You Could Drive a Person
Crazy
Part 1
It was Malibu
in the spring, overlooking the ocean. A fundraiser at a
beach house. The sun had dipped beneath the horizon, setting into
the
waves far out to sea, and the sky literally glowed with the fading
radiance of the evening sun. Japanese lanterns decorated the huge
patio, and people milled around everywhere.
They had to be the most absolutely boring thing in the world,
these
fundraisers. Cozying up to the people you wanted to pump for
money, and
pretending to give a damn about what they were saying.
Leo McGarry, the Secretary of Labor, just happened to have been in
California,
meeting with the mayor of Los
Angeles on something,
and had
been invited. Sure, he had $50,000 to drop at a second's notice,
but
still...
He'd been sure to have two vodka martinis -- with extra olives --
and
two Valium before he left the hotel, though, otherwise he'd never
be the
painfully charming Leo everyone knew.
And now, he was sipping his second goblet of wine.
He stared out at the horizon, contemplating the glass in his hand.
He
could hear his wife's voice echoing in his head---Another glass,
haven't
you had enough...why didn't you call...Jed called, he's worried
about
you again...Leo I can't do this anymore.
He had wanted her to come to California with him
but Jenny had refused,
so he came alone. He was spending a lot of time alone lately,
alone in
bars, alone in hotels rooms, alone in his office.
He stared at the glass in his hand; tipping his head back he
drained it
and turned to grab another from one of the many strolling waiters.
As
he reached for the last glass on the tray another hand did the
same.
He glanced up -- *way* up -- and into a woman's face. The first
thing
he noticed was her eyes, then the embarrassed smile as she
released her
grip on the goblet. "I'll just get another one later -- you
need one
more than me, after talking to Martin Sheen," the woman
apologized,
laughing a little.
"Thanks," Leo said, wondering just who this enigma in
front of him was.
"I'm Leo McGarry."
"The Secretary of Labor?" she asked, clearly impressed.
"Andi said you
would be here, but..."
"Andi?"
"Andrea Wyatt. The one we're here for. She's trying to get
enough
money to make a real stand in the Congressional election. EMILY's
List
stepped in with some cash, but what she really needs is a couple
more of
these." The woman laughed wryly and grabbed a wine goblet as
another
waiter passed. "I'm CJ Cregg, with EMILY's List. I'm also
Andrea
Wyatt's publicist." She extended her hand out to him, and he
shook it,
marveling at how soft it was.
"It's nice to meet you, CJ."
"Nice to meet you too, Leo" said CJ as she waved to
someone who was on
the other side of the patio. Leo watched her as she greeted the
man
walking towards them. He was not real tall, balding with a beard
and a
completely grumpy look on his face. CJ took him by the arm and
introduced him to Leo.
"Leo McGarry, this is Toby Ziegler, Andrea Wyatt's
husband" said CJ as
the men shook hands and exchanged pleasantries.
Leo watched as CJ turned to greet yet more people. He turned to
say
something more to Toby but Toby was already headed for the bar.
Leo
just shook his head at the whole scene. The whole smoozing thing
was an
art form he hadn't taken the time to perfect. And now was one of
the
times he wished he had perfected it. He moved off to the side and
watched as CJ worked the room. A few times he caught her casting a
glance back at him. He just smiled and winked.
She would blush and get a little smile on her lips and go back to
what
she was doing. He didn't know if this was a good sign or not.
He could feel a pull of attraction to her, but he couldn't tell if
it
was just him, or... was the alcohol making him fuzzy, imagining
that she
was looking back at him?
She was talking to Warren Beatty and Annette Benning when Jack
Nicholson
came up and slapped her on the backside. She smiled icily and said
something, carefully removing his hand from her backside, and
excused
herself, walking away without paying attention, directly into the
swimming pool.
Leo tossed his wine glass into the bushes and dashed over to the
pool.
He extended a hand to CJ, who took it gratefully. Most people were
too
busy pointed and snickering to bother offering her some help. Her
long
cream colored dress was obviously clinging to her and in all the
right
places, mused Leo to himself. He took off his jacket and handed it
to
her. Leading her by the elbow he steered them off the patio and
around
the side of the house.
She was practically in tears when they stopped beneath an arbor,
covered
in roses. "CJ, are you all right?" he asked, holding her
by the
shoulders.
"No!" she cried, crying even more. "I'm supposed to
be a consummate
professional, and I just walked into a swimming pool in front of
the
most elite of Hollywood
actors, producers, and writers! I... how am I
going to come back to work in the morning?"
"By knowing that you picked up a few votes by wearing what
you're
currently soaked in," he pointed out wryly.
She pulled back away from him and glared. "Okay, that's the
last time I
even think about politics. I quit! I swear to God above, I
quit!" she
said, storming off. He followed her, as she muttered about how she
was
going to climb into the driver's seat of her $80,000 Lexus and
ruin the
upholstery. She put the key in the lock and was rewarded with the
car
alarm going off. "GODDAMMIT ALL TO FUCKING HELL!" she yelled,
kicking
the door and turning around to face none other than Leo.
"What do you
want?"
"You look like you could use a ride," he said mildly,
taking her keys
and turning off the alarm.
"And your point?"
"I have a limo that the Labor Department rented -- how about
you let
Congress pay the bill for new upholstery?" He smiled a
little, and was
rewarded by a relieved look in her eyes.
"Okay, I think... I can get a cab back up here tomorrow and
pick up my
car," she exhaled, becoming measurably calmer. "I live
in LA, up in the
Hills."
"What street?"
"Vieretta Lane."
"Okay, not a problem," he said with a smile. "I
have to go back to the
Beverly Hills Hotel, anyway."
"You seem awfully anxious to get away from this thing,"
she commented as
he walked her over to the limo and tucked her away.
"Well, I am. Schmoozing isn't my thing. And neither is
watching tall
wet women go home without helping." He gave the driver
instructions,
and they sat back for the hour and a half drive -- more if there
was
traffic. "So, how did you take this job?"
"Which one?" She laughed bitterly.
"Either."
"Well, I've been working with EMILY's List for about two
years, and
before that, I was in publicity and public relations, so... Andi
saw
that on my resume and hired me on the spot." She shrugged.
"And how
did you get to be the Secretary of Labor?"
"Good luck and lots of bribes," he muttered.
"Ah, yes, the consummate politician's trick," she
laughed, leaning a
little closer. "Thank you for giving me a ride."
"It's not a problem," he replied, biting the inside of
his cheek, trying
not to show what kind of an effect she was having on him by being
so
close.
"You're staring at me," she accused with a smile.
"Well, you're very attractive."
"You've got to be kidding, right? Me?" She snorted and
ran her fingers
through her wet, stringy hair. "Me, the six foot tall wet
girl in Anne
Klein?"
"Yes."
She looked back at him and saw that he was being completely
serious, and
her mouth went dry. She blinked and finally said, "You've
very
handsome, yourself."
"Thank you." He leaned closer and, taking a chance,
kissed her very
softly, very gently.
The kiss took both of them by surprise. CJ absently reached over
to
grab his left hand. Her fingers brushed over the gold band on his
ring
finger and she broke the kiss quickly, glancing down at their
entwined
fingers. Leo's gaze followed hers to their hands. She ran her
thumb
over the worn ring. Together they looked up and stared at each
other in
awkward silence.
"I'm sorry, I, uh, had no idea" stammered CJ as she
withdrew her hand
from his.
"It's not your fault, I kissed you, remember?" sighed
Leo.
Almost unconsciously they moved a little further apart in the
seat.
They both thought a little room between them would be a good idea.
"So, I take it your, uh, wife..." said CJ.
"Jenny"
"Oh, Jenny. She didn't make the trip with you?" asked CJ
as she sat
shivering next to Leo.
"No" replied Leo as he fidgeted with his suspenders,
wondering what was
in the mini fridge across from him.
She nodded. "I... um... take it you two aren't exactly
happy?" She
licked her lips and fidgeted with a wrinkle in the skirt of her
dress.
"Right now... not so much," he replied honestly.
"It's complicated."
"I bet, with you being an advisor to President Shepherd and
everything,"
CJ said, a little sarcasm popping through.
"It's not just that, it's..." Leo hesitated, afraid to
say that Jenny
thought he was an alcoholic, lest the words give it power. Or a
drug
abuser.
"It's everything, right? And you thought you could use me,
the awkward
tall wet woman, to assuage that and give you comfort during the
long
lonely night in your hotel room, right?" She was going from
angry to
furious. "How dare you."
"Okay, let me point out one thing... we're not going to my
hotel, and
you kissed me back." He popped open the mini-fridge and
pulled out a
little bottle of vodka, then thought better of it and put it back.
He
could taste the heat of the liquor, even though it was all in his
mind,
but he wanted to have this discussion as little impaired as
possible.
"That's two things," she said coldly, edging away.
"And it wasn't like you said, either."
"What, you really felt something for me?" she taunted,
never looking at
him, afraid to even look at him.
"Yes." It was soft, and he didn't realize he had
actually said it.
CJ turned her head slowly towards him and stared.
"What?" she asked in her best sarcastic tone.
"Oh, you heard me just fine. What, no witty come back?"
said Leo
through clenched teeth.
He leaned over to the fridge again and took out the bottle of
vodka. He
downed it in a single gulp and threw the empty bottle on the seat
across
from them.
She stared at him for a long time, then shook her head. "I...
I can't
believe that."
"Why not? Because I'm married, I can't appreciate another
woman?"
"Precisely. You should only have eyes for your wife."
She crossed her
arms and stared out the window.
"I haven't had 'eyes' for Jenny, as you put it, for a long
time," he
muttered.
CJ didn't quite know how to react to that statement. On one hand
she
was attracted to Leo but on the other hand he had a wife, plain
and
simple, he was unavailable. But there was just something about
him,
something about the pain and loneliness in his eyes that just made
her
want to take him into her arms and comfort him.
"So, what's the problem? Between you and Jenny, I mean"
asked CJ, still
staring out the window.
"Like I said, things are complicated. Jenny and my daughter,
they
think...."
"Wait, you have kids too?" asked CJ
"Yeah, Mallory she's 25. She's a school teacher" replied
Leo.
"Oh"
"They think I have a problem with alcohol" whispered
Leo.
"Well, do you?" asked CJ
"I don't know." It was plainly that simple. If he did,
he didn't know
it. Not for sure, anyway. He hadn't hit bottom, and hoped he never
would.
"Well, don't you think you should try to find out? I mean, I
saw you
have five goblets of wine tonight, and that thing of whatever just
a few
minutes ago. Can you stop drinking if you try, for one day?"
she asked
softly.
"I don't know. I haven't tried."
"Will you?"
"Will I what?"
"Try."
He sighed. "It's not that simple."
"No, it is just that simple.
One day should be enough." She took his hand in hers.
"Come see me
tomorrow night, and... if you haven't, well, I mean..." She
blushed,
unable to finish what she was trying to say.
"I have to leave for Washington in the
morning."
"Oh, well, then I guess that won't...uh, maybe you could call
me" said
CJ, trying not to sound too hopeful.
"Yeah, I'd like that" said Leo with a small smile.
CJ reached into her bag and took out her card and a pen. On the
back of
the card she put her home number. She pressed it into Leo's hand.
