Where Nothing is Clear

As the sun rose on the cloudless fall morning Abbey finished packing her suitcase. She carried it downstairs and set it by the front door. The morning paper was still sitting on the table in the foyer which was a surprise to her. Usually grabbing the paper off the table was the first thing Jed did when he came downstairs in the morning. She picked up the paper and headed for the kitchen.

Jed wasn't in the kitchen. His breakfast was virtually untouched; he'd only eaten half a piece of toast. Abbey was beginning to worry a little. He had been tired and run down for a few days and had run a slight fever the night before. She tried to convince herself he was just coming down with the little bug their grand-daughter Annie had had when she was visiting the week before. And that was probably true. But even a little bug had the potential to cause a myriad of problems for someone with MS.

"He's in the study ma'am," came a voice from the pantry.

"Thanks Kate," said Abbey as she smiled at the housekeeper who came out of the pantry carrying a few cans of tomatoes. "He didn't eat anything?"

"Not much ma'am. Would you some eggs or maybe some oatmeal?"

"No, thank you. This is fine," said Abbey as she picked up the container of yogurt and the spoon. She sat down at the breakfast bar with the newspaper and did a quick scan of the headlines. Nothing out of the ordinary seemed to be going on in the world, which was a nice change. "Did Zoey leave already?"

"I think she's still upstairs ma'am."

"Good. I'm going to check on Jed. Hold Zoey here if she comes down," said Abbey with a grin. She'd spent the previous night arguing with her 17 year old daughter. Zoey wanted to go to Nantucket for a few days with her parents but it had been decided that she needed to stay home and go to school. Jed and Abbey had tried to give her as normal a life as possible even though she had grown up as the daughter of a Congressman and a Governor. She missed enough school as it was and as Jed was now seriously considering a run for the Presidency who knew how much school she would miss in the coming months.

"I'll do that. I'm going to pack some snacks to take on your trip, in case the Governor decides he's hungry."

"Thanks," said Abbey with a grin. Kate was her favorite out of all the people who worked at the Governor's mansion. She was young, quick with a smile and a fantastic cook.

After tossing the empty yogurt carton in the trash can Abbey wrapped up her toast in a napkin and picked up her mug of coffee. She wandered towards the study looking for her wayward husband.

"Jed," she called softly as she pushed open the heavy oak door to the study. He was at his desk, feet up, the television tuned to CNN. As Abbey glanced at him there just something odd about the scene in front of her. It took her a few seconds to put her finger on it. He wasn't reading anything. The folders on his desk were closed, the newspaper was still in the kitchen and his glasses were sitting on the desk. He wasn't really watching the CNN either; his chair was turned so he couldn't easily see the television.

"Morning," Jed said quietly as he pulled his feet down and stood up. She noticed right away that he didn't really look at her.

"Not hungry this morning?" Abbey asked as she crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the desk.

Jed just shrugged his shoulders as he leaned against the desk next to her. Starting to feel a little uneasy Abbey moved to stand in front of Jed. He had his arms crossed over his chest and his head dipped down. She reached to uncross them and take his hands in hers. Jed stared at their joined hands. Abbey dropped his left hand and reached to pick up his chin so she could look him in the eye. His left eye was a little red, like he had been rubbing it. Jed tried to turn away but Abbey's firm hold on his chin preventing him from doing so. When she was sure he wasn't about to bolt she moved her hand from his chin to run her thumb under his eye. "Blurry or sore?" she asked trying to hide her growing concern.

"Both," Jed admitted.

"OK," said Abbey as she tugged on his hand. "Come sit for a minute." Jed settled down on the couch, elbows on his knees, head in his hands while Abbey sat down on the coffee table in front of him. She smoothed down his hair. "Anything else going on?" she asked as she tipped his chin up again.

"Tired, a little achy I guess," muttered Jed. Abbey leaned forward, brushed back the lock of hair that refused to stay in place and pressed her lips to his forehead.

"Well, you're a little warm. Take some Advil before we go."

"MOM," yelled Zoey from the hallway.

"In here," Abbey called back. Zoey came into the study with her backpack on her shoulder clearly ready to leave for school. "Morning sweetheart," Abbey said, greeting her youngest daughter.

"Hey. What time are you leaving?" Zoey asked from the doorway.

"Soon. We'll call you tonight. Kate should be here when you get home."

"Mom," whined Zoey in the typical teenaged fashion. "I don't need her to stay with me."

"Zoey, she's staying here, end of story," said Jed.

"Hey Dad, I was wondering when you were going to get in on this conversation," Zoey shot back sarcastically.

"Zoey Patricia, watch your tone," warned Abbey. Zoey wisely shut her mouth. "Kate's expecting you home each night at 10."

"Fine." Zoey glanced at her watch. "I have to go. Megan will be waiting." Zoey gave her mother a reluctant hug and turned to do the same to her father. But something in his eye made her hug him just a bit longer than usual. As she backed out of his embrace she took a good look at him. "You look like death on a Triscuit, Dad. You feel ok?"

"I'm fine," he said, trying to brush off her concern.

"OK," replied Zoey, not really believing him but about to be late for school. She gave her parents one last hug, her annoyance at them dissolving when she realized her Dad wasn't feeling well. "I'll talk to you tonight."

As Zoey closed the door behind her Jed leaned heavily against the front of his desk. Abbey moved to stand in front of her husband, wrapping her arms around his waist. "You want me to call Tom before we leave?"

"Abigail, my eye's a little sore and I'm a little achy. You don't need to go running to the phone to call my doctor," Jed whined. "I probably just have what Annie had last week when she came to visit," he added, trying to justify his symptoms.

"Fine," Abbey relented, she knew she could call Tom from Nantucket if she needed some advice on how to deal with Jed's symptoms. "Go get ready. We need to leave in half an hour." Jed just nodded and left the room silently.

It had been 4 years since Jed had been diagnosed with relapsing/remitting Multiple Sclerosis. For the most part he had been doing very well. There had been some small "episodes" as Jed preferred to call them. He'd managed them at home under the watchful eye of Abbey. But as he was seriously looking at a Presidential campaign she worried about his health. She didn't know if he had the stamina to keep up and she worried about the amount of stress he would be under, physical as well as emotional. She and Jed were heading for a long weekend in Nantucket to relax and make the final decision about the campaign.

Upstairs Jed brushed his teeth and took some Advil. He took a good look in the mirror frowning at the tired reflection staring back at him. He didn't think there was any way in hell Abbey was going to agree with him about his decision to run. And with the way he looked at that moment, he couldn't blame her for having serious reservations. With a weary sigh he flicked off the light and headed downstairs to meet Abbey.

The ride to the airport was spent in silence. Jed was lost in his own thoughts as he looked out the window of the car while Abbey gave the magazine in her lap her halfhearted attention. She found herself glancing over at her husband every few minutes, looking to make sure he was ok.

The flight from Manchester International to Nantucket Memorial Airport was a rough one. The weather had turned windy and the small plane was tossed about. Jed struggled to keep down what little he had eaten and Abbey tried not to hover.

They arrived at the house they had rented a little after noon. Abbey sent Jed to rest on the couch while she unpacked their things. The 3 bedroom house they'd rented was larger than they needed but they'd rented it many times before and it felt like home to them. By the time she was done Jed was sound asleep. She knelt next to the couch for a minute brushing back his hair. He was relatively cool and for that she was grateful. She tried not to worry every time Jed ran a slight fever, stumbled over his own feet or felt a new ache or pain. But as a doctor she couldn't help it. She knew the statistics, the symptoms and the uncertainly that came with his illness.

She kissed Jed's forehead and covered him with a blanket. The cabinets were well stocked so she had a large variety of things to make for lunch. She made herself a tuna sandwich and a cup of tea. It felt great to do things for herself. There were times that her "fishbowl" life got to her. But that was the price she paid for having a politician for a husband. She was looking forward to returning to the farmhouse in Manchester when Jed's term as Governor ended in a few months. But she knew that sense of normalcy wouldn't last longer than a blink of an eye if he decided to run.

She was torn about the whole thing. Since the day Jed brought Leo home 2 months earlier with this wild idea about making a run for the White House their lives had been chaotic, to say the least. As if the life of a Governor wasn't chaotic enough.

