not the first time and I'm sure it's not the
last. I know she's just worried about me
and the level of stress I am under at the moment. So she doesn't want to add to it by fighting
about the "deal" we had. The
deal was 3 years ago. Things change.
The deal...we can fight about that later. Right now I should focus, on Colombia.
Chapter 4-The Deal
I didn't even kiss her goodbye. I
told her I loved her but I never made a move to touch her. And that was wrong. I wish I could change that. But I can't so I'll just sit here in the
residence for a while. Charlie knows
where I am if I'm needed.
So, I guess now we have officially had the fight about our deal. The deal that I made 3 years ago, the one
where I promised not to seek a second term.
In exchange for that she would stand by my decision not to go public
with my condition.
My condition...even now I still having trouble saying the words..
Multiple Sclerosis.
She's right and I know it. If the
disease is going to progress from relapsing/remitting it will likely do so in
the first 10 years after diagnosis. Ten
years will be up two years from now.
But I've been fine, one episode in 2 years.
I know keeping this a secret is hard on her. It's hard on me but I think I've let it stay
hidden to long to come clean now. Maybe
someday I will tell the truth. Maybe when I approach the status of statesman.
I know, I have to be dead 15 years for that to happen.
She didn't believe me that I wouldn't make the decision about running again
without her. In reality a couple of
people seemed to have made the decision without me. I have a good idea who they
are. Leo and Toby. I'll let it drop for
today but believe me I will be talking to them soon enough about this.
But for now my mind is wandering to more important things. The 9 soldiers whose proverbial blood is on
my hands. The 5 who are still being held
and the nation that is at the moment blissfully unaware. All that will be changing soon.
Chapter 5-Coffins
I glance out at the plane as the limo creeps along the tarmac. The rear door is opening and they are
preparing to take the coffins off the plane.
I know I made the right decision coming here. I'm glad I was able to convince Leo to go
home and get some rest. He agreed not to
come when Mickey volunteered to join me.
It's 4:30 AM and I'm tired. I haven't been this tired in months.
An agent opens the door and Mickey and I climb out into the crisp, OK, freezing,
night air.
We stand, side by side, as the coffins are lowered down, one by one. They all stop in front of us and turn. Now I know why I had the vision of the
coffins from Vietnam
in my head earlier. Foreshadowing, plain
and simple.
As I turn to go back to the limo I think of all the things these brave
young men never got a chance to do. It
makes all I've done in my life seem less important somehow. These men made the ultimate sacrifice for
this country. This country I am honored
to have led, for however many years.
Suddenly a second term becomes both more desirable and less desirable
all at the same time.
More desirable in that maybe during a second term I can actually do
something to win the war on drugs.
Less desirable in that my health and the state of my own union with Abbey
may not survive another 4 years. And
that would be too big of a price to pay.
So when Abbey gets back we will sit down and talk, really talk. And I will listen to her, not only as my wife
but also as a doctor. Nothing in the
world is worth losing her over. We have
been through too much to throw it all away.
All I want to do is get back home and sleep. But the story has broken and I think sleep
will have to wait. But a phone call to
Abbey is first on my schedule when I get back.
I need to apologize for not kissing her earlier. I need to hear her voice, telling me to
focus.
THE END