He
stared at it for a minute and put it in his wallet.
The rest of the trip was spent alternating between awkward silence
and
forced conversation. They shared very few personal details,
focusing
instead on their jobs and politics in general.
But something hung in the air between them, something that was
almost
indescribable.
When they drove up the hill to her house, she was almost relieved
to
have sitting beside him over. But that was before he kissed the
back of
her hand.
"Do you... want to come in and have a drink of water or
something?" she
asked.
"I'd like that," he answered softly.
They never did have that drink. They made it to the couch and
stayed
there all night long, making love, cuddling, whispering truths and
half-truths about their lives to each other.
It was vaguely comforting.
That was, until the light of day.
Leo woke first. He grabbed as many articles of his clothing as he
could
find and went to the bathroom. He stood in front of the mirror and
stared at his reflection. He stared as if he didn't recognize the
face
staring back at him. He had never before, not in all the years of
their
marriage, cheated on Jenny. Sure, there had been plenty of
opportunities through the years but he had never acted on them.
And it
was something he had been strangely proud of.
He backed up to sit on the edge of the tub. Putting his head in
his
hands he sobbed. After a few minutes he started the shower and
stepped
in, trying to wash away the guilt he felt. The worst part was the
fact
that he was actually surprised at the way he felt. He had been
telling
himself that things were over with Jenny for a long time. But his
guilty feelings told him otherwise.
When he came out of the shower, CJ was standing there in a plaid
robe,
holding a mug of coffee out to him. "You probably want to go
now," she
said, turning her back on him, determined not to let him see her
cry.
She had had one night stands before, but this felt different. This
was
someone she could care about, not just use and discard. Scratch
that --
this was someone she did care about, all of a sudden.
"Look, it's..."
"Complicated. I know. It always is. Go home to your wife and
tell her
you love her," she said, wiping away the lone tear that
trickled down
her cheek. "I'm sorry it took me for you to figure out you
really do
love her more than you thought."
He put his hand on her shoulder. "I'm not," he said
quietly. "You are
a beautiful woman, CJ Cregg. And you are brilliant, funny,
smart...
you're going to find someone soon who will be able to..." he
broke off
with a growl of frustration. He couldn't stand how he felt for
her.
Couldn't stand how he felt for Jenny. Couldn't understand why he
was
caught between them.
"If Andi gets elected, I'll be coming to Washington," CJ
interjected.
"And you don't need to worry about me telling anyone about
this. EVER.
I know how much it would hurt you politically."
"Thank you" whispered Leo as he gathered the rest of his
things and
finished the coffee.
He left the apartment in silence; never looking back towards the
door.
Something that CJ was grateful for, she didn't need to have him
see her
cry.
The plane ride home was pure torture for Leo. He was exhausted but
couldn't sleep, he tried to work but his mind kept wandering and
most of
all he wanted a drink. But he made it through flight without one.
He
couldn't remember the last time that had happened; usually he was
on his
third drink by the time the plane began to taxi down the runway.
He
even made it past the airport bars without stopping. He decided
the
best thing to do would be to throw himself right into his work.
The car
dropped him off at the office without stopping at home first.
Margaret was sitting at her desk outside his office when he came
in.
"Leo! I thought you were going to..."
"Change of plans," he growled, going into his office and
slamming the
door shut behind him.
Margaret just stared after him, wondering what had gotten his
boxers in
a twist. But then, she stopped short and reminded herself that
she'd
seen him act like this before -- usually after he and Jenny fought
and
he went out, got drunk, and spent the night looking at beautiful
women.
And she had to go pick him up and drive him home. It really was a
thankless job, but his thanks was all she needed.
But this time, there was something different about his attitude.
It was
almost like, this time...
No, she thought, sitting back down to answer the phone, no, he
wouldn't
cheat on Jenny. Not after all they've been through together.
She got off the phone quickly and poured a cup of coffee for Leo.
Grabbing his schedule and a couple of Advil from her desk drawer
she
quietly went into his office.
Leo was reading and didn't look up when she came in. She sat down
in
the chair across from the desk and coughed softly.
"Margaret, I saw you come in, what do you want?" growled
Leo.
"OK, I can see how this day is going to be...." muttered
Margaret.
"MARGARET, what?" asked Leo quickly losing what little
patience he had
left.
"Here's your schedule, coffee and a couple of Advil. Let me
know if you
need anything else." replied Margaret.
She stood up and walked towards the door, slowly.
"Margaret, I'm sorry. I'm just tired and crabby from the time
difference." said Leo softly.
"It's OK. By the way, Jed called a little while ago. He wants
you to
call him back when you get a chance" Margaret said over her
shoulder.
"Thanks"
Leo sat back down and sighed. He was positive that Margaret could
see
right through him. He figured he might as well pin a letter to his
chest. Running his fingers through his hair he reached for the
phone to
call his best friend.
"Governor Bartlet's office," came the gruff voice of
Delores Landingham.
"Hello, Mrs. Landingham, it's Leo McGarry -- does he have a
few
minutes?"
"Why yes, Leo, I'll put you right through. By the way, when
are you
going to come up here for a visit?"
"Whenever I can make the time, Mrs. Landingham."
"Okay -- I'm putting you through now."
"Thank you."
"Have a nice day, Leo."
*Yeah, sure, have a nice day. I just cheated on my wife and...*
"Leo, nice of you to call back," Jed commented dryly.
"Margaret said
you were more than a tad snarky this morning."
"It's not morning, it's like 3 in the afternoon."
"Yeah, I see what she meant... How was California?"
"It was California."
"Leo..."
"What?"
"What's wrong?"
"What makes you think something is wrong?"
"You're not your usual chipper self, which means you haven't
had
anything to drink today. Which makes me believe that something is
terribly, TERRIBLY wrong. Talk to me."
Leo sighed. "You have to swear... swear you won't tell
anyone."
"I promise, Leo."
"EVER."
"Ever."
Leo took a deep breath, then said in a rush, "I met someone
last night
at this fundraiser for Andrea Wyatt, and..."
"And?"
"I cheated on Jenny. But Jed, she's brilliant and...
beautiful, and
funny and... "
"Were you drunk?"
"Not anymore than usual."
"Were you deranged?"
"NO!"
"Insane?"
"No."
"THEN WHY?!"
Leo could practically feel Jed's voice vibrating through the phone
as he
yelled. And of the course that yelling only further increased the
pounding in his head.
"I don't know" whispered Leo, "It just happened. It
was an accident"
"It just happened. You accidentally slept with someone other
than your
wife. What does accidentally mean, did you trip over
something?"
growled Jed as he tried to remain in control.
"Jed, please...I feel bad enough already" whined Leo.
"Do you, do you really feel bad about what you did?"
asked Jed.
"Yes" whispered Leo.
Margaret entered Leo's office quietly.
"President Shepherd is on the other line"
Leo nodded.
"Look, I have to go, the President is on the phone. I'll talk
to you
later."
"Oh, you can be sure of that, my friend" said Jed as he
all but slammed
down the phone.
~~~~
"Did you have a nice ride home?" Andi inquired,
cautiously playing with
the paperweight on CJ's desk.
"Did you have a nice rest of the time at the party?" CJ
inquired, taking
the paperweight out of Andi's hands. "If you have something
to say to
me, just say it."
"Fine -- did you sleep with Leo McGarry?"
"No."
"Okay. I was just wondering, because it would make things
that much
more difficult. For both of us." Andi sighed. "Toby
wants me to
institute a policy change on the environment."
"What kind of a change?" CJ asked, relieved to have the
subject changed.
"He wants me to take a firmer stand on pollution standards.
Is
that...?"
"That would alienate some of your constituents, but overall,
it would be
great," CJ said. "Want me to pull together a memo on
it?"
"Yes, please... are you okay?"
"Huh?"
"Are you okay? You just don't look very well."
"I'm fine."
"Okay -- I'll see you tomorrow, then."
"Or sooner, depending how many more fuck-ups your husband
gets me into,"
CJ teased with a depreciative laugh.
CJ watched as Andi left the room, shutting the door behind her.
"Kill me now" moaned CJ as her head hit the desk.
She spent the rest of the day on auto-pilot. She thought
frequently
about Leo and the night they had spent together. She wondered if
he had
made good on his promise not to drink for the day. Somehow she
doubted
he would make it through the entire day.
And she was right.
~~~~~~~~~~
Leo arrived home a little before 8, early for him. Jenny was out
to
dinner with friends. He showered and changed into jeans and a
sweatshirt. He grabbed the Times and a pen out of his briefcase.
Without even thinking he took a beer out of the fridge and went to
the
den to sit and do the crossword puzzle. He was more than halfway
through the beer when he realized what he was doing. More
disturbing to
him than the fact that he hadn't made it through an entire day was
the
fact that he drank without even realizing it. It was utterly
second
nature to him. And that scared him.
He went back to the bedroom and pulled the scrap of paper with
CJ's
phone number on it out of his pants' pocket. He dialed fast and
furiously, and waited.
"Hello?"
"CJ -- it's Leo McGarry."
"Hi." Her voice was small and very quiet.
"I didn't make it."
"Do you think you have a problem now?" she asked.
"Yes, and I think last night... last night was because
of..."
"Don't say that." Her voice was suddenly very sharp.
"Just don't say
it was a mistake -- not to me. Say it to anyone else, but don't
ever
say that to me."
"I wasn't going to say it was a mistake. I was going to say I
think it
was because I was drinking so much, and...."
"Get help, Leo. Ask your wife and daughter for help. Just...
just get
some help, please."
"I..."
"Please."
"I will" whispered Leo as he gently hung up the phone.
He went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and get rid of the
familiar
aftertaste of alcohol. The sound on the front door opening sent
him
into a panic. He had figured Jenny would be much later and he
would be
asleep by the time she returned.
"Dad, you here?" called Mallory from the foyer.
Leo gave a small sigh of relief. Although he wasn't looking
forward to
facing his daughter either he was glad it wasn't Jenny.
"Yeah, up here. Be down in a minute" he yelled as he
took a quick look
in the mirror. He looked better than he had earlier in the day but
he
still looked tired and sad. He tried to plaster on a convincing smile
as he went down the stairs.
Mallory was in the kitchen with her head stuck in the fridge when
he
found her.
"Hey, I thought you moved out so you could cook for
yourself" teased
Leo.
Mallory stood up straight and turned to give him a hug and a kiss.
She
took a step back and took a good look at him.
"Dad, you ok?" she asked trying to mask her concern.
"Yeah, fine" lied Leo. "Mom's not here, she went
out to dinner"
"I know, I came to talk to you" said Mallory.
"Oh?" He tried not to sound panicked.
"Yeah. Jed called left a message on my machine, saying I
needed to talk
to you about something. What?" She looked more than a little
worried.
"It's nothing."
"Dad?"
"Look, he shouldn't have gotten you involved in this."
Leo rubbed his
forehead. "I... I'm going to get changed and go out, okay? If
you're
still here when your mom gets home..."
"Yeah, right, I'm your flunky. Is that it? Well, fuck you,
anyway."
Mallory walked out and he heard the front door slam, and the sound
of
her gunning the engine of her car in the driveway.
He sighed and grabbed his car keys.