Jed wandered out into the kitchen just as Abbey was finishing her sandwich. He sat down at the table, drank some tea and picked at his sandwich for a while. The heat hadn't really kicked on fully in the house so the tea took off a little of the chill. "Do you feel up to a walk?" asked Abbey as she put the plates in the dishwasher and wiped off the table.

"I think so," Jed answered after taking a quick inventory of how he was feeling. "Let me put on something warmer and I'll be ready to go." He went upstairs to put on a sweater. Abbey watched him as she went up the stairs. Trouble navigating stairs was usually one of the first signs that he was headed for trouble. He seemed to be doing fine although she could tell he was taking his time.

Ten minutes they stepped out onto Pine Street. The wind had died down a little but it was quite chilly. They walked to the harbor and watched the boats for a while not talking about anything in particular. When it got too cold and foggy they ducked into a little cafe to warm up. They shared a piece of apple pie with ice cream and a pot of tea. By the time they got back to the house a little after 4 Jed was looking and feeling a little better. While his eye was still sore his vision was almost back to normal.

Taking advantage of the well stocked kitchen and the opportunity to cook together Jed and Abbey made themselves some dinner. It was something they enjoyed immensely but didn't do very often. Jed made salad while Abbey sautéed some chicken and vegetables. While the chicken cooked Jed poured some wine and turned on some music. They danced around the kitchen happy to be out of the "fishbowl" for a change.

They lingered over their meal and their wine. Abbey noticed Jed didn't eat much but she didn't make a big deal out of it. She sent him in to make a fire in the fireplace while she made coffee and cut the cake they'd picked up at the bakery while they were out on their walk.

An hour later the remains of the cake and the empty coffee mugs were on the coffee table and Jed and Abbey were well on their way to sex on the couch, something they never had a chance to do with a teenager and a staff of 6 at home.

***************************

A little before 10 Abbey slid off the couch, pulled on her panties and slipped on Jed's plaid button front shirt. He was asleep on the couch, curled up naked under an afghan. Abbey sat on the coffee table and admired the view for a minute. The blue and white afghan was barely pulled up to his hips. With his hopelessly messy hair and a days worth of stubble on his chin Abbey found him as sexy as the day she married him. As the fire was beginning to die down Abbey took one last lingering glance at her husband before pulling the afghan up a little to keep him warm. She put the dishes in the dishwasher and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. She settled down with a book in the overstuffed chair by the waning fire. The book, a history of the Island of Nantucket was fascinating, but she found the sight of the sleeping man on the couch much more fascinating. Curled up on his side with his hair flopped over his forehead Jed looked years younger than he was. In sleep he looked peaceful and healthy.

Abbey watched for a few more minutes before turning her attention back to the book. She read for about an hour until Jed started to stir on the couch. "Hey," he whispered as he struggled to open his eyes. "What time is it?"

"Almost midnight," answered Abbey as she glanced at the clock on the mantle. She set down the book and walked over to the couch. Jed scooted over to give her room to sit on the couch. She brushed back the stray lock of hair and pressed a kiss to his forehead, not really surprised to find him running a nice fever. "Sweetie, you're warm, are you ok?"

"Abigail, I'm in front of the fire, under an afghan, of course I'm warm," he muttered as he pushed back the afghan and leaned over to find his boxers and his t-shirt. He slipped on the shirt and stood up to pull up his boxers. To his surprise and annoyance he wasn't exactly steady on his feet, something Abbey noticed in an instant. His blue eyes pleaded with her not to make a big deal out of it. She drew a deep breath and helped him pull up the boxers.

"Go up and get into bed, I'll be up in a minute." Jed turned to head up the stairs as she headed to the kitchen. Abbey glanced over her shoulder to watch him climb the stairs. He was taking it slow, leaning heavily on the dark wooden banister. She knew he was dizzy and she also knew he probably wouldn't admit it unless confronted. And she was thinking that confronting him wasn't really necessary. It would just get him upset and what he needed most was some rest.

By the time she got upstairs Jed had managed to pull on some pajamas and crawl into bed. Abbey grabbed the thermometer out of her black bag and handed it to him. Deciding that just sticking it in his mouth was his best course of action Jed did so while clicking on the television. With a healthy roll of her eyes Abbey watched as he flicked through the channels at lightning speed. She wasn't sure how he managed to see anything that was on. The thermometer beeped and without looking at it Jed handed it to his wife.

"100.3," announced Abbey as she handed him some Advil and a bottle of water. Jed took them without complaint. Deciding there was nothing worth watching anyway he clicked the television back off and curled up under the quilt.

"Aren't you going to grill me about my symptoms? Analyze my every ache and pain?" Jed asked, with a hint of teasing evident in his voice.

"Well, I was going to but I figured I'd give you a break. Besides, I'm kind of tired myself," Abbey said with a grin. "But if you're really in the mood for medical 20 questions I suppose I could do it." Jed laughed as he thumped Abbey on the head with his pillow. "Guess that's a NO," she smirked as she reached to turn out the light.

Jed curled up next to her, his head on her shoulder. "I'm a little dizzy too," he admitted softly.

His admission surprised Abbey. "I know," she whispered back. "Try and get some sleep. Wake me if you need anything." Jed nodded against her shoulder and closed his eyes.

********************************

A little after 3 in the morning Jed woke up feeling miserable. He was achy, dizzy and hot. He rolled onto his side, Abbey was sound asleep. He needed to use the bathroom and he knew if he tried to navigate his way across the strange room, in the dark, dizzy and on shaky legs he'd end up on the floor. "Abbey," he whispered as he struggled to sit up.

"What's wrong?" she asked, still half asleep. Before Jed could answer she reached out to touch his hand, pulling back quickly as she felt the heat radiating off of him. She was wide awake in an instant. She sat up and pressed her hand to his forehead. "Jed, you're burning up." He just nodded miserably. Abbey reached for the thermometer but Jed batted her hand away.

"I need to..." he said, motioning towards the bathroom. Abbey slid off the bed and walked around to his side to help him. She was worried but not at all surprised at how unsteady on his feet he was. She walked him as far as the bathroom door and he waved her off. She waited just outside the door in case he needed help. After 5 minutes she knocked gently. "Honey, you ok?"

"Yeah," came Jed's reply as he reached behind him and opened the door to let Abbey enter the room. He was leaning heavily against the sink washing his hands. As he turned to reach for the towel he stumbled, nearly taking a header into the antique footed tub. Abbey reached out to steady him with one hand and put the seat down on the toilet with the other. She steered him over to sit on the lid. He leaned over with his chin propped up on his clasped hands, trying to decide if he was going to be sick.

"Just sit for a minute. I'm not in the mood to be picking you up off the floor," she teased gently as she brushed back his hair. "I'll be back in a minute." She went out to get the thermometer, a dry shirt and a bottle of water while Jed concentrated on his breathing. When she returned a minute later Jed reached out to take the thermometer from her without bothering to look up. He stuck it under his tongue while Abbey wet a washcloth with cool water. "101.4," she announced as held the thermometer out at arms length and squinted at the numbers. She wiped his face and helped him change his shirt. "It's too soon for more Advil let me see if I have any Tylenol." While she was rooting through her black bag looking for Tylenol she heard him flip up the toilet set and start to retch. Tossing the bag aside she hurried back to the bathroom.

Abbey held his head and rubbed his back for what seemed like an eternity. He hadn't eaten all that much during the day so the dry heaves set in pretty quickly. She set the cool, damp cloth on the back of his neck and whispered words of reassurance, none of which seemed to be working very well. When Jed finally stopped heaving long enough to lift his head Abbey handed him the water. "Rinse and spit, don't swallow anything," she said as she reached for some tissues. "Here, blow your nose," she said, speaking to him as if he were a child. He dutifully followed her directions. Abbey helped him to his feet and handed him his toothbrush already loaded with toothpaste. Brushing his teeth without gagging again was no easy feat for him but he managed to do it. "Ready to go back to bed?" asked Abbey as she took the toothbrush from him and handed him a towel. He nodded as he wiped his face one last time before heading back to the bedroom.