Once on the road, he drove and drove, not really knowing where he
was
going, but his car found its way north, and he suddenly found
himself on
the familiar trek to the Governor's mansion in Concord.
That's when he decided it had to stop.
He parked in the parking lot of a liquor store and went inside.
Half a
bottle of bourbon later, he got out of the car and sat on the
sidewalk.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out the bottle of Valium,
just
contemplating it, how easy it would be.
His cell phone rang. He wanted to ignore it, but...
"Hello?"
"LEO, WHERE ARE YOU?!"
He hung up, not wanting to listen to his wife.
He stared at the phone for a while, expecting her to call back.
Sure
enough, 10 minutes later it rang. He glanced at the screen, it
wasn't
Jenny, it was Jed.
He suddenly felt very alone and helpless.
"Jed?"
"Leo, where are you? Jenny just called, she's going out of
her mind
worrying about you." said Jed, totally in control and
completely calm.
Something Leo found to be very disconcerting.
"I'm at a liquor store somewhere right off of Rt. 93. I'll
call you
with an address"
"Should I assume you are in no shape to drive?" asked
Jed.
"Yeah" whispered Leo.
"OK, stay there. I'll be there in a little while."
"Jed, thanks..."
"Yeah"
Jed hung up the phone and called for Mrs. Landingham. She appeared
in
the doorway to his office with a concerned look on her face.
"He hit the bottom?"
"Yeah" replied Jed sadly. "I'll be back in a few
hours"
Part
2
CJ's life went back to normal, and she actually managed to put Leo
McGarry out of her thoughts. Andrea Wyatt was elected in November,
and
in January, CJ moved to Washington. She got a little apartment
near the
OEOB and the White House, a tiny studio, actually, and she worked
and
slaved out of that one little room.
Andi and Toby invited her over to their house for a dinner party
one
night, and she refused to go, until Andi promised she would have a
week's vacation if she did.
Which is how she found herself sitting directly across the table
from
Leo McGarry and his wife.
Leo had made the introductions calmly and without hesitation.
Dinner
was almost bearable. Leo tried his best not to keep looking across
the
table at CJ and she did the same. One thing that struck CJ as
important
was the fact that during dinner Leo drank club soda, nothing else.
After dinner Jenny went off to talk to some of the other guests,
leaving
CJ and Leo outside on the porch. Leo motioned towards a pair of
chairs
and they sat.
"Leo, I had no idea you would be here, I wouldn't have come
if I would
have known" said CJ.
"That's crazy, we're adults, we can handle this. I'm just
curious
though, does Andi know what happened?"
"No, she asked me and I lied to her face" said CJ with
more than a hint
of bitterness in her voice.
"Thank you"
"I, uh, noticed you didn't drink at dinner" remarked CJ
softly.
"No, I didn't. I don't anymore. I guess I 'hit the bottom'.
Spent
some time in rehab. It's hard but I think I'm going to be ok"
"What about Jenny?" asked CJ.
"Do you really want to know?" asked Leo curiously.
"Yes. I do"
He shrugged. "It's better, but... I don't know if we can make
it work."
"Ah."
"Yeah." He looked away and sighed a bit.
"What's the matter?"
"You look as beautiful as I remembered."
"No, Leo, we're not even going to go there." She shook
her head and
held up her hand in a motion for him to stop. "You broke my
heart once,
I can't let you do it again."
"I understand" he said nodding. "Would I sound like
the biggest jerk in
the world if I said I really want us to just be friends?"
"Oh my God, no, not the let's be friends line, that's the
kiss of death"
said CJ trying not to laugh.
The truth was, she had been thinking about that very idea for a
while
now. When the idea first occured to her it was too soon after
their
night together. But now, months later, she was able to put things
in to
perspective. She genuinely liked Leo and the thought of having him
as a
friend appealed to her.
"Well, maybe it is the kiss of death, but..." He
chuckled a little
bit. "I missed you. A lot. I wanted to call you and tell you
I was in
Sierra-Tuscon, but..." He shrugged. "They would have
told Jenny, and
how could I ..."
"Explain it to her?"
"Yeah."
"It's okay," she said with a small smile. "Look, I
hate to do this, but
I have to go -- I have a meeting in the morning, and one with your
office in the afternoon."
"Huh?"
"What, your assistant didn't tell you? I have a meeting with
you at
2:30, on some of Andi's policies on labor."
"You're kidding."
"Nope -- I was wishing I was, but... now..." She stood
up and brushed
imaginary dirt off of her skirt. "I'll see you tomorrow, then?"
she
asked, offering him her hand.
"Tomorrow" said Leo softly as he watched her go back
into the house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leo got to the office at the usual 6:30. Margaret was already at
her
desk.
"Morning Leo" she said as she handed him his messages and
schedule.
"Hey Margaret, how come you didn't tell me I was meeting with
CJ Cregg
this afternoon?"
"CJ Cregg?" repeated Margaret."Oh, is that who is
coming over from
Congresswoman Wyatt's office? I didn't know who they were sending.
Why, is there a problem?"
"No, not at all"
"Have you met her before" asked Margaret as she walked
to get him a cup
of coffee.
"Yeah, in California a while ago. So what else in on the
schedule for
today?"
They sat in his office and went over his schedule. Margaret
returned to
her desk, confused by Leo's suddenly chipper mood. As she sat down
she
remembered how Leo had looked when he had returned from that trip
to
California. She sighed to herself as everything came together in
her
mind. CJ Cregg was the one.
In the afternoon, Margaret looked up to find a tall woman standing
in
front of her desk. "I'm from Andrea Wyatt's office -- I have
an
appointment with Secretary McGarry."
"You're CJ Cregg?" Margaret asked, her jaw dropping.
"Yes."
"Um, okay, go on in..."
Margaret kept her eyes on CJ until she closed the door behind her.
Margaret thought about the possiblity that she might be mistaken
about
CJ's past encounter with Leo. But she remembered all too clearly the
mood Leo had been in when he had returned from California.
"Now what" she muttered to herself as she went back to
typing Leo's
memos.
CJ was in Leo's office for over 2 hours. Margaret heard both of
them
laughing and joking many times during their meeting. When the door
opened and CJ emerged Margaret gave her a forced smile and a small
wave
as she turned down the hall.
Leo appeared at her desk instantly, smiling and in a far better
mood
than he had been in weeks, no, make that months.
"Here are your messages" said Margaret coldly as she
handed him a stack
of pink papers.
"Something wrong?" asked Leo in a overly sweet voice.
"Nothing" replied Margaret sharply as she turned back to
her computer.
"Whatever" muttered Leo as he whistled his way back into
his office.
Margaret slammed her desk drawer shut, and decided to stop
thinking
about it. It really was none of her business if he was sleeping
with
CJ. It was really none of her business if they had been...
She shuddered at the very thought and answered the phone.
~~~~
CJ had to come back to Leo's office serveral times in the next few
weeks
because of Andi's business. And she and Leo kept getting closer
and
closer. Not to mention that closeness kept bringing them closer
and
closer to what they had done before. It was an unavoidable
pitfall,
considering he dreamed about her, and she caught herself thinking
about
him instead of her work.
And then it happened.
They were in his office, joking around about how Andrea thought
that the
Republicans ought to just wear flags on their backs that said
"KICK ME",
when he said, "You have the sexiest laugh I've ever
heard." And leaned
forward. And kissed her.
An hour later, they were both pulling their clothes back on and
trying
to pretend nothing had happened.
And failing miserably.
CJ snuck out Leo's side door to avoid Margaret. She had the
feeling
that Margaret knew the truth. She was positive Leo hadn't told her
but
everytime she saw Margaret there was a look of distrust in her
eyes.
Leo pulled himself together as best he could without a mirror. He
sat
at his desk thinking for a long time after CJ had gone. His eyes
turned
towards the photos on his shelf. He stood up slowly and walked
over
towards them. There was a photo of himself, Jenny and Mallory
taken a
few years earlier, one of Jed and Abbey holding Mallory at her
christening all those years ago, one of himself and Jed taken last
year
in New Hampshire and finally a photo of Jenny on their wedding
day,
nearly 30 years earlier. He picked it up and ran a shaky hand over
the
image. He set it down and returned to his desk. With his head in
his
hands he sobbed silently.
But not as silently as he had thought.
Margaret stood at the closed door to Leo's office. She had heard
the
other door open a little while earlier and knew CJ had gone. She
was
about to go in with some papers for Leo to sign when she heard the
sound
of sobbing through the door. She knew then and there that her
suspicions were correct. Determined not to make a scene she
knocked
softly and wait for Leo to respond.
He pulled himself together, and called, "Come in."
Margaret entered silently. "Do you want me to call the
car?" she asked.
"No. I'm... what do you mean, call the car?" he asked
sharply.
"Leo, I..."
"Yeah, call the car. I'm going home. I can't take this
today." He ran
a hand through his hair and sighed sadly. "I... Margaret...
when...
when you look at me... "
"When I look at you, I see a man with demons and angels, and
right now,
your demons are winning," she replied, handing him the papers
and a
pen. "Sign here, here, and here."
He signed, and nodded slowly, without looking his assistant in the
eye.
"I think you're right."
"Do you love Jenny?"
"Yes. And no."
"Do you love... CJ Cregg?"
His eyes met hers, and he flinched. "How did you..."
"I'm psychic," she muttered dryly.
"Yes. I think I love her."
"Well, you've got to make a choice, Leo, and you're gonna
have to stick
by it." With that, she turned and left to call the car.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next few weeks flew by. Leo was able to basically avoid both
CJ and
Jenny. His business with Andi's office had all but been concluded
the
day he and CJ had made love in his office. He had talked to CJ a
few
times but the hadn't really seen each other. His job, with its
long
hours, gave him reason to avoid going home very much. He had spent
more
than one night in his office. He knew Jenny was starting to worry
that
he was drinking again. But he wasn't, it was hard but he was
determined
not to add any more fuel to the fire that was threatening to
destroy his
very soul.
At the end of a particularly long week he found himself driving
north,
to New Hampshire, to Jed and hopefully to the voice of reason. He
had
called ahead this time so Jed was expecting him. It was nearly
2:00 on
Saturday morning when he pulled into the circular drive of Jed's
Manchester farmhouse. Jed sat waiting for him on the front porch
swing.
"I did it again," Leo said, rubbing his forehead.
"Did... what again?"
"I slept with the woman again."
"Leo, are you out of your fucking mind?!"
Leo sat down and sighed. "Yeah, Jed. I think I am."
~~~~
"Andi, I can't," CJ said, shaking her head and pushing
the paper across
the table. "I have to quit."
"WHY?!"
"Private reasons. I'm sorry I can't elaborate, but..."
"Will you consider coming back?"
"Maybe. I've already got a job lined up at Triton-Day in
Beverly Hills,
so..."
"You're the spin goddess, CJ. I don't know what I'll do
without you,"
Andi said honestly.
"You'll find someone else," CJ assured her. "And
I'll keep in touch. I
just... I can't stay in Washington."
"Okay. I guess... I guess I'll see you, sometime, later, then?"
"Yeah."
CJ stood up and left.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two weeks later CJ was stuffing the last of her belongings into
her car
in preparation for her cross country drive. She was actually
looking
forward to the drive. It would give her some much needed time to
think. And she had a lot of thinking to do.
She had debated whether or not to see Leo before she left. She had
come
to the conclusion that a simple note would be best. She knew what
would
happened if they saw each other.
The last thing she did before pulling away from the curb was to
walk to
the corner and drop the letter to Leo in the mailbox. Since it was
Saturday she figured she would be well on her way to California by
the
time he got it Monday morning.
And she was, by the time Margaret handed him his mail late Monday
morning CJ was crossing the Mississippi.
Leo stared at the familiar handwriting as he sat down to open it
with
shaking hands. He took notice of the fact that there was no return
address.
"Dear Leo," he read.
"I know this is abrupt, but I'm moving back to California. I
think it's
for the best. I have a new job, and... well... It's a good one. No
more politicians, as far as I can see.
"I'll miss you, and this time, I'm breaking my own heart by
writing
this. I'm sorry, Leo, but... go home to Jenny.
"Love, CJ"
Leo read it twice, folded it up and stuffed it in the back of his
desk
drawer. He called for Margaret to come in. She entered his office
and
knew by the look on his face that something was wrong. The day had
started out well, he had been in a fairly good mood. Recalling the
envelope that looked more personal than professional she had a
pretty
good idea of what, or more importantly who, was responsible for
his
sudden change in mood.
"You have a meeting with President Shepherd in an hour and a
half and
you need to return some phone calls before you leave" said
Margaret,
struggling to keep any emotion out of her voice.
"OK" said Leo in an equally flat tone as he reached for
the stack of
phone messages.
Margaret looked at him for a moment while she decided whether or
not to
keep quiet or risk saying something. She sat down in the chair in
front
of Leo's desk. She took a deep breath and decided to throw caution
to
the wind.
"Leo are you ok? You seem a little..." she started with
some hesitation
in her voice.
"I'm fine" said Leo, cutting her off abruptly. He was
sure the
direction the conversation was about to take and he wanted to cut
it off
as quickly as possible.
"Can I just say...that I'm worried about you...and worried
that you'll,
ya know..."
"Take a drink" said Leo completing her thought.
"Yeah. Look, I know none of this is my business, but was that
letter
from CJ?"
Leo nodded and leaned forward to prop his elbows up on his desk.
He
rested his head on his clasped hands and took a deep breath.
"She left, she quit her job and moved back to California.
Guess you're
happy, you never liked her anyway" he said bitterly.
Margaret tried not to take his words and more importantly his
tone,
personally.
Leo unclasped his hands and dropped his head down on the desk
wearily
when he realized he had just tried to pick a fight with the one
person
in his life who was trying to be nice to him.
"Leo, that's not true. I'm sure she's a lovely person and
under
different circumstances things would have been,
well...different" she
said slowly.
Leo picked up his head and gave Margaret a weak smile. She stood
up to
leave. She took one last look at her boss. He looked downright
miserable and with good reason, she thought to herself.
"You need anything else?" she asked.
"A bottle of water and a couple of Advil would be nice about
now" said
Leo as he picked up the phone.
Margaret returned to his office a few minutes later with water and
Advil. She put them on his desk. As she turned to leave he grabbed
her
hand and gave it a squeeze. Her eyes met his and he gave her a
wink and
a grateful smile.
"Thank you" he mouthed silently as he dropped her hand.
She left with a smile and the knowledge that somehow, some way,
things
would work out for the best.
"Look, Isobel, I know I can't take a maternity leave until
after I've
been here a year, but I think under the circumstances..."
"CJ, even so..."
CJ growled something undistinguishable.
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing. Look... I'll... I'll.... take two week's unpaid
leave,
and.... find a live-in nanny," CJ finally said, throwing her
hands in
the air in exasperation. "I just need this job to be here
still after
I've had the baby."
"Two weeks unpaid leave," Isobel finally agreed.
"And you'd better
start looking for that nanny."
"Yeah," CJ muttered, leaving Isobel's office and heading
back to her
desk. She sat down in her rolling chair, grateful for the little bit
of
freedom it gave her, and slid as close to the desk as she could.
Which
was getting to be a challenge in itself, considering her size.
"Ceej -- we need twelve mock-ups on that Emmy ad by the end
of the day.
Start talking to someone at the studio," Carol called from
her desk. As
CJ's assistant, the job of keeping Claudia Cregg's big mouth in
line
fell on all her.
"Okay.... get me Nathan Hartman," CJ ordered, not having
the time or
inclination to feel sorry for herself -- unnwed, no plans of
getting
married, pregnant, and in love with a married man.
~~~~
"Richard, did you really have to drag me along for this
little
experiment of how to court your girlfriend when you're a celebrity
with
tons of money?" CJ teased her boyfriend.
"Well, I want the world to see you on my arm -- beautiful,
intelligent,
glowing with maternal..."
"Stop right there or I will hit you with my bag," she
promised.
"Okay, but you look absolutely dazzling... sexy..."
"Shut up," she hissed, blushing.
"Ravishing," he finished, putting his hand on the small
of her back to
guide her into the party.
The first person she saw was Leo McGarry.
"I'm going home," she gasped, turning away. She couldn't
let him see
her like this.... couldn't let him see her pregnant with their
child.
It would only make things more complicated than they already were.
She hoped with all her heart that Leo hadn't noticed her. But, she
shouldn't have bothered. At 6 feet tall with red hair she was
pretty
noticable on a normal day but this day she was also almost 7
months
pregnant.
Leo looked at her for a moment, a million thoughts rushing through
his
head. Then he noticed Richard standing next to her, holding her
hand.
"Boy, she sure got over me quick" he muttered to himself
as he walked
over to greet her.
"CJ',"Leo" they said at the same time.
They shared awkward kisses on the cheek and CJ introduced Leo to
Richard. She was hoping they would start a conversation and she
could
sneak away but as usual, luck was not on her side. Richard's
cellphone
rang and he excused himself to take the call outside. Leo stepped
back
and took a good look at CJ, on his mind was the obvious question.
"How are you?" she asked, determined to ignore his
scrutiny.
"I'm okay -- CJ..."
"Yes?"
"Is the baby..."
She took a deep breath and said, "Leo, if it was, I certainly
wouldn't
tell you so."
"Why not?"
"Because. You're married. You have children of your own. I
wouldn't
want you to be ashamed of anything."
"But is..."
"Leo."
"Sweetheart?" Richard said, stepping back up. "I'm
going to be on the
phone for a while. Do you want me to send something over for you
to
drink?"
"Yes, please," she replied with a sweet smile.
"Just some water."
"Okay," he said, heading off again.
"You're going out with Richard Fowler?" Leo asked in
disgust.
"What's wrong with Richard?" she hissed, bristling.
"He's a little... well... snobbish."
"Leo McGarry, he's nothing of the kind!" She frowned.
"I think you're
just jealous." She stepped back, aghast at what she'd just
said. "I...
I... I need air."
"We're outside," he pointed out dryly.
"Whatever" muttered CJ as she attempted to walk away
from him.
Leo caught up to her quickly, catching her by the elbow and
leading her
towards a bench. She wanted to refuse to sit but her aching back
and
feet got the best of her and she sat down. Leo sat next to her, a
little
too close for her comfort level. She scooted over to the edge of
the
bench and let out a large sigh.
"So are you going to answer my question?" asked Leo.
"What question was that Leo?" asked CJ sarcastically.
"Oh, for God's sake CJ. Is the kid mine?" he yelled
getting the
attention of more than one guest.
CJ's hand shot out and slapped him across the cheek.
"Well, that was a charming development," he muttered,
rubbing his
cheek. "People, we're playacting," he shouted.
"Yeah right," CJ mumbled, getting to her feet and
walking away. Leo
caught up with her inside, and took her into the small half-bath
beneath
the staircase. "Leo..."
"Is it mine?" he asked, his voice hard and cold as ice.
"For God's sake..."
"Just answer me. I'll send money, I'll make sure the baby's
taken care
of if it's mine..."
"You go to hell for saying that!"
"WHAT?!"
"You are..."
"Is it mine?"
"Yes, Leo, you were the only person I was with almost seven
months ago!"
she said angrily. "Of course it's yours -- why the hell
else..."
She stopped and shook her head, very upset. "No, Leo, I don't
want you
rmoney. I don't want your condescending attitude towards my child,
either. I don't want you in our lives. You belong with your wife
and
daughter. Just... stay out of my life." She left and slammed
the door
shut behind her. She found Richard and told him she was going
home, and
took his limo back to her house.
And she cried the rest of the night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leo spent the entire cross country flight fidgeting in his first
class
seat, trying to read, work, watch the movie, anything to keep from
ordering a drink from the ever present flight attendant. He was on
his
third class of club soda when he decided to just turn off the
light and
try to get some sleep.
But sleep was just beyond his reach, he was exhausted, but
everytime he
closed his eyes he saw CJ before him. He could hear her voice,
smell her perfume, feel her hand slapping him. Finally somewhere over Ohio he
fell into a restless sleep.
When the plane landed, he went home, and even Jenny had to admit
that
something was wrong with him. But he wouldn't talk to anyone, not
even
his best friend.
A few weeks later, Leo read in the paper that Richard Fowler had
married
one Claudia J. Cregg, and knew with dreaded certainty that it was
his
CJ. HIS CJ?! When did that happen?
A few days later, she made the news again, this time with a birth
announcement. "Rose Anne Fowler, 18 inches, 5 pounds, 5
ounces, was
born 1 month prematurely to studio chairman Richard Fowler and his
wife,
Claudia Cregg, this morning at 12:02 AM. Rose is in good
condition, and
is expected to be released from the hospital in a few weeks."
Leo sighed and put away the paper. "MARGARET!"
Margaret came into the room with a scowl. "You don't have to
scream at
me," she snapped.
"Fine, whatever -- send a dozen roses to Claudia Cregg, via
Richard
Fowler's office, please."
"CJ Cregg?" she asked, taking notes. "Why?"
"Because, she just had a baby."
"Oh."
Margarent nodded slowly. "What do you want on the card,
Leo?"
"Congratulations, love, Leo," he said, his tone clipped.
Margaret closed the door behind her. She sat at her desk for a
minute
before ordering the flowers. She pulled out the newspaper she
hadn't
had a chance to read yet. She found the birth announcement,
scanning it
quickly and counting back on her fingers she let out a big sigh.
She spent the rest of the day keeping a close eye on Leo. Around 8
that
night she went to check on him. He had been in his office alone
for a
few hours. He hadn't bothered her, come out or eaten dinner. She
grabbed a cup of coffee and quietly opened the door. Leo was in
his
chair with his feet on the desk, sound asleep. There was a piece
of
paper in his hands and he was still wearing his glasses. Margaret
pulled the paper from his hands. Curiousity got the best of her
and she
read it. It was the note CJ had sent him when she left town. She
folded it up and put it under the blotter of his desk. She removed
his
glasses, turned off the light and went to call Jenny and tell her
where
he was. She knew Jenny had been worried about him for over a
month,
ever since his trip to the west coast. And now Margaret was pretty
sure
she knew why he had been so upset.
~~~~
"Hi, sweetheart," Richard said, sitting down beside CJ
on the edge of
the hospital bed.
"Hi," she replied with a smile.
"How do you feel?"
"Sore, tired, worried about Rosie... but I'm okay, I
think," she
replied.