"Guess I picked the wrong weekend to try and talk you into letting me run for President," muttered Jed with a smirk as he let Abbey tuck him in. Abbey's face broke out in a grin, happy to know that her husband's sense of humor hadn't disappeared.

"OK Gumdrop, now is not the time to talk about that. It's almost 4 in the morning," Abbey said as she leaned over to drop a kiss on his forehead. "We have all weekend to talk," she assured him. He took the Tylenol Abbey had found in her bag before curling up under the quilt.

Jed drifted back to sleep instantly but Abbey found sleep to be slow in returning. She tossed and turned for a while before climbing back out of bed. She pulled the quilt up around her sleeping husband and put a cool, damp cloth on his forehead before pulling on her robe and heading downstairs. She flicked through the channels twice before deciding there was nothing worth watching. She curled up on the loveseat under an afghan.

When they'd set out for Nantucket she had been sure in her decision to support Jed no matter what. But as the threat of a full-blown MS episode loomed she couldn't help but think that maybe they were making a mistake. The thing that made it worse was that she had very few people she could talk to about the situation. They'd kept his illness a secret from basically everyone but their immediate family. The girls knew and Jed's brother knew but even Abby's parents were kept in the dark about the health of their son-in-law. Jed's father was long gone and his mother was in a nursing home in Manchester. Due to her own failing health they had never told her either. The strain would have been too much on her.

Abbey didn't know what Jed had in mind when it came to disclosing his illness. So far it had been easy to conceal. His relapses were few and relatively far between. And when they did strike they tended to be mild and resolve themselves with little, if any real medical intervention. When the disease was in remission it wouldn't be detected during a normal physical examination. Every other day Abbey gave him a shot of Betaseron in an attempt to lengthen the time between attacks. Other than that there were no outward, everyday physical signs that would alert someone to his illness. In some ways it was almost "too" easy to keep it to themselves.

Deep down Abbey knew that keeping his illness to themselves was wrong, plain and simple. He was a public figure, a Governor harboring a secret that had the potential to all but ruin him.

************************

A little before 6, curled up in the loveseat, Abbey fell back to sleep.

A little before 7 Jed started to get restless upstairs. Hovering in the place between sleep and awake he reached out for Abbey but came up with a handful of sheets instead. He cracked his eyes open, wincing as the brightness of the rising sun peeking through the blinds burned into his brain. Clamping his eyes shut again he rolled onto his back and took an inventory of how he was feeling. He knew he was still running a fever but thought maybe it had gone down a little. His eye was sore and he felt stuffy. As the call of nature got louder he needed to decide if he was steady enough on his feet to make it to the bathroom without stumbling. He sat up slowly and dangled his feet over the side of the bed, taking a few deep breaths to clear his head. Satisfied he could handle the 10 foot walk to the bathroom he slid off the bed.

Abbey jerked awake at the sound of his feet hitting the floor. She tossed off the quilt and went flying up the stairs in record speed. "Jed," she called as she hit the upstairs landing.

"In the bathroom," he called back, annoyed that he'd woken her up.

"Do you need any help?" she asked as she put her hand on the doorknob.

"Not since I was 3," he shot back. At the sound of his teasing Abbey relaxed a bit, took a deep breath and willed her heart to stop beating so quickly. She walked to the window to open the blinds to let in more of the early morning sun.

Jed came out of the bathroom a few minutes later. He walked across the length of the room trying to act as normal as possible knowing Abbey was scrutinizing his every move. She let out a laugh as he did everything in his power to act normal. "Sweetknees, it's not very nice to make fun of the ill," he smirked as he sat down in a chair by the window.

"Oh, so you're ready to admit you don't feel well," Abbey smirked right back as she reached for her bag and sat down on the ottoman in front of Jed.

"I think the puking kind of gave me away," he muttered.

"It did. So how're you feeling now? You sound stuffy," she remarked, switching seamlessly into her doctor persona.

"I'm ok. My eye's a little sore and yeah, I'm stuffy and a little unbalanced," he said as Abbey lifted his t-shirt to listen to his heart and lungs. "You think it's an episode?" he asked.

"Take a few deep breaths," she said, choosing to ignore his question for the moment. "Lungs sound fine," she muttered as she rooted in the bag for the ear thermometer, knowing that if he couldn't breathe through his nose she wasn't going to get a good reading with the oral one. Jed recognized the "doctor" mode and decided to just do as he was told. He turned his head a bit to let her get a temp. "100.2, came down a little. Ears hurt?" she asked. Jed just nodded as she picked the otoscope up. "Left one's infected, right one's not far behind," she sighed as she put the instrument back into the bag.

"You didn't answer my question Abigail," he said quietly as he slipped his arms into the robe she held out for him.

"I know," she whispered as she sat back down in front of him, gaze intently focused on her folded hands. Jed hesitated just a second before reaching out to tip her chin up so he could look in her eyes. "Yes, it could be an episode," she admitted quietly. "But it could also just be from the fever. We'll probably never know. So I'll call Tom to see what he thinks, call in a script for antibiotics and then we'll wait. There's not much more to do. We'll try to keep your fever under control and hope for the best."

"Doesn't sound like much of a plan," Jed muttered as he rubbed at his eye with one hand and took a couple of Advil from Abbey with the other.

"It's the only one we have," said Abbey as she patted his knee before standing up. "Are you hungry at all?"

"Maybe, I'm not sure," answered Jed as he held out his hand so Abbey could pull him to his feet.

****************************

While Jed managed to eat some oatmeal and drink some tea Abbey called his doctor for a little advice. Although she was perfectly able to handle his current symptoms she liked to have a second opinion. While she talked to Tom she flipped through the phone book and found the number for a local pharmacy. After assuring Tom she would call him later to update him on Jed's symptoms Abbey called in a prescription for Bactrim and one for a decongestant. Deciding that a little fresh air was in order Abbey walked the 6 blocks to the pharmacy, followed at a discreet distance by a member of the small security detail that had come with them to the island.

When she returned she found Jed curled up in the chair trying to read. Judging by the fact that he kept covering and uncovering his left eye it wasn't going too well. "Hey," Abbey said as she shut the front door behind her. Jed looked up and gave her a broad grin as he pulled off his glasses and tossed the book aside. He followed Abbey into the kitchen where she gave him the pills and a bottle of water.

"So should we expect a group of reporters to camp outside the front door any time soon?" he asked, knowing his name on a prescription would raise some suspicions.

"Jed, it's Bactrim. It's not like a prescription for Morphine. By the way, the pharmacist said to feel better soon."

"Great," muttered Jed under his breath. "I'm going to take a shower," he announced as he downed the rest of the water and pitched the empty bottle in the trash.

"Not too hot," Abbey warned over her shoulder as she put the pill bottles on the counter and opened the fridge to find something for lunch.

"Thanks for the suggestion Gumdrop," Jed smirked as he turned to head up the stairs. He was halfway up when a wave of dizziness hit him. Somehow he made it to the bedroom before his knees buckled under him and he went down. The thud of him hitting the floor sent Abbey up the stairs in a flash. She pushed the bedroom door open to find Jed out cold on the floor by the chair. She knelt next to him and pressed her fingers to his neck, checking his pulse. Satisfied his heart was beating and he was breathing she carefully rolled him over. As she did he started to come around.

"Jed, can you hear me?" she asked rubbed his shoulder. He nodded a little and struggled to open his eyes. "That's good, open your eyes, focus on me," Abbey urged as she leaned over to the table to get her bag. Jed struggled to focus and sit up but Abbey's hand on his shoulder prevented him from going very far. "Stay still for a minute. Did you hit your head when you fell?" Jed shrugged his shoulders, honestly not sure of the answer to that question. Abbey ran her hands lightly over his head until she was satisfied there were no growing welts. She took his blood pressure, getting a rather low but fully expected reading. "Just stay still," she repeated as Jed tried to sit up again. Abbey stuck a pillow under his head and brushed back his hair. "You ready to sit up?" she asked about 5 minutes later when he started to get a little color back in his face.

"Yeah," he answered weakly. With Abbey's help Jed sat up and scooted over a little so he could lean back against the chair. She stuck the ear thermometer in his right ear to get a quick reading. "Back up again, 101.3," she announced with a sigh. "What happened?" Abbey asked as she sat down next to him, the stethoscope still around her neck and the blood pressure cuff next to her on the floor.