"Well, I brought these for you," Richard said,
presenting her with a
huge bouquet of carnations and roses. "And some flowers
arrived at my
office for you from Leo McGarry."
He couldn't help but notice her flinch.
"Oh, that's nice" she said trying not to show any
emotion.
"I didn't know you knew McGarry that well" remarked
Richard.
CJ looked at him and in her heart she knew it was time to tell
Richard
just how well she knew Leo McGarry.
"Yeah, I've known him for a while now. We were, uh, for a
while..." CJ
stopped suddenly as tears sprang forth fueled by hormones and too
little
sleep.
Richard sat on the bed and pulled his wife into his arms.
"CJ, honey, is Leo..."
He didn't have to finish the question. He felt her nod her head
into
his shoulder as she sobbed.
"Oh, sweetheart, I... I know how hard... I think I know....
oh, hell, I
have no idea how hard this is for you," he finally said,
holding her as
she cried. "But I want you to know that, no matter what, I
love you and
Rosie."
"I know," she whispered, hiccuping. "And I love
you, too."
"It's gonna be fine," he promised.
~~~~
She remembered that promise two years later, when their divorce
became
final. He made provisions for supporting Rose and CJ even though
he had
no legal obligations to do so.
It was an amicable split. He fell in love with an actress, and it
didn't hurt CJ that much, because she was still in love with Leo.
And
they divorced.
There was no blood, no pain.
It was simple and clean.
CJ continued to work at Triton-Day, and Richard paid for a
full-time
nanny for Rose.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leo left the cabinet about the time Rose Fowler celebrated her
first
birthday. He had thought about sending something but decided
against
it. CJ had never contacted him after Rose's birth.
He had spent the last year on the lecture circuit. He was quite a
popular speaker and found the whole experience enjoyable. Jenny
went
with him once in a while but mostly he travelled alone. Their
marriage
was becoming more and more a marriage of convenience. They both
knew it
but neither one wanted to take the next step.
Leo had spent a fair amount of time with Jed. Although Leo never
admitted to Rose's parentage deep down Jed knew the truth. He
didn't
push Leo to talk about CJ and for that Leo was grateful.
In his mind Leo saw big things for Jed. He had come to the
farmhouse in
New Hamphire on this warm summer night to share his vision. They
were
sitting on the front porch watching Jed's granddaughter chase
fireflies.
"OK, Leo, what's up?" asked Jed warily.
Leo took a deep breath.
"How does President Josiah Barlet sound to you?" asked
Leo as he turned
to face Jed.
"President Josiah Bartlet?" Jed repeated, laughing.
"Leo, you have gone
completely batty. Dotty. Idiotic."
"I'm being serious, Jed. Just... just think about it,
okay?"
~~~~
The phone rang and CJ rolled over to grab it. "Hello?
Isobel... it's
six-thirty in the morni... okay, fine." She set the receiver
back onto
the cradle and groaned, slowly sitting up and running her hands
through
her hair.
She took a five minute shower and threw on some clothes. It was
her day
off -- why was Isobel calling her in, especially at THIS hour in
the
morning?!
She made sure that Desiree and Rose were settled in front of
breakfast
and "Winnie-the-Pooh" on the Disney Channel before
running out to the
car. She bitched the whole way down to Beverly Hills because she
had to
wear her glasses, since she couldn't get her contacts in.
And then, when she got out of the car in the underground garage,
her
glasses fell off and shattered on the cement. "Oh great --
what ELSE
can go wrong today?!" she yelled to no one in particular,
though several
people stopped to stare at her.
By the time she got home, she was fuming.
How could Isobel fire her?! She needed that job to make house
payments! She needed...
There was a car sitting in her driveway, where she knew there
should not
be one. It had a rental car sticker on the bumper, she could tell
through the fuzz that was her eyesight. But who would...?
She let herself into the back yard and headed for the back door.
"Hi,
CJ."
"Who's that?" she asked, squinting at the blur sitting
in her pool
chair.
"It's me."
"Toby? What are you.... AUGH!" She fell into the pool,
nearly choking
to death on her way back up.
She tried not to focus on their conversation as she climbed out fo
the
pool and dried off, because she felt like an idiot. But when Toby
told
her about the campaign, she sort of perked up a bit. And then he
said
that Leo wanted her.
"McGarry wants me?" she asked.
"Yes."
"Does he know I've only ever worked statewide, not on a
national
campaign?" she asked, still unable to get over Leo wanting
HER.
"It's graduation day."
"Well... come inside, and we'll talk about it." She
headed off, and
Toby stopped her.
"CJ, the house is that way."
"Okay."
Once inside, a little bundle of pure energy came streaking into
the back
room. "Mommy, mommy, mommy!" Rose stopped and stared at
her mother.
"You're all wet!"
"Yes, I am," CJ sighed.
"Why?"
"Because I fell in the pool."
"Why?"
"Because I was trying to see Uncle Toby."
"Why.... UNCLE TOBY!" Rose shrieked, hurtling herself
into Toby's
arms. "Hihi!"
Toby scooped up Rose into his arms and planted a kiss on her
cheek. She
giggled and scooted up higher in his arms to kiss him on the top
of his
bald head.
"I'm going to get changed, I'll be down in a minute"
called CJ from the
stairs.
"OK, we'll be fine" called Toby as he sat on the couch
with Rose on his
lap. She had really grown since he had last seen them a few months
earlier. She was past the baby stage and fully into the toddler
phase.
She was a bundle of energy. Rose had her mother's blue eyes and
her
father's fine, sandy hair.
Her father...that was a subject that CJ and Toby had always
carefully
managed to avoid. Sure, Toby was curious but he never asked and CJ
had
never offered any information.
He knew that Richard Fowler couldn't possibly be her father,
because CJ
hadn't even started seeing him before she announced she was
expecting.
And besides, even if she'd been lying about that -- Richard had
dark
hair and almost-black eyes.
No dice.
Except for the hair, though, Rose looked almost exactly like the
pictures he'd seen of CJ as a little girl, so it would be
difficult to
ID a father out of thin air, anyway.
"So, what are you up to today, little miss Rosita?" he
inquired.
"Ree and I watched Pooh after Mommy left. And I
colored."
"Oh, that's nice" said Toby. He had been sitting with
Rose on his lap
for about 5 minutes and he was quickly reaching his *child* quota
for
the day, or maybe the week. Just as he was trying to decide how to
remove her from his lap Desiree called from the kitchen with an
offer of
milk and cookies.
"Bye, Uncle Toby" giggled Rose as she reached up to rub
his head. She
scampered away as Toby rolled his eyes.
"Enough of the kids stuff for one day, huh Toby?" asked
CJ as she came
out of the kitchen with two glasses of iced tea.
"Something like that" muttered Toby as he motioned for
CJ to sit.
"So tell me more about Jed Bartlet. Is he the real
thing?" asked CJ as
she curled her long legs under her and turned sideways to face
Toby.
"Yeah, he is. He's not the easiest guy to get to know, but
he's the
real thing. So what do you say, are you in?"
"I don't know. It's all so sudden. I have Rose to consider.
Leo
McGarry really mentioned me by name?" she asked, trying to
keep her
emotions in check.
"Yeah, you must have made a good impression on him a few
years ago when
the two of you met." said Toby.
CJ had just taken a large sip of iced tea and it took her a good
five
minutes and three napkins to stop choking and to clean herself up.
"You ok there, CJ?" asked Toby oblivious to why she was
suddenly choking
and speechless.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, I'm okay," she assured him on a
whisper, still
coughing some. "I... I don't know, Toby. Who would take care
of Rose?"
"Desiree? I mean, that's what you pay her for, right?"
"But with the cut in pay... Toby, I don't know how I'll be
able to..."
CJ sighed and put her head in her hands. "I can't ask Richard
for more
money. He's already giving me about $500,000 a year."
"Plus your salary.... good, God, woman!" Toby rolled his
eyes. "Sell
the damn house and bring Desiree and Rose along for the
campaign!"
"Are you gonna baby-sit?" she challenged. "And what
happens when Rosie
has to go to school?"
"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it."
"Jesus Christ, Toby... I..."
"He's the real thing."
CJ took a deep breath, this was the opportunity she had been
waiting for
all her adult life. A chance to work a national campaign, to break
into
the all boy network, to be a player in the party. She was being
invited
to *sit at the adult table*, how could she say no.
"I'll do it"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leo sat staring at the fax that had just arrived. It was from
Toby; it
said simply,
Leo,
CJ's in.
Toby
He tiredly rubbed his eyes and crumbled up the paper, tossing it
in the
nearby trashcan. He turned his attention back to Jed and Josh.
"We've got our press person," he said.
"Who?" Josh asked.
"Leo, you're pissing me off," Jed growled. "You
keep bringing in all of
these people I've never even HEARD of and..."
"CJ Cregg," Leo said. "She's good -- she ran
interference for Andrea
Wyatt during her first campaign and has worked for EMILY's List.
She's
very good, and we can use her. She does have a small child -- I
don't
know what's happening with that, though, just yet."
"How small?" Jed asked as Josh groaned and rolled his
eyes.
"I think she's about three, three and a half now," Leo
answered.
"Oh, a little turkey. Well, bring the monkey along! The
kid'll be a
nice distraction," Jed said with a smile.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CJ and Rose took one last look around the townhouse before hopping
in
the car. CJ was planning on shipping everything, including her car,
to
the small apartment she had rented in Manchester but at the last
minute
decided to drive cross country with Rose and Desiree. A decision
she
hoped she wouldn't regret. But she figured they could take turns
driving and things would work out just fine. But the real reason
for
the drive was to give her more time to think about what to say
when she
came face to face with Leo.
She had been in contact with him by email and fax but hadn't
actually
spoken to him. They were both doing a very good job of avoiding
each
other. But that was about to end.
~~~~~~~~~
Ten days later, with Desiree and Rose safely tucken away at the
Holiday
Inn in Manchester, where they would stay while waiting for the
rest of
their things to arrive, CJ stood on the sidewalk in front of the
Bartlet
for America headquarters. She took a deep breath and pushed the
door
opened. It only took a second for her to spot Leo. He was sitting
at a
desk, feet propped up, fidgeting with his suspenders. He looked as
adorable as she had remembered, maybe even more so. She was
fighting
the urge to run out the door and back to California when Toby
spotted
her and waved her over.
"Hey, CJ, come meet everybody!" he called. "We're
just getting ready
for a meeting, so..." Toby grabbed her by the elbow and
dragged her
over to the others. "This is Josh Lyman, Sam Seaborn, you
already know
Leo McGarry, and THIS is Josiah Bartlet. Everybody, this is CJ
Cregg,
our new Press Secretary."
"Hi," she said. "So let me get this straight, Josh,
Sam, Leo and
Governor Bartlet, right?"
"Yeah," Leo said curtly. "Let's get to work,
people." He sat up and
handed out papers. "I need everyone to contact everyone on
each of
these lists by five."
"What's next?" Bartlet intoned.
"We have a speech in Concord tonight," Josh spoke up.
"No blowing the
thing."
"What's next?"
CJ just blinked, unable to believe what she was hearing. Important
speeches were being reduced to "the thing"? And they
were calling
people like nothing more than telemarketers? WHAT KIND OF CAMPAIGN
WAS
THIS?!