"You are so damn sexy with this thing around your neck," he smirked as he tugged on the stethoscope, doing his best to avoid her question. Abbey pulled the stethoscope off and tossed it back in the bag.

"Jed," she warned, letting him know it would be wise for him to start talking.

"I was halfway up the stairs and I got dizzy. My vision got fuzzy and then dim. I was trying to make it to the bed but came up a few feet short. My legs just kind of gave out and I went down. That's all I remember," he said quietly as he reached for Abbey's hand.

"It's ok," Abbey sighed as she squeezed his hand. As she felt him to start to shake and saw the fear in his eyes her doctor mask faded away. Her own fear that had been lurking behind that mask came to the surface. She put her arm around Jed's shaking shoulders and pulled him close. Tears ran down both their faces, tears of fear, uncertainty and pain. Abbey was able to pull herself together much quicker than Jed. She got up and went to the bathroom to grab some tissues and a cool, damp washcloth. "Honey, you're going to hyperventilate. Take a deep breath and hold it," she coached. Jed leaned his head back against the couch and took a few deep halting breaths trying his best to slow down his breathing. He'd already passed out once; he didn't want to do it again. Abbey knelt next to him and gently wiped his face. "Think you're ready to get up?" she asked as she tucked her hair behind her ears.

"Not yet," Jed sighed.

"It's ok," said Abbey gently as she sat back down next to him. She reached to grab a pillow off of the chair. Putting it in her lap she tugged on Jed's shoulder until he put his head down. She covered him with blanket and put the cool damp cloth on his forehead.

"I'm scared," Jed whispered, taking care not to look Abbey in the eye.

"I know, sweetie, I know."

"So I guess my bid for the Presidency just ended when you had to pick me up off of the floor?" he asked quietly. Abbey just shook her head. "No?" asked Jed.

"No."

"No? Really?" asked Jed figuring his clogged ears were playing tricks on him. He didn't believe for a second that Abbey would still agree to his plans.

"Jed, while I think that we're both completely nuts for wanting to do this, I will support you," she said with a smile as she ran her fingertips over his stubbled chin. "But we do need to discuss a few things." she added seriously.

"Then help me up, cause I don't want to get into a serious conversation on the floor," he said with as much of a grin as he could manage. He held out his hand so Abbey could help pull him to his feet. He stood still for a minute getting his bearings.

"Where to?" asked Abbey as she took a hold of his arm. Jed pointed towards the loveseat tucked under the window. Abbey settled him down and tossed a quilt over him. "I'll be back in minute, let me get you something to drink," she said.

While Abbey ran downstairs Jed looked out the window. A fog had rolled in and between that and his slightly blurry vision he quickly gave up on trying to look at much of anything. He heard the phone ring and Abbey's voice drift up the stairway. It sounded like she was talking to one of their girls. He stretched out on the loveseat with his feet on the arm rest and his left arm flung over his eyes. Abbey's phone conversation gave him some time to get his thoughts together. Over the previous week or so he'd spent hours trying to come up with rebuttals to every concern that Abbey could possible have about his running for President. But curled up on the couch he was having trouble remembering what those convincing words were. He could blame his brain fog on the congestion in his head or his general exhaustion, both were perfectly plausible excuses. But in the back of his mind was the reality of the cognitive component of MS. It was always there lurking, coming out every time he stumbled over his words, forgot a name, a date or a face. Cognitive difficulties were not a given, nothing was in the world of MS and that was the part that scared him the most.

"Jed...Jed," Abbey called from the doorway after hanging up the phone. He seemed miles away, staring at the ceiling.

"Huh?" he asked, suddenly aware of the fact that he had completely zoned out. He had no idea how long Abbey had been standing there.

"You were a million miles away," she commented as she crossed the room. He sat up enough to let her sit down in the corner. She handed him a can of ginger ale and offered him a piece of the orange she'd peeled while she was on the phone. He just declined with a shake of his head. "That was Zoey on the phone. She only had a few minutes to talk, it's her lunch period. She wanted to see how you were doing."

"You didn't give her all the gory details did you?" he asked as he put the can of soda on the side table and stretched back out, putting his feet in Abbey's lap.

"No. I just told her that it looked like you had an ear infection and you were going to take it easy for the next few days."

"Oh. So...." Jed said not knowing exactly where to start.

"Yeah, so where do we start?" Abbey wondered as she popped a piece of orange into her mouth.

"I was hoping you had some idea," Jed replied with a weary smile.

"I'm trying to convince myself to stick with the feelings I had three days ago."

"Which were?"

"To support you no matter what, to be excited about the prospect of a Presidential campaign."

"And now?"

"And now I'm trying not to freak out," she admitted as she let out a frustrated breath.

"You're not the only one. I still want it. I want to try. I won't get very far, we both know that. So what'll it hurt? We get through a few primaries, dangle our feet in the water and then we'll go home to the farm. The whole thing will end up being a good story we can tell the grandchildren someday."

"Yeah. But what if it's not? What if you actually win? Then what?"

"Abigail you're getting way ahead of yourself."

"Yes, I am. But there are certain things we need to discuss, now. Before we go any further." Jed just nodded, knowing exactly where the conversation was heading. "For the past four years we've basically kept your condition a secret." Jed just nodded, waiting for Abbey to continue. "Can we continue to do that?"

"Why not? It's been easy to conceal."

"That's not the point, Jed." Abbey said calmly as she wiped her hands on a napkin. "And in case you haven't realized, if what happened today happens on the campaign trail, in the middle of a debate, in front of a television camera then the jig is up. Think about that. Wouldn't it be better to get it out in the open now, before things get too far?" Abbey asked as she leaned her head back on the couch and closed her eyes for a second. Not having gotten much sleep the night before she was rather tired.

"Get things out in the open now? Are you kidding Abigail?" Jed asked as he started to sit up. He did so quickly and his already precarious sense of equilibrium took a beating. The groan he tried to hold in slipped out, causing Abbey's eyes to fly open.

"Jed?"

"I'm fine," he muttered, feeling anything but fine.

"I wasn't kidding," Abbey pointed out.

"No, I won't do it. I am not going public until I have to," said Jed doing a very good imitation of a whiny child.

"And when will that be? When you pass out on national television?" asked Abbey as she pushed his feet off her lap and stood up. She paced for a few minutes watching him as she did. Jed had this way about him when they were involved in a serious discussion, he wouldn't look at her directly, instead he would drop his head down and peek at her every few minutes, often over the rims of his reading glasses. It was a look she found very cute and she knew that's why he tended to use it when she was upset with him. But this time it didn't seem like he was doing that. She watched him as he squinted a little, obviously trying to get his eyes to focus.

"We're not going to get to the point where we need to tell anyone."

"How can you be sure Jed?" asked Abbey.

"Abigail, I'm about to be a former Governor from New England with a degree in Economics, the Democratic party isn't stupid enough to nominate me," he chuckled.

Abbey was not amused by his humor. "Jeeeeed..." she said, drawing his name out as she closed her eyes for a second looking for strength, "How can you be so unconcerned about this? Aren't you scared about how the rigors of the campaign will affect you?"

It took a minute for Jed to gather enough courage to answer honestly. "Scared Abigail? No, I'm not scared," he said as Abbey stopped her pacing long enough to look him in the eye. "I'm terrified," he whispered.

Abbey took a deep, shaky breath as she crossed the room and knelt next to him. She tentatively reached out to take him into her arms but he recoiled before she could touch him, trying his best to disappear into the corner of the loveseat. Abbey recognized his gesture, he had some things to say and didn't want to fall apart saying them. He was hanging on by a thread and it would not have taken much to strip away the thin veneer of strength he was doing his best to hide behind. He was not normally an overly emotional man for the most part. But when he was not feeling well he had trouble keeping his emotions in check. Abbey sat down on the floor next to him waiting silently for him to continue.

"It terrifies me to think that I could be fine one minute and face down on the floor the next. But I can't live my life waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"Jed, no one is asking you to disappear into a hole. You've been a Congressman and a Governor, isn't that enough?" Abbey asked. She regretted the words the instant they left her lips. She didn't mean them and deep down Jed knew that. They came out of frustration. The same frustration Jed was feeling. "I'm sorry," she whispered as she smiled through the tears that had welled up in her eyes.

"I know," he whispered as he reached to clumsily wipe away her tears. He wanted to sit up, to hold her in his arms but he knew that sitting up quickly would be a mistake. Tugging on her hand a little he got her to stretch out next to him on the loveseat. He wanted to hold her, to comfort her but it was Abbey who ended up doing the comforting a minute later when the dam broke and Jed's emotions spilled out.

"Jed, honey you need to calm down," she whispered as the tears streamed down his face. He was trying his best to calm himself but he was starting to hyperventilate. Abbey extracted herself from his arms and grabbed her bag off the table. She pulled out a paper bag and knelt next to Jed. "Jed, listen to me," she said firmly as she reached to roll him onto his side, facing her. "Just breathe into the bag," she coached. "Concentrate on what you're doing." Jed looked at her, his blue eyes wide with fear. He followed Abbey's lead, concentrating on breathing slowly and deeply. He tried to focus on the sweet scent of orange that lingered on her fingers. "Good, that's good," she assured him as she brush back his hair. When she was sure he wasn't going to pass out she tossed the paper bag aside. "OK?" Jed just nodded, not quite ready to trust his voice.

Both he and Abbey knew they had a lot more to talk about, hours worth of concerns needed to be aired, more tears that needed to be shed. But there was only so much Jed could take at one time. And he'd just reached his limit.

"Sweetie why don't you rest for a while? We can talk more later," she suggested as she gently wiped Jed's face with a damp cloth.

"OK," came his barely audible reply.

"Get into bed. If you sleep here you'll have to add aching back to your list of complaints," Abbey teased gently as she helped him sit up. "Just sit for a minute before you try to stand," she suggested as she turned to draw the blinds a little to darken the room.

"Shit," she heard him mutter. In one swift motion she reached over, guided his head down between his knees and grabbed the wastebasket in the nick of time.

Fifteen minutes later she'd managed to help Jed into a new shirt, wash out the wastebasket and help him cross the room to the bed. She pulled off his slippers and lifted his legs onto the bed. "I want to give you some Compazine; it'll relax you a little and settle your stomach. OK?" Jed could only nod in agreement. Abbey found the syringe in her bag and pulled down his sweatpants, exposing the back of his hip. Jed flinched and let out a little groan as she pushed the needle in. She rubbed the site for a few seconds before pulling his sweats back up and covering him with the quilt.

She sat with him for about 15 minutes, until she was sure he was out. She put a cool cloth on his forehead and turned out the lights. With a weary sigh she went downstairs to get something to eat. She sat at the table in the kitchen eating a sandwich but not really tasting anything. There was still so much she wanted to say to Jed but she didn't want to upset him even more. It was a fine line to toe, one she wasn't sure she could toe for much longer.

Abbey wearily dragged herself up the stairs a little after 3 and crawled into bed with her husband. Jed didn't even move when she did.

**********************

The next five hours passed in a blur of restless sleep for both Jed and Abbey as well as feverish moans and a prolonged bout of dry heaving by Jed. At a little before 8 they were in the bathroom both of them trying to calm down a little and catch their breath. Jed was sitting on the floor, his back against the tub and his head in his hands as he concentrated on breathing deeply. Abbey was kneeling next to him rubbing his back and trying to decide what to do next. He'd spent the better part of the last hour miserably hanging over the toilet and the threat of dehydration was looming. He'd basically eaten nothing during the day and hadn't had a great deal of luck drinking much either. Which also meant he wasn't keeping down the Bactrim. That was definitely not helping the situation at all. She could feel the heat radiating off him even through his t-shirt. "Let me get the thermometer," she said getting a vague wave of his hand as a response.

Abbey walked around the bedroom for a minute trying her best to assess the situation as she knew she should, from a doctor's perspective. She knew that if she couldn't get his temperature to stay down and his stomach to settle that the best place for him was going to be the Emergency Room. But the thought of dragging him kicking and screaming out into the fog and drizzle to the hospital was not one she relished at all. Taking a deep breath and steeling herself against the whining that was sure to make an appearance she went back into the bathroom.

Jed was right where she had left him. She walked around him to stick the thermometer in his right ear. "102," she sighed as she put the thermometer on the counter.

"Breaking this afternoon's record of 101.3," snorted Jed as he picked at a loose thread on his sweatpants. Abbey knelt down in front of him and reached to tip up his chin.

"Josiah Edward, you look like hell," she said with a cluck of her tongue. His hair was sticking up in all directions, there was a stain on the front of his t-shirt where he'd spilled some juice, he hadn't shaved in 36 hours and his eyes were puffy and red. She kissed his forehead and then sat back on her heels.

"What?" Jed asked, knowing she was about to say something important.

"We need to have a chat. Or more specifically, we need to play Let's Make a Deal," she said with a sad smile.

"Let me guess, this deal has something to do with a trip to the ER?" he muttered as he dropped his head once again to avoid looking at her.

"Unfortunately yes. We need to get your temp down and try to at least get some fluids into you. If that doesn't happen in the next few hours we're going to need to consider a trip to the hospital."

"No."

"Jed, this is not negotiable," she said firmly. Jed raised his head just enough so he could peek at her in that endearing way of his.

"Fine. So what's next?"

"A cool shower and some Gatorade," announced Abbey as she stood up to pull him to his feet. She started the shower and got him a towel.

"Do we even have Gatorade?" he asked as he held onto the counter with one hand and pushed his sweatpants down with the other.

"I think Kate packed some for you."

"She's a good kid," Jed muttered as he pulled his shirt over his head.

"She's 25 Jed, she's not a kid," Abbey said with a grin as she held out her hand to help him into the shower. "You steady enough on your feet for me to run downstairs?" she asked as she handed him his razor and shaving cream in a not so subtle hint.

"Yeah. And I take it you want me to shave," he commented dryly.

"If you think your hand is steady enough. We wouldn't want you opening a vein or anything."

"Your concern is overwhelming Abigail," he snorted. "My hands are fine," he said as he held out both his hands in front of him.

"Good. I'll be back in a few minutes. I'll leave the door open; yell if you need anything."

"OK, thanks."

While Jed stood under the cool stream of water Abbey called Tom to get a second opinion. He felt the same was she did, if they could get Jed's temp down and get him to at least drink something they could avoid a trip to the hospital. They chatted for a few more minutes; Abbey asked for the latest news about his new grandson and Tom asked about Annie. When Abbey heard the shower shut off she bid Tom goodnight, grabbed a bottle of orange Gatorade and headed upstairs.

By the time she got upstairs Jed had managed to get out of the shower, dry off and pull on a pair of boxers. He had shaved but hadn't combed his hair. Abbey got him a t-shirt out of the drawer and found his bathrobe. Jed sat down on the loveseat and took the Gatorade while Abbey sat next to him and smoothed down his hair.

"I feel a little better," Jed said as he picked at the label on the bottle. He did look marginally better than he had before the shower and that gave Abbey a little hope for making it through without a late night trip to the ER.

"I need to get myself something to eat. Do you want anything?" she asked as she stood up.

"I don't know, maybe," sighed Jed. The Gatorade was going down fairly easily but he didn't want to push his luck. "But I'll come down with you."

"Are you sure?" asked Abbey, quite surprised he felt steady enough to handle the stairs.

"Yeah, just give me a hand."

Abbey made him walk around the room for a few minutes to prove he was capable of staying upright. His gait was a little off but if what he was experiencing was truly an episode that was to be expected. They took their time on the stairs, making it down with minimal problems.

Jed sat at the kitchen table while Abbey pulled the leftover chicken out of the fridge. As the food heated in the microwave she looked in the cabinet for something Jed might be able to keep down. She found a box of saltines and handed him a sleeve. He managed to eat a few before his stomach started to protest. "It's ok," Abbey assured him as she took the crackers back from him. They chatted about nothing in particular while Abbey ate.

While Jed looked better overall he was squinting and rubbing at his eye more than he had been. "Blurry again?" Abbey asked unnecessarily.