"Nothing Governor" said Leo as people scattered in all
directions.
CJ stood rooted to her spot until Leo's voice broke through the
haze she
was feeling.
"CJ, uh, let's find you a place to work and maybe then we can
talk?"
asked Leo in an uncharacteriscally timid tone.
"Yeah" she muttered as she took in the chaos around her
that masqueraded
as a Presidential campaign.
Leo led her to a small but tidy cubicle with her name taped to the
outside wall. She dropped her bag and sat down wearily. The
exhaustion
caused by a cross country trip with a preschooler was quickly
taking
over her body and mind. Leo stood nervously until she pointed to
the
chair in front of the desk. She quietly took a photo out of her
bag and
slid it across the desk towards Leo.
"I thought you might like to see her," she explained
quietly. "Before
you actually meet her, I mean."
He picked up the photo -- which was of CJ, Toby and Rose sitting
on CJ's
deck chair out by the pool -- and stared at it for a long time
before
handing it back to her. "She looks like you," he finally
said.
"But she's got you in her, too."
"A little," he conceded.
"We call her Rosie -- except for Toby who calls her Rosita
for some
reason. She loves Winnie-the-Pooh, coloring, and... talking about
her
daddy." She put the picture away and slid her purse under the
desk.
"Richard?"
"Yeah."
"Oh."
"He's the only father she knows" said CJ a little
harsher than she had
intended. After all it was her idea to raise her daughter without
help
or support from Leo.
"Yeah, I guess she is. I hope someday that's not the case. So
when can
I meet her?" asked Leo.
"Tomorrow, I'll have Desiree bring her by in the afternoon. I
would
rather her meet you here than at the hotel."
"Fine. I'm just curious, does Toby know?"
"If he does, he didn't hear it from me" said CJ.
"Now can we please
move on to this circus you call a campaign?"
"Sure"
Part
3
That night when she finally got to the hotel, at about eleven, all
CJ
felt like doing was kissing her sleeping daughter on the forehead
and
collapse into bed. Which she did with all haste.
The front desk rang at 2 AM.
"Shit," CJ muttered, grabbing the phone before it could
wake Rose and
Desiree up. "Yes?"
"Ms. Cregg?"
"YES?!"
"There's a woman named Carol Henshall at the front desk to
see you. She
says she's your assistant?"
"Oh God, send her up!" CJ exclaimed. She was waiting at
the door when
Carol knocked a few minutes later. "Come in, come in!"
she laughed.
"How did you...."
"I called your dad, and he said you came to work for Bartlet,
and I quit
at Triton-Day, and... you'll need an assistant, right?" Carol
asked
with a smile.
"GOD YES!"
By lunchtime the next day CJ had introduced Carol around, managed
to
only confuse Josh and Sam in the process, gotten her desk
organized, met
with Jed Bartlet, gotten some pointers from Margaret and managed
to
nicely avoid Leo.
But as late morning turned to early afternoon she couldn't put off
the
inevitable, she had to have Desiree bring Rosie over to meet
everyone,
including Leo.
Rosie flew into Toby's arms the minute she entered the building.
Toby
looked slightly embarrassed as she did her ritual of kissing the
top of
his bald head. He introduced her around and everyone made a big
fuss
over her. But no one was more smitten with her than Jed Bartlet.
Toby
left Rosie in Jed's arms eating a cookie while he went to get CJ,
who
was on the phone.
By the time CJ had gotten to Jed's office Leo was already in
there. She
stopped in the doorway and surveyed the scene in front of her; the
democratic nominee for the presidency was holding her daughter,
covered
in cookie crumbs and grinning from ear to ear. Leo was watching
from a
few feet away, unsure of what to do. CJ took a deep breath and
went in.
"Rosie, honey, I'd like you to meet Leo."
"I already met him mommy, Uncle 'siah told me who he
was"
Jed chuckled at the little girl on his knee.
"Why don't we try Uncle Jed, might be easier to say. Now I
have to get
to work but it was very nice meeting you Rosie" said Jed as
he kissed
her cheek and put her down.
"Bye Uncle Jed" said Rosie waving to him as he walked
out of the office.
Leo sat down as Rosie eyed him warily. He offered her another
cookie
and she climbed in his lap.
"Your mommy says you like Winnie-the-Pooh?" Leo asked.
"Yeah," Rose mumbled around her cookie. "Mommy, Ree
let me watch Beauty
and the Beast this morning."
"Okay, sweetheart," CJ said with a smile. "That's
why we brought it,
you know."
"'Kay." Rose smiled up at Leo. "You like
Pooh?"
"I love Pooh -- and Tigger, too," Leo said with an
awkward smile.
"I love Piglet," CJ piped up.
"Mommy likes Roo, too..." Rose supplied, climbing off of
Leo's lap.
"Mommy, I'm thirsty," she said very matter-of-factly.
"CJ, phone" yelled Carol from the hallway.
"Go, I'll find her something to drink" said Leo.
CJ only hesitated for a second before running down the hall to
take the
call.
Leo and Rosie walked down the hall hand in hand towards the small
kitchen. They found some juice and went into Leo's office to wait
for
CJ to finish. Leo gave her some paper and a pen. She got to work
drawing while Leo read over some notes.
"Here Leo, I drew a picture for you" said Rosie as she
held out a piece
of paper.
"It's a picture of Winnie-the-Pooh" supplied Rosie just
as Leo was about
to give up on figuring out what it was.
He held out a piece of tape and Rosie put it on his filing
cabinet. She
went back to drawing and Leo went back to his notes. Neither
noticed
Jed standing in the doorway watching them.
Jed sighed to himself as he looked at the similarities between his
best
friend and the little girl who had stolen all of their hearts.
They had
the same hair, similar coloring and they both had the same
slightly
crooked smile.
Leo looked up to find Jed staring. He knew exactly what Jed was
thinking and there was no way to deny it. Leo just gave a small,
sad
smile and an almost invisible nod. Jed returned the smile and
continued
down the hall.
He wound up at CJ's cubicle, watching her deal with someone from
the
Washington Post -- Danny Concannon, if he had to lay a bet on it.
She
hung up, finally and made a little demon-shrieking noise, making a
motion like she wanted to strangle the phone.
"Having fun, are we?" he asked with a little chuckle.
"Governor, I didn't..."
"No, it's okay, I quite understand," he said with a
smile. "Leo has
Rosie drawing pictures of Pooh for him."
She sighed in relief. "I thought you were going to say she'd
gotten in
trouble or something..."
"Oh, no. She's too much like her father to get in
trouble."
Her eyes widened and she choked. "Excuse me?"
"Richard," he supplied a moment later. "We went to
boarding school
together."
"Oh." She hoped she didn't look as nervous as she
thought she did.
"I'll let you get to work. I'll talk to you later CJ"
said Jed as he
turned back towards his office.
In Jed's mind there was no doubt, Leo was Rosie's father. He
stored
that information away in his mind, vowing not to bring the subject
up
unless Leo did first.
CJ dropped her head to the desk and let out a quiet, "kill me
now"
before slowly getting up and heading over towards Leo's office.
She found them hard at work, Leo in his chair, head bent over a
stack of
papers, Rosie kneeling on his visitors chair coloring. She leaned
against the door jamb for a minute, trying to stop the tears from
escaping from her eyes.
Rosie glanced up and cried, "Mommy, I made Leo a picture of
Pooh, and he
hanged it up!" She pointed proudly at the file cabinet.
Leo looked up, startled, at CJ. "Thanks for keeping an eye on
her for
me," CJ said with a smile.
"No problem," he replied. "Where's your
nanny?"
"She went to the store to get some things -- like little Miss
Rosie's
new shoes," CJ said, grabbing her daughter and swinging her
up into the
air. "Wanna go back to Mommy's office, sweetheart?"
"No, I want to stay with Leo," Rose stated firmly.
"Carol's here."
"Carol's here? Reawwy?"
"Yeah."
Rosie climbed back down to the ground and ran over to hug Leo and
give
him a little kiss on the cheek. "Thank you," she said
very politely.
"Bye-bye -- I'm gonna see Carol now."
"Okay, you go see Carol," Leo agreed with a smile as she
and CJ left.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As days turned in to weeks they fell into a somewhat comfortable
routine. CJ worked nonstop until the late afternoon and then she
took a
break to have a early dinner with Rosie before getting a few more
hours
worth of work done or attending a campaign function. When they
went on
the road for more than a day or two Rosie and Desiree usually
joined
them. Rosie made friends with all the staffers and they enjoyed
spoiling her. Toys made their way into the offices of just about
everyone, even to the office of the overworked candidate.
Leo spent as much time with Rosie as the others did. She had
captured
his heart that very first day. He did his best to give CJ space.
They
talked very little about anything other than the campaign. CJ
never
asked about Jenny and he never offered any information. The truth
was,
he and Jenny hardly talked anymore. He was so wrapped up in the
campaign that he hardly noticed.
They found themselves in Chicago for the Illinois Primary, and CJ
and
Leo had rooms just a few doors down from each other. Rose had an
ear
infection, and CJ was going out of her mind, trying to take care
of her
and make sure she got enough sleep and antibiotics. At about one
in the
morning, Leo heard someone knocking on his door, and he found CJ
there,
looking ragged, exhausted, and like she'd been crying.
"Hey, can I come in?" she asked a little unsure of why
she was even
there.
"Sure" said Leo as he stepped aside and let me pass by
him.
CJ just sort of stood in the middle of the room for a minute. She
would
have just collapsed in to a chair if they hadn't all been covered
in
assorted newspaper, files and magazines. Leo brushed past her and
tossed some files off of the spare bed and steered her over to it.
She
sat down heavily and put her head in her hands.
It was all Leo could do to keep from wrapping his arms around her
and
holding her tight. But chose to sit down next to her a respectable
distance from her.
"What's wrong? Rosie still sick?" asked Leo.
"No, well, yeah but that's not the problem. It's Richard. He
and his
new wife were on a sailing trip off Catalina and the boat was
caught in
a storm. So far there hasn't been any word on survivors...God Leo,
I
don't know what to do. I can't..."
"Sshhh, it's ok" murmured Leo as he scooted over to put
his arm around
her.
At first CJ flinched at his touch but then accepted his comfort
and
melted into his arms.
There was nothing sexual in his touch, just something so very
comforting. She cried into his shoulder until she couldn't cry
anymore,
and then she just let him hold her. "I... I don't know what
it is about
this place," she finally whispered. "First Josh's dad,
and now this..."
"Hey, it's okay," he assured her. "If something has...
happened... to
Richard... I know we'll all help you with money for Rosie
if..."
"No, he'll leave provisions for Rosie," she said with
all certainty.
"He loves her so much,
Leo, it's... How can I tell her that her Daddy is gone?" The
pain on
her face made Leo want to cry.
Leo just held her, unable to come up with any words that might
remotely
make CJ feel better. He held her until the body was limp with
exhaustion and he was sure she was sleeping. He laid her down and
slipped off her shoes. Gently he pulled the covers out from
underneath
her and tucked her in.
He went into the bathroom and got ready for bed himself. It took
more
willpower than he knew he had not to get in the bed with her. He
did
kiss her cheek and brush the hair out of her eyes before climbing
into
the other bed and falling into a deep and dreamless sleep.
CJ woke up at five-fifteen and couldn't figure out where she was.
She
sat up, looking around in the dark, confused. "Rosie?"
she called
softly.
"CJ?" came a sleep-grumpy voice from one direction.
"Leo?"
"Yeah, you fell asleep, and I..."
"I have to go," she said quickly, climbing out of the
bed and promptly
tripping over something. She fell to the floor, cracking her head
on
the bedframe.
Leo heard the thud, crack, and groan of pain, and was out of the
bed in
a flash, flipping on the bedside light.
"CJ!" he cried, pressing a handkerchief he fished out of
his pants to
her bleeding temple.
"I'm... 'kay...." she mumbled weakly. "Room's
spinning."
"I bet it is" he agreed as he helped her back onto the
bed. "Let me get
some ice and see if Abbey's up yet."
"No, I'm fine, just let me sit for a minute and then I'll go
to my room"
said CJ.
"No way. Stay here, I'll be right back" Leo ordered as
he grabbed the
ice bucket.
He returned 5 minutes later with the ice and Abbey.
"Abbey, I'm fine really. I hope Leo didn't wake you"
"He didn't wake me and I will be the judge of how fine you
are, CJ" said
Abbey as she reached for the handkerchief.
The bleeding had stopped and the cut wasn't as bad as it had first
looked to Leo. It didn't need stitches and Abbey wasn't real
worried
about a concussion. She told CJ to keep the ice on for a while
longer
and to take some Advil for the headache she was sure to get.
Abbey smirked for a moment, then inquired, "And what were you
two doing
in here that resulted in this little injury?"
CJ sighed. "My ex-husband was in a yacht accident, and... I
needed
someone to talk to. I cried myself to sleep, and Leo put me in the
other bed, I guess, and I woke up and was trying to leave to check
on
Rosie's fever, and... I... tripped and hurt myself." She was
turning
bright red.
"Ah, yes, isn't that always the way?" Abbey said with a
dirty chuckle.
"ABIGAIL!" Leo rumbled. "Go back to bed
already!"
"Yes dear" Abbey called over her shoulder as she opened
the door to her
room.
~~~~~~~~~~~
CJ and Rosie made quite a pair that day on the flight to
California.
Rosie cried from the ear infection which was of course made worse
by the
changes in pressure in her little ears. CJ just wanted to cry
period,
for Richard, for Leo, from the pounding headache. It didn't help
at all
that Desiree had been called home on a family emergency. Plus Josh
was
still in Connecticut with his mother and planned to stay until
Shiva was
over. That left the campaign one voice and body short. Everyone
had
been running on pure adrenaline for days and they were crashing
fast.
Once the plane took off Leo took a crying Rosie from an exhausted
CJ.
He cuddled her in his lap and rubbed her back until she feel
asleep
somewhere over the midwest. Half an hour later he felt himself
drifting
off despite the fact that Jed was talking to him at the time. Jed smiled
to himself as he threw a blanket over the sleeping pair.
CJ woke up over New Mexico, sick to her stomach, and headed for
the
lavatory. When she came out fifteen minutes later, she had lost
everything she'd eaten and drank that day, and her head was
pounding.
Abbey met her outside the restroom with a bottle of Advil, and a
weak
smile. "Thanks," CJ mumbled, taking the bottle and
heading back to her
seat.
Leo stirred and looked over at her. "You okay?"
"Headache," she mumbled, swallowing the pills dry, not
wanting to risk
putting anything else on her stomach at that point.
"Okay -- she's really hot," he commented, pressing a
kiss to Rose's
forehead.
"I've got some kid's Tylenol in here somewhere," CJ
muttered, digging
around in her carry-on. She finally got it out and Leo worked with
Jed
to rouse the sleeping toddler.
Twenty minutes and a large amount of grape Tylenol later Rosie was
settled down on Abbey's lap while Jed and Leo headed towards the
bathroom to wash off the sticky remains of Tylenol and apple
juice.
When they had washed up Jed steered Leo into an empty row of seats
and
sat down next to him. He just raised his eyebrows at Leo in a
silent
question.
"Yeah, she's mine" whispered Leo as he put his head in
his hands.
Jed nodded and reached out to place a comforting hand on Leo's
back.
"I won't say anything," Jed said quietly. "I
just... needed to know.
Have you told Jenny?"
"No."
"Okay, good. I don't think she could handle it. Let's go
back, okay?"
"Yeah," Leo sighed.
"Want Leo," Rose whined as he came by and sat down,
stretching her arms
out towards him.
He picked her up and settled her down in his lap again. Jed
brought a
cool, damp cloth and put it on her forehead.
Leo and Rose slept for the rest of the flight under the watchful
eye of
Jed and Abbey. By the time they landed CJ was feeling better and
Rosie's fever had dropped. As they entered the terminal all of the
televisions were playing the same thing. A news brief about
Richard's
accident.
Rose looked at the screens and smiled. "Mommy, look -- Daddy
and Mary
are on TV!"
CJ just nodded numbly. They passed by a row of speakers, and she
heard,
"Richard Fowler and his second wife, Mary Oliviette were
confirmed dead
just about ten minutes ago." Her knees buckled and she
fainted.
When she regained consciousness, everyone was hovered over her.
"CJ?"
Abbey said, her voice tinged with worry.
"I.... I... I'm okay," CJ whispered, fighting tears.
"It's just..."
Rose looked down at her, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Is
Daddy
dead?" she whispered.
"Oh, baby, come here," CJ insisted, opening her arms to
Rose. "Come
here...." Rose launched herself into her mother's arms and
cried.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CJ and Rose rejoined the campaign 2 weeks later. With the support
of
her friends, Leo included, CJ helped Rose through the funeral and
the
weeks that followed.
Once again they fell into their comfortable routine.
Late one Friday afternoon found Rosie wandering the halls of the
Bartlet
for America headquarters searching for a playmate. She found a
large
number of staffers too busy to play but when she had finished her
rounds
she had quite a collection of assorted goodies. She had a pink
ball
from Toby, a cookie from Mrs. Landingham, a copy of Green Eggs and
Ham
from Sam, (she had to promise to return it when she was done), a
lollipop from Josh and a freshly painted set of purple finger
nails,
thanks to Donna. She dropped her goodies in CJ's office and
announced
that she was off to find Leo.
"OK, honey, but come back if he's busy" said CJ, not
really looking up
from the memo she was reading.
Rosie arrived in Leo's doorway and knocked softly.
"Come in" yelled Leo from the desk.
Rosie entered and saw that Uncle Jed was there too. She stood for
a
moment trying to decided who had the better lap to offer. She gave
Jed
a hug and a kiss but ended up in Leo's lap.
"Mmmph, guess I can see where her loyalties lie" teased
Jed. "I'm going
to get ready for the thing tonight. I'll see you later."
"Yeah" said Leo as he turned his attention to Rose.
An hour later Leo and Rose were hungry and they wandered off in
search
of CJ to see if she wanted to go grab something to eat. They found
her
on the phone, as usual. They sat patiently, well, almost
patiently, for
her to finish.
"Mommy, we're hungry. Leo wants to go to Chuck E.
Cheese" stated Rosie.
CJ burst out laughing and eyed Leo curiously.
"Your idea?" she asked with her eyebrows raised.
"Not really, but come on, I have a couple of hours before the
thing
tonight, how bad could it be?"
"Oh, it'll be fine" said CJ with the straightest face
she could manage.
Wouldn't the DNC be absolutely appalled when they found out that
Leo won
the most tickets that afternoon, once he'd gotten the point of the
"slam
the alligator on the head" game. He'd pretended they were the
Republicans, and had proceeded to rack up the tickets, which he
redeemed
for a big teddy bear for Rose.
CJ tucked Rose into bed with her new teddy bear, who she had
christened
"Poohsie", and kissed the little girl on the forehead.
"Mommy?" Rose said. "Can Leo be my daddy?"
"No, sweetie."
"Why not, Mommy?"
"Because he's married to someone else, sweetheart, and he has
a
daughter, already," CJ explained patiently.
"How old is she?"
"Oh, she's old -- she's twenty-something," CJ said with
a smile. "Her
name is Mallory."
"That's a pretty name, Mommy."
"Yes, it is." She tucked Rose a little further beneath
the covers and
smiled. "Now, tomorrow's a big day, and you need your
sleep."
"Why's it a big day?"
"Because we'll find out if Uncle Jed is going to be
President," CJ said
with a wide smile. "I'll even let you stay up late, if he
is."
"Okay, but I want to sit with Leo."
"Okay, sweet stuff. Now, go to sleep." She turned off
the lights, and
cried herself to sleep that night.
Rose woke up early the next morning and climbed into bed with CJ.
"Mommy, today's the big day, get up" said Rose as she
stood up and
jumped on the bed, dangerously close to CJ's head.
"OK, sweetie. I'm up." mumbled CJ, still half asleep.
CJ showered quickly and fed Rose breakfast. They were all heading
to
the Bartlet family farm to await the outcome of the election. CJ
packed
some toys for Rose and threw the bag in the car along with the
rest of
their things.
The mood at the farm was electric. People were in and out all day.
Rose was in heaven. Jed and Abbey's granddaughter had appointed
herself
baby sitter for the day. Rose adored Annie and was happy to follow
her
around for the day.
As the sun started to set and the crowds thinned out CJ found
herself on
the front porch swing, happily alone. She had the feeling that
someone
was watching her and she turned to look at the front door. Leo was
in
the doorway, smiling.
"Can I sit?' he asked as he motioned towards the swing.
"Sure" replied CJ.
He sat down beside her, but with a reasonable distance between
them.
"You've been a little... removed... today. You okay?" he
asked.
"Just having a relaxation day, before I have a nutty, to use
Zoey's
term," CJ sighed, leaning her head back as far as it would go
without
choking her.
"Ah."
"Leo... how's Jenny? And how is Mallory? You never talk about
them,
and..."
"Jenny and I don't talk much anymore. I'm too busy. And Mal's
pretty
pissed at us both."
"No kidding."
"Sarcasm is not a very good trait," he said wryly.
"Your daughter won't
be able to tell when you're being serious or not."
CJ sighed and covered her eyes with one hand.
"What's the matter?" he asked. "CJ?"
"Nothing. Just... just something Rose asked me last
night."
"What was that?" asked Leo curiously.
CJ thought about lying, making up a benign question but decided to
tell
the truth, see what Leo's reaction would be.
"She asked if you could be her new daddy" whispered CJ.
Leo's reaction surprised her. Not that she really had time to
consider
what he would do. Leo's face broke out in a huge grin for about 2
seconds before suddenly falling and becoming serious when CJ's
face
registered only sadness.
"What did you tell her?" asked Leo as he suddenly
stopped the swing with
his foot.
"I told her you already have a wife and daughter. I told her
the truth"
said CJ bitterly.
"You told her half the truth. Yeah, I have a wife and daughter.
But I
also have another child, Rose. CJ, I love her and I love being a
part
of her life. Why can't we tell her the truth?"
"Tell her the truth, she's 4 she can't keep a secret. You
remember how
she told Abbey that Jed was eating chili dogs and fries instead of
salad"
They both chuckled at the memory for a second before resuming
their
serious discussion.