"Yeah and it hurts," admitted Jed with a sigh.

"We'll see how it is in the morning and then we may need to make a decision about a little medical intervention," Abbey said as matter of factly as she could.

"No." Jed said firmly, knowing exactly where the conversation was headed.

"Jed..."

"No. No steroids. They make me sick to my stomach, crabby and I can't sleep."

"And how is that different from how you are right now?" Abbey asked. The second the words came out of her mouth she regretted them. She looked at Jed, expecting a look of anger on his face but instead found a goofy grin. He shook his head and laughed. The head shaking part wasn't the smartest thing he could have done but the sound of his laughter was music to Abbey's ears. Abbey got up from her seat laughing too. She put her plate in the dishwasher and moved to stand behind Jed. She ran her fingers through his still damp hair before wrapping her arms around him leaning over to press her cheek against his. "You feel a little cooler," she said as she stood back up.

"Well, that's something I suppose," muttered Jed as he took another drink of Gatorade.

"How's your ear?"

"Hurts," he admitted as he brought his hand up to tug on his left ear a little.

"You can have more Advil," Abbey said as she glanced at the clock on the wall. She ran upstairs to get the bottle while Jed finished the Gatorade and stuck his head out the back door to get a little fresh air.

"Jed, if you want to go outside for a few minutes that's fine but please, put on some clothes," Abbey teased as she came back into the kitchen. Jed glanced down at his outfit; boxers, t-shirt and an untied plaid flannel bathrobe.

"Yeah, you're probably right," he smirked as he took the pills Abbey held out to him. The energy Jed seemed to regain after his shower was starting to fade again and they settled down on the couch in the living room. Abbey flicked through the channels while Jed curled up with his head in her lap and a warm damp cloth pressed against his ear. He'd all but given up on trying to watch television with his blurry vision so he settled for listening to the headlines on CNN.

Abbey slipped off the couch a little after 11 leaving Jed to spend the night there. She covered him up with one afghan and grabbed another for herself. Curling up on the loveseat she flicked through the channels one last time before rolling over to try and get some sleep.

******************************

Jed woke up the next morning just as the sun was rising. He'd slept through the night which was very surprising. He sat up slowly taking a mental inventory of how he was feeling. The dizziness was still there but didn't seem to be as bad. He could tell his fever had dropped but probably hadn't disappeared completely. His ear felt a little better but he still felt like his head was completely clogged.

He stood up slowly, taking time to get his bearings before attempting to walk around. When he was relatively sure he wouldn't end up on the floor he headed for the kitchen to get a drink. With his vision still a little blurry he mis-judged the distance between himself and the door jamb. His yelp of pain had Abbey up and across the room in a flash.

"What are you doing?" she asked as she took him by the hand and led him towards a chair in the kitchen.

"I was getting a drink of water. I just ran into the wall," he muttered as he sat down.

"Did you hurt yourself?" she asked as she ran her hand over his head, stopping when she came to the bump that was already forming just below his hairline. He flinched and she stopped her probing.

"I'm fine," Jed muttered, more annoyed with himself than hurt. Abbey got him an ice pack from the freezer and poured him some orange juice.

"Well, you look much better. How are you feeling?" Abbey asked as she leaned against the counter.

"Better. Ear doesn't hurt too bad and not as dizzy, but still a little unsteady," he said as he gingerly pressed the ice pack against the growing bump on his head.

"How's your eye?"

"Blurry but it doesn't hurt." Abbey pressed her hand to his cheek, gauging his temperature.

"Good, you're pretty cool. Why don't you try and eat something and then we'll go upstairs and check a few things out."

"Time to play doctor?" smirked Jed as Abbey stuck two slices of bread in the toaster. She just laughed and shook her head at her husband.

Jed managed to eat some toast and half a container of yogurt under the watchful eye of Abbey. When he was done he dutifully followed her upstairs so she could check his blood pressure, temperature and anything else she deemed necessary.

"99.8, very good," Abbey announced as she glanced at the ear thermometer. She listened to his heart and lungs, took his blood pressure, gave him shot of Betaseron, watched him walk and looked in his ears before saying anything more. "OK, things look pretty good overall but you're pretty unsteady on your feet."

"Could just be that my head is clogged," Jed said, cutting her off and trying to keep her from saying the words he didn't want to hear.

"Yes Jed, it could be," she said in a voice that clearly conveyed that she wasn't too convinced. "Sit still and let me look at your eyes." She took her time looking in his eyes, something that did not bode well.

"Just say it," Jed whispered as calmly as he could.

"OK, pupils are uneven," Abbey said simply. There was really no need for her to elaborate much. They both knew what that meant; Jed was probably in the middle of an actual MS episode.

As Abbey put everything back in her black bag Jed got up from where he had been sitting on the edge of the bed. He began to pace around. She let him be for a few minutes, taking the opportunity to gauge just how unsteady he was. Normally when Jed paced around he had his hands shoved deep in his pockets but now he held them out from his sides slightly, grazing his fingertips along the furniture as he made a lap around the room. Abbey was sure he was having more trouble with his eye than he let on. Every few seconds he closed one eye and then the other, alternating between the two as if he were trying to decide what combination of squinting was going to give him the best shot at walking without running into the furniture.

Deciding that just letting him be alone for a little while was for the best Abbey grabbed her clothes and headed to take a shower. After pulling on a pair of jeans and slipping a hooded sweatshirt over his head Jed headed cautiously down the stairs to make some phone calls to Concord. As he hung up the phone he walked to the bottom of the stairs to listen for the shower. It was still running. He found his coat, patted his pockets and headed out the back door.

There was a large sunken brick patio in the backyard. During the summer it was filled with tables and chairs but they had long since been put in the garage for the winter. So Jed sat down on the retaining wall that circled the patio. He glanced back at the door to the kitchen to make sure Abbey wasn't standing there before pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. He pulled one out, lit it and managed to take one long drag on it before he heard a window open and Abbey's voice drift out of the second story window. "Josiah Edward, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Shit," he muttered as he dropped the cigarette and ground it out with the toe of his sneaker. He shielded his eyes against the bright morning sun and looked up to give her an appropriately guilty look. She just shook her head in mock frustration and shut the window. He sat on the wall for a little while longer. It was nice to be out in the fresh air. The rain and fog of the day before had headed out to sea, leaving behind the bright sunshine and the smell of salt air. Jed hoped he would feel well enough to at least take a walk later. But the fatigue was doing a number on him already and he hadn't exactly done much yet that day.

He got up to head back in the house; as he turned to go up the two steps his toe caught on a loose brick and he started to fall. By some luck he managed to catch himself before taking a header into the wrought iron railing. Abbey had seen his near accident from the kitchen window but she didn't go running after him. She knew he didn't like to be fussed over and she was trying her best to give him some space. By the time he made it into the house he was leaning on every available piece of furniture along the way. He settled down on the couch and Abbey got him a bottle of Gatorade. "A walk outside and already I need a nap," he complained bitterly.

"Sweetie, give it time," she said as she brushed back his hair and planted a soft kiss on his forehead. Jed nodded wearily, kicked off his shoes and pulled his feet onto the couch. "I'm going to go downtown, pick up a newspaper and a couple of other things. Will you be ok or do you want me to send one of the guys in?" Abbey asked as she motioned towards the small cottage next door where their security detail was staying.

"I'll be fine," he assured her.

Abbey left the phone and the remote on the coffee table before heading out.

**************************

By the middle of the afternoon Jed felt marginally better, although he was still tired. Cabin fever had also set in. "Sweetie, what can I do?" Abbey asked as Jed as she sat down on the arm of the chair he was sitting in. He just shrugged his shoulders as Abbey leaned over and kissed the top of his head. Jed stretched his legs out in front of him, kicking them a little to try and get rid of the restless feeling. "Do you want to sit on the front steps for a little while?"

"No."

"Walk around the block?"

"I don't know," Jed whined as he crossed his arms over his chest doing his best imitation of a petulant child. Abbey wasn't about to let him wallow in self pity.

"Come on, how about a drive around the island?" Abbey asked, quickly running out of ideas.

"OK," Jed sighed, his voice about as unenthusiastic as possible.