"When you are ready to tell the world about Rose, then we can
discuss
telling her the truth. Until them things stay the way they
are"
Leo dropped his head into his hands and mumbled something CJ
couldn't
quite understand.
"What, I can't hear you when you..."
"I'm ready"
"No, Leo, you're not. You haven't told your wife about me,
I'm willing
to bet. And you haven't told Mallory, either, if you haven't told
Jenny."
"I told Jed."
"What?"
"I told Jed."
"Oh God... Leo, this isn't the way things are supposed to
happen..."
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "Now isn't
exactly the
best time to tell anyone about this."
"Then when?" he asked, raising his voice in something
akin to anger.
"After you've told Jenny."
"And what if I don't want to tell Jenny?" he asked.
"What then? Are
you going to deny me my daughter for that, CJ?"
"NO!" She realized that Jed and Abbey were staring at
them from the
window, and hushed her voice, shivering in her coat. "Leo,
please, this
is hard enough; don't make it worse by being stupid."
"I'm not being stupid. So are you going to deny me my
daughter?" he
asked again.
"Of course not. For some strange reason, she adores you"
said CJ
sarcastically. "If we win this thing tonight we're all going
to
Washington. You'll see her all the time, just like now. Nothing's
going to change."
"And if we don't win, what then?" whispered Leo.
"Don't know. I've tried not to think about that."
admitted CJ
"Me neither" said Leo quietly. "God CJ, I love her
so much"
Leo leaned over again and propped his head up with his hands. CJ
took
one look at him sitting there, on the verge of tears and all her
resolve
just melted away. She scooted over a little and after hesitating
for
just a second as she looked around for prying eyes, she reached
out and
gently rubbed his back.
"I know you do. And she loves you too. God, Leo...what the
hell are we
going to do?"
Just as she asked that Josh appeared in the doorway and said they
were
starting to hear early numbers on the television. He disappeared
back
into the house as quickly as he had appeared, not seeming shocked
at the
sight of CJ rubbing Leo's back and Leo on the verge of tears.
Leo took a deep breath and sat up. "Well, we're going to go
inside and
hear the early numbers, and warm up before we get goddamn
frostbite," he
said firmly. "And we'll go from there."
"Okay."
They went inside, holding hands like old friends, each drawing
comfort
from the contact.
Rose ran up to them. "Mommy, Uncle Jed gave me a puzzle to
play with
and I did it all by myself! It has a picture of Noah and the ark
on
it! Come see! You, too, Leo!" She grabbed them both by the
hands and
dragged them into the living room, where she'd set her puzzle up
on the
coffee table. "See?"
"Wow, you're a really smart little girl!" Leo praised,
getting down on
her level to look at the puzzle.
Rose looked up at her mother and beamed. CJ returned the smile and
gave
Leo's hand a squeeze before dropping it and heading into the
kitchen in
search of a cup of coffee.
She found Jed sitting at the counter with a donut and a cup of
coffee.
"Eating in here so Abbey doesn't see the donut" teased
CJ.
"Yeah, something like that. Where are Rose and Leo?"
"I think Leo is still admiring the puzzle she did"
sighed CJ as she
poured a cup of coffee for herself.
"They make quite a pair" said Jed as he carefully
searched CJ's face for
a reaction.
"Leo told me you know about Rose" said CJ quietly.
"Good" said Jed. "How about we go see how things
are turning out. Grab
Leo and Rose and meet us in the den"
Jed smiled and patted CJ on the arm as he took another donut with
him.
CJ found some juice for Rose and went to the living room to find
them.
Rose was sitting on Leo's lap, pointing to the puzzle and giggling
wildly. "No, silly, that's an elephant, not a buffalo!"
she cried.
"Oh, well, they'r eboth big and brown..."
"No!! An elephant is grey!"
"Unless he's covered in mud," Leo pointed out.
"Why would he be muddy?" Rose asked, suddenly confused.
She knew
elephants were grey -- how could they be brown and muddy?
"Elephants don't sweat, Rosie," Leo explained. "So
they get really hot
in the sun. They take mud baths to cool down."
"Oh."
CJ couldn't help but giggle at the two of them. Leo looked up and
smiled.
"Honey, here's some juice. Why don't you go into the den,
Uncle Jed is
in there, I think he has donuts" said CJ.
Rose kissed Leo soundly on the cheek and climbed down to look for
Uncle
Jed and his stash of junk food.
"You ready to go in?" asked Leo.
"As ready as I'll ever be. I just want to say something
before we go in
there"
"OK" said Leo, not quite sure what to expect.
CJ sat down on the couch and placed the coffee cup on the table in
front
of her.
"I just wanted to say, that no matter what happens tonight
I'm glad you
hired me. It's been an experience that Rose and I will never
forget."
CJ said simply before leaning over and giving Leo a kiss on the
cheek.
"Thank you, for everything" whispered Leo.
He stood first and held his hand out to CJ who took it without
hesitation.
The early numbers were looking good. But Toby withheld the
champagne,
saying something about "tempting fate". CJ whacked him
upside the head
with a magazine she picked up off of the floor.
"Oh wound me with Children's Digest!" he cried, and she
whapped him a
few more times.
There was general laughter around the room as he grabbed her by
the
waist, dipped her, and smooched her full on the lips. "Wow,
Toby, if
I'd known..." she purred on a giggle, knocking him over flat
on his ass.
"Ow!"
"Uncle Toby!" Rose shouted, running over and jumping on
him. All he
could answer with was a strangled grunt of pain.
More laughter.
"CJ, you really ought to do the Jackal," Toby said when
he finally
recovered and had his little "niece" trapped on his lap.
"But isn't that tempting fate?" she replied with a
smirk.
"No, that's unwinding and watching a great view."
"What's the Jackal?" Jed inquired, and even Leo raised
an eyebrow.
"I lip-synch to a song and do some gestures, and..." she
said, turning
bright red.
"Do it!" Jed thundered majestically.
CJ mumbled some excuse about not having the music as Josh turned
up the
TV to get some more numbers.
The numbers were good, very good.
Cheers erupted through out the room as more hugging and kissing
took
place.
As the returns started coming quicker the house became more and
more
frenzied. Rose was running about getting more wound up by the
minute.
Her energy was fueled by too much apple juice and at least one too
many
donuts, thanks to Uncle Jed. CJ cornered her over by the bookcase
and
tried to convince her to sit down for a while to no avail. Leo saw
that
CJ was getting frustrated and he went over to see if he could
help. He
was able to convince Rose to follow him to the kitchen for a snack
that
wasn't overprocessed or powdered.
They sat side by side on stools at the counter eating ham
sandwiches and
watching CNN.
"Leo, if Uncle Jed is the president do we all get to live at
the White
House?" asked Rose.
Leo chuckled at her and reached over to ruffle her hair.
"No honey, only Uncle Jed and Aunt Abbey will live at the
White House.
The rest of us will work there. You'll be able to visit
them." answered
Leo as he turned his attention back to CNN. More good numbers were
coming through.
"Oh, OK" said Rose.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little after midnight CNN, MSNBC and all the other big networks
declared Josiah Bartlet the next President of the United States.
Chaos
broke out in the farmhouse and quickly spread out the doors into
the
cold November evening.
Rose had finally fallen asleep a little after 11 only to wake up
again
when the cheering started. She flew into her mother's arms full of
hugs
and kisses. Leo smiled at them from the other side of the room as
he
made his way over to them. He pulled both of them into a huge hug.
He
kissed Rose on the forehead and reached up to kiss CJ's cheek. CJ
smiled and returned the kiss.
"We did it" grinned Leo.
"We sure did" smiled CJ.
Four hours later Rose was still running around. Jed had been on TV
to
give his victory speech, he had watched the concession speech and
he too
was running on empty. Abbey was in the kitchen trying to convince
him
to get some sleep when Leo wandered in looking for CJ.
"I think I saw her wrap Rose up in a blanket and take her out
to the
swing to try and settle her down" said Abbey. "Help me
convince Mr.
President here that some sleep would be a good idea" teased
Abbey.
"Jed, go to sleep" said Leo firmly but without much
conviction. "OK, I
tried" he smirked as he kissed Abbey.
"Hey, what about me?" asked Jed woundedly.
Leo smirked again and planted a kiss on the cheek of his best
friend.
"Leo, did you call Jenny?"
"Not yet" said Leo quietly.
And with those words he walked out of the room and headed for the
front
porch. He didn't find CJ but he did find Rose. She was sound
asleep on
the swing, nestled in between a sleeping Josh and an awake but
extremely
comfortable Donna. Sam was asleep in the rocker wrapped up in a
quilt.
"CJ's packing up her stuff so she can take Rose home for a
few hours."
whispered Donna when Leo looked at her with questioning eyes.
"OK"
Leo walked out to the pond and pulled out his cellphone to call
Jenny.
Jenny's sleepy voice answered after the eighth ring.
"He...ll...o?"
"Hi."
"Leo? What on... it's five in the morning!"
"Yeah. So?"
"I was sleeping."
"And I'm celebrating."
"He... he got it?"
"Yeah. You're talking to the President-Elect's Chief of
Staff."
"Wow. There's something about that title..."
"Yeah. Look, Jenny, there's something I need to tell you, and
it's...
it's..."
"Leo, can it wait until I'm actually awake?"
He took a deep breath. "Yeah. Sorry I woke you up."
Leo jabbed the button and turned the phone off. He wandered back
towards the front of the house. CJ had just put a sleeping Rose in
the
car. She waved him over. He leaned in and kissed Rose's cheek. He
turned to CJ, his face showing a sad smile. CJ reached up and
kissed
his cheek.
"We both need to get some sleep now. After you've talked to
Jenny then
we can figure this whole thing out."
"I called her" whispered Leo.
"And you told her everything over the phone?" asked CJ,
utterly shocked.
"Not exactly. I woke her up and she basically cut me
off" admitted Leo.
"Oh. Look, I've got to go. I'll be back later today"
said CJ as she
quickly slipped into the car.
As she pulled out of the driveway Leo turned back towards the
house,
determined to get a few hours of sleep himself.
But he couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned the rest of the night.
Meanwhile, CJ had carted Rose back to the little apartment they
were
renting and tucked her into her little bed. She sighed, realizing
that
she'd have to buy a bigger bed for her soon.
Was there even money for that? Would she be able to raise her
daughter
on $600 a week, and a little extra income from Richard's estate?
Rose was a very rich little girl, but nearly all of the money was
tied
up in trusts.
The next few months were a whirlwind of activity. CJ had bought a
townhouse for herself and Rose a mile from the White House. It
wasn't
cheap but she had managed to liquidate some of the money Richard
had
left for Rose. She had convinced Desiree to come to Washington
with
them. CJ enrolled Rose in a preschool a few blocks from home.
Things
were moving along quickly towards Inauguration Day, well, most
things
were moving forward.
Leo and CJ, well, they weren't moving...period. Leo had tried to
tell
Jenny about CJ and Rose but something always seemed to get in the
way.
He was too busy, she was too busy, one of them was out of town or
in
most cases, he just plain chickened out.
One January 16th Leo and CJ were sitting at her kitchen table
going over
the last minute details for the Inauguration. They had been
working for
3 hours and the clock was nearing midnight.