"Put your shoes and jacket on. I'll be back in a minute," Abbey said as she pulled on her coat and headed to the cottage to let the security team know they were going out, alone.

Jed slipped his feet into his sneakers but found that leaning over to tie them wasn't the best idea so he waited until Abbey got back and asked her to tie them for him. He grabbed a bottle of Gatorade out of the fridge and they headed for the car.

Abbey backed the car out of the driveway and headed towards town. "If you want to stop anywhere just say so," she told Jed as she patted his hand. He gave her a weak smile and a little nod before resting his head against the window. The rode around in silence for a little while, Jed did manage to keep his eyes opened and look at the scenery. It did feel good to get out of the house but he just wished he had the energy to do more than sit in the passenger's seat while his wife drove around the island of Nantucket.

"Jed....Jed," Abbey said, bringing him out of the fog he was in.

"Huh. Sorry, zoned out a little there," he muttered as he scrubbed his hand over his face.

"Do you want to stop at a beach, look around for a few minutes, get some fresh air?"

"Sure."

Ten minutes later Abbey pulled the car into the parking lot. Abbey gave Jed a hand out of the car and they headed towards the beach. They didn't actually walk on the beach though. The sand wasn't the easiest place for Jed to walk on a good day and being as unsteady as he was he knew he wouldn't be able to do it at all. But there were plenty of benches to sit on. There were a few boats out on the water and some kids running on the beach while others played on the swings. All were wrapped up in heavy sweatshirts as they enjoyed what would probably be one of the last fall weekends the weather would be warm enough to venture out to the beach.

"Are you going to call Leo tonight? Or wait until we get back home?" Abbey asked.

"Hadn't really thought about it. I guess I'm just enjoying being cut off from the rest of the world for a few days, even if I do feel like crap. I'll probably just wait until we get home. Although I'm pretty sure he'll be calling me before then," Jed chuckled, knowing Leo would anxiously be waiting for his final decision.

"Jed, we need to talk about something," Abbey said rather vaguely as she tucked her leg under her and turned to face Jed on the bench. He felt his stomach drop even though he had no idea what she was about to say.

"OK," he whispered as he took his gaze away from Abbey and looked out towards the horizon. "What?"

"You know I will support you in the campaign but there has to be...there has to be..." Abbey stumbled over her words. She knew what she wanted to say but was unsure of how to exactly say it.

"Has to be what Abigail?" asked Jed as he turned sideways to face her. He draped his right arm over the back of the bench, his fingers brushing against the soft fleece of Abbey's jacket.

"Has to be a point at which I can say, or more specifically Tom and I can say, you're endangering your health and enough is enough." Jed just nodded a little but sat in silence. "But I don't know what that point is," Abbey explained. "I mean, is it if you go through what you've gone through in the last few days?"

"No. It has to be worse. I guess....I guess if I need to be admitted to the hospital to deal with an episode. I honestly don't know. I don't know if it's one of those things that we can even pinpoint. Nothing is clear cut. We just have to play it by ear I guess."

"Not exactly the easiest way to handle it Jed," sighed Abbey as she reached for his hand.

"I know. But I don't think there's any other solution. What happens when I have to take a physical?"

"Unless you're in the middle of an episode it's unlikely anything is going to show up in a routine exam," Abbey said. "Rest assured I will be keeping a close eye on you. Closer than I have been," she warned with a hint of teasing in her voice.

"Oh, I'm sure you will be," smirked Jed. He turned back towards the water to watch the boats. Abbey kept one eye on him and one eye on the scenery as she watched him blink and squint as he tried to clear his vision.

"Not getting any better?" she asked as she hooked her finger under Jed's chin so she could look at his eye. She ran her thumb over his cheek. His eye was red and slightly swollen from rubbing at it.

"Not really and it's starting to hurt a little," he admitted as he stretched his legs out in front of him to work out the stiffness that had taken hold. Abbey just nodded. There wasn't much they could do about it so there was really little use in talking about it.

"Feel like walking a little?" Abbey asked as she motioned towards the path.

"Sure."

They walked hand in hand along the path for about ten minutes until Jed decided they'd better head about. Much to his annoyance his stamina was quickly waning. "How about we go out to eat," suggested Jed.

"You sure you're up to it?" Abbey asked, surprised that he even made the offer.

"Yeah. I think I'm hungry. Nothing fancy," he said, motioning towards the jeans and sneakers he was wearing.

"OK, we can just drive around until we see something that looks interesting," offered Abbey as they reached the rental car. She hit the unlock button on the remote and opened Jed's door for him. He accepted the help without the usual snort and roll of his eyes.

They ended up at a little cafe situated about halfway between the harbor and the house. Jed's appetite had returned, much to Abbey relief. He managed to eat most of a lobster salad sandwich while Abbey had Caesar salad and a bowl of clam chowder.

By the time they got back to the house it was a little before 7 and Jed was exhausted. "Why don't you go upstairs and take a bath. Do you want some tea?"

"No, I'll just take a can of ginger ale."

"You ok?" asked Abbey knowing that ginger ale was his drink of choice when he was feeling queasy.

"I'm fine Abbey, don't fuss," Jed assured her as he turned to head upstairs.

***********************

While Jed turned the taps on to fill the tub Abbey went into the kitchen to put some water on so she could have tea. She took out a bottle of Gatorade for Jed and pulled a mug out of the cabinet. When the kettle whistled she poured herself some tea, grabbed the can of ginger ale and headed up the stairs. She found Jed in the bathroom rooting through her bag of toiletries. "Looking for something sweetie?" she asked from the doorway.

"Found it," he muttered as he pulled a bottle of bubble bath out of the bag. He squeezed a generous amount into the stream of running water as Abbey put the drinks down on the counter.

"Cranky baby bubbles?" teased Abbey.

"They were the only ones you brought," he pointed out as he picked up the can of ginger ale. He opened it and took a sip as he toed off his shoes. Abbey reached to undo his belt as he pull off his shirt. "You know Abigail, I'm not exactly ready for any recreational activities," he said with a sigh.

"Yes, Jed. I am well aware of that. But I was thinking of joining you anyway," she said as she freed his belt with a swift tug.

"I can live with that," Jed said as he leaned over to give Abbey a quick kiss. He took off his jeans, kicking them out of the way while he held onto Abbey's arm so he wouldn't fall over. Abbey quickly shed her clothes and reached over to feel the water. It was warm enough so they wouldn't be cold but not hot enough to cause Jed any additional problems. She slipped into the water as Jed grabbed the can of soda and the tea. She slid forward to let Jed in behind her. He sank into the bubbles with a weary yet satisfied sigh.

They soaked in silence, neither of them having the energy to get their jumbled thoughts together to speak. When the water grew cooler and the bubbles disappeared Abbey stood up to get out, realizing with a smile that Jed was all but asleep. "Honey," she said as she patted his shoulder. He startled awake, splashing water out of the tub. Abbey just chuckled at him as she helped him to his feet. She got him a towel and helped him into his pajamas. Jed brushed his teeth while Abbey put on her own pajamas.

With minimal amount of fussing Jed let Abbey give him a quick once over. His temp was hovering just over 100 so she got him some Advil, handed him a Bactrim tablet and a glass of water. "Still stuffy?" she asked as she watched him swallow the pills.

"Yeah," he admitted as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He started to pace around the room as Abbey rooted in her bag again. She handed him another pill and watched for a minute as he aimlessly walked around the room. He eventually stopped by the window with a weary sigh.

"You ready to sleep?" Abbey asked.

"I don't know," Jed muttered as he stared out the window. Abbey moved to stand behind him, smoothing down his hair before wrapping her arms around his waist.

"How about movie?" Abbey asked.

"Nah, too much trouble to focus," Jed muttered as he rubbed at his eye.

"You didn't get a chance to read the newspaper. Would you like me to read some to you?" Abbey offered hoping to get him away from the pity party he seemed to be heading towards.

"No thanks," muttered Jed as he escaped her embrace and sat down in the chair by the window. He slumped down, stretching his legs out in front of him, closing his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest. With a familiar feeling of frustration Abbey knelt next to the chair and put her hand on Jed's knee. When she didn't get any kind of response she got up and walked across the room to grab a book out of her tote bag.

"Do you want this?" Abbey asked as she held up his CD Walkman.

"Sure," said answered with barely a hint of interest. He held his hand out to take it from her, dropping it in his lap.

"What's wrong?" she asked as she moved to sit on the arm of his chair.

"I don't know."

"What to talk?" she asked, knowing what the answer would be.

"Not really," he sighed wearily.

"Want to be left alone for a while?" Jed just nodded. Abbey ran her fingers through his hair and kissed the top of his head. "I'm going to go downstairs and read for a while. Call me if you need anything," she said softly as she patted his shoulder. Jed just nodded without saying anything.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as Abbey reached the doorway.

"For what sweetie? You have nothing to be sorry about," Abbey said as she knelt back down by his feet. "Jed, look at me, sorry about what?"

"I don't know. For being a grouch, for ruining our weekend, for..."

"Jed," Abbey said, cutting him off," You have nothing to be sorry for," she repeated. "Our weekend is not ruined. Nor is it over. We have all day tomorrow and half of Monday."

Jed didn't respond; he was already putting the headphones on.

*******************************

Jed paced around the room for a little while listening to Bach's Brandenburg Concerto #5. He normally found it relaxing but for some reason it just wasn't working that night. He flipped through the rest of the CDs he'd brought with him but nothing grabbed his attention. Out of habit he picked up a book and started to flip through it. But after about 10 seconds it was clear that reading was out of the question, his vision was just too blurry. He tossed the CD player on the dresser and climbed into bed, unable to think of anything else he could do or wanted to do at the moment.

Downstairs Abbey was pacing around trying to relax. She wasn't having much luck finding anything to hold her attention either. She heard Jed pace around for a little while, sure he was having trouble settling down also. But she stayed downstairs to give him the space he clearly needed. Deciding a cup of tea might help her relax she headed for the kitchen.

When Abbey went upstairs a little after 11 she found Jed sound asleep. He was curled up on his side, one arm hanging over the edge of the bed. She gently lifted his arm up and placed it on the pillow. A quick kiss to his forehead told her his fever was down. When she curled up next to him he rolled over, ending up with his head on her shoulder.

******************************

Jed was awake a little after 6 the next morning. He was feeling pretty good. His could tell his fever was pretty much gone and his ears didn't hurt too much. But when he stood up he realized rather quickly that he was still unsteady on his feet. He sighed heavily as he headed for the bathroom.

Abbey woke up when she heard the bathroom door close. She rolled over and listened to figure out if Jed was just using the bathroom. When he emerged a few minutes later he flashed a weak grin as he did his best to walk normally from the doorway to the bed. He wasn't exactly successful as he had to reach out and touch every piece of furniture along the way.

"I guess we have our answer," Jed muttered, knowing that with the unsteadiness lingering on after his temperature had returned to normal it was a good assumption that he was dealing with an "episode". Abbey just nodded as she felt his forehead, confirming his fever was gone.

"Dizzy?"

"Sort of. More unsteady I guess. But I can't face another day of resting around here," he said as he threw on his bathrobe.

"OK, how about we make breakfast, go to Mass and then decide what to do?" Abbey suggested as she reached for her own robe. "We'll just take things slow, ok?

"Deal," said Jed as he turned to head downstairs.

After a breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast, which they made for themselves, Jed and Abbey headed for Mass. They left the security people behind, preferring to just go out alone. They went to 8:00 Mass at The Church of St. Mary, otherwise known as Our Lady of the Isle. It was beautiful old church and they always enjoyed attending there.

They got to the church just a few minutes before 8, slipping into a pew in the back. As it was early on a rather chilly fall morning the church was not very crowded. Abbey was happy to see Jed smiling, something he hadn't done much of during the previous few days. The hymns and responses were familiar, so he didn't need to read anything. She cast a glance in his direction when it came time for communion wanting to make sure he was steady enough to make his way up the aisle to receive. He gave a little nod of his head as he stepped out in the aisle. He walked close to the pews, resting his hand on every second or third one as he made his way towards the altar. He took the host, sipped the wine and turned to head back up the side aisle. The host didn't quite go down the right way and he started to cough a little. Abbey moved to walk next to him, putting her hand on his back. "Are you ok?" she asked as he stumbled a bit.

Jed just shook his head a little and allowed Abbey to lead him out the door of the sanctuary into a side hallway. They stopped at a water fountain so Jed could get a drink. It didn't help much, he was still coughing. Abbey led him to a bench at the end of the hallway. "Sit," she said as she opened her purse. Once in a while, mainly during an episode, Jed would have trouble eating and would gag on his food. He had the biggest problem with eating rice; he'd basically given up on trying. Abbey dug around looking for the Albuterol inhaler she kept with her for occasions just like this. The more Jed coughed the worse it got, the inhaler worked to relax his throat a little and allowed him to catch his breath and stop coughing. Abbey shook the inhaler and pulled off the cap. With one hand on Jed's shoulder she leaned over and whispered to him, trying to calm him down. "Honey, take a deep breath and exhale," she said. When he did she handed him the inhaler. He took a slow deep breath as he pushed down the plunger. "Good, hold it," Abbey coached as she rubbed his back. He held it for a few seconds and took the inhaler out of his mouth. Abbey rubbed his back for a few more minutes while he calmed down. He took another puff of the Albuterol before handing the inhaler back to her. "Better?" asked Abbey a few minutes later. Jed nodded and leaned back, resting his head against the wall.

"Well, that was dramatic," Jed muttered, talking for the first time since receiving communion.

"Hey, but you managed not to make a scene in front of everyone. I don't think your picture will end up on the cover of The Inquirer and Mirror," Abbey teased as she reached over to wipe away the little tears that were at the corners of Jed's eyes. "You ready to go?"

"Yeah," muttered Jed as he stood up slowly, getting his bearings before attempting to walk. By that time Mass had ended and people were starting to stream out of the sanctuary. Jed took some time to shake the hands of a few people who recognized him. Both he and Abbey talked to the priest for a few minutes and headed back to the car a little after 9.

*********************

After returning to the house after church Abbey called each of the girls, as was her custom every Sunday. She told them each about Jed's episode but didn't linger over the details and they didn't press her for the gory details. She assured them that he would be fine in a few days. Jed talked to each of them for a few minutes as they were eager to actually hear his voice.

Abbey made tea and they sat at the kitchen table working on the Sunday crossword puzzle. Abbey read and wrote while Jed supplied most of the answers. She had some things on her mind and was trying to figure out the best way to broach them. When their progress on the puzzle slowed Abbey poured more tea and pushed the puzzle aside.

"Time to talk?" guessed Jed with a weary smile. Abbey nodded as she took a sip of her tea. "Well, we might as well get comfortable," muttered Jed as he motioned towards the living room. They settled down on opposite ends of the couch. Abbey tucked her feet under her and turned sideways to face her husband. Jed kicked off his shoes, pulled off his tie and untucked his shirt. "You first," he said gesturing towards Abbey.

"Why do you want to do this?" Abbey asked simply. Her question caught Jed off guard in a way it wasn't meant to. In all the conversations the two of them had had over the past few months Jed had never really come up with an answer to the simple question----Why do you want to be President?

"What do you mean why do I want to do this? It's...it's what I want. It's what's next. I've been a Congressman and a Governor, this is what comes next."

"Jed, if running for President is what follows Governor then there would be an awful lot of people running right now. So far there's Hoynes and Wiley," Abbey pointed out. "Is it really what you want?" Abbey asked firmly. Jed just stared at her, not really sure where she was going with her line of questioning. "I want to make sure you're doing this because you want to do it, not out of some sort of family obligation."

"Family obligation?"

"Maybe obligation was the wrong word. I just don't want you to do this because of who you are, because of the Bartlet name."

"That's not why I'm doing it."

"OK, what about Leo?" asked Abbey as she tentatively reached to touch his shoulder. He flinched a little and she pulled her hand back.

"What about him?"

"It was his idea. Are you doing it to please him?"

"No," Jed said forcefully. "I want this. I want to be President," he repeated.

"And you're not trying to prove anything?"

"Like what?" Jed muttered, knowing full well what Abbey was getting a